Unfair

Two of my dear friends, Michelle and Pete, have been trying for (I think) 3 years now to get pregnant. There is no answer as to why it isn't happening; it just isn't. They are Jacob's God parents. They have been so good to him, and taken this role very seriously. They are sensitive, generous, kind, loving, hard working and fun people. Michelle is a natural mother - the friend you want to have when you are sick or in need. The nurturing role fits her like a glove. I have watched Pete playing with Jacob when we visit. He's a fantastic role model for a little boy, and I pray for them both to have the opportunity to do such things with their own little one someday.

Then there are my friends Jackie and Dave, whose unborn son is already facing a world of struggles, and Greg's cousin Melanie, who just found out that the second baby she tried so hard to conceive has Down Syndrome.

All of these people want nothing more than what we all have - the simple joy of being the parent to a healthy child, something we all take for granted in some way almost every day. All three of these couples would go above and beyond to protect and care for any child, especially one with special needs. While I feel for Jackie and Melanie, both having children who are going to have special needs, I know that their children couldn't ask for better parents. On that note, my friend Norma, whose son has Aspergers, is another great example. Taylor couldn't have been born to a better mother, one who advocates for him, has patience with him, understands his needs and goes above and beyond to make sure that he is given the best tools possible to take on life's complications. All that said, Norma has, and Jackie and Melanie will soon have an enormous task ahead of them, one that is monumentally bigger and harder than I have in my children.

I think about these friends of mine all the time, especially while I am working, and especially lately. I have worked with a wide range of people for the last 9 years. I have been fortunate enough to see parents and caregivers who heed God's calling to carefully handle those with extra needs. I have also witnessed some pretty serious abuse and neglect. Seeing the abuse and neglect is never easy. It is always infuriating and heartbreaking, but I have in some sense been able to separate work and personal life. You have to find distance when you work in social services, or your heart will break into pieces. Separating comes with experience and sadly, the building of some extent of callousness. Still, for anyone who has a heart, it's not always possible to put children out of your mind.

Lately, I have been less successful distancing myself. In fact, I actually found myself in tears today at work! I can't go into details, due to confidentiality concerns, but I will say this. I see, day after day, children who have the sole misfortune of being born to parents with very poor priorities. Not all of the families I serve meet this criteria. Many of the families I work with try very hard and do the best they can, as we all do. But there are always the few exceptions, those who don't seem to try at all - those who, in fact, seem to try NOT to be good parents. It's like they don't want to be bothered by the details that caring for a child necessitates. Many of these children don't even have any special needs. They just want to be loved and cared for. When a child with special health needs surfaces with a parent who doesn't care, the repercussions multiply. I just shake my head in disbelief of what people will allow to happen, things that are often preventable.

I guess lately I have been wondering what Michelle and Pete, Jackie and Dave, Melanie and Rich would say to these people who so blatantly ignore the most precious gift they could ask for. It makes me angry to watch these little guys suffer over such simple things as everyday needs. It's a shame. A nauseating reality. And completely unfair for everyone involved. Why are these people who don't care given the gift of children (often multiple children), when there are so many couples with love, care and responsibility abounding, who go childless?

There is no good in thinking that way. The only purpose it serves is to make me feel even more angry. It doesn't help the children, and it doesn't fix the problems that Michelle, Jackie, Norma and Melanie are facing. I suppose this is a good example of "Let go and let God," a phrase Marsha has enlightened me with. However, it's not always easy to let go and let God. In fact, when it is most necessary, it is often one of the hardest things to do. But in these instances, for my friends and for the children that I work for, I think it is the most powerful thing I can do - pray. And if any of you happen upon an extra moment, throw in a prayer for the abused and neglected kids out there, and maybe one for strength for my friends as well.

Gone Fishing

Today was absolutely beautiful here, so Greg took Jacob fishing at Canoe Creek. Andrew and I joined them briefly too. Jacob and Greg caught enough fish for us to eat for dinner. I'll leave that cooking up to him!

Cooling off his feet.

"Let me at 'em, Dad! I'll show you what I'm made of!"

Teach 'em young!

Andrew tests the water. It was COLD! I don't know how Jake played in it all day!

"I bet I can catch a fish with my bare hands! Wanna see?"

"Oh! A bright orange ball!"

One of his catches. This one was released, though. It was too small.

I happened to be there when Jacob caught a fish. There's a video below. I didn't catch him actually reeling it in, but he did it all by himself!

Andrew was more happy with stuff he could eat than anything else.

"YooHoo! Here fishy, fishy, fishy!"

This is the "bring on the fish" dance. It's been passed down the Williams' family for generations!

Jake pauses briefly for a picture with Andrew - as you can see by his expression, a single second was about all he could stand - he had work to do!

Andrew looked so cute in his little fisherman hat!

Here's a video of Jacob catching a fish. Unfortunately I didn't get him actually reeling it in. And some other little guy who Jacob befriended tended to monopolize the camera - I actually had to cut him out of several of the above shots! He and Jake had a lot of fun today. A taste of what's to come!

Andrew's Birthday Party

This is the only video I took of Andrew's birthday. I should have had someone video while we were singing to him, because it was pretty funny. At first he didn't know what was going on, then he was happy to see and hear everyone singing to him. He loved the cake, thanks to Betsy, who made an adorable and delicious lemon marble cake that looked like a puppy. Unfortunately, I erased the picture I had of his cake! What a dummy I am sometimes! But not to fear - Betsy is sending me her copy soon. Thank goodness she's as OCD as I am in organizing and documenting

After we gave him the cake, which you can see he deliberately threw on the floor, my beloved brother-in-law, Fred said in a very concerned voice, "Koelle, are you ok?" (Because it was an absolute mess). Yes, it seems the crucial ingredient in curbing OCD is alcohol. After 5 glasses of sangria, I was able to allow him to destroy that cake and my floor without twitching!

Above are also pictures from the party. He had a great time and got a lot of nice gifts. Thanks so much to all of you who came or sent things for him. He is very lucky to have been born into such a wonderful group of family and friends.

It's another beautiful day here today, so I am going to get ready and take the boys outside. I hope everyone is having some wonderful spring weather like we are! It does wonders for your morale!

andrew birth to 1

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Andrew's First Birthday

I can hardly believe that this time one year ago, I was still sitting at my kitchen table, pregnant! We went into the hospital around 1130, and Andrew was born at 1:31pm, 4/24/08. I know it's cliche, but time really does go so fast!

Tomorrow we are having a big party for Andrew with family. I'm sure he'll have no idea what is going on, but we are celebrating nonetheless.

Here's a list of things he is doing right now, most of which happened within the last few months, if not weeks:

1. Waves hello and goodbye
2. Says "uh-oh"
3. Says "aw" when he sees a stuffed animal and then he hugs it.
4. Shakes his head "no"
5. Pretends to have a bad cough
6. Knows how to plug in appliances (not a good thing!)
7. Knows how to fill a container in the bathtub faucet
8. Walks, pretty far now before falling
9. "Shares" without actually giving you what he's holding out
10. Holds the phone to his ear or yours
11. Knows how to drink from a regular cup (although he spills everything, everywhere!)
12. Climbs...everything he can

It seems like each day he learns something new. I know that it's the same scenario with all children, but all children amaze me. It's so fantastic that such a small blob of a being can turn into his or her own almost over night. Although I have said (and will say again) that I don't really like this age, because kids are so mobile and yet completely unreasonable, it also stands to say that this is the beginning of a very fun time - a time of discovery and learning, and lots of silly moments along the way.

Happy Birthday, Andrew!

Random Videos

This is just one of many things that Jacob has found to do with his jump rope, except, of course, jump rope. I actually like this video more, however, for the part where Andrew scampers across the frame! He's really moving well now.


Andrew usually likes to crawl onto the trampoline and then bounce on his butt in an attempt to make it move. He's not heavy enough to make any impact, though. He will then watch for Jacob to start jumping and sit next to him to feel the bounce. This time, Andrew tried to stand with Jacob, but instead of jumping (he doesn't know how), he flapped his arms wildly! I think maybe he was trying to fly! Watch Jacob, too - He must have thought that I was taking still shots, because his face is frozen in a very unnatural smile the whole time. What an oddball!

Andrew just recently discovered the stairs leading to our second level. I'm grateful that it took him a while to realize they were there, but simultaneously wishing that he was still unaware of them and his ability to climb them!

More From Jacob

Shortly after Easter, Jacob told me that he wished someone would send him a card with some money in it. “Why?” I said, “You already got some money and your basket for Easter.”

“Well, I could use some more money, and I wish someone could send me some.”

That’s when I decided to tell him that Easter isn’t about candy and money, it’s about celebrating the rising of Christ from the dead. We talked about the crucifixion, how Jesus was tortured and endured such pain so that we could understand how much he loved us, and how Jesus rose after three days in the tomb. I asked him if he understood how special it was that Jesus was risen, to be with His Father. Jacob said he understood, but I know that a little person can only absorb so much.

After a few minutes, he looked at me and said, “You know, just because those people didn’t like Jesus and didn’t believe him doesn’t mean they should beat him up like that.” I agreed with him and tried to emphasize that the fact that He let people be so mean to him and didn’t get angry or try to stop it showed how much Jesus loved everyone, even people who did bad things. Jacob looked at me and then said, “That’s exactly why I am not going to be a burglar when I grow up.”
“Well, I think that’s a good decision.” I said. I think the boy had absorbed about as much as he could! We ended the conversation after that!
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Jacob found an egg that I had hidden for our inside Easter egg hunt last weekend. I’m sure I’ll be finding them for months to come. He was very excited, and when he opened it, he exclaimed, “All right! A three Mouseketeers!”
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Yesterday while we were eating lunch, Jacob said, “What’s the American Embassy?”

Wow. I’m sorry and ashamed to say that I don’t know what all the US Embassy does, so I gave him the best answer that I could, “It’s part of our government that helps and controls people coming into and going out of the country. It is also for US citizens who are in a foreign country and need help. It’s where people go if they want to become a US citizen too. I’m sure there are lots more things it does, but I really don’t know. Why? Where did you hear that?”

“I just made it up.”

Yeah. I don’t think he just made it up. I’m in trouble when this kid gets older. I better start doing some studying now so I don’t give him wrong information!
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Last night, Jacob took a big bite out of a giant chocolate car that he had gotten for Easter and proceeded to knock one of his lower teeth very loose. He was nervous at first, but with explanation, became very excited at the prospect of losing his first tooth. I had to laugh, though. Only my kid, the one who has had two teeth pulled for abscesses and two additional teeth filled, all before the age of 6, loosens his tooth on a chocoalte bar. Aren't kids supposed to lose their teeth in apples????

Smarter Than You Think

That little stinker found an old TV that we don't use in a corner cupboard in our front room. He likes plugs, and this TV was basically almost sitting on the ground, and I didn't think he would be able to pull it over, so I let him play with it. I looked over at him, and he had found an outlet next to the cupboard and was trying (unsuccessfully, thank God) to plug it in! When I asked him what he was doing, he even showed me the plug! Like he was saying, "Here, I'm pluggin in the TV, see." I've seen it time and time again with kids, but it never ceases to amaze me - they know so much more than you think they do! Just by watching me here and there, probably plugging in and then unplugging the vacuum, he knew exactly what to do with that cord. This is exactly why we should never underestimate our kids.

First Steps

Andrew has began taking a few steps last weekend and has been taking more and more steps each day since. It won't be long until he's off and running!

This is a picture of Greg and Fred 40 years from now. Greg is the one holding the plug, and Fred is the one in the background saying, "Squamie, I think your vacuum is broken!"

Our Easter

This year, Easter was a little different at our house. Usually we go to Pittsburgh for Easter, to celebrate the holiday with my sister and two aunts. This year, however, because my grandfather is getting older and is finding it hard to travel, we celebrated Easter here. We had a spaghetti dinner at my house on Saturday and then everyone did their own thing on Sunday. My sister, niece and brother-in-law stayed with my mom, but came to our house Sunday morning to find and open Easter baskets. In the afternoon, Greg, the boys and I went to my in-laws for dessert and an egg hunt.

This is my sister and niece, Ella dying eggs. Ella enjoyed it until she realized that her hands were messy, and then wanted nothing to do with coloring eggs. This child should have been mine, with her aversion to messes!
Jacob, on the other hand, had no issues with mess whatsoever! He thoroughly enjoyed dying eggs, and amassed a huge pile of them. He put every egg in every color of dye, so they all ended up looking the same to me, but he was very proud of them!

This was the best Easter present ever. In fact, it brought tears to my eyes. A few days before Easter, while I was feverishly cleaning and getting ready for the holiday, Jacob asked me for a blank card. I gave it to him, but throughout the course of that evening, I probably yelled at him 20 times. He stashed away this card and gave it to me Easter morning, telling me that this is what he wanted the blank card for. How sweet. I felt like a real jerk for yelling him that day. He drew a picture of me holding a basket of eggs. Also note that he signed the card from himself and "mimi," my mother. I thought that was funny!

Andrew getting the scoop on plastic eggs from Ella.

My dad and Jacob.

Jake also hid Greg's Easter basket.

Jacob found his basket immediately. He has a nose for candy!

Andrew has to taste everything, even if it isn't actually food.

I think he liked his basket.

He needed a little help locating it!

My sister, Dustin and Ella.

Jacob "helping" Andrew find some eggs during the hunt at our house.

Greg grabbing a quick bite to eat with my dad before heading to work. Poor guy had to work night shift on Easter. :(

Andrew likes to meditate over Cheerios in the morning.

Reading the Sunday paper.

Easter

Before I begin this blog entry, let me add a clarifier - I am fully aware that Easter is about Jesus, not Mary. I know there is a large misconception that Catholics worship Mary. Catholics do not worship Mary, and I am not attempting to do so in this entry. I’m just simply relating to her as a mother, during a time which I think must have been incredibly difficult for her, a time which showed not only the extent of Jesus’ faith, but also the strength in Mary’s faith as well. I’m simply empathizing. That's all. That said, here goes:


Easter. The commemoration of Jesus’ resurrection and celebration of his reunion with God the Father. It‘s a story we all know well. “For our sake, he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered died and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures. He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.” Those are words I have said countless Sundays throughout my life. But still, as a child and even as a young adult, I never gave much thought to Easter. I always felt that Christmas was more important. It wasn’t until the birth of my first son, Jacob, that I truly began to appreciate this particular holiday.

Our focus on Easter is Jesus, His suffering for the souls of mankind and His resurrection. It is chilling and sobering to think of his torture, the agony he endured, and his faith not only in God, but in His people - us, yes, that‘s right, you and me. He loved us that much. It’s unimaginable and humbling, as it should be. However humbling these thoughts may be, I find them just beyond my complete intellectual grasp. Intangible. Incomprehensible. All I know is that I should be, and am, forever grateful for His sacrifice for me. But I don’t think I will ever be able to empathize with something so profound. It is too big for me, and so I simply bow my head in appreciation and respect.

Mary, on the other hand, is someone whose pain is more within my reach. I believe that mothers share a common bond. As mothers, we love all children, if not for the children themselves, then for the understanding we have of how strong any mother’s love for her child is. We cry for mothers who have lost their children, and during Holy Week, Good Friday and on Easter, my heart aches for Mary and how she must have felt, walking beside her son as he slowly and painfully died. Her heartache is what brings tears to my eyes as I think of Jesus carrying the cross and dying on Calvary. I feel her need to ease her son’s pain, heal his wounds, take him in her arms. Those are emotions any mother can understand.

A few days ago, the 18 year old boy who was killed at Subway in a local shooting was buried. I cry for his mother and her loss. I think often of my aunt Carmen who lost a baby at 6 weeks to SIDS and later his twin brother two years ago April 9th to another random illness. I think of the little 4 year old boy a few years back who died of meningitis, and the 8 year old who was killed by her Sunday school teacher. I suppose we take comfort in knowing that they are now with God, comforted by him, looking down on those who love them, as Mary took comfort and even rejoiced in knowing that her son had risen. Nonetheless, a mother still longs for her child, still cries. And while I rejoice with the world in Jesus’ love for us, his sacrifice and his resurrection, I still feel a pit in my stomach on Easter for Mary.

Happy Birthday, Gram

This Sunday my grandmother would have been 79 years old. Since it's going to be such a busy weekend, I probably won't have a moment to post any blogs. So here's a quick "Happy Birthday, Gram." We love and miss you.

This is a picture of my grandparents. She has written on it, "Lookout, VA. Easter 1949. Ronnie and Me." On the top of the picture on the front, she wrote "windy." I have the original of this framed at my house. It's pretty ragged, which I think adds character to it, almost reflecting the windy weather they had that day. Aren't they a good-looking couple? My grandmother had striking light green eyes and beautifully wavy black hair.

This is my grandmother getting ready for her wedding. I love this shot. It's candid, and I think she looks so happy and carefree, checking her hair one last time before becoming a bride. I found this years ago in a thank you note she wrote to my great aunt Nora. She had written in the note, "thank you for the beautiful night gown. I will keep it." I thought that was funny - would she have written that she was returning it, if she didn't like it??

I like to think about my grandmother as a young woman. Because I never knew her as an adult, I often wonder about what she was like at my age. I've heard stories, but they aren't the same as really knowing a person. Especially now that I have young children, I wonder how she handled her kids. She had 6 children. I can't imagine that. Sometimes I like to think that she is here, watching and helping me. Other times, I think that notion is ridiculous. Regardless of where her spirit may or may not be, there are a few things I am sure of - that she was a wonderful woman who had a gift for relating to others. Everyone who knew her, liked her. She made people laugh, and gave generously of herself to others. Above all, she is greatly missed and thought of each and every day.

Happy Birthday, Gram. Wherever you are.

A Weighty Matter

I gained 50 pounds when I was pregnant with Andrew. Amazing, isn't it?! I felt huge, but I took comfort in knowing that I would lose the weight. After all, I gained 40 pounds with Jacob and by the time he was 6 months old, I was smaller than when he was conceived. Not the case with Andrew.

3 weeks after having a C section with Andrew, I ran 3 miles on the treadmill. I had a friend's daughter come three days a week to watch the baby while I worked out, and over the summer I lost 37 pounds. I was encouraged. It was going well.

Then came the headaches. My sitter went back to school, I was exhausted and in pain most of the time, and I quit running. I continued to lose weight, though, through diet. In fact, by January, I had lost all of the baby weight. That's great, right? Well, yes and no. It's better than not having lost it, but I omitted the fact that I had put on 7 pounds between when I got married and when I got pregnant with Andrew. So I wanted to lose those 7 pounds.

I went on medication for the headaches, a side effect of which is weight gain. No problem, I thought. I'll up my exercise routine, watch what I eat and it'll be fine. I've never been one to gain weight on medication anyway.

Three months into the medication, the headaches are gone. A huge blessing, but in that time span, I have also increased my workout to 5.5 miles a day, and have been very conscious and healthful about what I am eating. I've even gotten my sweet tooth under control (mostly). As you can see from the picture here, I ran 5.16 miles on the day this was taken - a week ago - and burned 682 calories. This morning I ran 5.48 miles in 52 minutes. I should be well on the way to losing those last stubborn 7 pounds...but no. In fact, I GAINED 3 pounds last month! Unbelievable! I was so discouraged when I stepped on that scale.

The gain can only be attributed to be the medication, because short of being completely psycho, there is no way I be more diligent in my workouts and diet. I don't even remember the last day I missed running. It has to have been more than two months ago. So, I've taken a giant leap of faith (or perhaps stupidity) and decided to go off of the headache medication. I was given a PRN med that seems to alleviate the headaches when they happen, so I plan to just take that for the time being. If the headaches return with a vengeance like before, I will have no choice but to return to the pills, but for now, my weight has gotten the best of me.

Let me add a clarifier here - I know that my weight is fine where it is. I know that I am fit and healthy, and those are the things that really matter. This weight issue is not a matter of vanity either. Aside from Greg, I really don't care much about what other people think I look like. (Anyone who has seen my dress, lack of hairstyle... well, let's face it, anyone who knows me, knows I'm eligible for a slot on "what not to wear" - please feel free to nominate me!!)

Also, I am in no way judging anyone else's weight. It's the same principle as my cleaning neurosis. I am obsessive about my own home, but someone else's mess doesn't bother me. It's just that I miss my old self, and this blog has no other point than for me to indulge myself in some lengthy whining, after running a hell of a long way and wondering why my behind is still jiggling. :(

Thanks for listening!

OCD, Trust and American Idol

Those of you who know me well, know that I have a slight obsessive compulsive disorder. OK, OK, I admit, it's not slight. It's very apparent, and pretty prevalent throughout my lifestyle. I have labeled the washing machine with directions for each respective type of laundry load, labeled the pantry drawers, and made lists for cleaning which are on a 4 week rotation. I keep all towels folded in the same way and stacked facing the same direction, I like to eat at exactly the same time every day...you get the picture. I like to think of it as fantastic organizational skills rather than a true mental illness (although some may beg to differ, like Greg, for instance, who has to hear the rantings when the cleaning list hasn't been completely scratched off by the Saturday deadline!)

Like I said, this OCD is prevalent in most aspects of my life. Take grocery shopping, for instance. I go to Giant Eagle about the same time and day every week. There aren't many people grocery shopping early in the morning, and that's precisely why I shop then. Concurrently, there are always the same two or three cashiers working. After a year of this, they have come to know me, at least by face, if not by name. Last week, while I was unloading my groceries onto the belt, the cashier said, "My! You always lay everything out on the belt so nicely. Everything is grouped together so that it's so easy to pack!"

"Oh," I thought, "even the Giant Eagle ladies know I have OCD." What they don't know is that I actually have the store layout memorized. When I write my grocery list, I write it in the order of the aisles, and then pack the shopping cart in a specific manner as I shop, so that when I unload things, they are automatically nicely grouped! It goes way beyond just unloading the cart! :)

Hey, admitting the problem is half the battle, right...wait, there's no problem! I like things this way!

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Jacob and I have had several talks about lying and how it destroys trust that people have for one another. Not because of anything Jacob has done. He's told a few fibs here and there, but nothing monumental. It's actually been in response to someone else we know well. I have tried to turn some negative incidences into learning experiences for Jake. If I wondered if he was listening, the answer was given to me the other day. In the car on the way home from school, he said, "Mom, Zach lost 20% of my trust the other day. He lied to me."

I said, "He lied to you and lost 20% of your trust? What did he lie about?" I was also wondering where the 20% came from, but I was more curious about the lie itself.

"On April Fool's day, he told me and Bob that he wasn't going to say April Fool's again and then he turned around, laughed and said, 'April Fool's!' He lied."

"Well, I think he was probably just joking. That's a day when you joke one another."

"No. He lied. But J.J. gained 20% of my trust back today. That was good."

I moved along in the conversation with him. "Oh yeah? How did he gain your trust back?"

"He was nice to me all day and shared things with me at play time."

Well, I suppose he absorbed the main point of what I've been talking about. Lies and trust are pretty abstract concepts for a 5 year old. I'm just impressed that he is listening. Coming from the boy who recently visited the audiologist because I thought he may have a hearing impairment (he doesn't), I'm surprised to hear anything that I've said to him come back to me...that is, unless it is potentially incriminating, then he's all about repeating!

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Last night we all watched American Idol together like we always do. Jacob half watches the show, and half plays, but he always listens to our comments. I can't stand Paula and Greg can't stand Kara. We are always telling them to stop talking, and last night Jacob looked at me in the middle of one of their rants and said, "both of those women talk too much." He hit the nail on the head!

I now live in the town where I grew up. Life here is the foundation of small town America. Everyone knows each other. Our next door neighbors have the keys to our homes. We trust and look out for one another. It is impossible to take a walk without encountering numerous friendly and familiar faces. It's a safe place to raise your children, seemingly sheltered from the dangers lurking in bigger cities. We read in horror the metropolis tragedies, but feel comfort in knowing that the likelihood of such things happening here are slim.

How often have you heard that? "Things like that just don't happen here." It's a cliche reaction of a small-towner to some horrific event, but it is also such a true portrayal of the shock one feels when big city tragedy hits home.

Two days ago a man randomly entered a Subway here, shot and killed a high school senior who was working there, shot and injured his teenage coworker, then fled the building, only to shoot another innocent man retrieving his mail. The shooter was apprehended shortly thereafter and is now in custody. Two people are dead, one critically injured. There appeared to be no explanation for the shooter's actions.

I have been thinking quite a bit about how drastically the lives of these families have been changed. How does the family of the man shot while gathering his mail come to terms with that? What about the parents of that boy? They said goodbye to their son, "have a good night at work," not knowing that they would never see him alive again - a promising young man, by all accounts of the media, now gone. What about the rest of us as a community? Are we to be worried that a simple act of stopping for a sandwich for dinner may be dangerous? Things like this don't happen here. We don't run errands with our guards up. Should we?

I'm not saying I'm going to be afraid to go out for dinner, and I know that the community as a whole will recover. The local police, fire and medical departments have done, and will continue to do a terrific job in protecting and caring for us. I'm just shocked at the event. My heart goes out to the families of the victims, and to be perfectly honest, it does make me worry for the safety of my own children.

I suppose that we take a risk every day. There's no guarantee that any of us will arrive safely at work, that our children won't be hurt at school, or that our spouses will return safely home in the evening. I remember being so worried about SIDS when both of my boys were newborn. I was so relieved when each of them passed the 9 month mark, because the risk significantly declined. I think, however, that just because they made it through infancy doesn't mean they will make it to adulthood, or that I will live to see them to adulthood. That scares me, worries me, from time to time.

Thinking too much about those risks will drive a person crazy. To maintain any semblance of normalcy, we cannot allow fear of what may be, guilt for how we should act and don't, or grief for those who have experienced great loss overrun us. It takes me back to 9/11 in many ways. The country was wrought with emotion and wracked with fear, but the message that we sent to one another as a whole was that the key to our survival was perseverance and normalcy, not bravery. You can't be constantly brave without being fearful, and fearful is no way of living.

This tragic event does not compare to 9/11 in the magnitude of lives lost or the impact on the nation, but nonetheless, these families are struggling. They have all lost someone or something very dear to them, something to which we can all relate. My thoughts and prayers go out to them right now.

Sweet Tooth, Not Yet Removed

Harbor House is having a Spring Fling party tomorrow. They divvied up the prizes for the kids by having half of the alphabet (first letter, last name) bring edible treats and the other half non-edible. We had edible, and I bought a 6 pack of big peanut butter melt away eggs for Jake to take in. He saw them on the counter the other day and has been thinking of them ever since. Even with the impending surgery to remove his SECOND abscessed tooth, he just can't break the sugar habit. Usually I don't give him too much grief about it because, frankly, he gets it honestly from me...

This morning on the way to school we talked about what he thought the events of the day would be tomorrow. He wasn't sure, but he wanted to know the whereabouts of those peanut butter eggs. I told him that I had given them to Mrs.Olson. He sat thoughtfully for a while, and then said, "If I win a game, I'm going to pick a non-edible prize, because for the next week I'm not eating any sugary snacks."

I said, "Easter is Sunday, Buddy. You're giving up candy now?" (Shouldn't we have done that for Lent, was what I was actually thinking, but that put too much responsibility on my shoulders, so I didn't voice that part).

"Oh, I'm not giving it up forever. Just for the week. And I'll still be able to eat dessert after dinner, like mint chocolate chip ice cream, just not candy. " (Whew! I was worried!)

"You know the surgery isn't this Wednesday, it's next Wednesday?" I said.

He smiled. "Oh, then I can have one of those peanut butter eggs this week. That's good."

I just shook my head.

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Tonight at dinner, he asked me if calories were good or bad. I explained to him that they were neither good nor bad. We need to eat to live, but if we eat too much, then we gain weight and it makes it harder for our hearts to pump blood to our bodies. I explained it like putting gas in the car, and food is our fuel. He understood, and then asked about exercising. I told him that was a great way to burn calories. We need to move our bodies, and not just sit around and watch tv and play video games, because if we don't burn the calories we eat, then we also gain weight. I talked to him about choosing healthy foods, because they are more likely to have the number and kinds of calories we need. He agreed about that too, and then said, "That's why I like to lift weights and do push-ups." He really does those things, often while I'm on the treadmill. He added, "I think I'm going to jump on the trampoline. That way I'm not just sitting and watching TV. I'm exercising while I do it!" Well, I guess that's better than just sitting there like a vegetable. It doesn't take care of the mind numbing garbage that he's watching, but...choose your battles, right?!

Scenes From the Back Yard

As I mentioned in a previous blog, Andrew loves the swing. Here Jacob is giving him a brotherly shove on the swing set at my parent's house.

And here is Andrew half asleep, lulled by the swing! Amazing! This kid sleeps NOWHERE besides his own bed, and yet he almost fell asleep in a hard plastic swing outside!

Time to Spare

Today Jacob had an appointment at the oral surgeon for his second abscessed tooth. He needed an x-ray, which was taken with a state of the art machine that swirled around his head and then directly uploaded the results into his file via the computer:

I thought this was really cool. First of all, the technology of it was amazing. Then, I was amazed looking at the x-ray. Look at the metal spacer on the left hand of the screen (the thick white spot that looks like a mini frying pan) - that's where the previous abscessed tooth was. Then, look at the gum line - you can see his 6 year old molars about to poke through. They look like they're in little bubbles! Look at the middle front, bottom and top, and you can see his adult teeth behind the baby teeth. It reminds me of a shark mouth with all those rows of teeth! Plus, it's a 360 degree view, laid out flat, so the shape is odd. You can see it better in person, obviously, but you get the point.

The results are the same as last time - he will need to have surgery at the surgery center to remove the offensive tooth. It took two hours for them to tell us this, and have me sign a few forms. We were so bored, that I actually let Jacob take videos of himself running around the lobby with my phone. By that time, no one was left besides us! I'll spare you those videos, but here is one of him, rolling his eyes. He wanted to see what he looked like when his eyes rolled. If you think about it, you can never really see your own eyes roll, because if you're looking at yourself, you're looking straight into your own eyes! I know, I know... that was the deep conversation brought on by oral surgeon lobby boredom!

And last, but not least, here's a short video of Andrew walking with his push walker. It's one of his favorite toys these days. Thankfully, he is not yet walking without it. I'm not sure what the deal on his pants is...

No News is Good News

Well, I still have nothing of importance to write about. Things here have been busy, but unexciting, and believe me, I'm not complaining! Sometimes boring is a welcome guest!

Here are some things Jacob has said recently, that I found amusing:

Brock Ovama (Barak Obama)
Crock Pock (Crock Pot)

While watching American Idol the other night he said, "I agree with Simon."
Greg said, "What did Simon say?"
Jacob said, "What Simon said, I agree with."
Again, Greg said, "But what did Simon say?"
I said, "That she was boring and self-indulgent."
Jacob replied, "Yeah, that."
Greg asked Jake again, "So what exactly did Simon say?"
Jacob said, "Yeah, I agree with Simon."
He had no idea what Simon said. The poor guy was just trying to be a part of our conversation!