Photos of Andrew

Andrew loves shoes. He loves to put them on, play with them, throw them down the game room stairs, carry them around the house, etc. One day I happened upon him while he was happily sitting amidst a pile of shoes, attempting to try on his brother's sneakers.

That same day, I decided to allow him to feed himself lunch. This is the disaster that occurred because of that decision. He had a lot of fun, and I must say, I laughed too, but I also had a lot of clean up afterwards - of him and his surroundings!

This is now one of Andrew's favorite hiding places while I get ready for work in the mornings!

Andrew's Song

I've mentioned before that my brother-in-law, Fred does a customized song for Andrew each time the band practices. Each night, the song's words are different, and we always wait with eager anticipation of what goofy lyrics Freddy will come up with! Fred wasn't pleased with the quality of my previous cell phone upload of Andrew's song, so here is a snippet of Andrew's song from the actual camera. I can't add the whole song, because for some reason, the computer just won't upload longer videos. So, sorry folks, but you can only have a taste of our dear Fred's talent from the blog. If you want more, you'll have to book us! :)

Jacob's Thoughts And One From Andrew Too!

We've been working on animal sounds with Andrew, namely a puppy, since he seems to like dogs. He will respond with "who,who,who" for "what's a puppy say?" It sounds more like a monkey sound, but he says it consistently, so we're taking it for a "ruf, ruf, ruf" instead!
A few days ago I asked Andrew what a puppy said and Jacob said, "I know what a puppy says!" Well, I certainly hope so! You're six! (no, I didn't say that)
I said, "I know. You're really good with your animal sounds. You can help me teach Andrew his animal sounds."
"Yeah," he said. "I know what every animal says, except a turkey."
"Really, you don't know what a turkey says?"
"No, what's a turkey say?"
"Oh, come on. You know what a turkey says!"
"No, Mom. What's it say? Bock, bock, right?"
Good grief, I'm thinking! What's wrong with this kid? I have really failed him! "A turkey says 'gobble, gobble, gobble."
"Oh!" He said with a great big sigh,"That's right! Goggle, goggle, goggle. I knew that."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When my mom was watching Jacob the other day he told her that he hit his foot on Andrew's "banjio" and it really hurt.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jacob: "Did you know crocodiles can jump really high?"
Me: "No. I don't think crocodiles can jump."
Jacob: "Yes, they can. Really high."
Me: "Are you sure about that? They have really, really short legs."
Jacob: "That doesn't matter, Mom. They're great jumpers."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I made plaster molds of each of my boys' feet when they were infants. A few weeks ago I dropped one of Andrew's feet when I was cleaning and broke off two of the toes. I was so mad at myself. Greg has the foot and is supposed to be fixing it, but he has yet to complete the task. He does have a lot going on, but I sincerely hope that it isn't something that gets put away and forgotten and then lost, because it is something that can never be replaced. However, it's my fault for breaking it in the first place.
Anyway, one day, Jacob looked at the feet and noticed that Andrew's was still missing. He asked me if Greg was going to fix it and I said yes, eventually. Jacob thought for a minute and then said, "well, you know mom, Greg doesn't have a very good memory." Poor Greg. He can't win around here sometimes!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And lastly, one from Andrew:
The other day he was playing with a toy that became tangled. He got frustrated with the toy, put it down and walked over to me, saying 'eh, eh, eh." When he saw that I was walking toward him, he turned and began to walk back to the toy. He turned around to make sure that I was following and then stooped down, picked up the toy and handed it to me for help. This was the first time that he has officially "asked" me for help, aside from pointing or leaning toward something that he wants. Maybe it's because of working in early childhood development, and knowing that is a developmental skill I should be looking for, or maybe it's just a proud mommy moment, but whatever the etiology, I was very impressed with him! Way to go, Andrew! He's growing so much more complex by the day!

A Little Religion Never Hurt Anyone

Yesterday I decided to try to take the boys to church. We haven't gone in a while, because every service except the 8 am falls during a time when Andrew is either sleeping or approaching sleep and therefore cranky. Yesterday, however, Andrew slept until 830, so I thought, 'what the heck, let's go to 10:00 mass."
On the way to church, Jacob had all kinds of attitude. I love the months between April and October, because barring rain, we can walk to church. It's only a three block walk, and it's actually easier than driving when you account for the car seats. Jacob trailed almost a half a block behind me the whole way. When I pressed him to speed it up, he started panting, literally. He said he was so tired, he couldn't catch his breath. It was a bunch of baloney, and it was really just the tip of a whole morning of complaining. I told him I hoped his bad attitude left him by the time church was over, because if it didn't he would be taking a nice nap before the family Memorial Day picinic later in the afternoon.
When we got to church, Andrew was in rare form. He hasn't been there since January or February, so he probably doesn't remember it at all. He sat down next to Jake (who of course had to have a juice box to quench his immense thirst brought on by the strenuous jaunt to the parish) and just looked around. It was as if he was proud to be sitting next to his big brother, and amazed at his surroundings. He smiled and smiled. I thought, 'maybe we'll actually see mass through to the end.'
Well, the sitting lasted about 5 minutes, until the opening hymn. Then he started standing and pacing the pew up and down. He was LOUDLY laughing and dancing to the music, which was distracting for me, but fine over all. He wasn't crying, and no one seemed to be bothered by him, so I let him go. That only lasted about 5 minutes, before he realized that he could get down.
He then began playing with the kneelers, climbing up and down on the bench, and ultimately, figuring out that there was an aisle, which led to a glorious altar he just had to explore. Ultimately, I was unable to appease him, and we had to leave. I only made it a quarter of the way through the homily, and I wasn't able to pay attention to anything that Father Gardner said anyway. That's disappointing for me, because I particularly like our priest and his homilies. Oh well. Such is life with young children, and I honestly tried. Eventually I will be able to return to mass.
On the way home from church, Jacob was literally and entire block ahead of me, hollering back to me "come on mom, hurry it up, can't you go any faster?" Amazing, I thought, how different his pace and exhaustion levels were heading home, in comparison to going to church! Shame on him! You pick your battles, though, and this was one that I chose to ignore.
When I caught up with him, we walked together for the last block, and talked. He put his hand on his head and said, "You know, I think my bad attitude has left me now."
"Good thing," I said. "Just in time for the party." Gotta give the boy credit for timing.

The boys sitting nicely - Jacob, having a juice box to replenish himself after the harrowing trip up the street!

"Hey, Jake, is this where God lives?"

Jacob happily bouncing home!

Does Spiderman Promote Higher Thinking?

Today while I was getting ready for our Memorial Day picnic, Jacob sat at the kitchen table and played with his new lego set. As I baked, he and I talked. It's typical for our conversations to eventually turn to some kind of superhero theme and today was no different. He was playing out a superhero scenario with his legos as we spoke.
I'm not exactly sure how it started, but he mentioned something about the bad guys trying to get the good guys, but losing. I responded by saying, "Don't the bad guys know that the good guys always win?"
"Well, they may always win, Mom, but sometimes they also get killed."
"That's awful!" I said. "That's not fair."
He said, "Like in Spiderman when New Goblin died- he was a good guy. Then Spiderman got mad and killed the guy that killed New Goblin." (You'll have to forgive if any of the actual Spiderman facts are wrong, I don't really know the story line aside from the basics myself, so I just go with whatever he says.)
I said, "Don't you have a book where Aunt May tells Spiderman that it's not good to live with revenge in your heart? That's what it sounds like he did. That's not nice."
"Well, it was actually an accident..." and he goes on to explain the course of events leading up to this guy's death. I'm thinking to myself, 'man, this is really violent, I shouldn't let him watch this stuff,' but I digress...
Jacob continues, "Like when Uncle Ben died, that was an accident too. That burglar didn't mean to kill him."
I said, "Maybe not, but he killed him and you can't take that back, accident or not. And besides, he was robbing a place, which is a crime too."
"Yeah, Mom, but he was only robbing because he needed money to help his sick daughter."
OK - backtrack a little - earlier this week there was a cartoon in the editorial section of the news paper commenting on the status of our health care system. Jacob reads the paper with me sometimes because he likes to read the weather (I know, he's only 5. He's an old man in many ways) He saw the cartoon, and he didn't realize that it wasn't a funny cartoon and he wanted me to read it to him. I read it, and then I had to explain in his terms that a lot of people can't afford health insurance, some people who do have it still have a lot of medical bills, medical bills are very expensive and that insurance companies make things hard for doctors and patients, etc. He actually seemed to grasp the concept pretty well.
Back to today -
After he said that the man robbed the bank to get money for his sick daughter, I said jokingly to Jacob, "Well, then. Don't you think that this can all be traced back to the status of health care in the United States? If that guy had good insurance, he wouldn't have had to rob the bank, and he wouldn't have killed Uncle Ben. If Uncle Ben hadn't been killed, Peter Parker wouldn't have needed to become Spiderman."
What kind of response is a 5 year old going to have to that, you ask? "Peter Parker became Spiderman before Uncle Ben died because a spider bit him. First, he learned to use his powers to wrestle. Remember when he climbed that cage in the one book we read? He didn't start using his powers to fight crime until after Uncle Ben died, though."
Wow! Good response, Kiddo! He's actually thinking, processing and countering me with very adult logic!
"You're right," I said. "Maybe if we had better health care, Peter Parker would have just been a star wrestler instead of a superhero."
"Yeah, mom. Maybe."
I have a little more respect for Spiderman now than I did before, and I'm definitely proud of my little thinker!

jacob 5 to 6

Click here to view this photo book larger

Graduation

Shortly after Jacob was born, I read an article in a parenting magazine about a woman's coming to terms with motherhood. She wrote in retrospect, and began at her child's infancy. It was such a well written article, detailing the disheartening disillusionment that I myself experienced upon Jacob's birth.

I always wanted children. Before he was born, I pictured myself with my children in a fairy tale setting. Yes, there were conflicts, but I was good at resolving them. I always knew the answer, the right way to approach things, and the best way to raise a happy and healthy child, while being fulfilled and happy myself. Like I said, that was before I had Jacob. I also didn't believe that it was important to have a father. To me, a good father was a bonus not a necessity. I've since changed my mind about that point as well.

Then along came Jacob. My marriage fell apart in the middle of my pregnancy and a few months later my long held, heavenly image of motherhood also shattered. My body was ruined. I was exhausted, sticky and smelled like milk 24 hours a day. My baby cried no matter what I did and, much to my surprise, I didn't know any of the answers, let alone all of them! My hormones were haywire and all I wanted to do was cry, but I felt like I couldn't tell anyone those thoughts because only a truly terrible mother would think such things.

It wasn't that I didn't want him or that I didn't love him, but rather that I was afraid that I had made a terrible mistake - that I would not be able to care for him the way he deserved. In many ways, I didn't even like the tasks I had to do, and I felt this tremendous guilt over not feeling that complete and total immediate blinding love everyone talks about. I felt personally cheated in some ways, but worse, I felt like I had cheated my son out of a good mother. So, on top of all the adjustments that any typical new mother has, I carried this baggage silently around for several weeks too. It wasn't until my aunt Linda said that she had experienced the same thing that I felt relief from the guilt of my emotions. Needless to say, disillusionment remained, but as those of us who are parents know, we adjust to the changes of becoming a mother and the joys of parenthood soon begin to outweigh those times of chaos, stress and duress.

The woman writing the article chronicled emotions I could relate to at that time - a colicky newborn, the disillusionment of a fairy tale motherhood and the lack of a perfect maternal instinct to always make the right choice, coupled by the frustrations of toddlerhood, potty training, etc. She then fast forwarded to the day that her little boy got on the bus to go to kindergarten. She looked at him in disbelief - at his size, his maturity, his self control and most of all with shock at how quickly the years disappeared. Wasn't it yesterday that she was fighting with him to get out of the toilet? Begging him to sleep through the night, not to eat rocks or stick his fingers in the outlets? Wasn't it yesterday that she rocked him to sleep, then sang an extra song just so she could feel the rhythm of his breath against her neck for a little while longer?

I still get emotional thinking about that article. Now, however, it's not because I am relating to the troubles of infancy, but rather because I am sharing in her 'wasn't it yesterday?' moment. Now my first born has moved beyond the terrible twos. He can bathe himself and get his own snacks. He can buckle his own seat belt. He can even read his own bed time stories sometimes too. Wasn't it yesterday that I could cradle him easily in one arm? Wasn't it yesterday that he pushed the kitchen chairs around 15 times a day just for fun? Wasn't it yesterday that we crawled into the construction equipment in the parking lot across the street and sat for hours while he pretended to drive? In fact, wasn't it yesterday that my mother almost got a real ticket for allowing Jacob to sit behind the wheel of her car and pretend to drive?

Five years later I see motherhood through clearer eyes. I understand now why mothers speak of a blinding unconditional love for their children and why women hold their positions as mothers higher than any other. It is true that parenthood is nothing that you expect it will be. You cannot prepare for it, no matter how many books you read or nieces and nephews you have. Nothing can prepare you for the highs and lows, the exhaustion, exasperation or the torment that you will inevitably experience at one time or another. Nor can you prepare for the love that you will feel for your child - a love that literally grows stronger every single minute. There is nothing more beautiful than the gift of simply spending time with and getting to know the person that you created; being a parent. This is the bond that fairy tales are made of.

Yesterday's kindergarten graduation is just one of many moments that make me proud to be Jacob's mother. He is not an extension of me; he is his own person, growing stronger and more independent each day. While part of me wants to yell, "Stop, please! Don't go any further. You are perfect where you are. Don't grow up. Don't leave me!" I know that is not possible, nor is it what I ultimately want for either of my children. Joan Baez sings a song called "Honest Lullaby," which has some of the following lyrics:

Now I look at you, you must be growing a quarter of an inch a day.
You've already lived near half the years you'll be when you go away....
And while the others play with you, I hope to find a way with you,
And sometimes spend a day with you, I'll catch you as you fly,
And if I'm worth a mother's salt, I'll wave as you go by."

I want my children to soar, with Greg and I and the rest of the family on the ground cheering them on. Kindergarten graduation is just a tiny step in that direction, but every step is important.


Now - onto the pictures - the part you really like, instead of my rambling!

Katelyn and Jacob were both having trouble with their tassels.

Jacob looking rather smug about his!

"Oh hi! Are you here for me?"

Jacob chose to shake Mrs. Cooney's hand. He was the only one. Everyone else gave her a hug. He had told me several days prior that he was going to "keep it professional."

Flipping their tassels

"Hey, Bob - do you think we are about done? I'd like to get a piece of that cake I saw on the table over there."

The boys of Harbor House

My dad and mom with Jake. He was crying at this point. We aren't sure why.

Greg's mom and dad

His diploma

The following morning in his cap and gown outside school.

With Mrs Olson and Mrs Cooney in the classroom

The graduating class

Thank you, Harbor House! You truly have been our guiding light over the last three years. We are blessed to have been a part of such a wonderful program.

Scenes From Kindergarten Graduation

Here are a few of the videos I took at Kindergarten graduation. I'll post another entry with the photos and stories. For some reason, it takes a long time to upload videos, so that's all I'm focusing on for right now. These children are truly special - a small and tightly knit class, and close bunch of friends. It was such a touching night. I still get teary thinking about it, and feel prouder of Jacob than words can express. What an experience!

Each of the children stepped forward and stated what they wanted to be when they grew up. When it was Jacob's turn, he said, "My name is Jacob Orr and when I grow up, I would like to be a scuba diver." None of us had any idea where that came from. He doesn't even know how to swim! My personal opinion is that he forgot what he was going to say and stole the idea of the first girl in line!

The kids marched onto the stage to the traditional "Pomp and Circumstance."

They also sang several songs, which were absolutely adorable, but of course, I didn't start recording in time and missed more than half of the performances. I did have a cute video of their little "Fairy Tale Friends" play performance, but it won't upload, and now my computer is running very slowly...this has happened before with videos. What a bummer. It was probably the best one, of course! Oh well. I'm aborting the process because I know from experience it won't work and will just continue to make my computer slower and slower. If you want to see it, you'll have to come to my house! It's a good excuse to visit!

Photos and stories to follow as promised - if not tonight, then soon!

Jacob

It's been a while since we've heard from the inner workings of Jacob's little brain, so I thought I'd share some recent observations:

Last night he asked me what we were having for dinner. I told him that Greg and I were eating pierogies and corn, but that I had made chicken nuggets for him, because I didn't think he'd like pierogies. He asked what pierogies were. He then told me that they ate "HA-rogies" at school. They were giant noodles with mashed potatoes inside. I said, yes, that's what we were eating. PA-rogies. He agreed that we were eating food of the same ingredients, but still insisted that the items that they had at Harbor House were called Harogies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were watching TV together one day and a commercial for some movie was on. He asked me if I knew what kind of dinosaur was on the commercial, and I said, "I think it's tyrannosaurus rex."
"Well, actually, that's a T-rex."
"T-rex is the same as a tyrannosaurus rex, isn't it?"
"Yes, but T-rex is short for tyrannosaurs rex, and that one had shorter legs, so I think it was a T-rex."
He didn't understand that "short for" means verbal abbreviation, not a smaller biological version of the creature!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jacob and I watched American Idol together last night, and at one point, he said, "Mom, he's performing with some band called 'KISS' now, and boy are they weird!"
Boy did I feel old!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And lastly, to end on a sweet note, this morning of his kindergarten graduation:
Two nights ago, Andrew, Jacob and I were all sitting together on the living room floor. Jacob grabbed a blanket and put it over the three of us. Andrew loves blankets, and said, "aw," and cuddled it, and Jacob and I smiled at each other and at the baby. Jacob said, "It's nice to share a blanket together."
I said, "Yes, it really is nice."
Jacob said, "That's one thing, Mom. Friends and brothers. They're always good for sharing."

Just How Much Have I Lost?

I like to think that I am generally pretty together. I remember dates, appointments, and tasks fairly well without prompting, and just to ensure that I don't forget, I keep pretty accurate notes. Lately I have felt very overwhelmed both at work and home with a lot of extra activities. I'm not sure if it is my age (I hope not) or the migraine meds, or just plain exhaustion, but something has me off my game. Or maybe I was just never as good as I thought in the first place. Take note of today's example:

At the end of last week I noticed a sign on the front table at Jacob's school that said there would be a beach party on Wednesday with water-themed activities. The kids were to wear bathing suits, sunglasses, etc. I talked to Jacob about the party all weekend and this morning, I dressed him in beach wear. I couldn't remember if they were providing lunch or not, so I packed a non-perishable lunch for Jake just in case. When we walked in the door, I glanced at the notice, to see if he would need his lunch or not. That's when I saw it. The party was scheduled for NEXT Wednesday - the 27th. "Oh no," I said to the director. "I thought it was today. He's in his suit!" She looked at me and said, "No, it's next week. And actually, it's only for the preschoolers. Kindergartners are having their own pizza party on Friday." Poor Jacob was sent to school today, all decked out in his beach attire for a party that will take place next week in every classroom except his. I sure don't win mother of the year award today!

Thankfully, he is not an overly sensitive kid and didn't mind the fact that he was the only child dressed for vacation today!

When I returned to pick him up, I notice that the paper on the front table had been edited to add the words "PRESCHOOL ONLY" on the top, in high lighted, capital letters of course. Yes, the other parents can thank me for that one!

A Sign of Summer

Jacob became obsessed with the movie "Cars" when it came out three years ago. For no good reason, just to surprise him one day, Greg and I bought him a Lightning McQueen Power Wheels. I will never forget his reaction when we bought it. He was just three years old. He actually didn't believe that it was his. He thought he was only allowed to play with the store model! Boy, did we get our money out of that vehicle! Three years later, after summers, and winters, sitting outside in the rain and snow, the car is still ticking! Yes, it looks pretty battered, but it runs, and the boys both love it now. Two days ago we charged the battery and today after school, Jacob took Andrew for a ride up the block and then around the driveway. Thanks to Andrew, the lens on my cell phone is scratched, so pictures and videos are now blurrier than they already were. I'll have to use the regular camera. It has much better quality, but it also takes ten times longer to upload - gotta sacrifice something, right! At this point in my life, speed is usually the choice of the moment! Anyway, here is one sure sign of summer - Lightning McQueen. Last year, it proved to be fun for the whole neighborhood. I can't wait for the summer to officially arrive this year, and for the boys to really dig in and start enjoying the best days of the season!

One Shattered Dream And A Hope For A Bright Future

Last night I found out that a local high school junior hung herself earlier in the week. Somehow I managed to miss it on the news, although I'm not sure how. I didn't know the family, but this area is small, I was shocked that something that big passed me by. The friend that relayed the story to me told me that the mother found the girl hanging from the family's back porch. The mother flagged down a Fed Ex guy and asked him for help getting the girl down. The Fed Ex man confirmed that the girl was dead and then called 911. The 911 operator told the man not to touch the girl, that professionals would need to take care of the details. The poor Fed Ex man was then ordered to resume his route and finish his day's worth of deliveries! I can't imagine trying to deliver someone's L.L.Bean order after having witnessed something so heart-wrenching.

I thought about this story all night, and barely slept. My friend said the girl had been dealing with some apparently very significant emotional problems. My mind keeps returning to the fact that this poor mother found her daughter hanging dead from their back porch. It makes me feel nauseated, and brings tears to my eyes if I think too long about it. Like I said, I don't know the family, or any of the details of the situation leading up to this tragedy, but the scary fact of the matter is that it could happen to anyone.

When I think about my own adolescence and early adulthood, I pray wholeheartedly that Jacob and Andrew do not experience the same kinds of emotional torment that I put myself through. Yes, there were some concrete reasons for some of the things that were troubling me, but there were also things that I just imposed upon myself out of the sheer nature of my personality. I have alluded to some of my issues, stated some of them outright, and then there are those I will die having only shared with one or two people. There's a reason for my rambling here (isn't there always? You just have to keep reading long enough, right!). I would bet a high amount of money that if you asked 95% of the people who know me, and even those who think they know me well, that they could not tell you about some of the emotional hurdles I have overcome. I'm not talking about issues with my goofy biological father, or even the dealings of grieving for my grandmother. I'm talking about much, much bigger stuff. Some people may guess or know about my struggles with food, but beyond that, I would venture to say that my demons would prove to be a shock to most. I had a good upbringing, a supportive family and I appeared happy most of the time (barring typical teenage angst, of course!). There would be no reason to suspect that I was feeling so terribly tortured for such a long period of time.

I'm not going into details of my own shortcomings here, because that's not the point. The point is that people get hung up on pointing the blame, seeing the warning signs, and preventing tragedies like this, but it's just not always possible. Maybe this mother knew that her daughter was struggling. Maybe she was an uninvolved, neglectful or even abusive parent. Maybe this could have been prevented. By no means am I discouraging counseling, prevention, suicide awareness, etc. Please don't think that I think nothing can ever be done, so we should all just throw our hands up. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that maybe nothing could have been done. Maybe no one is to blame. Maybe her mother was a wonderful person who gave unconditionally to her daughter, and the daughter simply suffered silently. Maybe that girl could just as easily have been one of our children, and one of us been that mother, frantically running into the street, panicked and looking for help. Put yourself in her position for just a moment and try not to feel for her. I can't.

It is human nature to search for answers to life's problems. That's what we do - we solve things. It troubles us when we can't find solutions. It troubles us even more, when we think that such a tragedy, solutionless, could happen to us. It's frightening and unsettling. That is where my mind is right now.

Jacob is getting ready to graduate kindergarten on Thursday. The class is putting on a play for us, then they will don their caps and gowns and march across a stage and be handed a diploma. He will be a miniature version of himself 12 years from now, crossing the stage to complete his high school career. There are so many thoughts that are swirling through my head. I'm remembering his baby and toddlerhood, amazed at the swiftness of father time, and anticipating the pull of the ever faster years ahead of us. I'm trying to breathe deeply and enjoy the moments, to take the time to build the bonds, and to strengthen the foundation we have started for Jacob. And most of all, I am praying for guidance, patience and guardianship from God for Jacob, and the family as a whole.

The girl who died this week would have graduated from kindergarten this time 11 years ago. I'm sure that her mother never envisioned such a day as last week's when she watched her 5 year march across the stage for her diploma. As I pray with gratitude for my family's posterity, I will pray for her to somehow find peace, and for her heart to somehow heal.

My Little Teacher

As part of their curriculum, Harbor House has the children take turns teaching their classmates a lesson of their choice. Jacob had his turn this last Wednesday. He chose to teach how to make cinnamon sugar pretzels, a recipe he created all on his own about a year ago.

We practiced two times on Monday and once on Tuesday. Greg and I each gave him pointers, but being the stubborn guy that he is, he didn't show that he even took notice of our advice when we were practicing. Greg told that he should be sure to tell the kids not to eat the pretzels he passed them out. When Jake failed to tell Greg and I not to eat them, Greg ate his. When it was Greg's turn to dip his pretzels in butter, cinnamon and sugar, he had no pretzels! This happened three times, and each time, Jacob said, "Greg! Where are your pretzels?" Greg would respond, "Oh...Uh, wasn't I supposed to eat them? You're supposed to tell the kids not to eat them." The first thing Jacob said to the kids when he passed them out at school was, "take a pretzel, and don't eat it!"

He was also hesitant to put enough cinnamon in the sugar at home when we practicing. Greg told him to put enough in that it looked like sand when it was mixed. I heard him tell another classmate that she needed more cinnamon because it needed to be the color of sand when she was done. I told Greg both of these stories that evening. It really is proof that kiddos listen, even when you think they aren't.

Jacob wasn't even the slightest bit nervous. He jumped right in, told everyone what to do, how to do it, and demonstrated everything so well. And the kids LOVED the recipe! They wanted to make more. I kept hearing, "We're out of butter! We need more cinnamon sugar! Can I have more pretzels?" It was so funny! The teachers had to tell the kids that this was just a teaching lesson, not lunch! I also heard several of the kids tell Jacob that they were going to make the pretzels when they got home too. I was so proud of him. He did a terrific job, and everyone enjoyed themselves, including me!

A note the teachers left in his box afterwards. He thought they gave him an "A+" for the lesson!

This is the little girl he was telling to add more cinnamon.

This is a shot of us practicing at home on Tuesday. My step daughter and her boy friend stopped by for the lesson.

If you are interested, the recipe is very easy. You use store bought pretzels - any kind. Melt butter in the microwave. Dip the pretzels in the butter and then roll in cinnamon sugar. Eat them right away, though. They get soggy if you let them sit too long.

I Remember When...

I found some old photos the other day, and came across some that I wanted to share. They brought back some nice memories. Take a look at the surroundings in the shots - like the tv and vcr in the first one - they are so old and big! It's amazing what we have today, and how quickly we forget our advances. I hope everyone is doing well, and that these little stories and photos make you smile and remember some of your own childhood!

I think that in a previous blog, I made reference to an orange silk nightgown that my grandmother used to wear. Well, while rummaging through some old photos the other day, I happened upon this one. That is me, wearing who knows what, and my grandmother, wearing the nightgown that I always picture her in. The picture isn't great quality, and I look absolutely ridiculous, but I still love this photo. For one, it has her in an outfit that I vividly remember. I can still feel the texture, see that gown, right before me if I close my eyes. Secondly, although I look like a nut ball, I love how endearingly I am looking at my grandmother, and that she is smiling at my craziness. The adoration that is captured here is what I carry in my heart today, largely due to the fact that she is one of the few people I ever felt truly loved me unconditionally, regardless of my mood, behavior, or outfit! How I miss her still!

This is me, with some cat, in my kitchen. I'm guessing I'm about 4 years old here. This is the house my mom lived in when she was married to my biological father. I can still remember the layout of that house well, even though I haven't been inside it for over 25 years. I'm convinced that my love of cats started in-utero. This is proof, at least, that it started well before grade school!

This is a picture of my sister and me around Thanksgiving, 1986. It was taken in the apartment above my grandparent's garage. I actually remember it being taken. I remember having a fresh perm - my first one - and feeling like I looked so good! Oh, that was just the start of big hair! I think my sister looks so much like my niece in this picture too. People always comment on how much Ella looks like her father, but this is a great example of her taking after Megan.

This is a picture of Megan and me in Ocean City 1985. I actually don't remember this picture, but I do remember wearing that bathing suit! It was given to me by one of my mom's friends as a hand-me-down. I loved it. I think that I wore it all summer. I only took it off to wash it, as mandated by my mother!

That's all for now, but rest assured, there will be more!

Andrew's Swing/Mother's Day/ Eye Drop Woes

Just a very short video of Andrew on his swing this weekend before we left for Pittsburgh. Usually he's more animated than this, but this what I happened to get.

We had a nice weekend. My niece's birthday party went well, as did our Mother's Day exchange. We only had one major issue, which I will explain in this blog, with a little background first:

A few years ago, Jacob went through a phase (which lasted about 18 months) during which he refused to take oral medication. Those of you who were around me during that time know that I am not exaggerating when I say I was at my wit's end with him. We tried everything and I mean EVERYTHING! We put meds in yogurt, applesauce, milkshakes, soda, juice - you name it. I even put it in an unfrozen Freeze Pop, shook it up, resealed it, froze it and gave it to him in Popsicle form. He took one lick and said, "This doesn't taste right." He was 2 at the time. His ability to detect medication in any medium was both highly frustrating and freaky. At times I thought that perhaps he had some psychic powers!

One time, after a particularly draining session of pleading and unsuccessful cajoling, I said to him, "Jacob, either you take this medicine nicely, or I will have to wrap you up in a towel and shove it down your throat." His response? A very calm, "Go get the towel." Then he stood there nicely while I wrapped him tightly in the towel and let me restrain him! When I tipped him backwards and forced the medicine into his mouth, he gargled it and spit it out all over me.

This all happened during a time which he was still getting very frequent ear infections, and needed to have antibiotics often. We ended up taking him to the doctor for injections, because of his refusal, several times. The last time I remember very clearly. It was a three shot series of antibiotic. Initially he cried and was afraid. At the second visit he barely whimpered. On the third visit he actually rolled up his shorts and patted his thigh for the nurse! It was a blatant act of defiance. He didn't care what it took, he was NOT putting medication into his mouth.

We tried role playing with him. My mother had a toy and said something like, "When I'm sick, I take medicine in my mouth so I feel better." Jake took his toy and very happily responded, "When I'm sick, I go to the doctor and get a shot!"

It was maddening. There was nothing we could do. It was a battle of wills, and I am ashamed to say, after all of my years as a Parent Educator, that I lost this battle miserably. I had to just wait until one day he decided that he would take meds orally. There was no, "because I'm the mom, that's why." He didn't care, and I held no clout.

The point of telling this story is because we are now at this point with yet another form of medication. On Thursday I got a call from school saying that Jacob was having an allergic reaction of some sort. They gave him benadryl on my order, and I rushed to get him. By the time I got there, the whites of his eyes were so swollen that the iris appeared to be recessed. It was the freakiest thing I have ever seen. He was also red, puffy, and swollen with hives on the rest of his face, but he was not having any difficulty breathing. Still, I was worried about his sight. I've seen someone with puffy skin around their eyes, but I've never actually seen a swollen eye ball. The ER doctor told me later that if the reaction is bad enough, it's not uncommon for the conjunctiva (whites) to swell as well as the surrounding skin.

I called the doctor and took him to the emergency room. By the time we were seen at the ER, the benadryl was working and the swelling had significantly decreased. Still, his eyes were terribly red. My dad gave us a new bottle of prescription allergy eye drops, and I think the world came to a screeching halt when we tried to administer them. The first night, it took Greg and I both, restraining him and prying his eyes open, lots of screaming (from all parties) just to get the damn drops in.

Last night, at my sister's we had the same battle. I couldn't get the drops into his eyes myself because he was thrashing and screaming as if I had branded him with a hot iron. I asked my poor, calm and soft spoken brother-in-law to help me restrain him, but when I looked at the pained expression on Dustin's face as he was holding Jacob's arms and legs, I knew I had to get someone else's help. My mom tried, two of my aunts, my sister and my dad. No luck. I told Jacob that he could not come back downstairs until he let me put the eye drops in. He chose to go to bed at 730 during a family party instead of using the drops. His eyes are puffy and red today, obviously.

I don't know what else to do. I feel that this is yet another battle that I just won't win, and frankly, I don't want to fight it at all. I actually don't feel comfortable prying his eyes open. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt him, and I also hate the fact that this whole ordeal leaves everyone involved highly agitated and screaming. Oral medications work somewhat, so at this point, I guess we will just have to make due with that. Any suggestions are highly appreciated. This kid is a handful, to say the least, and this is another notch he can carve into his belt, not mine.

Headaches and stuff

Well, after about 3 months of relief, the headaches have returned. They started here and there about a month ago and have slowly managed to resurge to almost daily. I have been taking my medication religiously, so it isn't medication related. I called the neurologist, who initially wanted me to double my dosage of Elavil. I was hesitant to do so, because I have already gained 5 pounds that I cannot lose, which I attribute to that medication. He agreed that weight gain is a common side effect of the Elavil, and decided to wean me off the the Elavil and onto Topamax. Topamax carries its own long list of side effects. Originally devised as an anti-epileptic drug, it is commonly used for migraine treatments now. His opinion, which I also read on some medical websites, is that if you very slowly introduce the drug to your body, the side effects tend to be less severe. So for now, I am starting at a pediatric dose and it will take two months to get to the goal dosage. Please keep your fingers crossed that this is successful. I'm starting to feel very discouraged again.
_________________________________________________________________
On another note, my friend Jackie is doing very well. I went to visit her and another high school friend of mine last weekend. She has had several additional tests and sonograms since I first wrote. The bottom line is still that the will not know exactly what they are up against until he his born, but they have had some encouraging news lately. The hydrocephalus has not gotten worse, and his head size is now in the 90th percentile, which is good in some ways. It means that she will not necessarily need to have a C section. That too will need to be assessed at the time of birth, however. His MRI showed no further damages than they were already aware of, and the fetal echo showed a healthy heart. At the last sonogram, he weighed 3.5 pounds (approximately). She is 31 weeks now. The weight is good, because the closer he is to 5 pounds, the safer an early delivery will be. Jackie continues to feel sick most days, but the day that I visited, she seemed physically well and in good spirits. Thanks so much to all of you who are praying. Prayer is their main line of defense right now, so please continue!
___________________________________________________________________

Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful mothers and mothers-to-be out there! We are heading to Pittsburgh this weekend to celebrate my niece's 2nd birthday today and then Mother's Day on Sunday. Unfortunately, Greg has to work, so he will not be with us. :(

Pictures and possibly video to be posted early next week!

The Tooth Fairy

Well, it has finally happened. Jacob actually lost a tooth without the need of anesthesia or a scalpel! On Friday his tooth had become very loose. I offered to pull it several times, but he declined. Finally when he was having trouble getting a grip on it, he asked for help. I used a washcloth and just yanked it right out. It did make a little squishy, ripping sound when I dislodged it. Kind of gross, but he was so excited! He jumped around and looked in the mirror, very proud of his rite of transition!

We put the tooth in a little container he has for his baby teeth, and I sent him to bed. That evening, my sister and brother-in-law were here for band practice, so we had been drinking throughout the night. When I was getting ready for bed, I took two dollars up for the tooth. Greg looked at me and said something like, "Aw, he needs more than that!" He dug in his pocket and pulled out an additional two dollars and a quarter. So, in my slightly tipsy state of mind, I took his tooth and put 4.25 in his container. Now he thinks that he's going to get 4.25 for each tooth. Damn beer! :)

And he has been feverishly working on the second loose one all day today...I better get digging for some spare change!

Playlist

In honor of the approaching Mother's Day, I have put together a list of mother and child songs (mostly, some are parent and child). The last song, "He's My Son" is for Jackie. It's about a parent asking for God's protection over a sick child. I pray each day for Sean's protection and I think this song hits a chord, pardon the pun! Happy Mother's Day, one week early, to all of us mothers!

Even Though...

This is an excerpt from an email I received. Well stated, I thought. Even though I frequently complain, I am just as often aware of and grateful for my blessings:

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can see. Many are blind.

Even tho ugh I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud. Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest. Thank you, Lord, for life.

And some of my own:

Even though I frequently wish out loud for just one morning when I can get ready without Andrew crying with his face pressed against the shower glass, or hanging on my legs as I apply make up, or repeatedly flushing the toilet...and even though I get so tired of Jacob's complaining about brushing his teeth and getting dressed in the morning, Thank you, Lord, for these beautiful and healthy children. There are many who are childless.

Even though I sometimes get angry that Greg works long hours and isn't here to help me, Thank you, Lord for a loving and supportive husband. There are many who have no spouse at all, or are in bad relationships.

Even though I complain about the shape of my body, Thank you, Lord for my health and well being. There are many who are sick and handicapped.

Even though I despise grocery shopping, especially alone with the baby in the rain, thank you, Lord, for enough money to put food on our table. Especially right now, in dire economic times, there are many who are using a food bank or going hungry.

And thank you Lord, for the struggles you have helped me through. They have made me stronger, more understanding of others, and more aware of your presence and guidance in my life.