11/30/09

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.-- Epictetus

Just Pictures

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.-- Meister Eckhardt


Today I give you just a quote. It says enough on its own. Below are a few pictures - two from before the Tree Lighting Ceremony in town on Friday and a few from band practice last night. Today is the last day of the Thanksgiving holiday for me. I'm envious of you who still have Monday in your vacation bank. I hope that everyone has had a great start to their holiday season, as I know we are all looking forward to a festive December. Enjoy the remainder of your weekend, and remember to find the joy in the midst of all that running!

"You're taking me where? Outside for two hours? Are you outa your mind?"

"Come on! I'm already cold, just thinking about it!"

"Hey mom, give me the mic! I can carry a tune too! Haven't you ever heard me sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?"

Grown men, beer, wine, and a bass guitar...the fixings for a perfect night!

Andrew gets his first guitar lesson from Uncle Freddie.

The louder and dirtier the music, the more Andrew enjoyed it. This kid was truly born to rock!

Paying Attention

Success or failure, the truth of a life really has little to do with its quality. The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. - Julia Cameron

Greg and I have often remarked at how quickly Andrew notices even the smallest change in our home. I can put Andrew down for a nap, hang a picture on the wall, and the very first thing he notices when he awakes is that picture. It may take Greg three weeks to notice the very same picture! Andrew also has the capacity to immediately find the smallest particle of dirt on the floor, which he will pick up for me. He can find a stale fruit snack in a public playground in a matter of minutes and eat it before I can say "dirty." In a large room, filled with toys to the ceiling, he will locate the one minuscule dangerous object, be it an unguarded outlet, a pair of scissors, etc. If Andrew is in the living room, and he hears the refrigerator door open, he is at your side in a millisecond, ready to clear the bottom shelf! I could go on and on and on...

While these may seem like examples of how a small child can drive a parent crazy through the course of a day (indeed, they are!), they are also examples of how a small child has not yet lost his sense of wonder and excitement in the world. Everything is still new to Andrew. He is a sponge, absorbing everything. Unlike us, he is still paying attention to his surroundings. Yes, it can become frustrating to constantly be on guard with tiny children. However, when we look at the world through the eyes of a toddler, it can also be enlightening. Children can show us what we left behind many, many years ago - a world that sometimes no longer holds our attention, and one that we may find quite amazing when viewed from a 32 inch high perspective!

I truly believe that taking things for granted is one of the primary causes for dissatisfaction. Being grateful not only means saying thank-you. It means taking the lead from our children, being aware and cognizant of our blessings, and paying attention to even the smallest of our surroundings. It is in life's little moments that we find true happiness.

Thanksgiving Day

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.-- Marcel Proust

Above all else, I am grateful for the people I have in my life. I have been blessed not only with a large and close knit family, but also with a large and diverse extension of friends. The myriad of individuals who have graced my life, whether long term or short, have shaped and molded me, sustained me, shielded me, and carried me from birth until today, and will continue to do so until I draw my last breath. Without interactions with others, what would we have?

Yesterday, Greg, the boys and I drove to Pittsburgh to spend Thanksgiving with my half of the family. Our Thanksgiving has changed much in many ways over the last 32 years, but it has also remained quite the same. Many of the faces have aged. Some have passed on. Some are no longer able to travel. There are some new additions, but the core group is the same, and the core ideals are inherent.

When I was small, Thanksgiving was at my grandmother's house in Juniata. All of their six children were there, and all of my cousins. When my grandmother died in 1988, we started having Thanksgiving in Pittsburgh, and so it has been for the last 21 years. My grandfather used to drive, but he simply can't make the trip anymore. At 81 it's just too much for him. We know that my grandmother is there in spirit, watching down on us, and we call Pap to say hello. Although he can hardly hear, he says a lot of "OK's" on the telephone. The rest of us drink wine and "stuff ourselves until we waddle," in good Thanksgiving fashion, as Greg would say. The kids play together, the women sit around the table talking until it's dark and the men fall asleep on the couch, while some nameless football game plays on the television. This is what Thanksgiving has always been to me.

I'm incredibly grateful for these men and women, my parents, my sister and brother in-law, aunts and uncles, my niece and cousins, and most importantly, my husband and sons. Regardless of where we celebrate the holidays or how the celebrations happen to change, the core of the celebration lies in the people you are with. I have been blessed with the best people in my life, all around, from start to finish, not just in my family, but in Greg's family and in my friends, past and present as well. These relationships are gifts that I can never lose, and for them, I am grateful.

Aunt Kathy tries to teach Jacob and Andrew some songs on the keyboard. Kathy taught me to play "Heart and Soul" when I was little by numbering the keys on the piano with masking tape!

The boys decided to take things into their own hands!

Ella takes a nap in Matthew's old cradle.

Jake and Justin on the keyboard now. It was a musical kind of day!

My mom and Ella.

My sister, mom and aunt Kathy relaxing in the game room with the kids after dinner.

"Are you going to take another picture, Mom?"

Jake gets a crazed look in his eyes every time someone gets the camera out. Poor mom isn't going to have nice pictures for her holiday cards either!

Thanksgiving

In the spirit of the season, and in keeping with the theme of my previous posts, I have decided to post a quote about gratitude every day for the next month. I don't always post a blog entry every day, so I may or may not have time to write my thoughts on the quote. Sometimes I think it's better to allow people to form their own thoughts too. (Admit it, sometimes you wish I didn't talk so much anyway!) Today, I will start off with just this explanation of the future entries, and the chosen quote. I hope that these little inspirational snippets bring some clarity into your lives, or in the very least allow you to pause and think for just a moment. I believe that even the tiniest of changes in our thought processes,even the smallest increments of zen, are seeds that have been planted for future contentment. With the proper attention to ourselves and others, we all have the potential to flourish.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and a joyous start to the holiday season!

The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.-- William Blake

Gratitude

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. - Cynthia Orzick



This quote was shared with me by a friend of mine a few weeks ago. I've been saving it for Thanksgiving, because I think it is perfectly fitting for the theme of the holiday. It is true that the simple things in life, the every day blessings, without which our lives would be so barren, are often the ones that we frequently overlook when counting our fortunes. I am personally guilty of getting caught up in the every day madness, only to lose sight of the gifts that are placed before me each and every minute. It's truly vital to take a breath, refocus, and concentrate on we have, not just during the holidays, but throughout the year. Some days that is easier to do that than others. Some days we have more clarity. Regardless of how easy it is, the blessings are always present. The key is in how hard we feel like searching.

I recently read on another friend's blog, that she was challenged to find something good each day for 30 days. She then posted her findings. What a fantastic challenge! I think this is a challenge we could all stand to benefit from. Why stop at 30 days? Isn't this something we could do every day, something easy that could be done before even getting out of bed? Why not challenge ourselves to start off every day thinking of one thing that we are grateful for? It doesn't have to be big, or even something that anyone else would consider a blessing. The idea is simple; to start off the day on a positive note, view the world with a fresh perspective, and truly see the greatness in even the smallest of gifts.

I have mentioned before that I am working on changing my own attitude. I see little indications of my moods reflected in Jacob's behavior that I don't like. I have moments when I am over-reacting to situations, times when I step outside of myself and don't like my tone of voice, my demeanor, my stance. I see people around me who have worse attitudes than I do, people who have mean and ugly souls, people who have allowed the world to beat them down for whatever reason. Some of them have excuses, some of them do not. On the flip side, I see people like my Aunt Carmen, who have all the reason in the world to be mean and ugly and yet would never dream of it. When I think of who I am, and who I want to become, my goal is not to become downtrodden by life's stresses, but to rise above them somehow. I believe the key to that lies first and foremost in our core, in our attitude, our faith, and gratitude for the simple things in life.

Yes, it is easy to say these things when most of life is going well. It is easy to apply these principles during the good times. However, isn't it during the calm, that we establish the foundation for the storms? You don't build a house during a tornado. Likewise, you don't try to revamp your mental inventory during a crisis either. Truth be told, my life at this point is mostly good. The boys are healthy, my parents and Greg's parents are healthy, as is the rest of the family. Greg and I have secure jobs, a house we love, enough food on the table, and great friends all around. However, my head is still killing me many days, and I haven't slept in months. No, it's not life threatening, but I don't feel well. I haven't felt well for going on two years now. To be perfectly honest, although it is not terminal, it's not something that I enjoy either. I try not to complain about it much anymore. Greg hears more about it than anyone else, and I'm sure he's sick of hearing it too. Even just the smallest chronic illness really takes a toll on a person's ability to cope with daily life and to maintain a positive attitude. The point is not to complain about my head. The point is that, although things are going well for me, I also have some little glitches that I am trying to iron out. I often think just because I don't feel well, doesn't mean that my family needs to suffer as well. It is probably the main reason why I have felt such a pressing need to change my own attitude. Perhaps I am hoping in changing my attitude, I will change the way I feel too...

This Thanksgiving, as well as every other day of the year, I hope that you all are able to take a look at not only the big blessings in your life, but also the small ones. I leave you with one last quote, and a sincere wish for a blessed Thanksgiving:

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things." - Robert Brault

Binkie Boy

Andrew has a real addiction. The binkie. He has one with him at all times. In fact, he sometimes has two. It didn't start out this way. Initially, he only used it in the crib and in the car, but when he turned one, and the tantrums began, all rationality went out the window. From that point on, despite all my training, when his mouth opened, in went the binkie. The picture above shows what we have created. Right now, I'm choosing not to worry about it, although I know that the future separation of Andrew and binkie will not be pretty. Jacob would not take a pacifier, despite my pleading, so I really have not been down this road before. I have told many parents not to worry about their children's binkies. It's OK for them to have a security item. They will part with it in due time. Stop using it before his adult teeth come in so that you don't effect his permanent bite, etc...For my own child, I just make a joke of it and say, "well, we know he won't go to college with the binkie." But sometimes I wonder - he won't go to college with a binkie, will he???

Morning Comes So Early...

Insomnia still has its tight grip on me. Part of that is just my make-up, but a larger part of it has to be these darn headache pills. It seems that lately I just can't get break. This morning I cleaned the bathroom, wrapped some Christmas presents, worked on my some of my Christmas cards and balanced my checkbook all before 4:45 a.m! I guess productivity is the bright side to not sleeping, but it is hard to remember that, when my eyes pop open at 2:30 in the morning most days, and especially hard when I am dragging myself through the afternoons and evenings, unable to rest. I have had some brief periods of relief, so let's hope that another returns soon - before the holidays. A good night's sleep does wonders for my mood, and just makes me feel better all around. Until then, I suppose I'll just keep plugging...

In the meantime, here are a few thoughts. Nothing too deep. I just don't have it in me!

A photo of Andrew and Uncle Freddie. Now that Andrew has become the band's number 2 groupie (Lugene will always be number 1), Andrew dances every time he sees Fred's picture. Here are the two of them in their Steeler garb, after a watching last week's game.

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A few days ago, Andrew was pointing to an ornament on a little pine tree we have in out kitchen. It's round an red, and he continually said, "apple." Finally, Jacob said, "Andrew, it's not an apple! It's an ornTament!"
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Lastly, Jacob is obsessed with this bank that he has created and the safe that my mother has ordered for him. The safe has not arrived yet. He even took the order print-out to school with him to show his friends! He has been drawing pictures of it daily, and writing captions on each picture. On one of the pictures he drew, he wrote "Jacob's Bank. We keep your money in a safe." On another, which he posted on the outside of his bedroom door, he wrote "Bank Hours: 8 a.m. - 8:30 p.m. In December we will close at 8 p.m." I asked him why he was closing earlier in December and he said they were holiday hours! He also told my mom that if she wanted to make a deposit, she had to do it on Saturday, because the bank was closed on Sunday. He would not allow her to put money in, if she came down on Sunday. No exceptions for grandmothers! He's a hard ball!

Children, Children

Just some little things the kids have been thinking, saying or doing that struck my fancy as of late. Nothing too deep going on here over the last week, thank goodness!



Let's start with Andrew this time, since Jacob usually gets the glory.



Andrew can name many of his body parts. He can also point them out on other people and animals. A little while ago, he was naming the parts on one of his stuffed animals, a duck. He found a little tuft of feathers on the top of its head, which he called "hair." He named the eyes, the beak was its nose, and then he was looking for the ears. He looked along the side of its head and said, "ears" three or four times. He kept saying, "ears" in a questioning tone and looking at me. At first, he was just curious, but eventually, he became very mad! He threw the duck down and stomped away! It was as if he was infuriated that any animal didn't fit his idea of normalcy! No ears on a duck? That's absurd!

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Along with shoes, Andrew also likes hats. If Greg leaves a ball cap sitting around, Andrew will wear it, usually backwards. On Nov 6, we gathered at my in-law's house for my father-in-law's birthday. Andrew found a cornucopia under one of the end tables, put it on his head, and proudly announce, "hat!"
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Andrew, the climber that he is, uses everything as a stool. We keep all of the kitchen chairs on top of the table, when we are not eating. We have removed any other chairs that are not necessary, and we have now had to remove any toys or other objects that could possibly be moved around and used as props, by the master climber. Recently, he discovered that he could use a toy drum and a toy bucket, if he turned them upside down, to reach the kitchen counters. I know it won't be long until we head to the emergency room. Now that he has nothing, or at least nothing viable that he has discovered in the last week, he has resorted to some pretty sad attempts to get what he wants. For example, in the bathroom, he uses my scale to try to reach the counter. My scale is only about one inch thick. It doesn't get him far, but he diligently carries it over to the sink day after day. I haven't had the heart to take it away from him. He also takes the couch pillows and places them at the kitchen counters, steps up on them and then tries to see how much higher he has gotten. If not for the mischievousness of it, it would be very comical!

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Now on to Jacob. He is quite the thinker! He and his friends at school were talking about hunting the other day. This fact, coupled with the fact that we have been trying to trap a raccoon that has been rummaging through our garbage prompted quite a bit of thinking in him. When I picked him up from school, these are a few of the things he had to say:

"No one traps turtles anymore. It's too difficult, on account of their shells. "
"I've heard of turtle ice cream, but not turtle soup."
"If I ever go hunting with Greg, I'd like to wear that camouflage hat that goes over your face and makes you look like a killer."

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"Did you know there are three islands in the Banuna Triangle?"

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"I'm opening up a bank. It has 100% returns and also offers a 4040 K." He went on to say there was no penalty for withdrawing money early from your retirement plan, but you better think about it before you do it, because if you take the money out now, then you won't have the money when you retire. Hey, if I had a truckload of money to invest, I'd be giving it to this guy!

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And lastly, yesterday, out of the blue, he said, "Mom, the baddest disease is the Swine Flu, otherwise known as H1N1. It is especially bad if it kills you." Well, I guess so! I think I also need to filter what he hears a little better - from me and from other people!

Christmas Photos Gone Awry

On Saturday, Greg and I tried to get some photos of the boys in the back yard for our Christmas cards. I would like to say it was a complete disaster, except for the fact that I decided to actually use the photos that we took. The very first shot was, well, OK. The second shot was not good. The second shot was terrible, and the rest were a series of candid shots that were neither good nor bad, but not good enough to use on a Christmas card. They were either good of one and not the other, the angle was off, you couldn't see one of the boy's faces, blurry, etc. Within 2 minutes of the attempt it was apparent that a photo shoot of any serious nature was not going to be productive. Jacob hates having his picture taken, and Andrew cannot sit still for more than 5 seconds at a time. That is the simple nature of having two boys ages 6 years and 18 months.


I admit that I was very disappointed Saturday evening. When I put the images onto the computer, two of them in particular made me laugh out loud, they were so bad! I resigned myself to sending out a picture of the boys in Pittsburgh Steeler attire for our holiday cards. Since we had band practice on Saturday night, I decided to make the cards on Sunday morning. I don't know why, but woke up Sunday in the middle of the night with terrible chest pain (I'm fighting a cold. I assume it has something to do with that). I the midst of laying in bed, wondering what I should do about the chest pain, I was struck with inspiration for my Christmas cards (go figure!)

I actually decided to put those two terrible photos on my cards. I stared off with the first picture I took, which was mediocre, and then added the other two bad ones. Hey, life is about rolling with the punches, especially life with children. I have been trying to adapt my attitude lately, and isn't this the perfect opportunity to do so? Maybe other people won't think they are as funny as I did. Maybe they will. The fact of the matter is this: our life is far from picture perfect, yet it is chock full of blessings. That is what the holiday season is all about - gratitude amidst the chaos. We certainly have that, and our cards reflect it!

I have included some of the pictures from the photo session in this blog, but not the ones that are going out in the cards. Most of the people who read the blog, will be getting cards. Here's some Christmas spirit, a little early, from the Williams!

The 10/90 Rule

I received a Power Point email from my aunt this evening with the beginning sentences as follows:

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90 % of life is decided by how you react.

The email then goes through a brief synopsis of a man's bad day. His wife places his coffee cup too close to his daughter at breakfast. The daughter spills the coffee onto his work shirt. He becomes angry, yells at the child, storms around the house, makes the child late for school, then is himself late for work. He's mad at his coworkers because he's already in a bad mood from home. On and on it continues and it's all his wife's fault for putting the coffee cup too close to the little girl in the first place! The second scenario is that after the coffee is spilled, he gently tells the little girl that it's ok, gets another shirt. No one is late, no one is yelled at, everyone's day goes smoothly. The only difference is how he chose to react.

This is not a new concept for any of us. It's an idea that we learn in early childhood, and continue to re-learn throughout the various stages of our lives. I have recently found myself in a bad cycle of scenario number one. I have become that man who allows something insignificant to snowball into something monumental and ruin not only an entire day, but sometimes more. This is no example to set for my children, it's not fair to my husband and it's no way for me to live either. My aunt's email could not have been more timely. I needed an attitude check, for the sake of myself and my family.

We have no control over 10 percent of what happens to us. We cannot control other people. We cannot control the weather, accidents, things at work, the policies of the public school system, traffic, sick children, or unruly neighbors. The fact of life is that things we don't like are going to happen. What we can control is how we react. I can control how much will I allow these things to effect me. I can control how I will treat others, especially when my children are either the recipients of my reactions or witnesses to it. I can change the way I view and approach problems and hurdles in my path. I can stop, breathe, and think before I speak (ok, that one is going to take a little practice). The list goes on.

The point is that with the simple change in thinking from "why is this crap always happening" to a series of "I can" statements, the tone becomes immediately empowering. I also find, in looking at this deeper, that it is often in undesirable situations, the ones that I have specifically not asked for, that I find the most reward in the end. It is also those such situations where I have had to force myself to adjust my attitude before I could get out of the mess I was in. Take my divorce, for example. It was certainly untimely. I was 5 months pregnant, in the middle of the winter when my ex husband left. I had to finish out the pregnancy alone, move into my parents' home directly following Jacob' birth, leave my job, go back to school, etc. It was stressful to say the least, but in the long run, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought some wonderful friends into my life and most importantly, it brought Greg, and Andrew and all of my in-laws, nieces and nephew into my life. I couldn't see any good in the beginning. I was blinded by anger, but once I was able to change my attitude, the positive aspects of my situation began emerging.

I think we all need an attitude adjustment from time to time. The man who made the power point presentation was correct. However, I would like to make one additional notation to his insight, as so wisely sung by the Rolling Stones: "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need." I think the two concepts compliment each other quite well. Words to live by!