Running Water and Target Bags, Oh My!

So...my cell phone rang one day about a week ago.  It was Greg.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hello."
Greg: "Hey, Hon.  I was just wondering if..." He stops mid sentence and his tone morphs into one of panic. "Hey!  What's that noise?  What's going on?"
Me: "It's just running water.  I'm doing dishes.  Everything is fine."
Greg: Calming down a little, "Oh.  Oh.  OK.  Boy, that sounded weird."  Continues with a conversation that was so minor I actually have no recollection of the content.

Fast forward to today.  Greg took Andrew out to run some errands while I finished up the house cleaning for the weekend.  Cell phone rings.  It's Greg.  I pick up.

Me: "Hello."
Greg: "Hey, Hon.  Do you....Hey...Hey, what's going on?  What's that noise?"  Panic again.
Me: "Um...I'm just going through a Target bag.  Not a big deal."
Greg: "Geeze!  Your phone amplifies everything!  Makes it sound like the world is collapsing around you."
Me:  "Nope.  Nothing collapsing.  Just a boring old bag.   Don't worry, I don't feel threatened by the large red insignia.  I'm holding perfectly still now.  Please continue with your conversation."

Paranoia anyone?

Just for the record, I have never been frightened by the kitchen sink or a Target bag.

Now, if it were a Wal Mart bag, it would be a whole new story!

Welcome Home, Jakey!

Andrew and I couldn't wait for Jake to get home today!  After I finished my morning chores, we walked down to the local elementary school playground to kill some time.  Andrew had a great time until we were on our way home.  I was pulling him in a wagon and all of a sudden, he just started screaming.  He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, just continued with the nonsensical screams, so I pried open his fingers and out fell a smashed up bee.  First sting of the season.  I always worry about Andrew, because Greg had some serious allergies when he was younger, namely shellfish and bees.  Greg's allergies, thankfully, have gotten better with age, and Andrew hasn't shown any signs of allergies yet.  Still, all I could think was, if his throat swells and I am half a mile from home, that's too far.  I can't run with a wagon or carrying him because he's too heavy, and by the time an ambulance would get to me, he'd die....you know, calm rational thoughts.  After I consoled him a little, I high tailed it home.  We made it home safely with no swelling of even the site where the bee stung.  I gave him half a dose of Benadryl, just in case.  An hour later, he was fine and I put him down for his nap. 

Jake got home around 2, and Andrew got up from his nap around 3.  We went to Subway, bought some sandwiches and headed to Chimney Rocks for a picnic dinner and a hike.  The boys had a lot of fun running around and exploring.  We saw a snake on the trail, and when we got to the top, we were actually able to see my parents' house from the overlook, because the leaves are not yet on the trees.  The boys enjoyed that.

After the hike, we went to the Meadows for frozen custard, but the boys got slushies.  What the heck? No custard?  Whatever.  After dessert stop (I can't really call it an ice cream stop when I'm the only one who ate ice cream) we stopped by my parents' house.  My mom was just about to take the dogs for a walk, so the boys and I joined her for a stroll through town.  The boys spent a lot of time outside today and put a few miles on their feet too!  The fresh air was great, but it was even better to have both boys home...even with the bickering.  Boys will be boys, or so they say.

"Cheese!"

He climbed to the top all by himself!  Normally, when I see him going for these things on playgrounds, I run to stand behind him while he climbs.  I didn't make it there fast enough, and he got to the top before I could stop him.  Maybe I don't need to worry so much after all!

Andrew poses with Jacob and all the goodies Jake brought home for him - Spiderman jacket, hat, sea creatures, a book, a sting ray stuffed animal, an alligator that grows in water...lots and lots of stuff!  Andrew was so happy to have his brother home!

"A picnic was a good idea, Mom!"

"Andrew, stick with me and I'll never steer you wrong."

"Mom!  You didn't tell us the hike would be up hill!"

Andrew needed just a moment in the middle of our hike to close his eyes and feel himself becoming one with nature...or maybe he had a splinter in his shoe.

"Jacob, we made it to the top! Let's dance!" 

Hollidaysburg....not so pretty without the colors of summer (or fall, that's really the best time to hike up Chimney Rocks), but the promise there! 

The court house, which Andrew calls "the castle where the camdens are."  (There are cannon monuments on the lawn.)

Turkey buzzards were flying around us.  I couldn't help but have a slight feeling of impending doom in their vulture-like presence.

As Andrew said, "Those are berry big rocks."

Jacob found some interesting reading on the inside of the climbing wall.  

 Andrew used his time on the playground equipment to work out his glutes and triceps. 

 Who goes to the Meadow's Original Frozen Custard and orders blue slushies?  My boys.  Not me, man.  I got a vanilla cone!  Mmmm, a sweet local taste of summer!

 Jacob's brain freeze face.

 "Huh.  Dumb ass got brain freeze!"  Yep,  that's brotherly love for you.  Welcome home, Jacob! 

Just Hanging Out

 What a weekend we have had.  We did all kinds of things, and yet, really not much at all.  I ended up not feeling well last weekend, so I didn't do much cleaning around the house.  That's never good, because with two kids, a big house and a working mom, it quickly piles up.  I don't often let things go, because honestly, it is much easier to keep up with stuff than it is to catch up.  Anyway, I was able to do some catch up throughout the week, but I did most of my catching up this weekend.  Thankfully, I didn't need to work a full day on Friday, so I was able to knock out the grocery shopping and a few other errands amidst some play time with Andrew, which freed up Saturday.

On Saturday, I got up early and was done with most of my cleaning by about 930.  We met my cousin, Jessi and her son Jordan for a play date at Slinky Action Zone.  While Jordan and Andrew played, Jessi and I looked over some old photos that Jessi got from my aunt (her mom) of Jessi, her brother Ian and me as little kids.  We spent a lot of time together, the three of us, with my grandmother, when we were little.  It was great to look at the photos.  Some of them were absolutely hysterical!  I can't wait to scan them and show them to you all.  A big thanks to Jessi for getting the pictures to me!

Yesterday afternoon, Andrew and I ran a few more errands and then just played outside.  The weather has just been too nice to do anything but play!  Here are some of the cell phone shots I've taken over the last few days:

Fear not, fair lady.  I'm here to protect you!

A Super Hero naturally attracts rays of sunlight where ever he goes!

Climbing is hard work, but I can do it!

It's O.K.  to know your limitations.  Even Spiderman gets scared sometimes.

What boy doesn't want to climb through a giant bubble wand?

Now this is a beast I can tame!

Get out of my way, Bad Guys!  I'm on the loose!

Too bad we can't fill those water guns with weed eater and set him free in the yard.

This is natural attire for Slinky Action Zone on a 75 degree day - a fleece hat, fleece lined Crocs and a Nerf gun.  Hey, Vogue, here's your next cover model!

This place is lined with webs for me to practice my climbing!

Beep!  Beep!

Preparing for road burn in 3....2...1...

Andrew and Jordan were forced to pose for a quick snap shot in the parking lot.

Who knows what today holds.  When I looked at the weather forecast yesterday it said thunderstorms, but it looks like another beautiful day outside right now.  I spent this morning getting food ready for the week.  Lunches are packed, meals through Thursday are made, our clothes are ready for the week and the house is clean.  For now, the day is wide open.  Jacob and my parents will be home from Florida some time today, and we are very excited to see them.  I wish every weekend could be as simultaneously productive and relaxing at the same time!  

Spring Fever

Even though it is 530 in the morning, and I am exhausted as usual, I am excited to start the day.  The weather has been absolutely wonderful lately. I always feel like day light savings time practically gives me a new lease on life.  It doubles the amount of time I can spend outside after work, and it doubles the amount of time I can spend driving (and hence going places and doing things) after work, because I can't see at night.  It's like the darkness of winter holds me prisoner in my own home, and the light of spring comes to free me!  I'm free!  Woo Hoo!

Yesterday Andrew and I decided that weather like this simply demands a pedicure, so despite the dead leaves on the porch and dust on the steps, we took off our socks and brought out the polish!  

Jacob is in Florida this week on a little vacation.  While we are jealous that he's at the beach, and we miss him dearly, having good weather here has lessened the blow somewhat.  Yesterday, he got his hair done in anticipation of his return home. 

And these, God-awful ugly shoes are my biggest reason for being excited this morning.  My hip has been feeling pretty good over the last month (knock-on-wood).  Aside from a little stiffness here and there, I haven't had any major pain.  I have actually been doing a strength training routine fairly regularly for several weeks, and I've been walking regularly on my lunch break at work for the last two months too.  I've been considering lacing up my running shoes again for a while, but something kept holding me back.  Yesterday, I just felt the time was right.  I can't tell you what it was exactly, it was just a feeling.  After dinner I bought myself a new pair of kicks.  

I had done the research myself and decided which new shoes I wanted to try, but the ones I thought I wanted weren't the ones I ended up with.  This was the first time in endless trips to sports stores that I have had a sales rep who actually knew what he was talking about.   He brought me the shoes I asked for, but brought these shoes too and said, "just try them, they're like heaven on your feet."  I tried them, and he was absolutely right.  They are a stability shoe, but they're featherweight.  My old Asics feel like  bricks in comparison!  I am so stoked to put these babies on and run again! 

My goal for today is actually to have no goal.  My tendency is to get hung up on goals and times and pushing, pushing, pushing.  I know that is why I ended up with a knee injury and then a hip injury that sidelined me from my love for 5 months.  I'm not going to be running the marathon in May.  I'm not going to be running any races any time soon, not even something as small as a 5K.  I'm going to focus on just me, just moving and doing it slowly.  Running a marathon is still on my bucket list, but really, I've come to terms with the fact that it's one item I may never cross off.  I would rather only run 2 miles 5 days a week for the rest of my life than not run at all for any length of time again.  I think I have the right perspective now.  I don't have to go all or go big.  I just have to go.

What are you doing to enjoy this "unseasonably warm" (to quote the weather guy) weather?  I see lots of people out and about!  I hope spring fever is one illness all of you have caught! 

Life Isn't Fair

Scene from my house a few hours ago:

Me: "Andrew, please put your shoes on so we can go to the grocery store."  No response.  "Andrew, put your shoes on so we can go to the grocery store."  Nothing.  Silence.  "Andrew, please put your shoes on so we can go to the grocery store."

Andrew: "But I don't want to go to the grocery store."

Me: "Well, we need milk and some fruit.  We have to go, so put your shoes on."

Andrew: "But I said I don't want to go to the grocery store."

Me: "Listen, I have a fat ass and I don't want it.  Life isn't fair.  Sometimes you have to deal with things you don't want.  Put your shoes on."

A few moments later, in the car, Andrew jumping all over the back seat...

Me: "Andrew, please get into your car seat so I can buckle you."

Andrew: "I don't want to sit in the car seat."

Me: "You have to sit in the car seat to be safe.  We all wear seat belts."

Andrew:  "But I don't want to be buckled.  I just want to sit on the big seat."

Me: "Andrew, we've been over this before.  You have to ride in the car seat.  Please sit down."

Andrew: "But I don't like the car seat.  I don't want to sit in it.  The car seat is making me angry!"

Me: "Andrew, let's revisit what I said in the house.  I don't like having a fat ass.  Sometimes it makes me very angry.  Life isn't always fair.  The earlier you learn to deal with that, the better.  Now sit down and get buckled."

Doubting Thomas

Rumination is what I do best, and until I resolve whatever is bothering me, it will continue to surface over and over.  That's why they call it rumination, right?  My current issue?  The medium.  Well, not the medium exactly, but the feelings that I have had since going to the spirit circle.  When we were there I was almost completely wrapped up in the moment.  I had periods of questioning, but I leaned more towards the believing side.  I couldn't wait to go back and have a private reading so that I could put to rest the nagging details that weren't adding up and cement my opinion one way or another.  Greg asked me if I wanted a private reading for my birthday, but I turned him down.  Surprised?  I was kind of surprised at myself.  Why did I say no?

I thought that seeing a medium would give me a sense of closure, something tangible that I could hold on to as proof that I haven't spent the last 23 years yearning for,  praying for and believing in guidance and companionship from the spirit of someone who simply isn't there.  But it didn't give me closure at all.  In fact, in a lot of ways, it made me feel worse.  I have spent the last week replaying the moments that the medium said my grandmother was speaking through her.  I've been trying to recall her exact words, her mannerisms, trying to see if they really fit what I remember of Gram.  I know I mentioned that I was disappointed in things that were left unsaid, but honestly, my biggest hang up is not with the medium at all, but rather with my own emotions.  Yes, I cried initially when she addressed me, but as she continued to talk, I felt myself quickly become numb, eagerly taking in the information, alert but unfeeling.

I've been looking at it two ways, the first way is the most logical, the one that I use to counter argue with myself when the second one makes me feel crazy, but in typical Koelle fashion, it's not the one that is weighing most heavily on my mind:

•  There's no such thing as ghosts.  My grandmother was not in that room.  The woman is a charlatan, and the spirit circles are just something to be done for entertainment.   It was fun.  Nothing else.  Or...
• I am an asshole.  I have a lot of people who love me, but my grandmother was the one person who loved me more than any other by far.  She could have been standing right behind me, telling me how much she loved me and I didn't even bother to turn around and look at her.  In fact, I doubted her existence!   Nothing screams love more than "I don't believe you are even here."  Then let's add to the guilt the fact that she possibly came to me before she crossed over and I missed it!  Oh great, I'll never get that chance back.   I pray every day, multiple times for her to send me signs, to come to me in dreams, to let me know she's here only to be told that she's been sending me signs of warmth on my cheeks for years and I've never once noticed. Oh my God!  I'm the world's worst granddaughter. I suck.  Now I can add my grandmother to the list of people who I have let down.  Just the notion that I have ignored her in any way, even accidentally, gives me a terrible stomach ache.   I'm so unobservant (really, I am, not just in this instance) she should know not to pick subtle signs.  I need something big, something specific!  

I don't know what I think.  I've been literally consumed with this for over a week now.  Unless I am forced to think about something else, I'm back to the whole spirit thing.  It's not the medium I'm hung up on.  In fact, I'm not thinking about her at all.   She was kind.  Entertainment or real, it's her job.  I'm thinking about my gram, how I can get a sign from her, how I can get proof that she's here or there or...where the heck is she anyway?  I want to know.  I don't want to know when I die.  I want to know now.   I've been asking her to come to me in my dreams, but I don't know how much of that I believe.  I have some whacko dreams, and I think that dreams are generally just a reflection of all the crap we encounter throughout the day jumbled into a disconnected mess of neurons letting off steam.  Although, I must say, for all the thinking I do about my grandmother, I have only ever had a handful of dreams with her actually in them.  This week, what I have dreamed about several nights is her house in Homer's Gap.  I can't remember specifics, just scenes here and there.  Is she trying to come through?  I didn't ask to dream about the house.  I haven't even thought of that house for a very long time.  Maybe she is trying to reach me.  Maybe she was in the dreams about the house and I just don't remember.  Or, more likely, maybe they are just dreams. 

I visited my aunt Carmen yesterday.  We talked for several hours over coffee and donuts.  Andrew was amazingly good except for the brief moment when he jumped in her motorized wheel chair, turned it on and tried to drive it through her small dining room.  Luckily it was a disaster that was just barely averted, but I digress.  Carmen is one of the few people who will talk to me about spirits and ghosts and things of that nature without making me feel like I'm crazy, but she also has a very strong faith in God.  She would like a sign or a dream here or there too, but she is able to believe that her loved ones are waiting for her, looking over her and guiding her without concrete evidence.  She asked me where my desperation originated, "Why do you need to know?  There are lots of questions you will never know the answers to.  That's why you have faith."  I said,  "I need proof.  I just do."  "Ah," she said, "You are a doubting Thomas."  Hmm.  I guess I am.  

We talked about other people finding signs in every day occurrences.  Those are fine, if those are the things that make you happy.  I find joy in nature too.  I think of my grandmother when I look at the stars or the ocean, or when I see daffodils or daisies.  To me, though, those things are not signs that she's with me, they are simply reminders of the things she loved and things that we enjoyed together.  "What do you need to make you happy?" Carmen asked me.  I said, "I need something specific.  I want concrete evidence."  I thought about it, and then I asked her to drop me a coffee bean from beyond the grave, when it's her time to go.  She and I always have coffee together and I can think of no better sign than a coffee bean. (Hopefully it will be a very long time before I get a bean from her!)  Coins are common.  Rainbows happen all the time, but I rarely drink coffee from beans any more (because I'm too cheap to pay the extra few bucks), so if I found a coffee bean in my house or in my car or office, I would know it came from her.  I told her I'd tuck a little sack of beans into her casket, so that she had a reminder, and a few beans to scatter.  She agreed.  In fact, she thought it was a great idea.  The problem, she said, is that if she doesn't, or can't, bring me a coffee bean, I will think that means she isn't there, that there is no after life.  I will give up hope.  Maybe...but probably not.  

The fact of the matter is that no person will ever be able to give me what I am looking for.  If my aunt Carmen drops me a coffee bean from the heavens will I believe it was her?  You betcha!  But that's not what this is really about.  I can't be given faith from a medium, my aunt Carmen or anyone else.  It's about finding the faith inside of myself.   Ultimately, it's not about signs from beyond the grave.  It's not about coffee beans.  It's not about getting proof.  It's simply about faith.  Trust without proof.  I'm working on it.

Happy Birthday To Me

 Today was my 21st birthday.  It was the 14th time I turned 21.  Amazing how that works, right? Just like my 21st birthday, I didn't even drink a drop of alcohol!  Yes, you read that right, I didn't drink on my 21st birthday.  I had a stomach bug.  Don't worry, though.  I made up for it many times both before and after becoming legally able to drink.  I have drinks available now.  I'm just saving them.

I never felt like birthdays were much of a big deal. We always celebrated when I was growing up.  I had parties.  We always had cake.  I always felt loved.  I just feel like it's just another day.  Greg has been asking me for weeks now what I wanted for my birthday.  I couldn't come up with anything good.  I have everything I need and everything I want too.  It would be nice to have someone clean my house from top to bottom, send me away on a spa vacation all alone (or maybe with Greg), but those things aren't feasible.  For one, no one would ever clean my house the way I would want it cleaned, and if I left, I'd be worried about what wasn't being done at home and what had to be done when I got home.  I would also love a good night's sleep, but that's such a ridiculous request it almost makes me laugh out loud! So, the birthday wishes I got from friends and family were exactly what I needed today.  I felt very loved, and really, what more can a girl ask for?

Yesterday my parents came down for dinner and we had a little celebration with them.  Today Greg and I "celebrated" together with Andrew.  I specifically asked Greg NOT to get me a birthday cake.  I'm desperately trying to lose a few pounds before summer, and I didn't want any temptations.  He amazingly honored my wish, and this is what I was given instead:

A peep cake!  I have to say, it's the first time anyone has ever put candles in a box of Peeps for my birthday!  I love Peeps.  I especially love them when they are about two days stale.  They're sitting out on the top of my fridge now.

Andrew thought the Peep cake was great, but he's the worst secret keeper ever.  He started asking for Peeps first thing this morning and continued to ask for them repeatedly until Greg got home from work this evening at 7!

Andrew wrote my name on the card envelope himself.  I guess to him, I am worth of an extra "om."  Maybe he views me as especially meditative!  Ha!

Sam found the whole thing to be beneath him.  His only concern?  Where his next treat is coming from.  Cats.  

Are birthdays a big deal in your house?  What do you do to celebrate?

We're Expanding

It seems like everyone around us is having babies.  While Andrew would absolutely love to have a baby brother (he has been asking repeatedly), another baby is just not in the cards for us.  Instead of expanding our family with children, we have chosen the next best thing - we bought a pontoon boat!  

Greg has been talking about buying a pontoon boat for several years, and this is the year he finally bit the bullet.  A few months ago, a friend of mine from Pittsburgh posted pictures of her new boat on Facebook, which I promptly showed to Greg.  That was all he needed to put the "bee in his bonnet," to quote my dad.  He was a man with a mission, diligently searching until he found the perfect fit for us.  Here she is:

Heaven help us, Andrew can't wait to get behind the wheel!  

"Here's where we eat and drink, Dad!" Dad was too busy checking out the oil injected motor (or whatever you call it) to be worried about cup holders!

What's a boat without chairs for fishing?  

Greg can't wait to get our new baby out on the water.  I couldn't take better pictures because she's squished between two other boats right now, safe and sound, under cover from the weather.  Soon enough, the weather will change and we'll be happily cruising along Lake Raystown, soaking up the sun, catching some fish, and splashing in the water.  Of course, the beauty of a pontoon boat is that there's plenty of room for friends.  We already know our neighbor Sharon will be a permanent passenger - we're going to have her pay her dues by listening to my many, many stories, "One time, when Greg and I were first dating, he had this really nice boat, and we took it to a little protected cove..." Oh wait, maybe I won't tell that story after all!  But no worries, I'll have more to share, I'm sure!  If you want to go for a ride, let me know!  The more the merrier!  We're more than happy to share our latest addition with family and friends.  All aboard!  

Message From The Other Side

Greg and I went to see a medium with one of my case managers last night.  I was really hoping that after experiencing a medium first hand, I would be a devotee, but unfortunately, I'm still somewhat skeptical.  After the spirit circle was over I talked to the woman who did the reading and I told her that I'm not sure if I believe just for the sake of believing or because I need to believe.  Don't we all need to feel like the people we have lost are still with us?  That said, here's what I think:  (Please pardon the seesaw nature of my writing; it's definitely a reflection of the nature of my thoughts and emotions.)

I think it's a very real possibility that people who say they channel the dead are actually just very good at reading people and pulling information from that people want to hear.  People talk and reveal too much about themselves.  For example, my coworker (sorry Julie, gotta put this out there) told the medium about her dad before the reading.  She told her about her dad's cough, and that she has been feeling like she was in a place of discontent lately.  I think it's entirely possible that the medium filed that information and used it during the reading.  I also think some of the information the medium said came from the other side was fairly generic.  She said that the spirits were proud of us, that they wanted us to know they were OK, that they were with us, that they saw struggles we went through and that we were OK now or would be OK soon. Well, those things pretty much apply to everyone in some way or another.

Of course, the person I wanted to talk to was my grandmother.  I did not tell the medium anything about myself before the reading, but she said that my grandmother came through to her.  My grandmother was the second spirit to come through, which I found interesting, because I have always felt like the bond I had with my grandmother was so strong, that there was absolutely no way she wouldn't show up, if she could.  She wasn't a "pushy" spirit, like Julie's dad, but she made herself known as soon as she could.  My grandmother wasn't necessarily a pushy person, but much like my mother, she got what she wanted in her own way.  Was it her? Maybe.

The medium knew that I lived with my grandmother as a child and she mentioned doing things with my hands, which at the time I couldn't place.  I thought perhaps she was referring to the ring I wear, but later I remembered that my mom said I used to do a lot of crafts as a small child.  Maybe that is what she was referring to.  She said that my grandmother knew the struggles I went through, but didn't elaborate on them.  She said that my grandmother wanted me to know that she was proud of the person I am now.  She said she liked Greg, even though he wasn't perfect, and that she thought he was good for me.  Again, these things could apply to anyone, but when I think of my grandmother, I often wonder (and I have specifically asked her, both in my mind and out loud) what she thinks of my life now and what she thinks of Greg.  So often I feel like I have let people down, specifically my family.  I think about the potential I had as a young adult to be something special, to have a decent career and to go far in life.  I feel like I have fallen short in regards to my job and even in my parenting, and I feel like my family sees those shortfall.  I often feel that I don't measure up.  The one person who never made me feel like a failure was my grandmother.  She said, "life isn't perfect.  There will be struggles.  Don't always be looking down the block."  At the reading, I thought she was referencing Greg, which made me laugh actually, because he's one of the few aspects of my life that I am 100% satisfied with.  She also made that statement at the same time that she was talking about Greg and how she thought he was good for me, even though she knew he made me mad sometimes.  Heck, I have an Irish temper.  Everyone makes me spitting mad periodically!  That doesn't mean I don't love them.  After I thought about it for a while, however, I think it was just a general reference to life.  Everyone has problems.  The grass isn't always greener.  And it's true, I am constantly comparing myself to others - how do I measure up?  It's not a matter of jealousy, it's a matter of self-criticism, and yes, I do it too much.

She said that my mother and I have a good relationship, but we butt heads sometimes.  Well, what mother and daughter don't butt heads?  Actually, at this point, we don't butt heads too often...I think that's more because my mom has given up trying to make me do what she wants, and I try to do things her way whenever possible.  I also think that the older I get, the more I see the value in her opinion.  So the part about my mom could be true, but again, it could also apply to many people.

What disappointed me was what wasn't said.  I'm not going to write about what was omitted, because I am still so on the fence.  I don't want those thoughts to get back to the medium for future use, because I would like to have a private reading to see if my opinion changes one way or another, see if more comes out with a more intimate setting and with a longer period of time.  I wonder if my grandmother didn't say some things because she didn't want to air my laundry front of a group of people.  I also wonder if she just couldn't think of things to say because she was put on the spot.  When it came time for me to talk, the medium asked if I had anything to say and I didn't.  I should have said I loved her.  I should have said something, anything, but I said nothing.   My mind was blank.  Of course, I had thought of things to ask before we went which I didn't remember, and I thought of additional things to say after we left too.  It's entirely possible that Gram also just went blank.  Maybe all that was important to her right then was letting me know that she was there.  Maybe she knew I would come back and we could talk more, or maybe those things I have questions about are really not important.  Or it's possible that the medium ran out of material because I wasn't providing her with anything else...who knows.

Greg went along with me, just for fun and support.  He, like me, is a skeptical believer.  He said very little aside from pleasantries when we arrived, but he had a spirit visit him too.  His grandfather came through to him.  She described a large man, who loved the outdoors, had beagles, and was not very affectionate because he had a hard life growing up.  Greg's grandfather told him that he was very proud of him, and that he thought Greg was always a better fisherman than he was!  He also said he liked me. (of course he does!)  He told him to be more patient with his kids.  And he said that Greg had brothers who would not believe that Greg talked to him.  Now, here are my thoughts on Greg's reading:  Greg is a big man who is 40 years old, so it's not a far stretch to say that he probably had a grandfather who was also big who may have passed away by now.  Greg also oozes outdoors in his appearance, so to say that the spirit coming through to him was an outdoors man is also not a far stretch.  She did mention some physical ailments that he had during the end of his life, which were fairly specific.  She also specifically said he had a beagle with him, but again, hunters frequently have beagles.  What got me about Greg's reading was this:  Before the reading, I told Greg that he should ask the person he wanted to visit him to come to the reading.  I told him to ask the person out loud, because I didn't know if the dead could read minds (according to the medium, they can).  I didn't ask him who he asked, or even if he asked someone until after the reading was over.  When we were on our way home, I asked if he asked anyone in particular to come.  He has had several family members pass away.  He said the only person he asked was his grandfather.

So there it is.  Make of it what you will.  Like I said, I still sway back and forth.  I desperately want to believe, but I also don't want to believe just because I am desperate.

What do you think?  Have you ever gone to a medium?  Had any experiences in your home or life which you believe to be messages from the other side?  Please share!

Baby Liam

We have had an exciting weekend! It feels like we have had more going on in the last 3 days than the last 3 months combined!  The most exciting event, however, is that we welcomed another new family member!  Beautiful baby Liam! Greg's youngest sister Renee and her husband Ryan welcomed their first baby into the world early in the morning on March 3rd.  They asked me not to post any pictures, and I'll let them share all of the other details too.  We just wanted to say how excited we are for them, and how happy we are to have a new baby in the family! 

While Renee and Ryan have been bombarded with visitors from the rest of the family, Greg and I were not able to make it yesterday due to a crazy schedule.  Unfortunately, I am not going to be able to go today either, but Greg will have the chance to stop in and squeeze our newest little nephew.  I'm very sad that I'm not able to hold and cuddle this little guy myself, but that just means that I have the right to push the rest of the family aside for extra baby time at the next family gathering.  Reports are that everyone is doing well.  We send our love to Renee, Ryan and baby Liam and wish them all the happiness and love their hearts can hold!