In light of everything that has been going on with Jackie lately, this is going to sound very shallow. Let's face it though, everyone can be shallow at some point or another and this just happens to be my time! As is typical in central Pennsylvania, we have our first, and hopefully last (but possibly not), bat for the summer.
This morning around 3:15, Greg said, "Lay still and put the covers over your head. There's a bat in the room." I said, "What? Are you dreaming?" He talks in his sleep a lot, and I hadn't seen or heard anything.
"No." He said. "I just saw it fly out of the room." He then put the covers over my head as well as a pillow - I'm not sure what the purpose of the pillow was. I don't know any bat that is strong enough to lift a quilt, let alone a pillow, but whatever...I stayed still and waited. When he returned with his net, the bat was nowhere to be seen. Neither one of us went back to sleep, despite trying.
At 4:30, I got out of bed. It drives me crazy to lay there without sleeping. I cleaned out the coat closet, did some laundry and then decided to check my email. Just when I sat down, the bat flew over my head. Being the level headed woman that I am, I bolted up the steps and woke Greg! He said, "Go downstairs and keep an eye on it, so I don't lose it again."
"What? What do you want me to do?"
"Just watch it, so I know where it is?"
"No way! I'm afraid of it!"
Now, I know very well that it won't hurt me. Nonetheless, when the darn thing is flitting around and swooping at my head, all rational thought flies out the door, literally, and all I can think of is that I want to be in no close proximity to this thing. No, Greg, I am not going to "keep an eye" on it for you. Sorry.
Well, by the time he put on his shorts and got his net, it vanished again. It took every ounce of courage I had just to shake a few picture frames in a feeble attempt to help him find it. He reluctantly retreated back to the bedroom to catch a few more hours of sleep (I have given up, as you see). On his way up the steps he turned and said, "if you see it again, call me on my cell phone. Duck down behind the couch or something and watch it, so we don't lose it again."
Um. Let me think about that.
NO WAY.
Sorry Hun. Can't do it. If I see that thing again, I'm bolting up the steps, into the bedroom, shutting the door and waking you.
I'm not defending my actions. I know they are completely irrational, but sometimes a person just can't act rationally. When a bat is flying around my head is one of those times for me.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Sean David Madden
Here he is. One last 3D sonogram before he officially enters the world. God be with them!
Update Jackie's Baby
Over the last few weeks, Sean's head has gotten significantly bigger. The fourth ventricle continues to be enlarged, and at Jackie's sonogram on Thursday, the doctors told her that she would probably deliver the baby Tuesday. After the sonogram yesterday, they decided to wait until Thursday. Jackie said that the labor and delivery ward was extremely busy and suspected the chaos of the hospital was more the reasoning than the baby's status. True or not, it gave them a chance to give her a steroid injection to help Sean's lungs mature a little before entering the world tomorrow. The plan now is for her to be induced on Thursday.
Depending on his health, Sean will undergo brain surgery shortly after he is born. They will place a shunt in his brain to drain the fluid. The best case scenario is that the fluid will drain and his brain will resume a fairly normal shape, it will form connections and his development will proceed normally. That's the absolute best that can happen. There are also a number of other scenarios, which you can imagine for yourselves.
In the beginning, when she was first told the news of his disorder, it was emotional panic. Everyone thought the worst immediately. One doctor wouldn't even discuss options with her. He simply said "terminate" over and over. That's how grim it appeared. Then, as time went on, things settled some. With further opinions, God and hope entered the room, and the atmosphere calmed. A little, anyway. The possibilities have always been in the back of everyone's minds, and Jackie has continued to struggle with her own health. But at least there was optimism amidst the worry. Now, over the last two weeks, with his entry imminent, the anxiety has resurfaced.
It is now that the "what if's" really come into play. It's easy to say, "we'll deal with whatever comes our way," when "whatever" isn't here. It is now that the reality of what their son may be facing, and how their lives may be changing is facing them.
Honestly, I don't know what to pray for. More than anything, I want Jackie to have a healthy baby, a happy life. I want her to chase after her little boy like I chase after mine. I want her to feel the frustrations that I do, not the frustrations of insurance companies and major medical issues. I want her to worry about diaper rash, not major brain development. I want her to be exhausted from big birthday parties, not from struggling with a suffering child. My worries and frustrations are minuscule compared to what she is facing, and I wish that I could give her a piece of my chaos instead.
But it's not about what I want. God has tailored each of our experiences for us individually. I have chosen to pray Jackie's health and safety and for God's will. The truth of the matter is that, while Sean may come out of this with barely a noticeable deficit, he may also die, or worse yet, he may live a long and miserable life of painful suffering. It's not my call to ask for one scenario over the other. Loving Jackie as my life long friend, I simply pray for what is best for her and her family.
Jackie is in my thoughts nonstop right now. Again, I'm asking for your prayers. If you have a moment, doing the dishes, folding the laundry, playing a game with your own children, think about how blessed we really are to have such healthy kids, such mundane frustrations, and offer up a quick prayer in their honor, and perhaps a word of thanks for our own blessings.
Depending on his health, Sean will undergo brain surgery shortly after he is born. They will place a shunt in his brain to drain the fluid. The best case scenario is that the fluid will drain and his brain will resume a fairly normal shape, it will form connections and his development will proceed normally. That's the absolute best that can happen. There are also a number of other scenarios, which you can imagine for yourselves.
In the beginning, when she was first told the news of his disorder, it was emotional panic. Everyone thought the worst immediately. One doctor wouldn't even discuss options with her. He simply said "terminate" over and over. That's how grim it appeared. Then, as time went on, things settled some. With further opinions, God and hope entered the room, and the atmosphere calmed. A little, anyway. The possibilities have always been in the back of everyone's minds, and Jackie has continued to struggle with her own health. But at least there was optimism amidst the worry. Now, over the last two weeks, with his entry imminent, the anxiety has resurfaced.
It is now that the "what if's" really come into play. It's easy to say, "we'll deal with whatever comes our way," when "whatever" isn't here. It is now that the reality of what their son may be facing, and how their lives may be changing is facing them.
Honestly, I don't know what to pray for. More than anything, I want Jackie to have a healthy baby, a happy life. I want her to chase after her little boy like I chase after mine. I want her to feel the frustrations that I do, not the frustrations of insurance companies and major medical issues. I want her to worry about diaper rash, not major brain development. I want her to be exhausted from big birthday parties, not from struggling with a suffering child. My worries and frustrations are minuscule compared to what she is facing, and I wish that I could give her a piece of my chaos instead.
But it's not about what I want. God has tailored each of our experiences for us individually. I have chosen to pray Jackie's health and safety and for God's will. The truth of the matter is that, while Sean may come out of this with barely a noticeable deficit, he may also die, or worse yet, he may live a long and miserable life of painful suffering. It's not my call to ask for one scenario over the other. Loving Jackie as my life long friend, I simply pray for what is best for her and her family.
Jackie is in my thoughts nonstop right now. Again, I'm asking for your prayers. If you have a moment, doing the dishes, folding the laundry, playing a game with your own children, think about how blessed we really are to have such healthy kids, such mundane frustrations, and offer up a quick prayer in their honor, and perhaps a word of thanks for our own blessings.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Birthday Part 2
And finally (or, depending the order in which you are reading the posts, to begin with...) the pictures of the birthday party at our house. Thanks to everyone who came. It was a great time. We really do appreciate all of our friends and family. Love to you all!
Even Andrew liked Jacob's gifts!
Greg, Andrew and Freddy relax after the party on the front porch swing.
Jacob and Allison read up on Transformers.
Pinata greed!
Get it!
The poor thing!
Look, I had nothing to do with this!
They think they're pretty strong, but it took an awfully long time to break that T Rex apart!
Kiersten is appalled at the treatment of the pinata!
Heehee...beating a dino with sticks...heeheeSuch boys!
Jake starts it off
Here we go!
Andrew's version of a birthday hat, thanks to Aunt Kathy!
Noah, please let me blow out the candles.
It looks scary, but it was very, very yummy!Birthday Part 1
Here are the photos from the cake and ice cream party we had at my parents' house on Friday. Jacob shares a birthday with my dad, so we always have a little celebration with the two of them. This year, we also had a large party at our house on Saturday, but those pictures will be in their own post. Of course, I can never get it right that the pictures post in the opposite order of what you select, so they are backward here...it's 7 am, I'm in the midst of cleaning up party remnants, I've been up since 230, I haven't slept well in a month and I've had a headache for over a year, so I'm cutting myself a little slack! :)
Jake decided he had to pee after we lit the candles, so they melted all over the cake by the time he got back! Nice timing!
Jake and my dad
Jacob's roboraptor, which he named "Rexy"
Giving Rexy a whirl
My dad's new radio
A spiderman Wii game
A hug with Pap
Robo raptor
Andrew in the bounce house
Woo Hoo!
The monstrous bounce house
Greg had to give it a try too!
Um....what's going on here?
Jake decided he had to pee after we lit the candles, so they melted all over the cake by the time he got back! Nice timing!
Jake and my dad
Jacob's roboraptor, which he named "Rexy"
Giving Rexy a whirl
My dad's new radio
A spiderman Wii game
A hug with Pap
Robo raptor
Andrew in the bounce houseWoo Hoo!
The monstrous bounce houseGreg had to give it a try too!
Um....what's going on here?Friday, June 5, 2009
Birthday
Today is Jacob's 6th birthday. Tomorrow we are having a big bash here, complete with a bounce house and pinata! Pictures to follow, either Sunday or Monday. The birthday music is in his honor!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Head Banging
My biological father is an alcoholic. Well, I assume he is still an alcoholic. I haven't seen him since I was 17. He used to pick up my sister and me for weekend visitations on Saturday mornings. He would take us to the local Moose Lodge, where we would play, while he did whatever it was he did, until he had enough. Then he would take us to my grandmother's house for the remainder of the weekend.
No one else was ever at the Moose when we were there. He had a key, and we were the only ones present. At 6,7,8 years old, I thought it was pretty cool. He would open the coin box to that machine that lets you try to get stuffed animals with a crane, and we had free reign on the toys inside. We ate cheezies and drank pop, played pool and ran around like we owned the place. It wasn't until later in my life that I realized how inappropriate it really was.
One time, he must have had a pretty bad hangover. I remember sitting at the bar, eating a bag of snyder potato chips. He was on the other side, pouring us a fountain drink and all of a sudden, he bent over and slammed his head several times off of the counter. My father is not a small man, and he was at that time a strong man too. It scared me. I can still picture it like it happened yesterday. I could not in a million years understand why someone would slam his head so violently against the counter.
I can now.
No, I don't have a hangover. And no, I don't plan on slamming my head against anything intentionally, ever. But with these stupid headaches, I can honestly say that I completely understand why he did that. Thankfully I did not inherit his sense of logic, but I must admit that the thought of hitting my forehead with a hammer, albeit fleeting, has crossed my mind more than once recently.
No one else was ever at the Moose when we were there. He had a key, and we were the only ones present. At 6,7,8 years old, I thought it was pretty cool. He would open the coin box to that machine that lets you try to get stuffed animals with a crane, and we had free reign on the toys inside. We ate cheezies and drank pop, played pool and ran around like we owned the place. It wasn't until later in my life that I realized how inappropriate it really was.
One time, he must have had a pretty bad hangover. I remember sitting at the bar, eating a bag of snyder potato chips. He was on the other side, pouring us a fountain drink and all of a sudden, he bent over and slammed his head several times off of the counter. My father is not a small man, and he was at that time a strong man too. It scared me. I can still picture it like it happened yesterday. I could not in a million years understand why someone would slam his head so violently against the counter.
I can now.
No, I don't have a hangover. And no, I don't plan on slamming my head against anything intentionally, ever. But with these stupid headaches, I can honestly say that I completely understand why he did that. Thankfully I did not inherit his sense of logic, but I must admit that the thought of hitting my forehead with a hammer, albeit fleeting, has crossed my mind more than once recently.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Another Day of Headaches
It has been almost 14 months since Andrew was born, and in those 14 months, many amazing things have happened. Two days ago, Greg showed me that Andrew can point out Pap Ed, Greg and Jacob in pictures! He can retrieve many items when asked, he knows the basics of phone usage, what shoes are for, where the toilet lock goes (although the only time that he wants it in place is when you are actually trying to use the toilet). He is not only walking well now, but running well too. He can bark (ok, it's more like hoot) like a dog, "varoom" a car around the carpet, and "run" the vacuum. Oh, and he officially says one word. "Fish." Yes, folks. It is an understatement to say that my husband, the Pro Bass Fisherman was thrilled when Andrew very clearly stated 'fish' a few days ago. Believe it or not, it was completely uncoached. Personally, I was rooting for 'mom,' even though he doesn't even make an mmmm sound yet. (And also note that he doesn't point ME out in pictures!) He was actually referring to goldfish crackers, but hey, we'll take what we can get!
In the last year, Jacob has accomplished quite a bit too. Adjusting to sharing the limelight was no small feat for my little king. He did very well, with only a few minor bumps along the way. He did wonderfully in kindergarten and really excelled academically. Right now we are preparing for his 6th birthday party, which has a dinosaur theme, complete with pinata, toss the dino in the volcano game, pin the tail on the dino game and a 15x15 bounce house. Please pray for good weather! I know one 6 year old who will be terribly disappointed if his bounce house is rained out, and one 32 year old mother who will be rather salty if she paid through the nose for a plastic heap to get wet in the yard!
Really, the year has been good. We've had a few hurdles to overcome, but nothing monumental in our family, and I am extremely grateful for that. The only thing that is tainting it for me is my head. I just can't get rid of these incessant headaches. The elavil worked for a very brief period - about 2 months, and then slowly the headaches came back. Now I am trying another medication, which I have only been taking for about a month, so I haven't seen any results with it yet. I'm not even at my goal dose yet, and my goal dose is extremely low. On one hand, that's good, because it gives me a lot of room to play with the medication, but on the other hand, it tells me that relief could still be many months in the making, and that is sometimes just very hard to swallow.
I try very hard not to complain about it every day, but I don't know how successful I am. I think I do well at work, but probably less so with family. I'm sure everyone around me is just as sick of hearing about it as I am of feeling it. It's just maddening. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. Unending, constantly annoying pain. The only 'as needed' medication I found to get rid of the headache makes me so sick, that I can't take it, because it's preferable to have the headache than to suffer the side effects of the medication!
If anyone knows of any alternative medicines, I would be interested to hear about them. Or if anyone knows of a good acupuncturist around me, I would also be interested. I can't travel far regularly, and my understanding is that you need to have multiple treatments back to back to reap the benefits, but at this point, I would at least like to look into other methods, even as a supplement. I'm off of work for a little while over the summer and would like to take that time to get this under control before returning to the chaos of work at the beginning of the school year. Your help is appreciated!
In the last year, Jacob has accomplished quite a bit too. Adjusting to sharing the limelight was no small feat for my little king. He did very well, with only a few minor bumps along the way. He did wonderfully in kindergarten and really excelled academically. Right now we are preparing for his 6th birthday party, which has a dinosaur theme, complete with pinata, toss the dino in the volcano game, pin the tail on the dino game and a 15x15 bounce house. Please pray for good weather! I know one 6 year old who will be terribly disappointed if his bounce house is rained out, and one 32 year old mother who will be rather salty if she paid through the nose for a plastic heap to get wet in the yard!
Really, the year has been good. We've had a few hurdles to overcome, but nothing monumental in our family, and I am extremely grateful for that. The only thing that is tainting it for me is my head. I just can't get rid of these incessant headaches. The elavil worked for a very brief period - about 2 months, and then slowly the headaches came back. Now I am trying another medication, which I have only been taking for about a month, so I haven't seen any results with it yet. I'm not even at my goal dose yet, and my goal dose is extremely low. On one hand, that's good, because it gives me a lot of room to play with the medication, but on the other hand, it tells me that relief could still be many months in the making, and that is sometimes just very hard to swallow.
I try very hard not to complain about it every day, but I don't know how successful I am. I think I do well at work, but probably less so with family. I'm sure everyone around me is just as sick of hearing about it as I am of feeling it. It's just maddening. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. Unending, constantly annoying pain. The only 'as needed' medication I found to get rid of the headache makes me so sick, that I can't take it, because it's preferable to have the headache than to suffer the side effects of the medication!
If anyone knows of any alternative medicines, I would be interested to hear about them. Or if anyone knows of a good acupuncturist around me, I would also be interested. I can't travel far regularly, and my understanding is that you need to have multiple treatments back to back to reap the benefits, but at this point, I would at least like to look into other methods, even as a supplement. I'm off of work for a little while over the summer and would like to take that time to get this under control before returning to the chaos of work at the beginning of the school year. Your help is appreciated!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Photos of Andrew
Andrew loves shoes. He loves to put them on, play with them, throw them down the game room stairs, carry them around the house, etc. One day I happened upon him while he was happily sitting amidst a pile of shoes, attempting to try on his brother's sneakers.
That same day, I decided to allow him to feed himself lunch. This is the disaster that occurred because of that decision. He had a lot of fun, and I must say, I laughed too, but I also had a lot of clean up afterwards - of him and his surroundings!
This is now one of Andrew's favorite hiding places while I get ready for work in the mornings!
This is now one of Andrew's favorite hiding places while I get ready for work in the mornings!Friday, May 29, 2009
Andrew's Song
I've mentioned before that my brother-in-law, Fred does a customized song for Andrew each time the band practices. Each night, the song's words are different, and we always wait with eager anticipation of what goofy lyrics Freddy will come up with! Fred wasn't pleased with the quality of my previous cell phone upload of Andrew's song, so here is a snippet of Andrew's song from the actual camera. I can't add the whole song, because for some reason, the computer just won't upload longer videos. So, sorry folks, but you can only have a taste of our dear Fred's talent from the blog. If you want more, you'll have to book us! :)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Jacob's Thoughts And One From Andrew Too!
We've been working on animal sounds with Andrew, namely a puppy, since he seems to like dogs. He will respond with "who,who,who" for "what's a puppy say?" It sounds more like a monkey sound, but he says it consistently, so we're taking it for a "ruf, ruf, ruf" instead!
A few days ago I asked Andrew what a puppy said and Jacob said, "I know what a puppy says!" Well, I certainly hope so! You're six! (no, I didn't say that)
I said, "I know. You're really good with your animal sounds. You can help me teach Andrew his animal sounds."
"Yeah," he said. "I know what every animal says, except a turkey."
"Really, you don't know what a turkey says?"
"No, what's a turkey say?"
"Oh, come on. You know what a turkey says!"
"No, Mom. What's it say? Bock, bock, right?"
Good grief, I'm thinking! What's wrong with this kid? I have really failed him! "A turkey says 'gobble, gobble, gobble."
"Oh!" He said with a great big sigh,"That's right! Goggle, goggle, goggle. I knew that."
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When my mom was watching Jacob the other day he told her that he hit his foot on Andrew's "banjio" and it really hurt.
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Jacob: "Did you know crocodiles can jump really high?"
Me: "No. I don't think crocodiles can jump."
Jacob: "Yes, they can. Really high."
Me: "Are you sure about that? They have really, really short legs."
Jacob: "That doesn't matter, Mom. They're great jumpers."
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I made plaster molds of each of my boys' feet when they were infants. A few weeks ago I dropped one of Andrew's feet when I was cleaning and broke off two of the toes. I was so mad at myself. Greg has the foot and is supposed to be fixing it, but he has yet to complete the task. He does have a lot going on, but I sincerely hope that it isn't something that gets put away and forgotten and then lost, because it is something that can never be replaced. However, it's my fault for breaking it in the first place.
Anyway, one day, Jacob looked at the feet and noticed that Andrew's was still missing. He asked me if Greg was going to fix it and I said yes, eventually. Jacob thought for a minute and then said, "well, you know mom, Greg doesn't have a very good memory." Poor Greg. He can't win around here sometimes!
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And lastly, one from Andrew:
The other day he was playing with a toy that became tangled. He got frustrated with the toy, put it down and walked over to me, saying 'eh, eh, eh." When he saw that I was walking toward him, he turned and began to walk back to the toy. He turned around to make sure that I was following and then stooped down, picked up the toy and handed it to me for help. This was the first time that he has officially "asked" me for help, aside from pointing or leaning toward something that he wants. Maybe it's because of working in early childhood development, and knowing that is a developmental skill I should be looking for, or maybe it's just a proud mommy moment, but whatever the etiology, I was very impressed with him! Way to go, Andrew! He's growing so much more complex by the day!
A few days ago I asked Andrew what a puppy said and Jacob said, "I know what a puppy says!" Well, I certainly hope so! You're six! (no, I didn't say that)
I said, "I know. You're really good with your animal sounds. You can help me teach Andrew his animal sounds."
"Yeah," he said. "I know what every animal says, except a turkey."
"Really, you don't know what a turkey says?"
"No, what's a turkey say?"
"Oh, come on. You know what a turkey says!"
"No, Mom. What's it say? Bock, bock, right?"
Good grief, I'm thinking! What's wrong with this kid? I have really failed him! "A turkey says 'gobble, gobble, gobble."
"Oh!" He said with a great big sigh,"That's right! Goggle, goggle, goggle. I knew that."
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When my mom was watching Jacob the other day he told her that he hit his foot on Andrew's "banjio" and it really hurt.
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Jacob: "Did you know crocodiles can jump really high?"
Me: "No. I don't think crocodiles can jump."
Jacob: "Yes, they can. Really high."
Me: "Are you sure about that? They have really, really short legs."
Jacob: "That doesn't matter, Mom. They're great jumpers."
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I made plaster molds of each of my boys' feet when they were infants. A few weeks ago I dropped one of Andrew's feet when I was cleaning and broke off two of the toes. I was so mad at myself. Greg has the foot and is supposed to be fixing it, but he has yet to complete the task. He does have a lot going on, but I sincerely hope that it isn't something that gets put away and forgotten and then lost, because it is something that can never be replaced. However, it's my fault for breaking it in the first place.
Anyway, one day, Jacob looked at the feet and noticed that Andrew's was still missing. He asked me if Greg was going to fix it and I said yes, eventually. Jacob thought for a minute and then said, "well, you know mom, Greg doesn't have a very good memory." Poor Greg. He can't win around here sometimes!
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And lastly, one from Andrew:
The other day he was playing with a toy that became tangled. He got frustrated with the toy, put it down and walked over to me, saying 'eh, eh, eh." When he saw that I was walking toward him, he turned and began to walk back to the toy. He turned around to make sure that I was following and then stooped down, picked up the toy and handed it to me for help. This was the first time that he has officially "asked" me for help, aside from pointing or leaning toward something that he wants. Maybe it's because of working in early childhood development, and knowing that is a developmental skill I should be looking for, or maybe it's just a proud mommy moment, but whatever the etiology, I was very impressed with him! Way to go, Andrew! He's growing so much more complex by the day!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
A Little Religion Never Hurt Anyone
Yesterday I decided to try to take the boys to church. We haven't gone in a while, because every service except the 8 am falls during a time when Andrew is either sleeping or approaching sleep and therefore cranky. Yesterday, however, Andrew slept until 830, so I thought, 'what the heck, let's go to 10:00 mass."
On the way to church, Jacob had all kinds of attitude. I love the months between April and October, because barring rain, we can walk to church. It's only a three block walk, and it's actually easier than driving when you account for the car seats. Jacob trailed almost a half a block behind me the whole way. When I pressed him to speed it up, he started panting, literally. He said he was so tired, he couldn't catch his breath. It was a bunch of baloney, and it was really just the tip of a whole morning of complaining. I told him I hoped his bad attitude left him by the time church was over, because if it didn't he would be taking a nice nap before the family Memorial Day picinic later in the afternoon.
When we got to church, Andrew was in rare form. He hasn't been there since January or February, so he probably doesn't remember it at all. He sat down next to Jake (who of course had to have a juice box to quench his immense thirst brought on by the strenuous jaunt to the parish) and just looked around. It was as if he was proud to be sitting next to his big brother, and amazed at his surroundings. He smiled and smiled. I thought, 'maybe we'll actually see mass through to the end.'
Well, the sitting lasted about 5 minutes, until the opening hymn. Then he started standing and pacing the pew up and down. He was LOUDLY laughing and dancing to the music, which was distracting for me, but fine over all. He wasn't crying, and no one seemed to be bothered by him, so I let him go. That only lasted about 5 minutes, before he realized that he could get down.
He then began playing with the kneelers, climbing up and down on the bench, and ultimately, figuring out that there was an aisle, which led to a glorious altar he just had to explore. Ultimately, I was unable to appease him, and we had to leave. I only made it a quarter of the way through the homily, and I wasn't able to pay attention to anything that Father Gardner said anyway. That's disappointing for me, because I particularly like our priest and his homilies. Oh well. Such is life with young children, and I honestly tried. Eventually I will be able to return to mass.
On the way home from church, Jacob was literally and entire block ahead of me, hollering back to me "come on mom, hurry it up, can't you go any faster?" Amazing, I thought, how different his pace and exhaustion levels were heading home, in comparison to going to church! Shame on him! You pick your battles, though, and this was one that I chose to ignore.
When I caught up with him, we walked together for the last block, and talked. He put his hand on his head and said, "You know, I think my bad attitude has left me now."
"Good thing," I said. "Just in time for the party." Gotta give the boy credit for timing.
The boys sitting nicely - Jacob, having a juice box to replenish himself after the harrowing trip up the street!
"Hey, Jake, is this where God lives?"
Jacob happily bouncing home!
On the way to church, Jacob had all kinds of attitude. I love the months between April and October, because barring rain, we can walk to church. It's only a three block walk, and it's actually easier than driving when you account for the car seats. Jacob trailed almost a half a block behind me the whole way. When I pressed him to speed it up, he started panting, literally. He said he was so tired, he couldn't catch his breath. It was a bunch of baloney, and it was really just the tip of a whole morning of complaining. I told him I hoped his bad attitude left him by the time church was over, because if it didn't he would be taking a nice nap before the family Memorial Day picinic later in the afternoon.
When we got to church, Andrew was in rare form. He hasn't been there since January or February, so he probably doesn't remember it at all. He sat down next to Jake (who of course had to have a juice box to quench his immense thirst brought on by the strenuous jaunt to the parish) and just looked around. It was as if he was proud to be sitting next to his big brother, and amazed at his surroundings. He smiled and smiled. I thought, 'maybe we'll actually see mass through to the end.'
Well, the sitting lasted about 5 minutes, until the opening hymn. Then he started standing and pacing the pew up and down. He was LOUDLY laughing and dancing to the music, which was distracting for me, but fine over all. He wasn't crying, and no one seemed to be bothered by him, so I let him go. That only lasted about 5 minutes, before he realized that he could get down.
He then began playing with the kneelers, climbing up and down on the bench, and ultimately, figuring out that there was an aisle, which led to a glorious altar he just had to explore. Ultimately, I was unable to appease him, and we had to leave. I only made it a quarter of the way through the homily, and I wasn't able to pay attention to anything that Father Gardner said anyway. That's disappointing for me, because I particularly like our priest and his homilies. Oh well. Such is life with young children, and I honestly tried. Eventually I will be able to return to mass.
On the way home from church, Jacob was literally and entire block ahead of me, hollering back to me "come on mom, hurry it up, can't you go any faster?" Amazing, I thought, how different his pace and exhaustion levels were heading home, in comparison to going to church! Shame on him! You pick your battles, though, and this was one that I chose to ignore.
When I caught up with him, we walked together for the last block, and talked. He put his hand on his head and said, "You know, I think my bad attitude has left me now."
"Good thing," I said. "Just in time for the party." Gotta give the boy credit for timing.
The boys sitting nicely - Jacob, having a juice box to replenish himself after the harrowing trip up the street!
"Hey, Jake, is this where God lives?" Jacob happily bouncing home!Does Spiderman Promote Higher Thinking?
Today while I was getting ready for our Memorial Day picnic, Jacob sat at the kitchen table and played with his new lego set. As I baked, he and I talked. It's typical for our conversations to eventually turn to some kind of superhero theme and today was no different. He was playing out a superhero scenario with his legos as we spoke.
I'm not exactly sure how it started, but he mentioned something about the bad guys trying to get the good guys, but losing. I responded by saying, "Don't the bad guys know that the good guys always win?"
"Well, they may always win, Mom, but sometimes they also get killed."
"That's awful!" I said. "That's not fair."
He said, "Like in Spiderman when New Goblin died- he was a good guy. Then Spiderman got mad and killed the guy that killed New Goblin." (You'll have to forgive if any of the actual Spiderman facts are wrong, I don't really know the story line aside from the basics myself, so I just go with whatever he says.)
I said, "Don't you have a book where Aunt May tells Spiderman that it's not good to live with revenge in your heart? That's what it sounds like he did. That's not nice."
"Well, it was actually an accident..." and he goes on to explain the course of events leading up to this guy's death. I'm thinking to myself, 'man, this is really violent, I shouldn't let him watch this stuff,' but I digress...
Jacob continues, "Like when Uncle Ben died, that was an accident too. That burglar didn't mean to kill him."
I said, "Maybe not, but he killed him and you can't take that back, accident or not. And besides, he was robbing a place, which is a crime too."
"Yeah, Mom, but he was only robbing because he needed money to help his sick daughter."
OK - backtrack a little - earlier this week there was a cartoon in the editorial section of the news paper commenting on the status of our health care system. Jacob reads the paper with me sometimes because he likes to read the weather (I know, he's only 5. He's an old man in many ways) He saw the cartoon, and he didn't realize that it wasn't a funny cartoon and he wanted me to read it to him. I read it, and then I had to explain in his terms that a lot of people can't afford health insurance, some people who do have it still have a lot of medical bills, medical bills are very expensive and that insurance companies make things hard for doctors and patients, etc. He actually seemed to grasp the concept pretty well.
Back to today -
After he said that the man robbed the bank to get money for his sick daughter, I said jokingly to Jacob, "Well, then. Don't you think that this can all be traced back to the status of health care in the United States? If that guy had good insurance, he wouldn't have had to rob the bank, and he wouldn't have killed Uncle Ben. If Uncle Ben hadn't been killed, Peter Parker wouldn't have needed to become Spiderman."
What kind of response is a 5 year old going to have to that, you ask? "Peter Parker became Spiderman before Uncle Ben died because a spider bit him. First, he learned to use his powers to wrestle. Remember when he climbed that cage in the one book we read? He didn't start using his powers to fight crime until after Uncle Ben died, though."
Wow! Good response, Kiddo! He's actually thinking, processing and countering me with very adult logic!
"You're right," I said. "Maybe if we had better health care, Peter Parker would have just been a star wrestler instead of a superhero."
"Yeah, mom. Maybe."
I have a little more respect for Spiderman now than I did before, and I'm definitely proud of my little thinker!
I'm not exactly sure how it started, but he mentioned something about the bad guys trying to get the good guys, but losing. I responded by saying, "Don't the bad guys know that the good guys always win?"
"Well, they may always win, Mom, but sometimes they also get killed."
"That's awful!" I said. "That's not fair."
He said, "Like in Spiderman when New Goblin died- he was a good guy. Then Spiderman got mad and killed the guy that killed New Goblin." (You'll have to forgive if any of the actual Spiderman facts are wrong, I don't really know the story line aside from the basics myself, so I just go with whatever he says.)
I said, "Don't you have a book where Aunt May tells Spiderman that it's not good to live with revenge in your heart? That's what it sounds like he did. That's not nice."
"Well, it was actually an accident..." and he goes on to explain the course of events leading up to this guy's death. I'm thinking to myself, 'man, this is really violent, I shouldn't let him watch this stuff,' but I digress...
Jacob continues, "Like when Uncle Ben died, that was an accident too. That burglar didn't mean to kill him."
I said, "Maybe not, but he killed him and you can't take that back, accident or not. And besides, he was robbing a place, which is a crime too."
"Yeah, Mom, but he was only robbing because he needed money to help his sick daughter."
OK - backtrack a little - earlier this week there was a cartoon in the editorial section of the news paper commenting on the status of our health care system. Jacob reads the paper with me sometimes because he likes to read the weather (I know, he's only 5. He's an old man in many ways) He saw the cartoon, and he didn't realize that it wasn't a funny cartoon and he wanted me to read it to him. I read it, and then I had to explain in his terms that a lot of people can't afford health insurance, some people who do have it still have a lot of medical bills, medical bills are very expensive and that insurance companies make things hard for doctors and patients, etc. He actually seemed to grasp the concept pretty well.
Back to today -
After he said that the man robbed the bank to get money for his sick daughter, I said jokingly to Jacob, "Well, then. Don't you think that this can all be traced back to the status of health care in the United States? If that guy had good insurance, he wouldn't have had to rob the bank, and he wouldn't have killed Uncle Ben. If Uncle Ben hadn't been killed, Peter Parker wouldn't have needed to become Spiderman."
What kind of response is a 5 year old going to have to that, you ask? "Peter Parker became Spiderman before Uncle Ben died because a spider bit him. First, he learned to use his powers to wrestle. Remember when he climbed that cage in the one book we read? He didn't start using his powers to fight crime until after Uncle Ben died, though."
Wow! Good response, Kiddo! He's actually thinking, processing and countering me with very adult logic!
"You're right," I said. "Maybe if we had better health care, Peter Parker would have just been a star wrestler instead of a superhero."
"Yeah, mom. Maybe."
I have a little more respect for Spiderman now than I did before, and I'm definitely proud of my little thinker!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Graduation
Shortly after Jacob was born, I read an article in a parenting magazine about a woman's coming to terms with motherhood. She wrote in retrospect, and began at her child's infancy. It was such a well written article, detailing the disheartening disillusionment that I myself experienced upon Jacob's birth.
I always wanted children. Before he was born, I pictured myself with my children in a fairy tale setting. Yes, there were conflicts, but I was good at resolving them. I always knew the answer, the right way to approach things, and the best way to raise a happy and healthy child, while being fulfilled and happy myself. Like I said, that was before I had Jacob. I also didn't believe that it was important to have a father. To me, a good father was a bonus not a necessity. I've since changed my mind about that point as well.
Then along came Jacob. My marriage fell apart in the middle of my pregnancy and a few months later my long held, heavenly image of motherhood also shattered. My body was ruined. I was exhausted, sticky and smelled like milk 24 hours a day. My baby cried no matter what I did and, much to my surprise, I didn't know any of the answers, let alone all of them! My hormones were haywire and all I wanted to do was cry, but I felt like I couldn't tell anyone those thoughts because only a truly terrible mother would think such things.
It wasn't that I didn't want him or that I didn't love him, but rather that I was afraid that I had made a terrible mistake - that I would not be able to care for him the way he deserved. In many ways, I didn't even like the tasks I had to do, and I felt this tremendous guilt over not feeling that complete and total immediate blinding love everyone talks about. I felt personally cheated in some ways, but worse, I felt like I had cheated my son out of a good mother. So, on top of all the adjustments that any typical new mother has, I carried this baggage silently around for several weeks too. It wasn't until my aunt Linda said that she had experienced the same thing that I felt relief from the guilt of my emotions. Needless to say, disillusionment remained, but as those of us who are parents know, we adjust to the changes of becoming a mother and the joys of parenthood soon begin to outweigh those times of chaos, stress and duress.
The woman writing the article chronicled emotions I could relate to at that time - a colicky newborn, the disillusionment of a fairy tale motherhood and the lack of a perfect maternal instinct to always make the right choice, coupled by the frustrations of toddlerhood, potty training, etc. She then fast forwarded to the day that her little boy got on the bus to go to kindergarten. She looked at him in disbelief - at his size, his maturity, his self control and most of all with shock at how quickly the years disappeared. Wasn't it yesterday that she was fighting with him to get out of the toilet? Begging him to sleep through the night, not to eat rocks or stick his fingers in the outlets? Wasn't it yesterday that she rocked him to sleep, then sang an extra song just so she could feel the rhythm of his breath against her neck for a little while longer?
I still get emotional thinking about that article. Now, however, it's not because I am relating to the troubles of infancy, but rather because I am sharing in her 'wasn't it yesterday?' moment. Now my first born has moved beyond the terrible twos. He can bathe himself and get his own snacks. He can buckle his own seat belt. He can even read his own bed time stories sometimes too. Wasn't it yesterday that I could cradle him easily in one arm? Wasn't it yesterday that he pushed the kitchen chairs around 15 times a day just for fun? Wasn't it yesterday that we crawled into the construction equipment in the parking lot across the street and sat for hours while he pretended to drive? In fact, wasn't it yesterday that my mother almost got a real ticket for allowing Jacob to sit behind the wheel of her car and pretend to drive?
Five years later I see motherhood through clearer eyes. I understand now why mothers speak of a blinding unconditional love for their children and why women hold their positions as mothers higher than any other. It is true that parenthood is nothing that you expect it will be. You cannot prepare for it, no matter how many books you read or nieces and nephews you have. Nothing can prepare you for the highs and lows, the exhaustion, exasperation or the torment that you will inevitably experience at one time or another. Nor can you prepare for the love that you will feel for your child - a love that literally grows stronger every single minute. There is nothing more beautiful than the gift of simply spending time with and getting to know the person that you created; being a parent. This is the bond that fairy tales are made of.
Yesterday's kindergarten graduation is just one of many moments that make me proud to be Jacob's mother. He is not an extension of me; he is his own person, growing stronger and more independent each day. While part of me wants to yell, "Stop, please! Don't go any further. You are perfect where you are. Don't grow up. Don't leave me!" I know that is not possible, nor is it what I ultimately want for either of my children. Joan Baez sings a song called "Honest Lullaby," which has some of the following lyrics:
Now I look at you, you must be growing a quarter of an inch a day.
You've already lived near half the years you'll be when you go away....
And while the others play with you, I hope to find a way with you,
And sometimes spend a day with you, I'll catch you as you fly,
And if I'm worth a mother's salt, I'll wave as you go by."
I want my children to soar, with Greg and I and the rest of the family on the ground cheering them on. Kindergarten graduation is just a tiny step in that direction, but every step is important.
Now - onto the pictures - the part you really like, instead of my rambling!
Katelyn and Jacob were both having trouble with their tassels.
Jacob looking rather smug about his!
"Oh hi! Are you here for me?"
Jacob chose to shake Mrs. Cooney's hand. He was the only one. Everyone else gave her a hug. He had told me several days prior that he was going to "keep it professional."
Flipping their tassels
"Hey, Bob - do you think we are about done? I'd like to get a piece of that cake I saw on the table over there."
The boys of Harbor House
My dad and mom with Jake. He was crying at this point. We aren't sure why.
Greg's mom and dad
His diploma
The following morning in his cap and gown outside school.
With Mrs Olson and Mrs Cooney in the classroom
The graduating class
I always wanted children. Before he was born, I pictured myself with my children in a fairy tale setting. Yes, there were conflicts, but I was good at resolving them. I always knew the answer, the right way to approach things, and the best way to raise a happy and healthy child, while being fulfilled and happy myself. Like I said, that was before I had Jacob. I also didn't believe that it was important to have a father. To me, a good father was a bonus not a necessity. I've since changed my mind about that point as well.
Then along came Jacob. My marriage fell apart in the middle of my pregnancy and a few months later my long held, heavenly image of motherhood also shattered. My body was ruined. I was exhausted, sticky and smelled like milk 24 hours a day. My baby cried no matter what I did and, much to my surprise, I didn't know any of the answers, let alone all of them! My hormones were haywire and all I wanted to do was cry, but I felt like I couldn't tell anyone those thoughts because only a truly terrible mother would think such things.
It wasn't that I didn't want him or that I didn't love him, but rather that I was afraid that I had made a terrible mistake - that I would not be able to care for him the way he deserved. In many ways, I didn't even like the tasks I had to do, and I felt this tremendous guilt over not feeling that complete and total immediate blinding love everyone talks about. I felt personally cheated in some ways, but worse, I felt like I had cheated my son out of a good mother. So, on top of all the adjustments that any typical new mother has, I carried this baggage silently around for several weeks too. It wasn't until my aunt Linda said that she had experienced the same thing that I felt relief from the guilt of my emotions. Needless to say, disillusionment remained, but as those of us who are parents know, we adjust to the changes of becoming a mother and the joys of parenthood soon begin to outweigh those times of chaos, stress and duress.
The woman writing the article chronicled emotions I could relate to at that time - a colicky newborn, the disillusionment of a fairy tale motherhood and the lack of a perfect maternal instinct to always make the right choice, coupled by the frustrations of toddlerhood, potty training, etc. She then fast forwarded to the day that her little boy got on the bus to go to kindergarten. She looked at him in disbelief - at his size, his maturity, his self control and most of all with shock at how quickly the years disappeared. Wasn't it yesterday that she was fighting with him to get out of the toilet? Begging him to sleep through the night, not to eat rocks or stick his fingers in the outlets? Wasn't it yesterday that she rocked him to sleep, then sang an extra song just so she could feel the rhythm of his breath against her neck for a little while longer?
I still get emotional thinking about that article. Now, however, it's not because I am relating to the troubles of infancy, but rather because I am sharing in her 'wasn't it yesterday?' moment. Now my first born has moved beyond the terrible twos. He can bathe himself and get his own snacks. He can buckle his own seat belt. He can even read his own bed time stories sometimes too. Wasn't it yesterday that I could cradle him easily in one arm? Wasn't it yesterday that he pushed the kitchen chairs around 15 times a day just for fun? Wasn't it yesterday that we crawled into the construction equipment in the parking lot across the street and sat for hours while he pretended to drive? In fact, wasn't it yesterday that my mother almost got a real ticket for allowing Jacob to sit behind the wheel of her car and pretend to drive?
Five years later I see motherhood through clearer eyes. I understand now why mothers speak of a blinding unconditional love for their children and why women hold their positions as mothers higher than any other. It is true that parenthood is nothing that you expect it will be. You cannot prepare for it, no matter how many books you read or nieces and nephews you have. Nothing can prepare you for the highs and lows, the exhaustion, exasperation or the torment that you will inevitably experience at one time or another. Nor can you prepare for the love that you will feel for your child - a love that literally grows stronger every single minute. There is nothing more beautiful than the gift of simply spending time with and getting to know the person that you created; being a parent. This is the bond that fairy tales are made of.
Yesterday's kindergarten graduation is just one of many moments that make me proud to be Jacob's mother. He is not an extension of me; he is his own person, growing stronger and more independent each day. While part of me wants to yell, "Stop, please! Don't go any further. You are perfect where you are. Don't grow up. Don't leave me!" I know that is not possible, nor is it what I ultimately want for either of my children. Joan Baez sings a song called "Honest Lullaby," which has some of the following lyrics:
Now I look at you, you must be growing a quarter of an inch a day.
You've already lived near half the years you'll be when you go away....
And while the others play with you, I hope to find a way with you,
And sometimes spend a day with you, I'll catch you as you fly,
And if I'm worth a mother's salt, I'll wave as you go by."
I want my children to soar, with Greg and I and the rest of the family on the ground cheering them on. Kindergarten graduation is just a tiny step in that direction, but every step is important.
Now - onto the pictures - the part you really like, instead of my rambling!
Katelyn and Jacob were both having trouble with their tassels.
Jacob looking rather smug about his!
"Oh hi! Are you here for me?"
Jacob chose to shake Mrs. Cooney's hand. He was the only one. Everyone else gave her a hug. He had told me several days prior that he was going to "keep it professional."
Flipping their tassels
"Hey, Bob - do you think we are about done? I'd like to get a piece of that cake I saw on the table over there."
The boys of Harbor House
My dad and mom with Jake. He was crying at this point. We aren't sure why.
Greg's mom and dad
His diploma
The following morning in his cap and gown outside school.
With Mrs Olson and Mrs Cooney in the classroom
The graduating class Thank you, Harbor House! You truly have been our guiding light over the last three years. We are blessed to have been a part of such a wonderful program.
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Jake takes time out of his special day to bond with the dogs.
Sharing the burden of blowing out the candles.
Jake and Pap
Jelly Bellies and Tequila...the ultimate birthday gift for Pap!
Legos Mars Mission - the ultimate birthday gift!
Mimi's homemade birthday cake is very kind to Pap.