News and Stuff

First things first. I hope that I am not jinxing myself when I say that (knock on wood) I have been mostly headache free for the last 4 days. I had a shorter (4 hours) and milder one yesterday, but none today and none the two days prior. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is the end of the headaches and that the meds are kicking in. I was seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown, and I'm praying they don't return.

Secondly, my 10 months of complaining about not have a real job have finally come to an end. As of Jan 5th I am taking a FSHA (Family Support Health Advocate) position with Child Advocates of Blair County. In a nutshell and overly simplified, it's a case management position for kids who are enrolled in Head Start. I will be working part time, 4 hours a day. I'm very excited about the job. I think that I will enjoy the position, plus I'm ecstatic about the hours. It will be perfect for Jacob, because he will not need to be in child care at all. I'll be able to take him to school and be there when he's done. Also, I will follow the school calendar, so I will have summers off as well as a Christmas break. Perfect for a working mom - outside contact and purpose without infringing on home life.

Those are the two main events in my life right now. We had a great Christmas. Jacob thoroughly enjoyed the holiday, which makes it nice for us. Every year at our family Christmas party, someone plays Santa. This year my uncle Larry had the honor (the men are such babies, always trying to get out of doing it). After Santa left, Jacob came to me and said, "mom, when santa was here, everyone was here except uncle Larry." Oh boy. I think he is beginning to question some things, and I think that he recognized Larry in the outfit, but he seemed to be easily appeased with telling him that Larry was in the bathroom. Then Jacob drew a picture for Larry, so he wouldn't feel bad about missing Santa. Whew. Another year of dodging the big question is over. We are in the "don't ask, don't tell" phase right now. Of course, when he asks, I'll be honest, but until then, my lips are sealed!

Greg is working for New Year's Eve this year. My parents came down around 7 and we toasted with sparkling grape juice. Andrew is in bed now (8pm) and Jacob is being treated to popcorn and sprite in the living room while watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I'm having a beer by myself, just to say that I wasn't completely dry when bringing in the new year, but I plan to be asleep well before the ball drops. Perhaps calmly ringing in the new year will symbolize a peaceful and calm year. We could use it!

Hope everyone had a great holiday season and I wish everyone a prosperous and healthful 2009!

Andrew and the Fireplace

Andrew is completely obsessed with the pilot light in our fireplace. No matter where I place him, he swivels his little body around and heads straight for the hearth. Once he gets there, he proceeds to place his mouth all over the glass and frame in an attempt to eat the pilot light. This is an ALL DAY occurrence at our house. The boy is determined, to say the least!

More Christmas Photos

My sister Megan, and my niece, Ella.

Jacob practices his hockey stance.

Greg poses with the boys and the mug that Jacob had engraved especially for Greg.

The note to Santa, and the cookies on a plate that Jacob made at school for me.

Andrew watches us from the safety of his firetruck.

Christmas Photos

Jacob gives Andrew a specially made paper "stocking" with a sippy cup and baby food just for him!

The tree on Christmas Eve. The room is big too. The picture doesn't do it justice!

Our fireplace, complete with Jacob's homemade additions.

Andrew catches a few winks before Christmas day...and I mean a few - he was up all night Christmas eve, and Christmas night...

Christmas Day

On Christmas morning this year we had three families under our roof to celebrate. Greg, me, Jacob, Andrew, my sister Megan, brother-in-law Dustin, and my mom and dad all had gifts under our tree. Megan and Dustin came down Christmas Eve to help us set out the loot, and all four of us stared at the tree in awe when we were done. There were so many gifts! I have a very big living room, and it literally spanned almost the entire width of the room. When Jacob came down Christmas morning he yelled, “Mom! There are so many gifts, Santa even had to put them on the couch because he ran out of room under the tree!” Then he called my parents to tell them to hurry down so we could open gifts. He told my dad, “Pap, hurry! There are 114 gifts to open!”

It was a really nice day. We opened gifts slowly and had breakfast here. Then the kids played here for a while until we headed up to my mom’s for dinner. My dad made a roast and Greg fried a turkey, plus all the other trimmings. Jacob was thrilled with so many science related items, and I just kept thinking, “oh how am I ever going to find the time to do all of these things with him!”

Tonight we are going to a party and tomorrow we host the annual Sheehan family Christmas party here. Yesterday and today my headaches have been milder, so I’m hoping that they continue to cooperate. It makes the days so much more enjoyable. I have tons of pictures to upload, but it may be a few days before I get around to it. I know that’s what everyone really like to see!

I’ll end with this thought - on Christmas Eve, after Jacob said his bedtime prayers, he added some thank-yous to God. “Thank you God for Christmas. Thank you God for letting people make houses. Thank you God for our family. And thank you God for making the Earth.”

Thank you God, for my friends and family, especially my two beautiful boys!

My Aching Head

I don’t know how people with chronic pain keep their sanity, and I am praying by the minute that I am not going to find out. I have had a headache for over 6 months now and it just refuses to go away. Nothing, I mean NOTHING will touch it. I’ve tried Advil, Tylenol, aspirin, imitrex, treximet, inderal, lysinopril (hoping that it was correlated to my blood pressure), and now I’m on a hefty dose of prednisone for a short term fix and elavil as a hopeful long term solution. It has been two days on the newest treatment, and my head feels worse than ever. I was under the impression that the steroid would knock the headache out by decreasing inflammation and would help me get over the caffeine withdrawal, because I was told to cut out all caffeine (which is probably not helping). Today I feel absolute despair. I have actually broken into tears multiple times because I just can’t see an end to this. It’s absolutely maddening, and I would go as far as to say that I would sacrifice a limb to rid myself of the headache, except that the phrase “be careful what you wish for” keeps ringing in the back of my mind. I suppose I do like my limbs after all.

The pain is bad, but not bad enough to keep me from going about my life. On a scale of 1-10 it varies between a 4 and an 8 throughout the day, hovering mostly around 5. But then again, what choice do I have? Someone has to take care of the kids and the house. The real problem is that the pain is constant, and although I am carrying on with life, I’m not doing it in a very nice or desirable way. I’m short tempered by nature, but this has given me a hair trigger, with Jacob and Greg bearing the brunt of most of it, and Andrew even getting the occasional, “Please just stop!” What kind of person yells at a baby? So now on top of being physically uncomfortable, I am beginning to really hate myself as a person too, which does little to improve my mood.

I guess there is no real point to this blog, aside from my complaining. I will call the Headache Center in Pittsburgh on Monday and see what else, if anything, I can do. I know that it’s just a waiting game, but the wait just seems so, so, so long. Just the thought of another day of this brings me to tears.

A Special Christmas Present

On Wednesday I went to see a neurologist in Pittsburgh to hopefully put and end to these incessant headaches. I have a new course of treatment to try, which I am praying works - and fast! At this point, I feel like I’d try just about anything to rid myself of this chronic pain.

On the way home, I stopped by my old workplace to visit some staff and consumers before having coffee with friends. It was wonderful to see some of my old “guys.” Some things have changed so much, and some things will never change. In many ways the visit made me nostalgic, but I also had a sense of peace when I left, because I sincerely felt that, although I miss the people and look fondly on the time in my life when I lived and worked in Pittsburgh, I am glad for where I am right now.

For those of you who don’t know, I worked as a Program Instructor at a day program for mentally challenged adults for 3 years. What a crazy job it was! I have to admit that it could be a very stressful atmosphere (although not quite comparable to FICS reunification), but it could also be the happiest place on earth. However, regardless of how stressful the situations could seem, when I worked at Allegheny East, I laughed every day - a sincere, from the heart laugh. Working with people who have MR can be such rewarding work. They offer us a glimpse into the human psyche. They are people who act solely on raw human emotions, the same emotions that we all have, but theirs are pure, jaded only by the indecencies that “normal” people have imposed upon them.

There are several consumers who hold extra special places in my heart, each for their own unique reasons. One in particular was still at the center when I arrived waiting for her van (like I said, some things never change!). She’s a fantastic example of someone who speaks from her heart. Good or bad, she says exactly what she is thinking and feeling at that moment. She can be loud, brazen, crass and disrespectful on a routine basis, but I have always had a soft spot for her. She can also be the most tender-hearted little woman. She will greet you in the morning (after telling a few people to get the hell out of her way) with a soft rub on the forearm, tilt her head and say “how’r you?” She’s protective of other people, “Don’t touch my sister! You! Outa here!” And she will also tell you exactly where to go when she’s mad at you, “God I hate you! Shut your ****ing face!” Wouldn’t we all love to say those things to some people in our lives??!!

Marsha thinks that she recognized me. I don’t know if she did or not, but she gave me a hug big enough to choke me and a sloppy kiss on the cheek when she saw me. I asked her about Christmas and what Santa was brining her. She replied with “a new watch and a purse” - the same things she has been asking for for the last 8 years (probably longer). When she went over her Christmas list, it brought tears to my eyes. She made me laugh like old times, and she gave me that wonderful glimpse of hopeful innocence again. What a nice gift for me in the midst of the Christmas season, to be assured again in the good of people by my two dear friends who met me at the drop of a hat, despite their own hectic schedules, and by an old friend who, despite her years, retains her inner beauty always. I really hope Santa brings her that purse and watch this year. She’s been waiting so patiently, and I think she deserves them!

At Home Hair Cut

I can't figure out how to reverse the order of photos on blog posts, so these are out of order.

I took Jacob to get his hair cut yesterday after school, but there was a half hour wait. His hair was so long, I could probably braid it around his ears. Greg has cut hair before, so I called and asked him if he would cut Jake's hair when he got home. He agreed. When he started cutting, Jacob, being the calm and collected kid that he is, completely wigged out on us. He was screaming and flailing around like a nut ball because some hair had gotten down his shirt. Now, I know that hair is incredibly itchy, but keep in mind that Jacob also has quite the knack for drama. Long story short, the haircut was uneven, and got progressively shorter until, well, you see the finished product. My mom said he won't need another hair cut until July. I think she might be right.

Jacob, straight out of Auschwitz.

(Those marks around his neck are from him violently scratching himself!)

Trying to get a little closer.

Angry before it even began.

My Wrinkled Christmas Blessings

Last Friday Greg and I went to his company Christmas party. As I was getting ready for the party, I looked at myself in the mirror and this is what I saw: more crows feet than I should have, age spots on my forehead, small lines starting around my lips (already!), a behind that continues to grow by the day, and a sweater that was clearly made for someone over the age of 60. Oh well, I thought. This is what I look like. At least my teeth are still white. Let’s go!

Many of the people Greg works with are our age or older. It’s a job that requires training and experience, and isn’t generally for young, immature types. There is one young man, 22, of whom Greg thinks highly. He introduced us, and my only thoughts were, “Wow! This man is just a boy. He’s so young!” When did 22 start to feel like another generation? It is another generation, at this point. I’m a whole decade older than him, but I think that the reality of being in my 30’s has just recently hit me. I know, I know. I’m not old by a long shot, but I feel old, and I believe the saying is “you’re only as old as you feel.”

Aside from my college pals, 85% of my friends are older than me. I have always felt that I had more in common with those 15 years or more my senior than with most people my own age. Someone once told me I was an “old soul.” I don’t know if she meant it as a compliment or not, but I think it was true, to a large degree. So why now am I having a mini mid-life crisis of sorts? Why do I feel so uncomfortable in this old skin?

This morning while grocery shopping and pushing a sleeping Andrew around in the cart, a woman stopped me and said, “Oh to change places with him!” “Yeah,” I said, “except for the growing up part. I wouldn’t want to do that again.” That’s the truth too. I wouldn’t want to have to grow up again. Granted, it would be nice to nap whenever I wanted, to not be burdened with the worries of bills and responsibilities, but all in all, the process of growing up is painful. I’m glad I’m already grown.

Maybe it’s the time of year, or just the changes that come with having a baby and quitting work (yes, I’m apparently still hung-up on that issue), or these dog-gone headaches that have plagued me for the last 6 months that have me feeling old. This time of year, as many people do, I think back on my family traditions and wonder where the time has gone. I always wonder , too, how things would be different if my grandmother were still living. It’s dumb to think that way - completely counter-productive and pure speculation at that, but I can’t help it. I remember the Christmas parties she used to have each year with the whole family. Even those so far removed that we no longer knew how we were related, came. One year when I was 4 or 5, I fell out of bed, cut my chin and ended up with a few stitches. I remember some of the gifts we gave and received - my sister once got a pink power wheels scooter and my aunt Kathy gave all of the girls fake Cabbage Patch dolls with really ugly noses. Once my mother gave my grandparents a very large (by today’s standards) cordless phone and answering machine combo. My grandfather said , “What do we need that for?" He's always had a way with words! (I also remember that phone clearly picked up entire conversations when the neighbors would talk on their own phone! ) My cousins and I used to make a “fort” under the basement steps and would try to scare the adults coming unknowingly along. There are so many memories, I could write forever.

After my grandmother died, my mother took on the role of hosting the Christmas parties. I have just as many good memories at our house too. One year, my aunt Carmen looked out at the tinsel pieces scattered across the lawn and said, as only Carmen could, “Oh Kris, I love what you’ve done with your lawn!” Another year, no men would agree to play Santa (those idiots!) so Carmen - all 5 feet of her, dressed up and played the part. There isn’t another soul like Carmen, and we are so blessed to have her in our lives still.

Now that I am married, the Christmas parties have been moved to our home. I’m glad to host them. It’s a tradition that I proudly take as my responsibility, as long as everyone wants me to do it. My mom, dad and aunts still do all of the menu planning and cooking, which makes it all the better for me! And it is but one of the things in my life that I can honestly look at and say without doubt, that age has improved. As I type this, Andrew is in his jumpy seat. Every time I look his way, he grins from ear to ear and jumps faster. That’s another benefit of age - having my own children, and knowing what true blessings they are.

The fact that my body no longer looks like it used to (and will continue to deteriorate!) is really a small price to pay for the accumulation of such blessings and good memories that my life has brought me and will continue to bring. I’m waiting for the time when I am completely comfortable in my own skin and I no longer feel the grief of the loss of physical youth. Does that actually happen? It must, because in many ways, I know that I am much more comfortable with myself now than I was when I was 20, despite actually looking worse! I guess this has been a long way of saying that, although in many ways I don’t feel beautiful anymore, I’m still happy about where I am in my life, and I wouldn’t change trade it for a thing….


…..except maybe a nice tight butt, thighs, stomach and some firm, solid C cup boobs (oh, wait! I never had those in the first place!)

Tree Hunting

Today we made our annual trek to J&B Tree Farm and picked our Christmas tree. It was pretty cold out, so we made a decision relatively quickly. Actually, almost everything went unreasonably smoothly today. The tree is up and decorated and no one even had to swear! A great way to start the holiday!

"Now, Jacob, this is a saw..."

"Get on with it, Greg. I know what the tools are!"

The men and their tree.

"That's my boy!"One last hug before the danger begins! :)

Babababa And All That Jazz...

Having worked in early childhood development for quite some time now, I am well aware of when babies should reach their milestones. That said, I am also well aware that not reaching milestones in specific accordance with the guidelines can also completely normal. However, most babies babble, saying consonants (ba, da, ma) between 6-8 months of age. Andrew will be 8 months old on Dec 24, and as of Tuesday had still not said a single consonant. I was getting worried. Well, on Wed, he woke up saying "babababa" and has not stopped saying it since then! I sent Greg a video, because I was so excited, and Greg so lovingly pointed out that he looks like I have fed him a steady diet of Vodka all day! Oh well! Drunken-looking or not, the kid is saying a consonant, and I'm a happy Mama!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight at dinner Jacob told me that J.J. (a friend at school) told him that you needed to have a six pack to be a wrestler. I asked him if he knew what a six pack was, and he said "yeah, any group of muscles." I explained better what it was, and told him that Greg could show him a six pack. Jake thought about it and said, "OK, but do you have to have one to be a wrestler" I told him I didn't think it was necessary and that he could ask Pap, because Pap didn't have a six pack, but wrestled in high school. Jake said, "well, what kind of pack did Pap have, a 5 pack?"

Andrew Sings "Deck the Halls"

"Falalalala, lalalala..." or is it "Farararara, rararara."

"Enough already! I just can't get it right!"

Anti-Cottage Cheese, a Family Agreement

This is a video of Andrew's first taste of cottage cheese. Needless to say, he wasn't very excited about it. He actually never swallowed it, but instead just moved his tongue around in his mouth...pretty much the same thing Jacob did when I introduced it to him 5 years ago.