I talked to Jackie on Thursday, after they had the second opinion. The baby does have a cerebellum, it's just pretty small due to the pressure of the excess fluid. He definitely has Dandy Walker Syndrome. There is a lot of water in the entire 3rd ventricle of the brain. There is also some pressure or damage on the thalamus and something else that I didn't catch. She was on a cell phone and breaking up a little, so I missed some of it. I didn't want to ask her to repeat it. They did an amniocentesis that day and are waiting for the results from that. They will see a geneticist next week sometime and then possibly a pediatric neurosurgeon after that. It may be possible to put a shunt into the baby's brain in utero and alleviate some of the pressure. If not in utero, they may operate shortly after birth. She's at Johns Hopkins, so she is receiving the best possible care.
The good news is that baby's brains are very elastic and it has a chance of "bouncing back" to normal, or close to it. They have also seen baby's brains make different connections (as opposed to the connections that normal, healthy brains have) to compensate for disabilities, which an adult brain would not be unable to do. The best part is that all hope is not lost. There's a chance that the baby may survive and a chance that he may even have a close to normal life. But they are far from out of the woods yet. It will depend a lot on what the geneticist says next week. Dandy Walker syndrome can be very mild or very, very severe, and they just don't know quite yet what they are up against. None of the other organs or his extremities were effected, which is good. But there are multiple anomalies in the brain, which is bad. At least at this point, they aren't being urged to terminate the pregnancy. There is some hope, which she is clinging to right now. I will post more updates as I hear. I thank everyone for their continued prayers.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
On the Light Side for a While
OK. After two heavy entries, it's time to lighten it up a bit. Here are some Jacob stories to ease the mood.
Yesterday after I picked Jake up from school, he told me that he had a "treasure chest" inside his head where he kept a lot of bad things. This alarmed me a little, but I didn't want to let on, so I nonchalantly asked him some questions. "What's inside the box? Like, villains and criminals or what kind of bad stuff?"
"No, not criminals, but villains. Electro and Doc Ock, you know, Spiderman's enemies."
"Oh, OK. Is there bad weather in there, like hurricanes and tornadoes?"
"No, but Electro can control lightning, so sometimes he causes power outages in the treasure chest."
"Are there germs in there? Viruses and bacteria?"
"Um, no mom. I use clorox every day. It's a very clean place."
Ah yes. That's my boy! Even the little Pandora's box in his head is sanitized daily! :)
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My birthday is in March, and Jacob is eagerly planning a party for me at my mom's house. He told me tonight that he is very excited. He said that there will be balloons for everyone, and since it's my birthday, I can have as many balloons as I wanted. Then he thought about that for a minute and said, "well, don't take too many balloons, Mom. You might want to leave some for other people." (Like himself!)
Then he asked me what I wanted for my birthday present. I said,"How about some nice bubble bath with matching lotion." He thought about that for a minute and said, "How about some bubble GUM and chocolate?" Well, I guess that's a good gift too!
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Later, when I was putting him to bed, he asked when I was going to bed myself. I told him that I had some things to do and then I was going to be early tonight. He asked if I checked on him before going to bed (he knows I always do). I told him that I always check on him before I go to bed, and again whenever I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I said that I also always check on Andrew. The difference is that every time I open Andrew's door, he pops his little head up and looks at me before going back to sleep. He's a tremendously light sleeper, especially in comparison to Jacob. I told Jacob that he never even knows that I am in his room. In fact, last night I went into his room, turned on the light and rummaged through his closet for clothing for today and he never even twitched! He laughed and said, "Well, I guess these ears that don't hear everything you want them to during the day come in handy when I'm sleeping!"
Yesterday after I picked Jake up from school, he told me that he had a "treasure chest" inside his head where he kept a lot of bad things. This alarmed me a little, but I didn't want to let on, so I nonchalantly asked him some questions. "What's inside the box? Like, villains and criminals or what kind of bad stuff?"
"No, not criminals, but villains. Electro and Doc Ock, you know, Spiderman's enemies."
"Oh, OK. Is there bad weather in there, like hurricanes and tornadoes?"
"No, but Electro can control lightning, so sometimes he causes power outages in the treasure chest."
"Are there germs in there? Viruses and bacteria?"
"Um, no mom. I use clorox every day. It's a very clean place."
Ah yes. That's my boy! Even the little Pandora's box in his head is sanitized daily! :)
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My birthday is in March, and Jacob is eagerly planning a party for me at my mom's house. He told me tonight that he is very excited. He said that there will be balloons for everyone, and since it's my birthday, I can have as many balloons as I wanted. Then he thought about that for a minute and said, "well, don't take too many balloons, Mom. You might want to leave some for other people." (Like himself!)
Then he asked me what I wanted for my birthday present. I said,"How about some nice bubble bath with matching lotion." He thought about that for a minute and said, "How about some bubble GUM and chocolate?" Well, I guess that's a good gift too!
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Later, when I was putting him to bed, he asked when I was going to bed myself. I told him that I had some things to do and then I was going to be early tonight. He asked if I checked on him before going to bed (he knows I always do). I told him that I always check on him before I go to bed, and again whenever I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I said that I also always check on Andrew. The difference is that every time I open Andrew's door, he pops his little head up and looks at me before going back to sleep. He's a tremendously light sleeper, especially in comparison to Jacob. I told Jacob that he never even knows that I am in his room. In fact, last night I went into his room, turned on the light and rummaged through his closet for clothing for today and he never even twitched! He laughed and said, "Well, I guess these ears that don't hear everything you want them to during the day come in handy when I'm sleeping!"
My Dear Friend's Baby
Thanks to the radio show I listened to on the way to work, I started yesterday thinking about my parenting, and appreciating the family I have been given. I thought all day about the gifts I have inherited from my parents and grandparents, and the legacy that I can leave to my own offspring. How timely it was to my own contemplations that I ended yesterday in tears over a friend’s heartache, and in awestruck appreciation of my own good fortune.
One of my best friends, a friend I have known since 5th grade, and a woman I have grown to love as sister, has recently had a series of horrific misfortunes. She and her husband tried for a while to get pregnant without success. Just when they were about to see a fertility specialist, it seemed that God intervened and blessed them with child. When she told me she was pregnant, she said she nearly passed out because she was so overwhelmed with joy! I shared that joy and excitement with her, already planning what we could do with our babies being so close in age. That happiness quickly turned bittersweet, however.
Shortly into the pregnancy, it became apparent that she had more than the run of the mill morning sickness. Plagued with unrelenting vomiting, she was hospitalized several times and forced to take a leave of absence from work before eventually ending up with Home Nursing services and a PIC line for continual IV fluids and medication. She lost somewhere around 30 pounds in about 3 months. Just the severity of the sickness would be enough to render anyone hopeless, but that coupled with the raging hormones and exhaustion of early pregnancy, as well as the hassles of ensuring sustainable employment became an emotional nightmare for her.
Over the last month, although t he vomiting did not completely subside, it seemed to ease a little. We talked often, and she seemed more emotionally stable, able to find hope again in returning to normal, and finding enough relief in those sporadic moments of wellness that she felt some optimism.
She was scheduled a routine sonogram for this Friday, but on Tuesday she had some spotting. The doctor decided to administer the sonogram early. The baby is a boy, a surprise to all of us who thought it was surely a girl, but he is not a healthy baby. My friend called on Tuesday and told me the news. They thought the baby had hydrocephalus, water on the brain. Her outlook, though, was not panicked or grim, but rather hopeful. Hydrocephalus has varying outcomes and varying etiologies. It could be bad, but it could also be no big deal. She decided not to worry until she went for more detailed testing on Wednesday. I give her a lot of credit here, because I think I would probably have been very worried at that point, but she handled it well.
I waited for the call on Wednesday with anxious anticipation. Surely they would tell her that it was no big deal. They’d put a shunt in the baby when he was born, or possibly in utero, and he would have a good chance of developing normally. I mean, what are the chances that there’s something terribly wrong? Apparently, the chances are pretty good.
She called me yesterday afternoon in tears. The news was probably the worst case scenario. The doctor felt that the baby could be lacking a cerebellum, or possibly has a rare genetic disorder called Dandy-Walker syndrome, which is caused by malformation of the cerebellum. The cerebellum controls motor function and sensory perception integration. Deformities to it (and thereby also Dandy-Walked Syndrome) can cause a wide range of disabilities ranging from moderate to profound. If there is no existing cerebellum, disabilities will also vary, but will inevitably include tremors, uncontrolled movements, and muscle weakness to name a few. That is if the baby survives.
She had an appointment today for a second opinion. The appointment was at 10 a.m and as I write this, it is almost 2. I haven’t heard word yet, so I am assuming that the second opinion was not far off from the first. I don’t know what her course of action will be. I don’t know what to do to comfort her except to pray, and to be honest, I don’t even know what to pray for. I don’t know if it is better to pray for a living baby, or for God to be merciful and spare him the agony of a painful life. Therefore, I have chosen not to be specific in my prayers, but I have rather been asking God to give her and her husband both strength and guidance. This isn’t a crisis that a human mind can readily solve. It is in His hands alone now.
My heart breaks for her right now, as a mother and as a friend. The depth of a maternal bond is one that all mothers share. When it comes to children, we readily feel each other’s pain, and this is monumental. I can’t help but cry every time I think of her. I know she’s sitting somewhere, feeling the tiny kicks of a baby who may never even see her face. How exactly does one deal with those emotions?
Likewise, each time I looked at my own children last night and again this morning, her pain was refreshed for me. I was reminded again at the miracle of each healthy child, and painfully aware of my own good fortune. I was right yesterday when I decided that I needed to be more patient and grateful. I’ve said it before and later relapsed to my intolerant ways, and I’m sure, as all human beings do, I will lapse again from time to time. However, simply the inkling of what she is experiencing right now is enough to make even the most impatient person step back, regroup, and thank heavens that my child is healthy. Instead of exasperation, I should be glad that Andrew likes to "kiss" the glass on the back door, and that Jacob is able to ransack my living room and jump on the couch. Those antics truly are no big deal in the grand scheme of life. The glass wipes clean, and a couch is just furniture after all. The material can be patched, but the hole that his absence would leave in my heart could never be mended.
One of my best friends, a friend I have known since 5th grade, and a woman I have grown to love as sister, has recently had a series of horrific misfortunes. She and her husband tried for a while to get pregnant without success. Just when they were about to see a fertility specialist, it seemed that God intervened and blessed them with child. When she told me she was pregnant, she said she nearly passed out because she was so overwhelmed with joy! I shared that joy and excitement with her, already planning what we could do with our babies being so close in age. That happiness quickly turned bittersweet, however.
Shortly into the pregnancy, it became apparent that she had more than the run of the mill morning sickness. Plagued with unrelenting vomiting, she was hospitalized several times and forced to take a leave of absence from work before eventually ending up with Home Nursing services and a PIC line for continual IV fluids and medication. She lost somewhere around 30 pounds in about 3 months. Just the severity of the sickness would be enough to render anyone hopeless, but that coupled with the raging hormones and exhaustion of early pregnancy, as well as the hassles of ensuring sustainable employment became an emotional nightmare for her.
Over the last month, although t he vomiting did not completely subside, it seemed to ease a little. We talked often, and she seemed more emotionally stable, able to find hope again in returning to normal, and finding enough relief in those sporadic moments of wellness that she felt some optimism.
She was scheduled a routine sonogram for this Friday, but on Tuesday she had some spotting. The doctor decided to administer the sonogram early. The baby is a boy, a surprise to all of us who thought it was surely a girl, but he is not a healthy baby. My friend called on Tuesday and told me the news. They thought the baby had hydrocephalus, water on the brain. Her outlook, though, was not panicked or grim, but rather hopeful. Hydrocephalus has varying outcomes and varying etiologies. It could be bad, but it could also be no big deal. She decided not to worry until she went for more detailed testing on Wednesday. I give her a lot of credit here, because I think I would probably have been very worried at that point, but she handled it well.
I waited for the call on Wednesday with anxious anticipation. Surely they would tell her that it was no big deal. They’d put a shunt in the baby when he was born, or possibly in utero, and he would have a good chance of developing normally. I mean, what are the chances that there’s something terribly wrong? Apparently, the chances are pretty good.
She called me yesterday afternoon in tears. The news was probably the worst case scenario. The doctor felt that the baby could be lacking a cerebellum, or possibly has a rare genetic disorder called Dandy-Walker syndrome, which is caused by malformation of the cerebellum. The cerebellum controls motor function and sensory perception integration. Deformities to it (and thereby also Dandy-Walked Syndrome) can cause a wide range of disabilities ranging from moderate to profound. If there is no existing cerebellum, disabilities will also vary, but will inevitably include tremors, uncontrolled movements, and muscle weakness to name a few. That is if the baby survives.
She had an appointment today for a second opinion. The appointment was at 10 a.m and as I write this, it is almost 2. I haven’t heard word yet, so I am assuming that the second opinion was not far off from the first. I don’t know what her course of action will be. I don’t know what to do to comfort her except to pray, and to be honest, I don’t even know what to pray for. I don’t know if it is better to pray for a living baby, or for God to be merciful and spare him the agony of a painful life. Therefore, I have chosen not to be specific in my prayers, but I have rather been asking God to give her and her husband both strength and guidance. This isn’t a crisis that a human mind can readily solve. It is in His hands alone now.
My heart breaks for her right now, as a mother and as a friend. The depth of a maternal bond is one that all mothers share. When it comes to children, we readily feel each other’s pain, and this is monumental. I can’t help but cry every time I think of her. I know she’s sitting somewhere, feeling the tiny kicks of a baby who may never even see her face. How exactly does one deal with those emotions?
Likewise, each time I looked at my own children last night and again this morning, her pain was refreshed for me. I was reminded again at the miracle of each healthy child, and painfully aware of my own good fortune. I was right yesterday when I decided that I needed to be more patient and grateful. I’ve said it before and later relapsed to my intolerant ways, and I’m sure, as all human beings do, I will lapse again from time to time. However, simply the inkling of what she is experiencing right now is enough to make even the most impatient person step back, regroup, and thank heavens that my child is healthy. Instead of exasperation, I should be glad that Andrew likes to "kiss" the glass on the back door, and that Jacob is able to ransack my living room and jump on the couch. Those antics truly are no big deal in the grand scheme of life. The glass wipes clean, and a couch is just furniture after all. The material can be patched, but the hole that his absence would leave in my heart could never be mended.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Priorities
Today on the way to work, I decided to listen to AM radio instead of FM. I’m just a little burned out on music these days, so I thought I’d give it a rest for a while. I came upon an ultra-religious talk show, which I listened to for about 15 minutes before changing. Most of it was pretty conservative and extreme for me. He spoke of a terribly vengeful God, which I just couldn’t relate to. My personal belief is of a merciful God, but even with that very glaring difference in belief, I was still able to take something away from his lecture. It goes to show that even amidst disagreement, there is still something to be taken from an opposing view.
What struck me was this statement, “Sin is sin, regardless of who commits it, but guilt is proportionate to understanding.” He went on to explain that justice in the eyes of God is not blind , as our country’s legal system intends it to be, but is rather a justice that is omniscient and insightful. God weighs us on his balance, our actions, attitudes and intentions, and we are judged accordingly. It made me think about my own actions and intentions, and of the actions and intentions of some people I know. To be frank, and to sound terribly judgmental myself, I have to say that I find comfort in knowing that there are some people who may not get what they deserve while on this earth, but will pay the price when they meet their maker.
But one cannot apply that principal only to people whom we dislike. I, of course, am no different than my worst enemy when I stand before the Lord. I would like to say that my intentions are always pure, but I admit that I can be selfish, distractable and impatient (to name a few) – human. I find this introspection to be especially salient in regard to my children. I think most people who read this blog know me well. You know that I am not someone who readily takes advantage of others, knowingly wrongs others or lives a lavish life of sin and wastefulness. When inspecting most facets of my life, I am pretty satisfied that I do the right thing most of the time. Usually. Like I said, everyone makes mistakes.
But I really feel that my largest and probably most detrimental mistakes lie in my interactions with my children. Do I give them enough attention? Do I involve them in my life enough and engage them in intellectually stimulating and emotionally supportive ways. Do I give them my undivided attention enough? I’m not saying that parents should do those things all the time. I believe that we can give our children too much, and thereby create people who are just as dysfunctional as those who were ignored. It’s a matter of finding the right balance between helping our children to be autonomous and feeling valued.
Recently Greg and I had a conversation about spending time with family. He commented on how well he felt his dad and mom balanced the important things in their lives, namely spending time with their kids and grandkids. He complimented his dad for always being there for him as a child and still being there now into adulthood. He commented on his oldest sister’s girls and how he could see already that they have grasped the importance in family time, and how proud he was of them for that. Even as teenagers, when we all know that being with “boring adults” is not on the top list of things to do, they never complain or make us feel like they begrudge family gatherings. It speaks worlds of my sister and brother in law as parents. We agreed that my other nieces and nephew will also hold these values, because that is how they are being raised as well. It’s a tremendous gift that the Williams decedents all have been given. It’s a gift that I was given by my parents as well. Our children are twice blessed to live with such gifts on both sides of their family.
At one point, Greg expressed concern that someone very dear to him viewed him as someone who was unavailable. My response? That person doesn’t know him well at all. Greg is someone who is always available. Yes, he works crazy hours that take him out of the house often, but he amends for those lost moments three-fold with every free moment he has. It is something that he learned from his parents, and a lesson that he holds dear to his heart. He goes out of his way to know what is important to those around him, and engage each person accordingly. Anyone who knows Greg can attest to his emotional availability. It’s what distinguishes him from all the rest, what makes him such a good husband and such a good father. It's what I love the most about him, and what brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.
I can attest to Greg’s intentions, attitudes and actions, but what about my own? I would like to say that I am available. I try to be there for my family and my friends, but there are times when I don’t want to be bothered either. There are times when I just want to read the paper while I eat my breakfast instead of listening to talk about dinosaurs or Spiderman. There are times when I get irritated because Andrew wants to be held, and I want to fold laundry. These are unimportant things that I routinely allow myself to be distracted by.
Today then, on Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, I have decided to make some changes. I won’t put the paper in front of me in the mornings unless I am eating alone. I’ll fold the laundry when the kids are in bed (OK, but I have to do some of the other chores while they are awake - I have to keep my sanity! Work with me here!), and I will try not to worry so much about all the nonessentials. In short, I will spend the next 40 days really focusing on my children with the intention of continuing that focus after Easter.
It’s true, God will judge us accordingly, but it isn’t fear of judgment day that is my driving force. It’s looking into my boys’ eyes and knowing that one day I want my sons to sit with their wives and say, “I’m so grateful that mom and dad always found the time for us, and made us feel important.” To me, that is the true measure of a good parent.
What struck me was this statement, “Sin is sin, regardless of who commits it, but guilt is proportionate to understanding.” He went on to explain that justice in the eyes of God is not blind , as our country’s legal system intends it to be, but is rather a justice that is omniscient and insightful. God weighs us on his balance, our actions, attitudes and intentions, and we are judged accordingly. It made me think about my own actions and intentions, and of the actions and intentions of some people I know. To be frank, and to sound terribly judgmental myself, I have to say that I find comfort in knowing that there are some people who may not get what they deserve while on this earth, but will pay the price when they meet their maker.
But one cannot apply that principal only to people whom we dislike. I, of course, am no different than my worst enemy when I stand before the Lord. I would like to say that my intentions are always pure, but I admit that I can be selfish, distractable and impatient (to name a few) – human. I find this introspection to be especially salient in regard to my children. I think most people who read this blog know me well. You know that I am not someone who readily takes advantage of others, knowingly wrongs others or lives a lavish life of sin and wastefulness. When inspecting most facets of my life, I am pretty satisfied that I do the right thing most of the time. Usually. Like I said, everyone makes mistakes.
But I really feel that my largest and probably most detrimental mistakes lie in my interactions with my children. Do I give them enough attention? Do I involve them in my life enough and engage them in intellectually stimulating and emotionally supportive ways. Do I give them my undivided attention enough? I’m not saying that parents should do those things all the time. I believe that we can give our children too much, and thereby create people who are just as dysfunctional as those who were ignored. It’s a matter of finding the right balance between helping our children to be autonomous and feeling valued.
Recently Greg and I had a conversation about spending time with family. He commented on how well he felt his dad and mom balanced the important things in their lives, namely spending time with their kids and grandkids. He complimented his dad for always being there for him as a child and still being there now into adulthood. He commented on his oldest sister’s girls and how he could see already that they have grasped the importance in family time, and how proud he was of them for that. Even as teenagers, when we all know that being with “boring adults” is not on the top list of things to do, they never complain or make us feel like they begrudge family gatherings. It speaks worlds of my sister and brother in law as parents. We agreed that my other nieces and nephew will also hold these values, because that is how they are being raised as well. It’s a tremendous gift that the Williams decedents all have been given. It’s a gift that I was given by my parents as well. Our children are twice blessed to live with such gifts on both sides of their family.
At one point, Greg expressed concern that someone very dear to him viewed him as someone who was unavailable. My response? That person doesn’t know him well at all. Greg is someone who is always available. Yes, he works crazy hours that take him out of the house often, but he amends for those lost moments three-fold with every free moment he has. It is something that he learned from his parents, and a lesson that he holds dear to his heart. He goes out of his way to know what is important to those around him, and engage each person accordingly. Anyone who knows Greg can attest to his emotional availability. It’s what distinguishes him from all the rest, what makes him such a good husband and such a good father. It's what I love the most about him, and what brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.
I can attest to Greg’s intentions, attitudes and actions, but what about my own? I would like to say that I am available. I try to be there for my family and my friends, but there are times when I don’t want to be bothered either. There are times when I just want to read the paper while I eat my breakfast instead of listening to talk about dinosaurs or Spiderman. There are times when I get irritated because Andrew wants to be held, and I want to fold laundry. These are unimportant things that I routinely allow myself to be distracted by.
Today then, on Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, I have decided to make some changes. I won’t put the paper in front of me in the mornings unless I am eating alone. I’ll fold the laundry when the kids are in bed (OK, but I have to do some of the other chores while they are awake - I have to keep my sanity! Work with me here!), and I will try not to worry so much about all the nonessentials. In short, I will spend the next 40 days really focusing on my children with the intention of continuing that focus after Easter.
It’s true, God will judge us accordingly, but it isn’t fear of judgment day that is my driving force. It’s looking into my boys’ eyes and knowing that one day I want my sons to sit with their wives and say, “I’m so grateful that mom and dad always found the time for us, and made us feel important.” To me, that is the true measure of a good parent.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Andrew Eating
This evening I gave Andrew a spoon and cup of food and let him have at it - this is what happened! I didn't know he had it in him!
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Jacob - "When I say 'Andrew smells', I'm not kidding. He really smells!"
Me - "That's not nice. "
"Well, it's true. When he poops, it is."
"Your poop doesn't smell good either."
"No. No it doesn't. Nobody's poop smells good. Unless maybe if they ate an air freshener. Then it might smell good. But that would probably give you bad diarrhea."
Friday, February 20, 2009
For Fred
Recently, my sister-in-law Dalann informed me that my brother-in-law Fred has taken a liking to my blog. Anyone who reads the blog knows that I have mentioned Fred quite a bit. After thinking about it, I decided to dedicate an entry to our beloved Freddy. The Lord knows his name is brought up often enough in this household! So, Fred, here you go - things we love about you:
- First and foremost, Fred is one of my husband's best friends. If you asked Greg to list the most important people in his life, Fred would be right next to me and our kids. I don’t know any other man that Greg talks or thinks about more than Fred.
- Fred can hold his beer better than anyone I know. If I had known Fred in college, he would have been my idol, and probably a dormatory mascot! He can drink us all under the table, and the only way that you know if Fred is drunk is if he directly tells you. It's amazing!
- Fred has the uncanny ability to accurately imitate others. The best example is my father-in-law, who Fred lovingly calls "Eddard." It goes something like this: "Hey, Fred, you know my good buddy Don Stock?" If you know Fred, and you know Ed, you have to smile at that sentence! I hate to see what his imitation of me is like!
- Floppy Socks. (See picture on side of blog). Enough said!
- Fred is a family man. It doesn't take a genius to see how much Fred loves his daughters, and how proud he is of both of them. On that note, they are good girls, who are easy to be proud of!
- Fred is an amazing musician. He never had a professional lesson, and plays mostly by ear. He can whip out a song after listening to it, with amazing precision.
- Along those lines, Fred has a talent for making up his own songs and words spontaneously. If any of you have ever tried to spontaneously rhyme to a rhythm and melody, you know how hard it is. Fred can pull a song right out of his behind at a moment's notice, (See Andrew's Song Video) and he always has a captive audience at our house!
- When Jacob was little, he had hair just like Fred's - fine and curly all over. I have a picture somewhere in the house of the back of their heads when Fred was holding Jake. It's like a mini-me shot! I smile whenever I see it.
These are just a few of the things we all know and love about Fred. Feel free to comment with any additions, if you know him! And when you drink your next Milwaukee's Best, give a little nod of appreciation to our man, Freddy! :)
Big Brother Woes
My sister was born five days before my 5th birthday. To say that I was less than thrilled about her arrival is an understatement. I am told that one day, when my mother was about 8 months pregnant, I threw my head down on the dinner table and sobbed, “Now who’s going to do crafts with me?” Even before her birth, I was worried about her displacing me! When she was born, I visited my mother in the hospital, and I didn’t care to see Megan. I wanted to play with the straws on my mother’s lunch tray, and sit on her bed. When asked if I wanted to walk down to the nursery to get a peek at the new baby, my response was, “Do I have to?” Later, my mother tried to involve me in the baby’s care, hoping that it would give me a sense of worth. “Do you want to help me feed and change the baby?” she asked. My reply? “It’s your baby. You wanted it. You take care of it.” I probably heard those words in reference to a cat or fish or some other pet I had cajoled my mother into buying before the birth of my sister!
I would like to say that things level out as the years passed, and that my sister and I grew to be great friends, but that’s not exactly how it worked. I always felt like I paled in comparison to her. My personality has always been dark at times, even since early childhood. My impatient, sometimes brooding, and emotional personality is deep seated, and it really has only been in my adulthood that I have begun to learn how to temper these qualities. Conversely, Megan was always a happy child, even tempered, outgoing and light spirited. It‘s no wonder that her “easier“ qualities drew more people to her than I drew to my self. This is not to say that I didn’t have friends, or that I was a depressed, grumpy child. I have always made friends easily, and related to others well. And although I have my temper, I’ve never been mean to anyone outside of my mother (for which I am now greatly sorry) and myself (Ok, and maybe my husband from time to time too, for which I’m also sorry).
Megan’s easiness made me feel that my more difficult personality was a huge disappointment to my family. It’s not that my mother did anything in particular to make me think this, it was more of something that I sensed, and a burden that I placed upon myself. I always felt like everyone looked at me and thought “why can’t she be more like her sister?” I often thought that of myself too. I never resented Megan, but I frequently wished that I could emulate her, or at least what I perceived her status in the family to be.
Who knows how Megan felt about me. It’s not something we’ve ever really talked about. I have found that gaining other people’s perspectives can be quite enlightening. Other’s often view things in such vastly different ways, that it can be surprising. Perhaps I should ask Megan what it is like to be the younger child.
At this point in our lives, my sister and I are great friends. We talk like adults to one another and share a history that only siblings can. But that bond came only in adulthood, after my sister and I both graduated from college and began our own families. It was a long time in the making, but at this juncture, I can say that I am glad to have a sister. Like the bonds of a parents and children, husbands and wives, and friends and family all have their own uniqueness, so does a sibling bond.
It was because of that sibling bond that we decided to have Andrew. Greg has a daughter to a previous marriage, but we don’t see her often, so she is not really a sister to Jacob. Greg comes from a family of 5, and I have my biological sister and a step sister as well as a large extended family. We both agreed that Jacob needed a brother or sister in his life, and so along came Andrew. Of course, there was a little more thought than that in the decision to have another baby, but we needent go there now.
Jacob has much of my personality - the stubbornness, the short temper, impatience and the need to be right all the time. He does not, however, have the painful shyness or transition problems that I had as a child, some of which I even carried into adulthood. Those of you who know him can attest to the fact that he will talk to anyone. He loves company, and he has adjusted beautifully and smoothly to some major changes in his life. He changed day cares, adjusted to my marriage to Greg and adapted to having a sibling after 5 years of singledom with barely a blink. I have always given him a lot of credit for those attributes, but lately, I have been wondering if I’ve given him too much credit and not enough support.
I’ve been noticing a lot of attention seeking behavior with Jake lately. Nothing monumental, just little things with high frequency. I’ve been feeling like I am constantly redirecting him, correcting him, and even yelling at him. I hate that we have so many negative interactions, and I have been wracking my brain to determine the source as well as a solution.
Then I remembered: a little while ago, Jacob told my niece that “nobody wants to play with him anymore, they just want to be with the baby.” Well, that statement just isn’t true, but it made my heart sink. At the time when I heard it, I tried to set aside some extra time for Jacob, and I think that it helped him some. But then the holidays rolled around, and in the hustle and bustle we got back to our hectic routine. I believe now we are at the point where any attention is attention, even if it’s negative. I know all too well from working in the field too long that attention seeking behaviors are often negative, because they necessitate action more readily than positive behaviors. I also know that positive redirection and feedback are two of the best ways to circumvent undesirable behavior.
Greg and I have talked and we have decided that there is no room to slip back into our old ways. Just because Jacob is more capable, doesn’t mean that I should expect him to take care of himself more. He is only 5, after all. The baby demands more attention, but Jacob deserves his fair share too. So we plan to set aside at least 30 min, 4-5 times a week to spend alone with Jacob. One of us will take Andrew, to allow full attention on Jacob. We’ve already started and I think it has helped some. It’s really a simple solution. Like any other routine, the hard part is establishing the initial pattern. The rest follows easily.
I have been ruminating about this for a few weeks now, not so much because I am worried that we won’t be able to change things, but because I know exactly how he felt when he made that statement. I see so much of myself in Jacob, and when I think of some of the emotional anguish I put myself through over the years, it sickens me to think that Jacob would ever feel even remotely as bad as I have at times in my life. I suppose we all need our share of struggles, for without them, we would never reach our full potential. They make us stronger, fuel our desires to strive for better and help us to appreciate the good times. Still, as a mother, I can’t help but want to take those struggles away. I also don’t want to be the source of any adversity, especially when I know in my heart that Andrew was in many ways a gift to Jacob. They are gifts to each other. I pray that Greg and I parent well enough that our actions do not drive a wedge between Jacob and Andrew, but rather instill a strong sense of brotherhood between them.
I would like to say that things level out as the years passed, and that my sister and I grew to be great friends, but that’s not exactly how it worked. I always felt like I paled in comparison to her. My personality has always been dark at times, even since early childhood. My impatient, sometimes brooding, and emotional personality is deep seated, and it really has only been in my adulthood that I have begun to learn how to temper these qualities. Conversely, Megan was always a happy child, even tempered, outgoing and light spirited. It‘s no wonder that her “easier“ qualities drew more people to her than I drew to my self. This is not to say that I didn’t have friends, or that I was a depressed, grumpy child. I have always made friends easily, and related to others well. And although I have my temper, I’ve never been mean to anyone outside of my mother (for which I am now greatly sorry) and myself (Ok, and maybe my husband from time to time too, for which I’m also sorry).
Megan’s easiness made me feel that my more difficult personality was a huge disappointment to my family. It’s not that my mother did anything in particular to make me think this, it was more of something that I sensed, and a burden that I placed upon myself. I always felt like everyone looked at me and thought “why can’t she be more like her sister?” I often thought that of myself too. I never resented Megan, but I frequently wished that I could emulate her, or at least what I perceived her status in the family to be.
Who knows how Megan felt about me. It’s not something we’ve ever really talked about. I have found that gaining other people’s perspectives can be quite enlightening. Other’s often view things in such vastly different ways, that it can be surprising. Perhaps I should ask Megan what it is like to be the younger child.
At this point in our lives, my sister and I are great friends. We talk like adults to one another and share a history that only siblings can. But that bond came only in adulthood, after my sister and I both graduated from college and began our own families. It was a long time in the making, but at this juncture, I can say that I am glad to have a sister. Like the bonds of a parents and children, husbands and wives, and friends and family all have their own uniqueness, so does a sibling bond.
It was because of that sibling bond that we decided to have Andrew. Greg has a daughter to a previous marriage, but we don’t see her often, so she is not really a sister to Jacob. Greg comes from a family of 5, and I have my biological sister and a step sister as well as a large extended family. We both agreed that Jacob needed a brother or sister in his life, and so along came Andrew. Of course, there was a little more thought than that in the decision to have another baby, but we needent go there now.
Jacob has much of my personality - the stubbornness, the short temper, impatience and the need to be right all the time. He does not, however, have the painful shyness or transition problems that I had as a child, some of which I even carried into adulthood. Those of you who know him can attest to the fact that he will talk to anyone. He loves company, and he has adjusted beautifully and smoothly to some major changes in his life. He changed day cares, adjusted to my marriage to Greg and adapted to having a sibling after 5 years of singledom with barely a blink. I have always given him a lot of credit for those attributes, but lately, I have been wondering if I’ve given him too much credit and not enough support.
I’ve been noticing a lot of attention seeking behavior with Jake lately. Nothing monumental, just little things with high frequency. I’ve been feeling like I am constantly redirecting him, correcting him, and even yelling at him. I hate that we have so many negative interactions, and I have been wracking my brain to determine the source as well as a solution.
Then I remembered: a little while ago, Jacob told my niece that “nobody wants to play with him anymore, they just want to be with the baby.” Well, that statement just isn’t true, but it made my heart sink. At the time when I heard it, I tried to set aside some extra time for Jacob, and I think that it helped him some. But then the holidays rolled around, and in the hustle and bustle we got back to our hectic routine. I believe now we are at the point where any attention is attention, even if it’s negative. I know all too well from working in the field too long that attention seeking behaviors are often negative, because they necessitate action more readily than positive behaviors. I also know that positive redirection and feedback are two of the best ways to circumvent undesirable behavior.
Greg and I have talked and we have decided that there is no room to slip back into our old ways. Just because Jacob is more capable, doesn’t mean that I should expect him to take care of himself more. He is only 5, after all. The baby demands more attention, but Jacob deserves his fair share too. So we plan to set aside at least 30 min, 4-5 times a week to spend alone with Jacob. One of us will take Andrew, to allow full attention on Jacob. We’ve already started and I think it has helped some. It’s really a simple solution. Like any other routine, the hard part is establishing the initial pattern. The rest follows easily.
I have been ruminating about this for a few weeks now, not so much because I am worried that we won’t be able to change things, but because I know exactly how he felt when he made that statement. I see so much of myself in Jacob, and when I think of some of the emotional anguish I put myself through over the years, it sickens me to think that Jacob would ever feel even remotely as bad as I have at times in my life. I suppose we all need our share of struggles, for without them, we would never reach our full potential. They make us stronger, fuel our desires to strive for better and help us to appreciate the good times. Still, as a mother, I can’t help but want to take those struggles away. I also don’t want to be the source of any adversity, especially when I know in my heart that Andrew was in many ways a gift to Jacob. They are gifts to each other. I pray that Greg and I parent well enough that our actions do not drive a wedge between Jacob and Andrew, but rather instill a strong sense of brotherhood between them.
The Butterfly
I didn't write this. I'm not sure who did, but it's been around a long time. I read it years ago when I was living in Pittsburgh and was moved by it. A friend of mine posted it on his facebook page recently, and I stole it from him for my blog. I wrote an entry about Jacob that I'll post later, after I proof read it thoroughly. It ties nicely into this story, well at least the ending of it does. :)
The Butterfly
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared and he sat and watched the butterfly as it struggled for several hours to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared it had gotten as far as it could. The man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon.The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would expand and be able to support the body, which would contract in time.Neither happened! in fact, the butterfly spent its whole life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly. What the man, in kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved freedom.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through life without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been.
And... we would never fly.
The Butterfly
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared and he sat and watched the butterfly as it struggled for several hours to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared it had gotten as far as it could. The man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon.The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would expand and be able to support the body, which would contract in time.Neither happened! in fact, the butterfly spent its whole life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly. What the man, in kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved freedom.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through life without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been.
And... we would never fly.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Brotherly Fun
This is a video of Jacob making Andrew laugh. Somehow I never tire of hearing my boys' laughter. I don't know if it's a mother thing, or if it's just that the sound of innocent joy is pleasing to everyone. Nonetheless, when you watch this, I bet you'll smile at least a little, even if you don't like kids! :)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Reconnected
Thanks to a very bright high school senior, I now have my computer back, free of bugs! I admit, I missed it, but I don’t think that comes as a surprise to anyone.
While I was disconnected, Jacob had several thoughts that were memorable. Here they are:
My mom has shingles, and the baby has not yet been vaccinated against chicken pox, so we were avoiding her until the meds rendered her incommunicable. Jacob wanted to know why we couldn't visit, so I explained shingles to him. I explained that it was the same virus that causes Chicken Pox. Once a person gets chicken pox, that virus "sleeps" inside our spines until something wakes it up. When it wakes up, it comes back as shingles. I told Jacob that he was not in danger, because he had been vaccinated, but that the baby could still catch chicken pox, so we had to stay away for a while. When I was done, he asked what else I knew about chicken pox. “Not much, why?”
“Well, I know some things about chicken pox,” he said.
“OK, tell me.”
“Well, when you get chicken pox, inside all of those little red dots are chicken heads, and they are pocking. That’s why it’s called chicken pox. The red things on chicken’s heads are what make the bumps red, and the feathers on the chickens are what make you itch.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Oh yes. There are a lot of things I know about diseases that you don’t know, Mom.”
The boy definitely has an active imagination!
______________________________________________________________________________
One morning, Jacob told me that Andrew was just an afterthought: “Why do you say that?” I asked. “Because he chases after everything he thinks of!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We read an article in the paper about letters that children had sent to President Obama. I asked Jake what he would ask of the president. He said, “I would ask him to make it a rule not to throw garbage into someone else’s yard.”
Backtrack - last summer (we think) some unruly neighbors of ours left some beer cups and litter in our yard, and Jake has been stewing about it for almost a year now.
I asked him what he would do for the punishment if someone were to litter in another person’s yard. “What do you think is good, Mom?”
“Maybe they should have to go around the whole town and clean up litter.”
“No. that’s too much. I think you should only have to clean up the whole town if you caused and explosion.”
‘OK. So town clean up is limited to punishment for the use of bombs?”
“Yes. For littering in a yard, someone should have no TV for two whole days….well, maybe just one day. The whole day. That's a hard enough punishment.”
So there we have Jacob’s judicial viewpoint. I'm not sure he’s ready to run the United States just yet!
While I was disconnected, Jacob had several thoughts that were memorable. Here they are:
My mom has shingles, and the baby has not yet been vaccinated against chicken pox, so we were avoiding her until the meds rendered her incommunicable. Jacob wanted to know why we couldn't visit, so I explained shingles to him. I explained that it was the same virus that causes Chicken Pox. Once a person gets chicken pox, that virus "sleeps" inside our spines until something wakes it up. When it wakes up, it comes back as shingles. I told Jacob that he was not in danger, because he had been vaccinated, but that the baby could still catch chicken pox, so we had to stay away for a while. When I was done, he asked what else I knew about chicken pox. “Not much, why?”
“Well, I know some things about chicken pox,” he said.
“OK, tell me.”
“Well, when you get chicken pox, inside all of those little red dots are chicken heads, and they are pocking. That’s why it’s called chicken pox. The red things on chicken’s heads are what make the bumps red, and the feathers on the chickens are what make you itch.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Oh yes. There are a lot of things I know about diseases that you don’t know, Mom.”
The boy definitely has an active imagination!
______________________________________________________________________________
One morning, Jacob told me that Andrew was just an afterthought: “Why do you say that?” I asked. “Because he chases after everything he thinks of!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We read an article in the paper about letters that children had sent to President Obama. I asked Jake what he would ask of the president. He said, “I would ask him to make it a rule not to throw garbage into someone else’s yard.”
Backtrack - last summer (we think) some unruly neighbors of ours left some beer cups and litter in our yard, and Jake has been stewing about it for almost a year now.
I asked him what he would do for the punishment if someone were to litter in another person’s yard. “What do you think is good, Mom?”
“Maybe they should have to go around the whole town and clean up litter.”
“No. that’s too much. I think you should only have to clean up the whole town if you caused and explosion.”
‘OK. So town clean up is limited to punishment for the use of bombs?”
“Yes. For littering in a yard, someone should have no TV for two whole days….well, maybe just one day. The whole day. That's a hard enough punishment.”
So there we have Jacob’s judicial viewpoint. I'm not sure he’s ready to run the United States just yet!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Nothing Important
My computer has been confiscated for security reasons...just kidding. It has been taken for some minor repairs, though. So I'm currently very limited to my Internet access. Perhaps it will do me good to cleanse myself of the online addictions for a week or so anyway!
Here's a short video of Andrew's song. My brother in law, Fred, sings to Andrew every time they are at our house. He changes the words each time, so it's always fun to listen to what he comes up with! (pause the player to hear the video)
We had family in town this weekend, and they graciously traveled from home to home, ending at ours, for a little party. I think it's safe to say that most of us were feeling pretty good by the end of the night. A little beer, music and some good companionship is good for the soul! Thanks to everyone who was there. Love you all!
Here's a short video of Andrew's song. My brother in law, Fred, sings to Andrew every time they are at our house. He changes the words each time, so it's always fun to listen to what he comes up with! (pause the player to hear the video)
We had family in town this weekend, and they graciously traveled from home to home, ending at ours, for a little party. I think it's safe to say that most of us were feeling pretty good by the end of the night. A little beer, music and some good companionship is good for the soul! Thanks to everyone who was there. Love you all!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Sibling Rivalry and The Hidden Dangers of Fast Food
Today on the way home from school Jacob said something along the lines of “my brother isn’t growing as fast as I did.” I said, “actually, he is growing almost exactly the same as you did. You were both about the same size at this age. He may even be a little bit bigger than you, but not much.” Jacob’s response? “Yeah, well, I’m smarter.”
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Later, Jacob wanted to eat dinner at Burger King. I’m not a fan of fast food, but I do allow Jacob to have it more often than I would like to admit. On our way to the drive through, I tried to explain to Jacob that fast food isn’t good for you all the time. “Why not?” he said.
“Because it’s loaded with fat, salt and preservatives.”
“What are preservatives?”
“Chemicals put into food to make them stay fresh longer, taste and look better longer.”
“Chemicals!”
“Not bad chemicals, just things they use to preserve food. They’re kind of like sugar, in that they are OK for you if you eat a little once in a while, but not all the time. It’s about moderation.” Then I went into this big detailed explanation of moderation, preservatives and the difference between sugar, salt and fat and what each does to your heart and body, knowing that he can't possibly be comprehending half of what I've said. After all of it, I asked him if he understood a word of it. “Yeah. I understand, but pretty much I only go for the toys.” Touche! This is just another example of how I complicate even the smallest things!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later, Jacob wanted to eat dinner at Burger King. I’m not a fan of fast food, but I do allow Jacob to have it more often than I would like to admit. On our way to the drive through, I tried to explain to Jacob that fast food isn’t good for you all the time. “Why not?” he said.
“Because it’s loaded with fat, salt and preservatives.”
“What are preservatives?”
“Chemicals put into food to make them stay fresh longer, taste and look better longer.”
“Chemicals!”
“Not bad chemicals, just things they use to preserve food. They’re kind of like sugar, in that they are OK for you if you eat a little once in a while, but not all the time. It’s about moderation.” Then I went into this big detailed explanation of moderation, preservatives and the difference between sugar, salt and fat and what each does to your heart and body, knowing that he can't possibly be comprehending half of what I've said. After all of it, I asked him if he understood a word of it. “Yeah. I understand, but pretty much I only go for the toys.” Touche! This is just another example of how I complicate even the smallest things!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Way To Go, Steelers!
For those of you who really know me, you will find it hard to believe, but I actually watched the superbowl yesterday. Andrew refused to nap during the day, so I had to leave the party early with him, and put him to bed. The fact that I was alone makes it even more unbelievable! I'm glad I did watch, though. Even for a non-football fan, it was an exciting game, and the Steelers deserved their victory. Here are some photos of Jacob at the party at my aunt's house.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Jacobisms
Now that we have had two full days of a healthy Andrew (still on medication, however), I feel like I can be a little more light-hearted in my blogging. Over the past few days Jake has said some funny things that I remembered to write down. I've noticed that the number of entries about his antics have decreased lately. It's not because he stopped being funny, but more that I've forgotten the things by the time I go to blog. No one wants to read my yammering all the time, so here are some little stories about (or by) Jacob:
The other day, he was running laps around the kitchen, dining room and living room. I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "Oh, just running around getting a little hair on my chest."
"Running around and getting a little hair on your chest?" I said.
"Yeah, Mom. It's just a language of speech, you know."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That same night, Greg had been complaining of dry skin. He said he was unable to reach his back to put lotion on it. I offered to do it for him, but he declined. Then a few hours later, he was complaining again about the itching, and began rubbing his back against the doorway in the kitchen. I said, "Well, Jacob" (because Jake always starts whining and complaining instead of asking for help) "why don't you get the lotion and I'll put it on your back?"
Jake heard me call Greg Jacob and asked me why I said that. I told him that instead of asking for help, he was complaining and rubbing his back against the wall, like Jacob does sometimes. Jacob said, "Yeah. A better way would be to rub your back against a tree. That's a better scratcher."
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We have had a recent infestation of moths, or "mofs" as Jacob refers to them. He decided to make a "mof catcher" out of paper with 5 pieces of double sided masking tape to trap the moths. I humored him and hung it on the wall, then Greg caught two moths and placed them on the tape. Jake thinks that the contraption works, and has been on my case to help him make more "mof catchers" ever since!
The other day, he was running laps around the kitchen, dining room and living room. I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "Oh, just running around getting a little hair on my chest."
"Running around and getting a little hair on your chest?" I said.
"Yeah, Mom. It's just a language of speech, you know."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That same night, Greg had been complaining of dry skin. He said he was unable to reach his back to put lotion on it. I offered to do it for him, but he declined. Then a few hours later, he was complaining again about the itching, and began rubbing his back against the doorway in the kitchen. I said, "Well, Jacob" (because Jake always starts whining and complaining instead of asking for help) "why don't you get the lotion and I'll put it on your back?"
Jake heard me call Greg Jacob and asked me why I said that. I told him that instead of asking for help, he was complaining and rubbing his back against the wall, like Jacob does sometimes. Jacob said, "Yeah. A better way would be to rub your back against a tree. That's a better scratcher."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We have had a recent infestation of moths, or "mofs" as Jacob refers to them. He decided to make a "mof catcher" out of paper with 5 pieces of double sided masking tape to trap the moths. I humored him and hung it on the wall, then Greg caught two moths and placed them on the tape. Jake thinks that the contraption works, and has been on my case to help him make more "mof catchers" ever since!
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Jake takes time out of his special day to bond with the dogs.
Sharing the burden of blowing out the candles.
Jake and Pap
Jelly Bellies and Tequila...the ultimate birthday gift for Pap!
Legos Mars Mission - the ultimate birthday gift!
Mimi's homemade birthday cake is very kind to Pap.