Priorities

Today on the way to work, I decided to listen to AM radio instead of FM. I’m just a little burned out on music these days, so I thought I’d give it a rest for a while. I came upon an ultra-religious talk show, which I listened to for about 15 minutes before changing. Most of it was pretty conservative and extreme for me. He spoke of a terribly vengeful God, which I just couldn’t relate to. My personal belief is of a merciful God, but even with that very glaring difference in belief, I was still able to take something away from his lecture. It goes to show that even amidst disagreement, there is still something to be taken from an opposing view.

What struck me was this statement, “Sin is sin, regardless of who commits it, but guilt is proportionate to understanding.” He went on to explain that justice in the eyes of God is not blind , as our country’s legal system intends it to be, but is rather a justice that is omniscient and insightful. God weighs us on his balance, our actions, attitudes and intentions, and we are judged accordingly. It made me think about my own actions and intentions, and of the actions and intentions of some people I know. To be frank, and to sound terribly judgmental myself, I have to say that I find comfort in knowing that there are some people who may not get what they deserve while on this earth, but will pay the price when they meet their maker.

But one cannot apply that principal only to people whom we dislike. I, of course, am no different than my worst enemy when I stand before the Lord. I would like to say that my intentions are always pure, but I admit that I can be selfish, distractable and impatient (to name a few) – human. I find this introspection to be especially salient in regard to my children. I think most people who read this blog know me well. You know that I am not someone who readily takes advantage of others, knowingly wrongs others or lives a lavish life of sin and wastefulness. When inspecting most facets of my life, I am pretty satisfied that I do the right thing most of the time. Usually. Like I said, everyone makes mistakes.

But I really feel that my largest and probably most detrimental mistakes lie in my interactions with my children. Do I give them enough attention? Do I involve them in my life enough and engage them in intellectually stimulating and emotionally supportive ways. Do I give them my undivided attention enough? I’m not saying that parents should do those things all the time. I believe that we can give our children too much, and thereby create people who are just as dysfunctional as those who were ignored. It’s a matter of finding the right balance between helping our children to be autonomous and feeling valued.

Recently Greg and I had a conversation about spending time with family. He commented on how well he felt his dad and mom balanced the important things in their lives, namely spending time with their kids and grandkids. He complimented his dad for always being there for him as a child and still being there now into adulthood. He commented on his oldest sister’s girls and how he could see already that they have grasped the importance in family time, and how proud he was of them for that. Even as teenagers, when we all know that being with “boring adults” is not on the top list of things to do, they never complain or make us feel like they begrudge family gatherings. It speaks worlds of my sister and brother in law as parents. We agreed that my other nieces and nephew will also hold these values, because that is how they are being raised as well. It’s a tremendous gift that the Williams decedents all have been given. It’s a gift that I was given by my parents as well. Our children are twice blessed to live with such gifts on both sides of their family.

At one point, Greg expressed concern that someone very dear to him viewed him as someone who was unavailable. My response? That person doesn’t know him well at all. Greg is someone who is always available. Yes, he works crazy hours that take him out of the house often, but he amends for those lost moments three-fold with every free moment he has. It is something that he learned from his parents, and a lesson that he holds dear to his heart. He goes out of his way to know what is important to those around him, and engage each person accordingly. Anyone who knows Greg can attest to his emotional availability. It’s what distinguishes him from all the rest, what makes him such a good husband and such a good father. It's what I love the most about him, and what brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.

I can attest to Greg’s intentions, attitudes and actions, but what about my own? I would like to say that I am available. I try to be there for my family and my friends, but there are times when I don’t want to be bothered either. There are times when I just want to read the paper while I eat my breakfast instead of listening to talk about dinosaurs or Spiderman. There are times when I get irritated because Andrew wants to be held, and I want to fold laundry. These are unimportant things that I routinely allow myself to be distracted by.

Today then, on Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, I have decided to make some changes. I won’t put the paper in front of me in the mornings unless I am eating alone. I’ll fold the laundry when the kids are in bed (OK, but I have to do some of the other chores while they are awake - I have to keep my sanity! Work with me here!), and I will try not to worry so much about all the nonessentials. In short, I will spend the next 40 days really focusing on my children with the intention of continuing that focus after Easter.

It’s true, God will judge us accordingly, but it isn’t fear of judgment day that is my driving force. It’s looking into my boys’ eyes and knowing that one day I want my sons to sit with their wives and say, “I’m so grateful that mom and dad always found the time for us, and made us feel important.” To me, that is the true measure of a good parent.