Repetitious Indoor Gymnastics and My Proceeding Reactions

Here's the scene:
My living room, one day last week. Keep in mind, however, that this is a common conversation, with just a bit of the dialogue changing.

Jacob, jumping wildly on the couch, completely unaware that he is doing something I have asked him countless times not to do: "Mom! Mom! Look at me! Watch what I can do!"

Me, in an exasperated tone: "Jake, when are you going to realize that I don't want you jumping on the furniture?"

Jacob, bewildered: "I thought you changed your mind. It's been a few days since I jumped on the couch."

Me, feeling defeated: "No. I haven't changed my mind. Please don't jump on the furniture."

Jake: "OK"

This scene will repeat every few days.
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Yesterday, again in my living room. Jacob is jumping inside Andrew's Bumbo seat, again not for the first time.

Me: "Jacob, get out of that seat. It's for a baby. You are going to break it."

Jacob: "I'm not sitting in it, I'm standing."

Me: "I don't want you inside or on that seat in any way." (He is SO good with semantics. Once I told him that I didn't want him watching Spiderman 3 because it was too violent. I then found him at my aunt's house watching Spiderman 1. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You said not to watch Spiderman 3. This is the first Spiderman.")

Back to the present. Me again: "I'm not going to tell you again. The next time I see you in that seat, you are going to pay me a quarter." Money is usually a good motivator for him.

Jacob, smugly: "Oh, a quarter. That's not very much money."

Me, agitated : "Fine then, if I catch you in that seat again, you will pay me one dollar."

Jacob, shocked: "But I only have one dollar in my wallet."

Me, matter-of-factly: "Then don't get inside that seat again."
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These are our daily arguments. Don't jump on the furniture. Don't get in the baby's seat, swing, stroller, etc. Don't eat yogurt in the living room. Put your toys away when you are done. Please get out of the car in under 15 minutes and remember to shut the car door when you finally get out, because the rest of us have already gone into the house. The list goes on, but you get the point.

I have times when I lose my temper unnecessarily over these things, because I'm just so exasperated at the frequency of my failed attempts at curtailing such behavior. Recently, however, I've been trying to look more at the big picture and less at the everyday little stresses that can get so out of hand. My friends with teenagers and college age kids have told me to enjoy these days. These are the times when I know where my children are at all times. I have full control over who they associate with and what influences their lives. They are safe, and the behavioral issues that we encounter, although trying at times, are minute in the grand scheme of life.

Admittedly, I am human and I don't always pick the right battles to fight. I question which battles are indeed small, and which will escalate into bigger problems if not addressed in their infancy. Again, it all comes back to the simple concept of balance. If we, as parents, can find that balance between over and under reacting, and teach our kids to reign their behaviors and reactions appropriately, it should all work out favorably in the long run...right???

Maybe part of the problem is that parents now over-think everything. Perhaps if we just followed our guts and didn't worry so much about every interaction, things would work out just fine anyway. I'm sure if my grandmother were still alive, she would think that some of the tactics I use are ridiculous. I can imagine her telling me "Don't reason with the kid, just tell him how it is going to be and move on." Her kids turned out OK without time-outs and positive reinforcement, redirection and all the rest of the child rearing lingo. Could it be possible that mine would too?

I think that most of the changes in discipline are for the better. We now see our children not as simple insubordinates, but for the budding persons that they are - complete with emotions and motivations as true as our own. I also believe that most people are good at heart and have good intentions. No one can convey those intentions in an articulate and unflawed manor all the time, but most of us do a pretty good job at it most of the time. When we know that our spouses, our kids, and our friends have intentions and true personalities that are pure and sincere, we don't need to be so analytical about our interactions or so rigid with rules.

I don't want my children to grow up to complicate things like I do. I want them to be able to live in the moment, but plan for the future, with confidence and security, without constantly worrying whether or not they are doing the right thing. I want them to see the big picture but not sweat the small stuff. I'm hoping that time and practice will allow me to do the same, and that by setting a good example, they will effortlessly (Ha! Somewhat anyway! I'm not completely delusional) learn those skills as well. Most importantly, I'm hoping that in the meantime, I will be able be aware of my blessings more often and of the ease and goodness of this stage in our life as a family, and look forward to being able to do the same in the future, regardless of what that stage may be.

Right now, however, I need to invest in some good quality couch covers! :)


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On a not so serious note - last night, Jake was watching TV and a commercial for some contest came on. He said, "I hope I win a Subway card." There is really nothing at Subway that he would eat, so I said, "What would you do with a Subway card?" "Well, I'd buy a ham sandwich." Then he paused, "and I'd buy a sandwich for you and Greg too." Ask a simple question, get a simple answer!