Addiction

Five weeks have gone by since I started the purification program. I had my follow up test at the doctor's on Friday and the results were good, but not great. I had hoped that I would have improved more than I did, but it seems that I really did a lot of damage in my younger years. He assured me that the body continues to heal after the purification program is over, as long as I continue to eat healthfully. I also remember the other doctor saying that it took him several years, and several processes, to get to the point where he wanted to be. Those things considered, I suppose I did OK.

The test showed that my hormones are indeed out of whack, so the course of action now is to straighten them out. I still get headaches around my cycle, but not in the middle of the month. That's pretty cut and dry, if you ask me. And hey, I'm glad to have it narrowed down to one particular time of the month. It's still a vast improvement over the constant headaches I had before, and proof that the purification program did indeed fix some things.

What amazes me, however, is how strong my sweet tooth really is. Even after 5 weeks of no candy and no carbs, I still crave sugar on a daily basis! In the beginning, I thought about milk, bread and cheese a little, but after a while the desire to eat those foods dissipated. But not sugar, specifically chocolate. Those urges continue, as strong as ever. This whole process reminds me of quitting smoking in so many ways. The urges are so strong and need to be overcome. In fact, in the beginning, I even thought about smoking!! I wouldn't smoke at this point, not even if I were drinking. In fact, over time, I have become very bothered by cigarettes and their smell, so it surprised me that the thought even crossed my mind. I believe the reason can be traced back to overcoming an addiction. I have a true sugar addiction, just as I had a nicotine addiction, and my mind reels for sugar substitutions as I try to overpower the addict within. I did, after all, frequently smoke instead of eating. It seems perfectly logical that my old coping mechanism would pop up now.

When I was in my third year of German in high school, I decided to also take Latin. I enjoyed Latin, but the whole time I was in that class, I continually wanted to speak German! It drove me crazy! One day I mentioned this to the teacher and she informed me that it is human nature to refer back to one's first second language when in an atmosphere where what is being spoken is not your native language. I saw this again when we visited Montreal. They speak French. I only know a few short phrases in French, and if someone replied to them I would have no idea what they were saying. Still, the entire time we were there, I wanted to speak German, not English! It was as if, against all rational thought, I expected people there to understand me if I spoke German. It was simply because I was not in my native atmosphere, and my mind therefore relied on the only other language that I could speak. Throughout my travels abroad, this phenomenon occurred over and over. The brief and passing thoughts of smoking must be a similar mechanism. Overcoming the sweet addiction, I look back to the one other strong addiction I overcame.

However, just as I needed to quit smoking, I also need to beat the sweet tooth. In looking at my body systems, my pancreas was one organ which was not operating at an optimal level. The fact that I could be facing diabetes early in my life is an eye opener. My grandmother developed diabetes in her 40's. She constantly battled poor eating habits and off and on exercising. While I exercise more regularly, I follow in her footsteps when it comes to eating sweets. As a child, I often fixed my own breakfasts and lunches. I remember eating two Little Debbie snacks for breakfast, and taking a tub of Marshmallow Cream and water for my lunch to school! Although quitting smoking was very hard, and took many attempts, I think the sugar junkie in me will be harder to overcome. Those eating patterns are so ingrained, set in my thinking for the last 33 years, and steeped in a family who also revels in dessert as well.

People can carry a family predisposition to having less resistance to developing Type 2 diabetes, but that doesn't mean that people with diabetes in their family are destined to develop the disease. It's a manageable disease, when cared for appropriately, but I don't want a manageable disease. I would prefer not to have any diseases at all. I am hoping that the desire for a healthy future is enough motivation to prevent me from eating that entire box of chocolates that Greg got me for Valentine's Day. We will see...in the meantime, I will continue to test, and strengthen my willpower, for my health's sake.