Baptism to Birthday

This weekend was busy for us. My grandfather will turn 80 on September 5, so family came in from out of town to celebrate his birthday on Saturday, and we also celebrated Andrew’s baptism on Sunday. Saturday we had dinner at the Allegro for my grandfather. It was a nice gathering and good food. My uncle, the only boy of six children, gave a toast to my grandfather - to the time, love and devotion that he has put into his family throughout the years and how, by such a loving example, his children did the same for their children and now, some of his grandchildren are continuing the family standards.

It’s something I’ve been aware of since late adolescence - the true gift of family that I have. I myself am one of three - not necessarily a large family unit, but my mother is one of six, and her mother was one of six, and so the heritage continues backwards. The line of aunts, uncles, first, second and once-removed cousins is so long in our family, that there are some people to whom I’m not exactly sure how I’m related! Sure there have been tiffs and separations throughout the years. Some people have moved out of town or state, but by in large, the core of the family hasn’t strayed far.

Some of my youngest memories are of going to Ocean City with my mother, her siblings, my grandmother, my great-aunt Carmen and her children, my cousin Lucie and my great aunt Nora (for whom Andrew would have been named, if he were only a girl!). We still take 5 or more families to the beach each year. I remember big parties every fourth of July at Lucie’s house where everyone would swim and then walk to the cemetery where we could see the fireworks from Lakemont. We always had big gatherings at my grandmother’s for Thanksgiving, and every Christmas there was a big party in my grandparent’s basement. There were tons of kids my age, tons of adults my parents age, my grandparents age, and beyond. Always.

I remember tagging along with my grandmother as often as I could to visit with my aunt Carmen and cousin Lucie. Carmen always had pets of varying numbers and kinds, and Lucie always fed me sweets. I remember being so excited to visit with my aunt Annie, who is only 11 years older than me. As a child, I idolized her. She was always so “cool” and pretty. I remember spending the night at my aunt Kathy’s house once before their daughter Kristy was born, ordering a pizza and eating it in their bedroom.

These are just everyday memories that make me smile. I look at the life I was exposed to - so many people who were always open and willing to stop the world for each other. It is a true blessing. Many people have little or no family. Many people’s families are scattered all over the country or world and seldom see each other. My family is here, or will get here, for all the things that matter. That quality didn’t just happen over night. We aren’t just lucky. My great-grandparent’s parents instilled those values and they trickled down through each generation.

I’m now in an in-between generation. I’m no longer a young and innocent child, but I’m not exactly one of the elders either. I find myself contemplating the various stages of life these days. How does it feel to be my mother, my son, my grandfather? How does it feel to be 80? How does 80 years of living change a person’s perspective? My grandfather doesn’t say much. He is a man of few words, so in many ways, a deep conversation about the changes in his point of view isn’t likely. But I have tapped into my aunt Carmen, who is only 5 years younger than him. I enjoy listening to stories about when she was young, things she did with my grandmother, what her mother was like, how she felt as a young mother.

If I have gathered any wisdom from Carmen, it is this: times change, people change, but the basics of human emotions are elemental. We change our reactions to situations with age and with wisdom, but each generation will inevitably face the same hurdles with exceptions in the details. It’s unfortunate that we cannot have the wisdom of our 80’s when we are in our 30’s. Perhaps that is yet another example of life’s mockery; we cannot be told how to handle situations, emotions, or problems. We must learn by doing, feeling and solving ourselves. Life’s school is much more salient than second hand accounts, even when we enjoy hearing those tales. What it boils down to, as I’ve mentioned before, is having a strong foundation from which to pool your resources and make good decisions. And like a house foundation, the strength of it is not accidental, it is a deliberate reinforcement and enrichment intended to prepare and protect.

This weekend we were faced by polar opposites - the celebration of my grandfather’s 80th birthday. The celebration of a life coming to completion, a man who has done his job not only as an American and a postal employee, but also as a son, as father, grandfather, and great-grandfather, and done it well. He, with the help and support of his family, successfully continued instilling high moral standards in his children, all the while also letting them know that they were loved and cherished for the individuals they were. Now he can sit back and enjoy that work in the faces of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Contrarily, we celebrated Andrew’s birth, in a sense. Not his physical birth, but his birth as a Christian. He starts his life shiny and new, slate clean, surrounded by a loving an supportive family. He is blessed by the love of God, but he is also blessed by the love of many, many others, who will help to guide and mold him into (probably someday) a father, then grandfather and perhaps even great-grandfather. I hope that he will sit someday surrounded by several generations of his own offspring, praising his efforts throughout the years, and celebrating the foundation that he continued to nurture and build.