Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. 

                                ~ Dalai Lama


Oh, I have felt conflict as of late!  It seems like I am face to face with malice on a daily basis. I am trying hard to understand the motivations of others.  Is it jealousy?  A need to belong, a commaraderie found in uniting against others?  Is it stress or laziness or societal pressures?  Why exactly are people so mean to one another?


One of my favorite sayings is: "It is what it is."  I am not a person who spends large amounts of time trying to figure out motivations behind other people's actions.  That's not to say that I don't wonder why, just that I think it is useless to waste a lot of energy trying to guess and figure out what someone else is thinking.  Someone once told me that I needed to eliminate three word combinations from my vocabulary "would have, should have and could have."  It doesn't matter what could have been.  It is what it is, and that isn't going to change by thinking about the past.  Deal with the present to the best of your capacity.  Change what you can in the future.  Learn from your mistakes, and learn from the mistakes of others.  Forgive yourself and forgive others. That's all you can do.  Anything else is just a waste of energy. 


I guess the logic in my attempts to desipher other people's motivations right now is simply to gain perspective.  Maybe if I knew what was going on in their minds, I would better understand their behavior.  It's not that I think outside stressors excuse poor behavior, but they certainly make it more understandable.  


Moreover, I am trying to figure out my own role.  Do I speak up?  How much to I excuse?  How much do I allow?  Where is my comfort level?  At what point do I feel that my own integrity is being compromised? Where are my boundaries?  Is it even my place to take action or am I out of line?  


This blog entry is so vague, and I apologize.  I cannot say more, because these battles are simply not mine to voice.  Nonetheless I am feeling very personally conflicted. So conflicted that it is keeping me up at night and is on my mind during any free moments during the day.   I realized last night that my sole actions right now should be focused in channeling my own kindness.  Perhaps kindness will prove to be just as contagious as its negative counterpart.  Even if it isn't, at least I will know that I have acted with compassion myself.  I will not support the crowd simply to belong, or to avoid making waves.  Maybe I can even shed a benevolent perspective on the situation at hand. And if none of that comes true, at least I will find comfort in knowing that I personally acted with sincerity.    

Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.