What's That Smell?

Did I ever tell you about the time I caught my cat on fire?  If you've been my friend for more than ten years, I'm sure you know the story.  I bet some of you can even remember when it happened!  My boss at the time asked me how "Old Fire Butt" was doing for years after the incident.  If you haven't known me that long, or haven't heard the story, well then, let me enlighten you.

The story actually starts well before the cat comes into the picture.  It all began one afternoon when I was working at the day program for adults with special needs.  It was the end of the day and all of our guys had gone home.  I went to my purse and opened my wallet with the intention of grabbing a soda from the machine (yes, this was back when I drank soda!).  When I looked into my wallet, it was empty.  Completely empty.  No credit cards, no cash, Nada.  My first thought was that one of my guys unknowingly took my stuff.  No big deal.  I would call their house staff and get it  back.  I called several of my client's residential staff and none of them found any of my belongings.  That's when I started to worry.

It's also when I recalled the last place I had seen my wallet...on the front seat of my car, where it had been all night long, with the car doors unlocked.  Um...oops!

I hurried home and called the police to file a police report.  While I was waiting for the police to arrive, I decided to call and cancel my credit cards.  At the time, my (now ex) husband and I had two cats - Ziel, who I make reference quite a bit, and Frey, who we endearingly called "Little Shit."  Little Shit was actually my (ex) mother-in-law's cat that we took in when she was unable to care for it.  It was a gray long haired cat.  Well, while I was on the phone with Visa, I heard this unusual "shrshshhhh" sound beside me.  I looked over and there beside me, with her tail over a jar candle, was Little Shit, tail ablaze like a giant torch reaching out of her rear end!

Oh my GOD!  The cat was on FIRE! And she didn't even know it!  Without thinking, I took two deep and fast breaths and literally blew out my cat.  Luckily, the fire was extinguished before her skin was burned.  When I tell the story, it seems like a longer amount of time than it really was.  The whole thing went down in a fraction of a second, I'm sure.

Just after I blew out the cat, my door bell rang.  It was the police officer.  I invited him in, apologizing that my house smelled like burned cat.  He excused the scent, but after a few moments asked if we could go outside and complete the report, so he could see better.  Yeah, see better, that's why.  Sure it was.

All things considered, the day ended pretty well.  I was able to cancel my cards and wasn't held accountable for any of the charges, and the cat was saved from what could have been a very painful experience.  It could have been a lot worse for both of us.

What's the lesson to be learned here, my friends?  Well, it's twofold.  Keep a good eye on your wallet.  And don't burn candles in a place that is typically trafficked by long haired pets!

Oh, and the smell of burned pet hair cannot be masked with fragrances, and it takes about a week to dissipate.  You know, just an FYI.