What Do I Do With A Quiet Christmas Season?

This year the holiday season has been much lower key than in the years past.  I'm not exactly sure why.  Greg had to work on the day of his company party, so we didn't go.  I missed another friend's party last weekend because I just wasn't feeling up to it.  I haven't made any concrete plans to catch up with my Pittsburgh gals yet. It seems like December was already half over before it even started.  Did you notice that my Christmas cards were not the first ones to arrive this year?  It's not because they weren't ready.  It's because I forgot about them!  I am usually really on top of things, but not this year.  I also forgot to give Jacob money for the Santa's Secret Workshop at school.  He came home last week and said, "Mom, you forgot to give me money for Santa's workshop.  I only had $1.11 of my own money, so I could only buy a gift for Andrew."  What on earth is wrong with me???  I felt so bad.  I actually started sobbing while telling a friend at work about it, especially when I thought about the fact that Jacob seems to hate Andrew most of the time, but he still chose to spend his only money on his little brother.  What a sweet boy.  I'm so sorry he's stuck with an asshole mother.

There are lots of things I should be doing, but I am seriously lacking motivation.  I don't know if it's laziness or what exactly is causing my mental lapses, but I have almost adopted a attitude of complete apathy.  My Halloween pumpkins are STILL on my front porch, along with the few pitiful Christmas things that I put out.  I didn't even get out most of my Christmas decorations.  I opened the boxes, looked at them, and put them right back into storage.  I'm done with 3/4 of my fall cleaning, and I've lost the drive to finish the rest.  Is it really necessary?  I mean, is anyone going to look inside my china closet to see if I wiped down the shelves?  Well, you will now if you come over, just because I posted about it.  Damn it.  Now I have to clean the china closet.  I'll do it tomorrow.   And when did I start putting off cleaning?  Goodness, when I'm feeling stressed, usually a bottle of Clorox is all I need to get me back on track.  Something isn't right.

Earlier in the month, looking forward at our schedule, I was extremely grateful for the lull.  This time of year is always so hectic and I typically feel like I'm going to burst from the stress of all the gatherings, so I thought I would enjoy a calmer pace.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for calm over chaos any day, but I think it has actually given me much more time to think about all the things that tend to get me down this time of year.  I'm really not feeling Christmasy at all.  I can (and do) fake it for the boys (I'm including Greg in that grouping, because when it comes to Christmas, he is one big kid!  And he has very sweetly hidden a gift for me to find every day for the last 5 days.  Aw.)  Who wants to be around someone who is all depressed and whiny anyway?  So, I'm done now.  That's the extent of my whine.  Yes, I'll have some cheese with it, thank you.

I posted a Christmas playlist for those of you who requested it.  It's as close to last year's as I can get.  I must have deleted the old one and I couldn't remember exactly what was on it.  Hope this one is OK.  It's the best you're getting out of this old Scrooge this year.  Maybe the spirits of Christmas past, present and future will inspire me a little more next year!