Confession of a Mysophobe

Is anybody else out there a germaphobe?  Tell me I'm not alone!

I was always a neat freak, but I wasn't always so paranoid about germs.  This irrational fear of viruses has been like a snowball, slowly gaining girth over the past decade or so.  At this point, it's way bigger than me! With flu season at its peak, and being as severe as it is this year, I feel like I'm living in a constant state of hyper-awareness. I am living my own personal variant of "Doomsday Preppers."  My version is called "Anti-Virus Prepper," and I have surrounded myself with mounds of Clorox wipes and cans of Lysol as defense.

My boss's daughter was sent home from school with a stomach bug Thursday.  The first thing I said to my boss (after, "Aw, poor girl," of course) was "make sure you Lysol everything - remote controls, telephones, light switches, doorknobs, faucets, keyboards..."  In fact, just thinking about that conversation lead me to pause blogging so that I could wipe down my own phone, keyboard and mouse with alcohol pads.  I'm not kidding.  I'm paranoid!

Even though I was really overwhelmed with paperwork yesterday, before I could dig into that monumental pile of folders on my desk, I had (and I mean HAD) to clean my office.  People all through my building are sick, and the kids are also dropping like flies!  I spent the first15 minutes of my day sanitizing my work space - desk, phone, computer, light switch, doorknob, etc.  I wiped everything with Clorox wipes and then sprayed Lysol for good measure.  I even sprayed my keys.  Once that was done,  I was able to focus.  Before I did it, all I could do was envision microbial creatures sneaking into my body, multiplying and nesting.  Disgusting!  I shudder at the thought.

Honestly, I rarely get sick.  Knock on wood.  (Watch, I'll have the damn flu tomorrow.)  My fear really isn't so much about the illness itself.  I'm young.  I'm in good health.  I can handle being uncomfortable for a while.  I'm not afraid for my well-being.  Actually, I have practically no fears of cold-like viruses and sore throats.  I don't want to have a cold, but it's highly unlikely that I will.   If I do, it'll probably be short-lived anyway.  And while colds and sore throats are uncomfortable, they don't completely wipe you out of commission, nor do they cause a huge mess.  It's the stomach bugs that make me panic. When I say panic, I'm not exaggerating.  If someone tells me that they, or anyone they have been in contact with, has recently vomited, I go into a germ-resistant, self-preservation trance.  I don't hear anything that they say beyond the word "vomit."  I instantly feel compelled to wash my hands, and sometimes I even secretly hold my breath until I can get away from that person.  I have thrown away pens that people have used, if I know that they or someone they know has puked within the last 72 hours.  I will not eat in a room where I know someone who has thrown up, or someone who has been in contact with someone who has thrown up, has been.  If you tell me that you or a friend has been vomiting in your presence, as soon as you leave, I will disinfect everything you came into contact with.  If you are a good friend, I will probably do it while you are still with me.  In fact, I may even disinfect you!

While all of that is a little over the top, the worst part of it is my reasoning for this anxiety.  I'm not delusional.  I know I have issues.  No, I don't want to get sick, but it's not the fear of sickness that compels me.  It's the aversion to mess.  If I get the stomach bug, I will not be happy.  I will whine and complain about how miserable I am, but I will make it to the bathroom.  If my kids get the stomach bug, there will be vomit all over my house - all through their beds, on my furniture, on my white rug.  Admittedly, the thought of cleaning up puke, with the possibility of permanent staining on items that I can't just throw away, and the stench of vomit permeating my house makes me feel more than a little edgy.  I can't take it!  Please God, keep this house vomit free!!!

Really, I'm OK with a little bit of OCD.  I don't want to get sick, and the best way to prevent illness is to clean.  But I also worry a little about the progression of my obsession.  Right now, it's just a tad over-kill.  Where will it be 10 years from now?  20?  Am I going to end up like Monk?  I'm hoping the OCD plateaus, but I suppose only time will tell.  For now, I gotta run.  I'm pretty sure my sinks need to be bleached...oh, and the doorknobs...and I may as well get the light switches too, while I'm at it.