Easter Photos

Brooke, Andrew and Jacob relax on Mimi's glider after a grueling egg hunt.







Katelyn, Karissa, Brooke, Kiersten, Jacob and Andrew count their eggs.










"Aw! I found one, but it's cracked open and empty! Rip-off!"









Jacob's signature wave.












Andrew would rather eat the eggs than dye them.






















Aerial view































A little brotherly support during the hunt.










Matt and Jake check out the goodies!

Easter morning. Jacob was up at 430!!!! He's preparing to be a true fisherman, with those hours!

He needed a little help finding his basket.

"Now I got it!"

Legos! More to step on in the middle of the night!

"Aw...Dunny!"

"The next time someone breaks into my house, I'm going to get them with this bat!"

Musical Elmo book...

Ella checks out her basket.

How sweet, but for some reason, I don't think the baby will be satisfied with a bottle of air! At least, that never worked for my kids!

Stories Of The Boys

Well, it's time again to post a few little quips about the boys. There are actually so many things they do on a daily basis that I find cute or funny, that I need to censor the amount I share. These are some of the ones I found particularly entertaining in the last few weeks:

Andrew loves the drums. He constantly asks Greg to take him "down," meaning down to the game room so he can play with Greg's drums. When he sees me unloading the dishwasher, he wants spoons to use as drums around the house. He has actually broken a few wooden spoons by banging too hard, so now I only let him use the plastic ones.

One day, I heard a loud crack, followed by Jacob holding his head and screaming. I asked what happened, and Jacob said, "He hit me over the head with a spoon!" I looked at Andrew and he very seriously said, "Ba. Head. Drum."

That was the end of the spoon drumming for Andrew. As sweet as he is, Jacob's head is not a drum. Poor guy! That had to hurt!
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Jacob has been asking me for his own laptop computer for a while. I am fully against giving a small child his own computer. I think they have access to enough technology as it is, and that it could be potentially very dangerous for him to have a computer that I can't monitor well. He is allowed to use our family computer, which sits in the living room, and that's enough.

When I told Jacob that I was not going to buy him his own computer, he wanted to know why. I said, "because I think it's dangerous for a child to have his own computer." He said, "Oh, come on, Mom! What could be dangerous about a computer?" Then he paused a second and added, "Oh wait! I know. A computer virus!"

Yep, that's it. I don't want him to catch a computer virus!
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In March Andrew, Jacob and I all took turns with the stomach virus. Of course, it started with Andrew. He is generally the carrier in this house and starts off all wide spread infections. His sickness began the night that we had traveled to Pittsburgh for Greg's grandfather's birthday party. He was great all day, but started fussing in the car shortly before we arrived home. As Greg carried him up the stairs to his crib, he puked all over the place - all over Greg, the stairs, the walls, the hall, into both his room and the bathroom. It was awful! After I cleaned up Andrew, I began the task of cleaning the gargantuan mess of vomit. Andrew stood beside me emphatically saying, "Ew! Goss! 'Sgusting!" as he shook his head from side to side. He got that right! It definitely was "sgusting!"
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My parents recently went to Florida for Spring Training for the Pirates. They called one night and told Jacob that they bought him a real alligator head and foot. He was very excited about this, and was still talking about it the next day. He told me that he thought the people who petrified the head had eaten the rest of the body. I agreed, and said that they can also use the skin for shoes, purses or belts. "Yeah," he said, "or mittens." Right...I'm sure a pair of alligator mittens would be snugly and warm!
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The other night we played a few board games as a family. When we were done, I asked Jacob to take the games downstairs and put them away. On his way down the steps, he dropped one of the boxes and the cards inside spilled out onto the floor. "Oh great!" he yelled, "Now I'm going to have to clean up the whole decade!"

Little Drummer Boy

Andrew rocking out with Dad. Cell phone video.

Steps To Growth

Some days, when I drop Jacob off at school and watch him walk from my car into the building, I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness at his maturity. Every day, he confidently strides down the walk, never glancing back. That vision of him, his back to me, book bag behind him, one foot in front of the other, stays with me all day long. It’s the last glimpse I get of him before he disappears into a world that belongs to him, the workings of which I don’t really know that much about.

Yes, I volunteer quite a bit in the classroom when the opportunity arises. I talk to him about his day and have regular contact with his teacher, but those things don’t mean that I truly share his world. I don’t. It belongs to him, and I am but a visitor popping in to observe once in a while.

Why didn’t I have this feeling before? Jacob has always spent the day in day care or preschool, as does Andrew. Being away from my children all day long is nothing new, but I don’t feel that pang of unknowing or of my child’s impending maturation when I drop Andrew off at day care. Well, that's not entirely true. I guess I should say that I don't feel the same emotion when leaving Andrew at day care as I do when I drop Jacob off at school. It’s the simple fact that when your child is very young, you have close contact with his caregivers. I stop and talk for 5-10 minutes every morning and every afternoon with Andrew’s day care workers. I walk through the house and yard, and I know every inch of the building he is in. It was the same for Jacob as a baby and also at Harbor House. Even when he was in Kindergarten, I had daily face to face interactions with his teachers and the staff in the building. I could call any time and talk to someone. I could stop by without notice, or take him home early if I was so inclined. I knew all of the other kids in his class and their parents. There were 13 kids in Jacob's kindergarten and about 10 kids at Andrew's day care. When Jacob talked about his friends, I didn’t have to wonder what that child was really like, if he was a good influence, or what kind of home he came from. I felt like a shared his experiences more wholly.

I have always loved the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short.” It rings true in so many aspects of our lives, but none so much as raising our children. The day to day - the hassles and bickering, the chaos and hectic schedules - it can be overwhelming at times. But nothing flies by faster than the age of your children. It was about two years ago when I was doing laundry one day and I was suddenly shocked at the size of Jacob’s clothing. When did he get so big? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I had to put his tiny socks in a lingerie bag so they wouldn’t get lost in the wash? How could he possibly wear a size 5? It was as if I jumped ahead 3 years of his life right then and there.

I recently attended a training on how to prevent drug and alcohol abuse in children. It comes as no surprise that prevention starts young, very young. Providing your child with a stable and safe home environment, plenty of support sources, being involved in their education, all helps to prevent risky behavior later. It wasn’t the training itself that struck me, but more the fact that my child could be propositioned to use drugs in the same amount of time that he has already lived. What I mean is, he’s 6 now. In 6 more years, at 12 years old, some children are already using drugs, behaving provocatively, getting into trouble. If the first 6 years flew by so quickly, I can only imagine how fast the approaching teenage years will come!

It’s when I think of how fast he is growing, how quickly he will become a teenager, a college student, and then an adult, when I feel the real pangs. If it amazed me that his shirt size was a 5, how will I feel when he is wearing shoes bigger than mine, when his world outside of the family is truly his own, giving him the choice to share with us or not? Will I look back at his childhood and shake my head at the blur of it? Will I be able to trust his judgment and relinquish control? Will I have done a good enough job that he wants to keep us included in his life? The baby steps of his adult life begin here, in first grade, and I when I watch him walk into school, I feel a sense of watching history unravel, like a movie that I am producing, in its infancy. Jacob’s entrance into self reliance is symbolized in the opening scene – his first year of elementary school, a little guy with a bright orange coat and a dinosaur backpack, jaunting happily away from me, into the great unknown. I sit in the car in reflective silence and watch him go. As I drive away, I contemplate the future with bitter-sweet anticipation. I pray for the strength to make the right choices and the wisdom to appreciate each of the big and little moments as they fly by. And I pray that this is a movie that goes on forever. I don't want to see the end.

Walking On Sunshine

Last week and the weekend brought some much needed sunshine into our lives. After what felt like months of winter and snow piles that we never thought would melt, Mother Nature gave us a glimmer of hope for pleasant weather ahead. It's raining today, but that's OK with me. The 6 days of sunshine and 70 degree temperatures will sustain me for a while.We took advantage of the great weather as much as possible, going on walks every day after school/work and sitting on the front porch until the sun went down.

My mom ordered the complete Indiana Jones garb for Jacob, which he wore in excess during the last few days too. I guess there's something about sunshine that makes a boy want to whip things!

Andrew found his true love on the front porch in the form of a broom, which he called a "acuum." He calls any cleaning products or appliances "acuum," and shares my obsession for materials of the like. As you can see, cuddling up with the broom on the swing was one of his favorite pass times!

Today we start the week again. I can't say I'm all to excited to head back to work, but at least I can say that I'm refreshed from the sunshine. Let's hope we can hold on to that good feeling and decent weather for a while to come!

Xeno What???

As you all know, I have been making some lifestyle changes as of late, in an attempt to live more healthfully. I have talked a lot about diet on previous blogs. For now I would like to shift my attention to hormones.

In my case, a hormonal imbalance may be the cause of the few lingering headaches I experience. I have been taking some natural supplements provided by my doctor in order to balance my system, but he has also talked to me about finding way to prevent the imbalances from occurring in the first place. In talking, I have been astounded by the things which effect our hormones, things I never would have thought of before. The body is amazing, and is meant to run smoothly when treated appropriately, but when it is continually bombarded with toxins, things run amok. Unfortunately, there are a whole host of toxins out there, just waiting to invade us on any given day. I want to talk about some of them today.

The evil-doers I plan to focus on are called xenohormones. The prefix “xeno” actually means foreign. These chemicals are foreign substances which enter our bodies and bind to hormone receptors. They can mimic our natural hormones, block natural hormones from binding with their receptors, and change the body’s normal hormonal balance. Unlike real hormones, they accumulate in the body over time, damaging the tissues in our endocrine systems. This not only effects the sex organs, but also the thyroid, adrenal glands, pituitary gland and pancreas. They cause and/or exacerbate PMS, polycystic ovary disease, endometriosis, and fibrocystic breast disease. They are responsible for early onset puberty in our children, can cause low sperm counts in men, infertility problems in women, breast cancer and even suppress our immune systems.

These xenohormones are everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE! We are exposed to them daily, so much so that we cannot possibly escape them entirely. Just the act of breathing can expose us. We can, however, make choices which limit the extent of our exposure. If I knew I could do something to help lessen PMS, get rid of my headaches, and keep my children’s reproductive tracts in good working order without the use of medication or excessive intervention, I would do it. I AM doing it, in fact. It’s actually a matter of doing less, not necessarily more. Let me explain:

WHERE THEY COME FROM:

Xenohormones are basically everywhere, but there are certain places where their concentration is considerably higher. The primary offenders are as follows:

* Pesticides, both commercial and general consumer-based
* Foods grown inorganically with the use of pesticides
* Fake wood paneling and treated lumber used in homes
* Pet treatments, such as flea and tick shampoos
* Meat derived from hormone fed animals
* Processed & packaged foods, both in the preservatives as well as the packaging itself
* Plastic containers, bisphenol-A (a.k.a BPA)
* Synthetic clothing, such as polyester
* Any product that is derived from petroleum, such as mineral oil
* Birth control pills
* Detergents, fabric softeners
* Many health and beauty products – anything using parabens – these are preservatives and can be recognized by words with “methyl, ethyl, or propyl” in the ingredient list.


Good grief! Is there anything that I didn’t list??? See what I mean? They are everywhere. It’s impossible for anyone to completely eliminate these toxins from their life, short of living off the land in the middle of nowhere in a house they built themselves from self-cut lumber. Whew! Since that’s not really an option (or a desire, if you ask me), let’s see what we can do to minimize our dangers.

We can:

* Wear natural fibers. Yes, even your clothing has an effect. Think about it. It touches your skin, all over your body, all day long, of course you are going to absorb anything in it. If it’s made with plastic fibers, then you will absorb plastic particles! There’s a reason why polyester suits were left in the 70’s! Yuck!

* Use simple detergents. The lesser the ingredient list, the lesser the exposure. It’s the stuff that makes the detergents smell good and lather up that are causing the problems, so the more fragrant, the greater the chance that it’s not good for you. Again, if you’re touching your skin with it and soaking your clothing in it, chances are you are consuming all the elements of it as well.

* Instead of pesticides, use natural herbicides for your garden. A cup of salt diluted in 4 liters of vinegar will do the trick. Nothing bad there!

* Don’t use spermicide. If it’s killing the little swimmers, then it’s killing you too. Find a natural form of birth control like lambskin condoms or regular condoms without spermicide. Sometimes it’s just about minimization, not complete elimination. Birth control pills are bad too. If you are in a steady relationship, and are done having children, consider a permanent procedure to eliminate birth control all together. I can say from personal experience that having my tubes tied was the most liberating thing I ever did! (Never have unprotected sex if you are not in a sure relationship. AIDS is undeniably worse than a hormone imbalance. Be smart!)

* Buy organic food when you can. The pesticides used in traditional crop production cannot be washed off. They grow into the fibers of the plant as it grows. Organic can be expensive, so if you can’t afford it all, then make good choices. I have included a link to a list of the most important fruits and veggies to buy organic. http://www.kidsorganics.com/10%20Most%20Important%20Foods%20to%20Eat%20Organic.htm This site has a lot of other useful information, so look around for more facts and definitions.

* Filter your water. Our water contains not only the xenohormones that I have been talking about, but also a plethora of other contaminants. Yes, they are low enough in density per liter to pass public inspection, but big enough in quantity to harm our systems over time. In a study recently done, scientists were able to determine the primary rates of illnesses and prescriptions in a given area based on the local water supply. San Francisco, for example, has a high rate of sex-change operations and therefore has high concentrations of prescription sex hormones in its water! People don’t think. They flush their medication or dump it down the drain, and it stays in the system! I don’t want your antidepressants and pain killers, do you want my blood pressure meds???

* Limit the amount of canned foods you buy. Many vegetables, especially canned tomatoes are protected by a plastic lining, which leeches xenohormones into the food we eat. Buy fresh or frozen instead.

* Steer away from plastic toys for children who are still mouthing items. If you do buy plastic, look for BPA Free labels. Natural cloth dolls and wooden toys are great alternatives. My boys are big fans of books, too. You can kill two birds with one stone – enhance literacy skills and eliminate exposure to toxins at the same time!

* Look for natural health and beauty products, and ones with fewer perfumes and dyes. If there are a ton of ingredients you can’t pronounce, then you probably don't want it in your system.

* Store your food in glass containers instead of plastic. Never refrigerate or microwave food in a plastic container. If you use plastic wrap to cover food, keep it from touching the food itself, and remove the plastic wrap before heating. (Actually heating with a microwave isn’t good for you either – it alters the molecular composition of food, so you should use a microwave sparingly too!)

Now, this all seems like a lot to digest. Do I do all of the above? No, I don’t. But I do a lot of it. Making any change permanent requires time, and I am going about things slowly. I have gotten rid of most of my plastic containers, opting for glass instead. I even carry my lunch to and from work in glass Pyrex containers. They’re heavy, but this is one change that is relatively easy to make. After purchasing the glass bowls, there’s really nothing else noteworthy to do, and I'm getting a workout with the extra weight in my bag! I have also stopped buying canned food, except on occasion, and I buy a lot of organic produce. I drink some tap water, but mostly bottled, to eliminate the medication exposure. I still worry some about the plastic it comes in. I never drink anything that has been sitting in plastic in a hot car. I have slowly been replacing my beloved traditional cleaners for ones which are “green,” and less toxic. I’ve never been one to wear a lot of synthetic clothing. Cotton has been my primary cloth of choice, so that’s not one area I am overly concerned with.

Don’t get me wrong. I have not turned into some granola-eating, Birkenstock-and-hemp-wearing hippie who preaches the ills of synthetics to anyone and everyone. I simply find this all to be very fascinating. I talk to people who want to participate in such a conversation, but if someone doesn’t want to hear it, I don’t push it. Like everything else, it's all about balance.

Shortly after I had Jacob, I realized that I had to find my own parenting style and do what works for me, regardless of all the advice from well meaning individuals. This is a very similar situation, in my opinion. I take it day by day, do what works for me, and share what I can. What people do with the info I provide is their business. In the long run, it boils down to keeping myself and my family healthy. It’s about respecting the body I have been given, and teaching my boys to do the same. It’s respect for myself, respect for God, and a realization that you must take care of the things that you care about.

What simple changes can you make in your life to make it healthier? I encourage you to at least think about it…knowledge is half the battle!

Check out these websites for more information about xenohormones:

http://www.virginiahopkinstestkits.com/xenohormoneI.html

http://www.goodbyepms.com/xeno.htm

http://organic.org/

Pictures

No matter how the day goes, I can't help but fall in love with my children instantly when I check in on them at night. There's just something about the sweet innocence of a sleeping child that tugs at my heartstrings. Here's Jake, probably dreaming of his Indiana Jones whip and adventure set, not yet here when this photo was taken.







And Andrew's tiny feet sticking so neatly out of the back of the crib...how cute!








"Ba, what are you doing with that little box?" Don't you just love Andrew's location??? This kid will climb anything!








This just struck me as super funny one day. I was driving home from work and looked in the rear-view mirror. There were two nuns driving behind me, and one was on a cell phone. I stealthily snapped this shot over my shoulder with my phone. Thank goodness they didn't notice! I wonder if 10 Hail Marys would suffice as penance for making fun of nuns?




Andrew trying to give Jake a hug...Jake, not so happy about it! Brotherly love at its finest!












Sporting his new "asses" at Target.










He likes to do things himself, such as put on his own "asses." Wonder how well they work when crooked?

Too Much Information

Yesterday I read an article in the editorial section of our paper. It was about a woman who “tweeted” every moment of her abortion. She was proud of the fact that she was aborting a baby and wanted the world to be privy to every last second of the procedure. According to the article, she is not alone in her quest for public exposure of abortions. A new line of feminists, aiming to further the pro-choice movement are advocating for her, if not also taking part in live-coverage abortions. Another woman posted a Youtube video after taking the “morning after pill.“ When she was questioned about her actions, she in return asked “why shame remains about the act of killing one’s baby.” I was struck by the pure phrasing of her statement, shameless “killing of one’s baby.” To say those words were harsh is a vast understatement. The publicized acts by these women are apparently their attempt to increase awareness of the potential emotional distress of a woman choosing abortion. While I see the need a woman may have for emotional support during an abortion, I was horrified by the blatant disregard for human life these women displayed. Pro-choice or pro-life, I think most would agree that some things need to remain in the private sector.

I am pro-choice. I believe in a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body. I believe that there are times when an abortion is medically and emotionally necessary. I also believe that if we do not provide the means for women to have abortions legally, they will find ways to do it illegally, which can in turn lead to monumental medical problems not only for the fetus, but also for the woman herself. The constitution called for a separation of church and state long ago. It is not the government’s responsibility to protect the spiritual well-being of our citizens. That, in my opinion, is our own responsibility. At the end of the day what is between a person and God is private. We must all take responsibility for our own actions and be able to live with the consequences. We will all meet our maker one day, and answer for our own decisions.

Those are my opinions about where the country’s abortion laws should be. They do not reflect how I would personally live my life. I cannot say that I would never have an abortion, because I just don’t know how I would react to a pregnancy that arose from rape, or one that would potentially endanger my own life. I don’t believe that a person can accurately speculate how they would react in extreme circumstances, and so I do not venture to guess. I can say that if I were to become unexpectedly pregnant now, I would not choose abortion. But I my life circumstances are such that another baby would not impede us from caring for our current children or ourselves. In addition, having already given birth twice, I doubt my own ability to end a potential life and still sleep well at night. I think I would forever question such a decision. But it's still a personal choice of mine, a choice am I glad to have the freedom to make.

Adoption is a fantastic alternative. There are many couples who would gratefully raise an unwanted child, giving the gift of life not only to the baby itself, but also to an entire family. Adoption isn't for everyone, though. I imagine the process of growing a child and then giving it away has many emotional complications too. And I doubt there are many women who complete the adoption process without thinking of the child they gave away for the rest of their lives.

Now, let's return to the women who are publicizing their abortions. Could their motives be good? Maybe. Maybe they are genuinely trying to demystify the process, create a public awareness of it, and be supportive of other women who are facing the same difficulty. However, regardless of how positive their intentions may be, they are monumentally misguided. Abortion is a private matter, not something that should be made available to the public eye. In my opinion, these women have crossed the line from supporters to gratuitous killers. Instead of furthering the pro-choice movement, they have actually harmed it. Such a cavalier attitude about life left a horrible taste in my mouth, and I doubt that I am alone in such thinking. If these women truly care about the well being of all humans, then how could they possibly downplay the process of an abortion to that extent? They are dehumanizing not only the fetus, but also the woman who is going through the procedure, painting a picture of a callous, heartless and shallow person.

I imagine that the majority of women who choose abortions are not blood hungry baby killers. They are probably women who are in bad situations, unable to care for a child, and feeling that they have little other choice. Perhaps their own lives are already in danger, or perhaps they know that bringing a child into the world would for some reason be inhumane. A drug addict, for example, would not give birth to a healthy baby, but rather one with lifelong complications and misery. Isn’t it, in this instance, merciful to spare the child from a life of agony? A victim of severe domestic violence may know how her partner would react to the unwanted pregnancy and in turn beat the woman. If the child was born into such an environment, then the child would also be subject to constant abuse. I could go on and on with examples.

Maybe it is because I see the effects of inadequate birth control every day. I see unwanted kids, uncared-for kids and abuse all across the spectrum. While I do not advocate for abortions in place of birth control, I also do not advocate for reckless procreation. Sometimes a woman’s heart is sincere when choosing to end a pregnancy. Sometimes it is the best choice. Sometimes it is the only choice.

But these are the women we don’t see, not the radicals posting messages on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Something tells me that the women who have made these posts are not among those who are living in poverty, fear or addiction. Some people just don’t get it. For the sanctity of life, some things just need to be private.

Snow Removal

How To Remove The Remaining Snow From Your Back Porch:


Start with a snack to fuel them up for the hard work ahead.








Call the neighbor kids over.










Call it a "snowball battle" to make it seem more fun.








Find one child to be the scapegoat, and have everyone gang up on him.










Enlist everyone's help. You're never too young to start shoveling.











Praise them for a job well done!








Yell, "get 'em!" every once in a while to re-motivate them.











When all else fails, grab the biggest kid you can find, and hand him a shovel.




Follow this advice, and soon your porch will be cleared of that nasty lingering snow!

Happy Birthday To Us!

As part of our travels on Saturday, Greg, Andrew and I also stopped by for a quick visit with some of my college friends. Seen here, Michelle, Kathleen, Me and Shelly all have spring birthdays. We have made it a fairly annual routine to visit at Shelly's house to celebrate our birthdays together sometime during the month of March. It was great to connect with my college pals again. These are friendships that never grow old and are a great source of comfort. We had a lot of fun reminiscing and just catching up with one another. It's too bad we didn't have more time. Thanks, girls, for a wonderful end to the day! Can't wait to gather together here in the summer!

Photos From Pap Rago's Party

Pap and his four children










Pap with the gigantic Williams clan!

The Williams siblings and Pap

The Williams siblings alone

Greg and Renee

Pap thanks everyone for his party

Uncle Rob thinks he's a clown too!

Andrew isn't impressed...

While Uncle Rob is a cute clown, we think Andrew is cuter!

And Pap is the cutest clown of all!

Bracing for a break!

"Yo, Buffo! Do another trick!"

"Look Aunt 'Nay! A Clown!"

Enjoying the show

Pap with us

Just us

Greg and Scott

Pap, Katelyn and Karissa

Dale Ann and Pap

Dalann and Pap

90 Years Young

On Saturday, the Williams clan traveled to the suburbs of Pittsburgh to celebrate Greg's grandfather's 90th birthday. To call it a milestone, in my opinion, is an understatement. Pap Rago has lived 90 years on this earth and as of today continues to live independently, golf regularly, exercise daily, and most importantly, shower his very large family with lots and lots of love. Robert Brault once said, "A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided." I believe this is even more true of grandparents and great grandparents.

At the party, they had a clown visit. He was no ordinary clown. He actually memorized the storyline of Pap's life and incorporated it into his show. It was a very unique performance and and amazing way to highlight all of the things that Pap has done in his 90 years. What I liked the best about it was that it was not simply a recital of facts, but rather an incorporation of all the little things he has done and still does to make each of his kids, grandkids and great grandkids feel special. The whole party was truly a very sweet tribute to Pap, the love he has pouring out of him, and the love that the family bestows upon him.

Driving home, Greg and I talked about the party and how nice it was, but moreover how it would feel to be 90 years old. How does that feel? Greg said that he thought it would be upsetting to have a party at that age, because it would highlight the losses in your life, and also be a reminder that your own time is probably nearing an end. Maybe. I can see that, but I also see a very healthy man in Pap, one who may very well live to be 100 in perfect condition. Besides that, we never really know when our time is up. We all know that we don't have to be old to die.

For me, I don't know that it would be facing my own mortality that would bother me, but think it would be very hard knowing who was no longer there with me. Pap's oldest son Mike made the statement that "as you get older, your guest list gets shorter." I can only imagine the emotions I would feel looking around, taking pride in my legacy, but also having a bittersweet pang of loss knowing that many of the people I held closest to me throughout my life were already gone.

I also wonder how much I would look back on my life an analyze it. What should I have done differently, what did I do right? How would I feel seeing my family making the same mistakes, and what pride would I feel seeing them do so many things better than I? Would I try to continually steer them in the directions that I saw fit, or would I be content enough to let them lead their own lives?

As Paul Simon sang, "Can you imagine us years from today, sharing a park bench quietly? How terribly strange to be seventy." I suppose that's all we can do - imagine what it will feel like to be 90. As I have already seen in my 33 years on this earth (Pap and I share a birthday, by the way), no one can tell you what you will feel and how you will act. No one can prepare you for the life experiences that lie ahead. Such growth comes only from within and the personal exposure to life's ups and downs. For now, we will focus on being grateful for our current blessings, and pray that we are fortunate enough to live like Pap, the picture of health and integrity, to a ripe old age, and know first hand what it feels like to be 90 years young.

Earthquakes

On the news this morning there was a short blurb from three children in Chile who were searching for their father. The kids were approximately 15, 10, and 8 years old. Recently homeless as a result of the quake, they sobbed and pleaded for help in finding their dad, desperate not to become orphans as well. The sight of them made my stomach wrench - the recognition of the emotions these children were feeling, as well as the knowledge that their story is not unique was just too much to wrap my head around. Not only do I feel incredible sympathy for them, but I also feel equal gratitude that I live in an area that will not likely ever experience a natural disaster like that. My family's good fortune was once again highlighted. I want to take a moment now to pause and pray for the victims of the earthquakes in both Haiti and Chile. In a time of such monumental duress, our hearts and prayers go out to them. We send them prayers of strength, courage, endurance and faith in the midst of their unfathomable struggles. May God be with them.

Update On Sean

It's been a while since I posted an update on Sean, my friend Jackie's baby, so I thought I would do that today. He is doing incredibly well, truly a miracle baby on many accounts. He has the shunt in his brain, which he will probably have for the rest of his life. The doctors (and Jackie, as much as possible) monitor the fluid level in his brain and can adjust the shunt to meet his needs. The shunt that he has is supposed to last him quite a while, but he will probably need to have it replaced at some point in time, due to growth. Sean is developing very well. He gets physical therapy from an in-home service, who also assesses his cognitive development on a regular basis. It's like our version of Early Intervention. He has some muscle weakness, which they continue to work on, but as of yet has no apparent cognitive deficits. Amazing! Looking back, it seems almost impossible that we thought he would not survive. The first doctor Jackie saw actually told her to terminate the pregnancy. It goes to show that humans do not always know what's best, and science isn't always the tell-all. Sometimes all you need is a little faith.

Little Frustrations

Another snow day. No school for Jacob, no work for me, and we are all stuck at home together, in the throws of cabin fever, easily aggravating one another. Honestly, when school was canceled today, I felt my blood pressure rise. First of all, I am taking this time unpaid, because I am out of sick time now, and moreover, what am I going to do with these kids? You wouldn't think it was possible for a 7 year old to fight with a 2 year old, but it is. Andrew takes Jake's toys, Jake screams at Andrew and then Andrew loudly babbles something incoherent garble with a few recognizable words back at Jake. I try to ignore it for as long as I can, until the chaos is unbearable and I inevitably start yelling at both of them! Doesn't this paint a pretty picture for you all? Don't you want to come and visit? Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

This got me to thinking, however. I recently had an email exchange with one of my friends whose children are grown. She made mention of the phrase "Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems." I joked with her that I would blog about it...well, here I go!

The phrase is one I have heard several times before but never really gave much thought to until Jacob entered first grade. I was struck by how profoundly his emotional well being and my lack of ability to help him made me feel. It was the first time in his life that I felt so helpless. I would watch him walk away from my car in the morning, most of the time by himself because he didn't know the other kids yet, and my heart would be in my throat. I thought all day about him in that big school, with few friends, daunted by the enormity of his new situation. I cried on the way to work. I cried at work. I cried at night. I just wanted to be there for him during the day, to smooth things out for him, to prevent the pain of adjustment he was experiencing. That anxiety on my part was by far harder to swallow than any other parenting hurdle I had yet experienced, and it was then that it dawned on me: this is just the beginning. As he grows, the challenges that he will face will also grow, and my ability to intervene will simultaneously shrink.
Babies are exhausting. In the beginning you are sleep deprived and your body aches in places you weren't even aware of before your child's birth. As they grow, they bring with them a whole host of frustrations and worries -which day care to choose, illnesses galore, potty training, temper tantrums and the terrible twos, to name a few. I'm at this point with Andrew. He's a nightmare to my type-A personality. He is into everything possible. He's very resourceful too. He uses whatever prop he can find to enable himself to reach what I thought I had secured from his grasp. He's also a crybaby. He's easily frustrated and goes into immediate tantrum mode when something doesn't go his way. It's maddening at times. There are days when I just feel like throwing my own tantrum. Truthfully, sometimes I do!

I try to remind myself of this: "Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems." Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not, but the point is that all the things that Andrew is doing right now are a) developmentally appropriate, and b) not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Although I may feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown if he finds yet another drawer to empty out, I know that will not happen. When he is 16, out driving with his friends and doesn't come home on time, what will I be thinking? Probably that I wish he were two again, scribbling on the kitchen floor. Right now he is here with me, under my control. His problems are frustrating, but relatively easily fixed and they don't involve the intense emotional facet that the later developmental years will. And, as I know from my own mother as well as my friends with grown kids, watching your adult children face their lives, make their own mistakes and ignore your well thought out advice are doubly trying times. Everyone needs to forge their own path, make their own mistakes and eventually live their own life. I imagine that one of the hardest aspects of parenthood is transitioning your child into that autonomy while you wean yourself out. You pray that you have laid a strong enough foundation for them to make the right decisions and then you allow their ships to sail. I will be standing on the shoreline, biting my nails until my own children's ships return to dock! In fact, I may tether myself to the boat!

My children are both still relatively small, as are my parenting problems. I have only sampled what is to come, but I have had enough to realize the significance of letting go of the little things. The fights on snow days will make good stories to tell them when they are older (especially when they complain to me about their own kids fighting!). "To everything there is a season." Now is the season to enjoy the snow, enjoy the beauty of youth in my home and embrace whatever hurdles the days bring. That said, knowing and doing are often two different stories. It is now time for me to get working, and put this theory into practice. After all, my kids will only be 7 and 2 once, and believe it or not, I will miss it when it's over.

Some Stories About The Boys

I'm home with a sick Andrew today - another ear infection. He's miserable, but has managed to take two naps, so I'm hopeful he is on the mend. He didn't sleep a wink last night, which meant that we also did not sleep. I should be napping instead of blogging, but I thought I would take a moment during the week to update my page. I don't often get the chance, so here are a few stories of the boys.

I mentioned before that Andrew has become obsessed with Elmo. He can now name all the characters! I think that's pretty amazing, and they are all different colors, which gives us the opportunity to work on some color recognition too. He's a little slow with that part, but it's coming.

With Andrew's obsession, we have all been subjected to watching video after video of Sesame Street. At first Jacob rolled his eyes at the shows, but we have caught him watching intently on several occasions! I even heard him singing along to a CD in the car the other day! What amazes me, however, is that Jake doesn't know the names of the Sesame Street characters! He loved Elmo too, but apparently his attraction didn't go any further. He has asked me several times what the name of the vampire is, because he likes him. Then he referred to Bert as "that banana guy" the other day. "You mean Bert?" I said. "Yeah. Bert. His head looks like a banana." Yep. I guess it does!
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One day, while playing Mario Kart with Jake, he yelled out, "Mama Media! That's fast!"
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My mom jokingly said that she and my dad were looking to sell their house and move into a small bungalow. Jake very sternly said, "Mimi, what's a bingalow?"
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Jake's new obsession is Indiana Jones. Somehow he convinced my mother to order him a real Indiana Jones whip. When he informed me of this development, I was a little worried, to say the least. Visions of a tortured Andrew ran immediately through my head. I said, "Well, if you get a whip, you need to know a few rules. One: you can never whip anything living. Two: it must be used outside."
"Oh! But Jacob S and I were going to resurrect a dinosaur together! Please if I resurrect the dinosaur, can I whip it to make it move?"
"Oh, OK. But that's the only exception. If you resurrect a dinosaur, you can whip it." Haha!

Then a few days later, my mom told Jake that the whip was on its way. He said,"Oh good! It'll be here by tomorrow, because we got home from Florida in one day!" (He thought she ordered it from Disney World) She told him that it might take a few more days, because they were shipping it "pony express." "Oh Mimi! How cool! They'll bring it to me on a horse! Yes!" This whip just gets better and better!

More Recipes (2)

Thought I would share some more recipes. Has anyone tried any of the recipes I have posted so far? People rarely comment on the blog, so I don't always know that anyone is even reading it, unless I get an email from time to time. I'm curious if anyone else has an opinion on the food.

Quinoa Pudding

Note - Quinoa is a grain. (Pronounced keen-wah) You can get it in the organic food section of the supermarket. Depending on the brand you buy, you may need to rinse it first. It's very, very tiny - like couscous, so you would need a sieve. I buy a brand that doesn't require rinsing. The recipe says to serve the pudding warm, as a dessert. I actually prefer it cold, as breakfast. And you can substitute any fruit. I have tried raisins and craisins instead of the pineapple, just because they are cheaper this time of year. I like the craisins the best.

1 cup quinoa
2 cups water
2 cups apple juice
1 cup chunked pineapple
2 T lemon juice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
salt to taste (I don't use any)
2 tsp vanilla extract

Place quinoa in medium saucepan with water. Bring to boil over med heat. Cover pan with lid, lower heat, and allow to simmer until water is absorbed - about 15 minutes. Mix in remainder of ingredients, cover pan and simmer an additional 15 minutes.

Sweet Potato Garlic Soup

Greg thought this one sounded gross, but honestly, when it was complete, we both thought it was really good. I used 3 sweet potatoes, to make the soup very thick, but that is a personal preference. We ate this with baked chicken and a salad. Yum!

9 cloves of garlic, crushed (I only used 5 and thought it was plenty, but if you truly love garlic, be daring and add all 9!)
2 medium sweet potatoes
1.5 cups carrots, peeled and sliced
3 cups chicken broth
salt and pepper
1 T butter

Cut sweet potatoes into chunks. Add everything, except butter to a pan. Cook until vegetables are tender. Puree in blender in batches. Add butter and serve. Use more or less broth to obtain desired consistency.

Red Pepper Stir Fry

Greg and I both really loved this one. I added slices of beef, sauteed, to add some protein, and served it over brown rice. I also used some organic soy sauce and a spoonful of additional chili paste as garnish after preparation, because it doesn't make a lot of sauce. I actually doubled the sauce ingredients (vinegar, sesame oil and chili paste). I had to buy the garlic chili paste in a health food store, because the ones available in the supermarket were loaded with preservatives. I found a great one that had just garlic, chilis, sugar and vinegar. We love the paste and use it on other foods as well. It has a kick to it, so if you don't like spicy foods, this recipe may not be for you.

1 large seeded red bell pepper, cut into two inch long strips
1/2 tsp extra virgin olive oil
1/4 tsp minced garlic (I used one clove, crushed)
4 thinly sliced shitake mushroom caps (I used a presliced mix of mushrooms)
1/4 cup thinly sliced scallion
1 tsp rice vinegar
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1/8 tsp chili garlic sauce

If you are eating this with beef, saute your beef in olive oil first. If you are not using the beef, start by sauteing the the garlic for 30 seconds in the olive oil (use a large skillet, because you will be adding all of the ingredients eventually. ) Mix in peppers and stir fry one to two minutes until tender, but still crunchy. Stir in mushroom caps and stir fry for another two minutes. Add scallion and cook for one minute. Remove from heat. Whisk remaining ingredients together. Pour mixture over vegetables. Season with salt to taste.


Turkey Sweet Potato Hash

This was another one I thought was really good. I used chicken instead of turkey, because I think turkey can be dry. We mixed in some of the chili garlic paste with the finished dish and it was great!

1.5 cups sweet potato, baked or boiled, peeled and chopped
2.5 cups turkey, cooked and cut into small chunks
1/4 c chicken broth
1 tsp canned diced green chilis (I actually used the entire small can, but we like chilis)
3 T chopped fresh cilantro
1 large egg white
1 tsp salt (I didn't use this much - just a sprinkling - you can add more later if you want it)
1 T olive oil
1 T butter
2 scallions, chopped
1/8 tsp black pepper
1/4 cup roasted sweet red pepper (I just chopped one and added it uncooked)

Preheat oven to 400. Boil or bake sweet potatoes and cut into cubes. Take 1 cup of the sweet potatoes and set aside. Mash the remaining sweet potatoes. Mix together mashed sweet potatoes, cubed sweet potatoes, turkey, red pepper, chilis, 2 T cilantro, 1 chopped scallion, egg white, chicken broth, salt and pepper. Heat skillet on med heat and add oil and butter. When hot, add the hash mixture. Cook for 3 minutes, or until the bottom sets. Turn once and cook another 2 minutes. Turn into a baking dish and bake at 400 for 10 minutes. Top with remaining scallions and cilantro. Serve with salsa on the side (or chili paste!)

Nelno

Andrew has recently become obsessed with Elmo, who he refers to as "Nelno." We have Elmo books, a doll, tons of DVD's and now we even have Elmo slippers. What a life!

The Nation's Retirement Fund

I once read an article about saving money for your children for college. It's great to prepare ahead for them. There are a multitude of services and college funds to which parents can contribute. The article went on to explain each. What struck me the most in the article was this financial advice: don't put money into your children's college funds unless you are also capable of saving for your own retirement without undue stress. You cannot adequately care for another person, if you don't take care of yourself first. While it is important to provide for your child's education, it is more important to secure your own finances, not just for yourself, but also for your child. Being unprepared for your own future, will inevitably tax the child and counteract all of the good intentions that were poured into said college fund. It made a lot of sense.

This idea is not new. It's the age old adage; you can't love someone else until you really love yourself. Being responsible does not mean being blindly selfless. It means preparation, careful thought and foresight. Perhaps a college fund is not the best illustration for my point. A college fund, after all, is (arguably) not a necessity in life. Maybe taking one's health into account is a better example. One cannot adequately help or care for another, if that person is in a bad physical condition himself. You get the point.

I have recently been witness to several arguments regarding other world nations and the US responsibility to them, namely their children. One person, in reference to Haiti, stated that we as a nation owe no assistance to the people of Haiti or their children while our own children are suffering so miserably. This person stated outright that they didn't care about Haiti and, in fact, the out pour of aid to Haiti enraged them. My first thought, which I kept to myself, was "Wow. That is incredibly harsh and insensitive."

The second person argued that it is by all means our responsibility to help these children. As God's children, all the children of the world are our brothers and sisters. If we as a nation have the means and capability of outreach, then why on earth would we deny it? They argued that it is our Godly duty to assist others and in turning a blind eye, we are committing sin. Hmm...yes, good argument, and by all accounts one with which any philanthropist would agree.

Then I thought, "do we really have the means to pour aid into other countries?" Are we actually so privileged? Is the United States healthy enough to assist other people? I suddenly started taking the side of the first person, with some addendums.

In my job, every single day, I am witness to the failure of this country to care for its own. I see the bleeding sickness of our economy right before my very eyes, in the face of 3 and 4 year olds. I have gone into the homes of many parents who have empty freezers and no vehicle to drive to work. The parents sit on a waiting list for adult health insurance that is over two years long, and pray in the meantime that they do not incur an accident as simple as a broken thumb, which would set them back thousands of dollars - money they simply do not have. Many of them have no winter clothing and rely on agency help to keep their children warm. Some of them are living in conditions that I wouldn't have found acceptable in my drunken college days. Their houses are in ill repair and in bad neighborhoods, but they can't afford to move. The children cannot play outside because there is no yard,or drug dealers walk their street. When I go to visit these homes, I am glad that I don't drive a flashy car. I turn my engagement ring around so that the diamond is on the inside of my finger, because I don't want any of the families I serve to feel that I am richer than they are, and therefore looking down on their life condition. I feel pangs of guilt for my own good fortune with each home visit I complete. I could just as easily have been in their shoes.

Granted, some of these people have brought such hardship on themselves. I don't deny the fact that many people are lazy, looking for handouts, taking advantage of the system with complete disregard for the physical or emotional welfare of their children. However, I also see many, many families who do not fall into this category. I see parents who work two and three jobs at minimum wage, just to pay the bills. They hardly see their children. They don't sleep. Every day is burdened with worry. They can't afford a car or food or insurance, and are just squeaking by on their utilities. They don't qualify for a child care subsidy, because they make too much, but just the cost of childcare is eating away most of their paychecks. They read to their children every night, try to attend all of the school functions, take their kids to the doctor when they are sick. By many accounts, their ideologies are just like mine. They are the working poor, those who are truly suffering from the failures of this nation.

One can argue that even those parents who are strung out on drugs, third generation welfare recipients, mentally ill and incapable of mature thought beyond themselves are also victims of our failures as a country. Why have we allowed this to continue? What can we do differently to enable these people to get up and out of public assistance, instead of relying on it as a lifestyle? What was once intended as a helping hand has in itself become a handicap. People feel hopeless. Hard work is pointless. Why should they struggle like the working poor mentioned above when they can get by on the same budget for no personal effort? Can you blame them for thinking this way? Isn't it human nature to take the path of least resistance?

Now I think about those children living in Haiti, in Africa, Russia, and Afghanistan. Do they deserve help. My goodness, yes! Of course they do. My heart breaks for every one of those people, children and adults. I cannot fathom living in such hardship or against such adversity. But how can we as a country justify an out pour of money and aid to other countries when our own children are suffering so greatly? Our own children are starving. They are bouncing from foster home to foster home, with no permanency, no one to call "mom," no bed of their own. They too need adopting. Our own children are witness to domestic violence and disease just as frightening as the war and illness that plague other nations, and it's not just a little. It's a monumental amount. Our own country is not healthy. We are ridden with disease. It's easy not to see it, when you are not exposed to it. This stain is all but hidden from the middle and upper classes. We live in our own secluded neighborhoods with safe streets and decent housing. We may drive through bad areas, but we don't see inside the homes. We hear blurbs from time to time on the nightly news, but the harsh reality of our sickness remains hidden from view, like a clogged artery that goes unnoticed. How long will it be before we suffer a massive coronary?

The problem is that we as a country have the capability of change, whereas some of these underdeveloped nations do not. Do I think that we should provide aid to Haiti? Of course I do. But I also advocate for the changes that we need here first and foremost. We are among the world's privileged. We don't need to turn a blind eye to the third world. In fact, I think it would be unethical to do so. We can help others in need, but we need to start here first, repairing our own blight, building our own retirement so to speak. Our children are our future, and from what I see right now, our future is bleak.

Video Link

A friend of mine sent this video to me. Having worked with people with special needs, I found this particularly touching, but I don't think you need experience in the field to appreciate it. It's short - check it out if you have a moment.

http://www.stservicemovie.com/land.php

Addiction

Five weeks have gone by since I started the purification program. I had my follow up test at the doctor's on Friday and the results were good, but not great. I had hoped that I would have improved more than I did, but it seems that I really did a lot of damage in my younger years. He assured me that the body continues to heal after the purification program is over, as long as I continue to eat healthfully. I also remember the other doctor saying that it took him several years, and several processes, to get to the point where he wanted to be. Those things considered, I suppose I did OK.

The test showed that my hormones are indeed out of whack, so the course of action now is to straighten them out. I still get headaches around my cycle, but not in the middle of the month. That's pretty cut and dry, if you ask me. And hey, I'm glad to have it narrowed down to one particular time of the month. It's still a vast improvement over the constant headaches I had before, and proof that the purification program did indeed fix some things.

What amazes me, however, is how strong my sweet tooth really is. Even after 5 weeks of no candy and no carbs, I still crave sugar on a daily basis! In the beginning, I thought about milk, bread and cheese a little, but after a while the desire to eat those foods dissipated. But not sugar, specifically chocolate. Those urges continue, as strong as ever. This whole process reminds me of quitting smoking in so many ways. The urges are so strong and need to be overcome. In fact, in the beginning, I even thought about smoking!! I wouldn't smoke at this point, not even if I were drinking. In fact, over time, I have become very bothered by cigarettes and their smell, so it surprised me that the thought even crossed my mind. I believe the reason can be traced back to overcoming an addiction. I have a true sugar addiction, just as I had a nicotine addiction, and my mind reels for sugar substitutions as I try to overpower the addict within. I did, after all, frequently smoke instead of eating. It seems perfectly logical that my old coping mechanism would pop up now.

When I was in my third year of German in high school, I decided to also take Latin. I enjoyed Latin, but the whole time I was in that class, I continually wanted to speak German! It drove me crazy! One day I mentioned this to the teacher and she informed me that it is human nature to refer back to one's first second language when in an atmosphere where what is being spoken is not your native language. I saw this again when we visited Montreal. They speak French. I only know a few short phrases in French, and if someone replied to them I would have no idea what they were saying. Still, the entire time we were there, I wanted to speak German, not English! It was as if, against all rational thought, I expected people there to understand me if I spoke German. It was simply because I was not in my native atmosphere, and my mind therefore relied on the only other language that I could speak. Throughout my travels abroad, this phenomenon occurred over and over. The brief and passing thoughts of smoking must be a similar mechanism. Overcoming the sweet addiction, I look back to the one other strong addiction I overcame.

However, just as I needed to quit smoking, I also need to beat the sweet tooth. In looking at my body systems, my pancreas was one organ which was not operating at an optimal level. The fact that I could be facing diabetes early in my life is an eye opener. My grandmother developed diabetes in her 40's. She constantly battled poor eating habits and off and on exercising. While I exercise more regularly, I follow in her footsteps when it comes to eating sweets. As a child, I often fixed my own breakfasts and lunches. I remember eating two Little Debbie snacks for breakfast, and taking a tub of Marshmallow Cream and water for my lunch to school! Although quitting smoking was very hard, and took many attempts, I think the sugar junkie in me will be harder to overcome. Those eating patterns are so ingrained, set in my thinking for the last 33 years, and steeped in a family who also revels in dessert as well.

People can carry a family predisposition to having less resistance to developing Type 2 diabetes, but that doesn't mean that people with diabetes in their family are destined to develop the disease. It's a manageable disease, when cared for appropriately, but I don't want a manageable disease. I would prefer not to have any diseases at all. I am hoping that the desire for a healthy future is enough motivation to prevent me from eating that entire box of chocolates that Greg got me for Valentine's Day. We will see...in the meantime, I will continue to test, and strengthen my willpower, for my health's sake.