Greg and I went to see a medium with one of my case managers last night. I was really hoping that after experiencing a medium first hand, I would be a devotee, but unfortunately, I'm still somewhat skeptical. After the spirit circle was over I talked to the woman who did the reading and I told her that I'm not sure if I believe just for the sake of believing or because I need to believe. Don't we all need to feel like the people we have lost are still with us? That said, here's what I think: (Please pardon the seesaw nature of my writing; it's definitely a reflection of the nature of my thoughts and emotions.)
I think it's a very real possibility that people who say they channel the dead are actually just very good at reading people and pulling information from that people want to hear. People talk and reveal too much about themselves. For example, my coworker (sorry Julie, gotta put this out there) told the medium about her dad before the reading. She told her about her dad's cough, and that she has been feeling like she was in a place of discontent lately. I think it's entirely possible that the medium filed that information and used it during the reading. I also think some of the information the medium said came from the other side was fairly generic. She said that the spirits were proud of us, that they wanted us to know they were OK, that they were with us, that they saw struggles we went through and that we were OK now or would be OK soon. Well, those things pretty much apply to everyone in some way or another.
Of course, the person I wanted to talk to was my grandmother. I did not tell the medium anything about myself before the reading, but she said that my grandmother came through to her. My grandmother was the second spirit to come through, which I found interesting, because I have always felt like the bond I had with my grandmother was so strong, that there was absolutely no way she wouldn't show up, if she could. She wasn't a "pushy" spirit, like Julie's dad, but she made herself known as soon as she could. My grandmother wasn't necessarily a pushy person, but much like my mother, she got what she wanted in her own way. Was it her? Maybe.
The medium knew that I lived with my grandmother as a child and she mentioned doing things with my hands, which at the time I couldn't place. I thought perhaps she was referring to the ring I wear, but later I remembered that my mom said I used to do a lot of crafts as a small child. Maybe that is what she was referring to. She said that my grandmother knew the struggles I went through, but didn't elaborate on them. She said that my grandmother wanted me to know that she was proud of the person I am now. She said she liked Greg, even though he wasn't perfect, and that she thought he was good for me. Again, these things could apply to anyone, but when I think of my grandmother, I often wonder (and I have specifically asked her, both in my mind and out loud) what she thinks of my life now and what she thinks of Greg. So often I feel like I have let people down, specifically my family. I think about the potential I had as a young adult to be something special, to have a decent career and to go far in life. I feel like I have fallen short in regards to my job and even in my parenting, and I feel like my family sees those shortfall. I often feel that I don't measure up. The one person who never made me feel like a failure was my grandmother. She said, "life isn't perfect. There will be struggles. Don't always be looking down the block." At the reading, I thought she was referencing Greg, which made me laugh actually, because he's one of the few aspects of my life that I am 100% satisfied with. She also made that statement at the same time that she was talking about Greg and how she thought he was good for me, even though she knew he made me mad sometimes. Heck, I have an Irish temper.
Everyone makes me spitting mad periodically! That doesn't mean I don't love them. After I thought about it for a while, however, I think it was just a general reference to life. Everyone has problems. The grass isn't always greener. And it's true, I am constantly comparing myself to others - how do I measure up? It's not a matter of jealousy, it's a matter of self-criticism, and yes, I do it too much.
She said that my mother and I have a good relationship, but we butt heads sometimes. Well, what mother and daughter don't butt heads? Actually, at this point, we don't butt heads too often...I think that's more because my mom has given up trying to make me do what she wants, and I try to do things her way whenever possible. I also think that the older I get, the more I see the value in her opinion. So the part about my mom could be true, but again, it could also apply to many people.
What disappointed me was what wasn't said. I'm not going to write about what was omitted, because I am still so on the fence. I don't want those thoughts to get back to the medium for future use, because I would like to have a private reading to see if my opinion changes one way or another, see if more comes out with a more intimate setting and with a longer period of time. I wonder if my grandmother didn't say some things because she didn't want to air my laundry front of a group of people. I also wonder if she just couldn't think of things to say because she was put on the spot. When it came time for me to talk, the medium asked if I had anything to say and I didn't. I should have said I loved her. I should have said something,
anything, but I said nothing. My mind was blank. Of course, I had thought of things to ask before we went which I didn't remember, and I thought of additional things to say after we left too. It's entirely possible that Gram also just went blank. Maybe all that was important to her right then was letting me know that she was there. Maybe she knew I would come back and we could talk more, or maybe those things I have questions about are really not important. Or it's possible that the medium ran out of material because I wasn't providing her with anything else...who knows.
Greg went along with me, just for fun and support. He, like me, is a skeptical believer. He said very little aside from pleasantries when we arrived, but he had a spirit visit him too. His grandfather came through to him. She described a large man, who loved the outdoors, had beagles, and was not very affectionate because he had a hard life growing up. Greg's grandfather told him that he was very proud of him, and that he thought Greg was always a better fisherman than he was! He also said he liked me. (of course he does!) He told him to be more patient with his kids. And he said that Greg had brothers who would not believe that Greg talked to him. Now, here are my thoughts on Greg's reading: Greg is a big man who is 40 years old, so it's not a far stretch to say that he probably had a grandfather who was also big who may have passed away by now. Greg also oozes outdoors in his appearance, so to say that the spirit coming through to him was an outdoors man is also not a far stretch. She did mention some physical ailments that he had during the end of his life, which were fairly specific. She also specifically said he had a beagle with him, but again, hunters frequently have beagles. What got me about Greg's reading was this: Before the reading, I told Greg that he should ask the person he wanted to visit him to come to the reading. I told him to ask the person out loud, because I didn't know if the dead could read minds (according to the medium, they can). I didn't ask him who he asked, or even if he asked someone until after the reading was over. When we were on our way home, I asked if he asked anyone in particular to come. He has had several family members pass away. He said the only person he asked was his grandfather.
So there it is. Make of it what you will. Like I said, I still sway back and forth. I desperately want to believe, but I also don't want to believe just because I am desperate.
What do you think? Have you ever gone to a medium? Had any experiences in your home or life which you believe to be messages from the other side? Please share!
