Christmas Celebrations

We had several eventful days this past weekend. On Saturday Jacob had rehearsal for his school Christmas play, then celebrated Christmas with his dad. Greg and I attended Lugene's annual Christmas party, where the band played, on Saturday night. On Sunday we all went to Jacob's Christmas pageant. It was a lot of fun. Jacob and my nieces all did a wonderful job. The kids were adorable, and I won a terrific kitchen gadgets basket after the show! You can't beat that! Now we are preparing for the last week before Christmas. We have friends and family coming to visit, we're going to visit some other friends and family, and we have lot of cooking, eating and drinking to do in the days ahead!

My kitchen basket. I never win anything, so I was thrilled to come home with some loot!
Brooke

No, they weren't zombies, although it kind of looks that way here!

Mary (Kiersten) and Joseph pray over the baby Jesus.

Looking a little nervous, but very handsome before the show.

"Mimi, you're squeezing a little tight!"

Oh, what could it be?

Lego City mass transit system. He was in 7th Heaven!

It looks like Karissa is singing a love song, just for Ryan and Katelyn (bottom right of frame). How sweet!

I spent a short period visiting with Sister Merry Christmas. She talked to the Bishop Fa La La and they absolved me of my sins. It's good to have connections, and to know I have a fresh, clean soul this holiday season!

What's Old Is New

Two nights ago, I talked to my aunt Carmen. She told me that my grandmother's biggest regret in dying young was that she would not be able to see her grandchildren grow up or know them as adults. I have been thinking about that statement ever since we spoke. I thought about it all day yesterday. I cried a little, then I thought some more. I thought about telling someone what she had said, just to get it off of my chest, but I didn't say a word to anyone. I talked to my sister on the phone, and although I even talked a little about Carmen, I didn't mention my grandmother. I can always write my emotions, but sometimes to speak them aloud is simply too hard. It's as if I cannot will the words to form.

Instead of talking, I shopped and cleaned. I went to TJ Maxx to return a pair of shoes and a shirt. I tried on about 15 pairs of pants and an equal number of shirts and came home with one new pair of shoes, a shirt and a sweater. I had a store credit, so all in all, the venture only cost me about $40. It felt nice to have some new clothes, something fresh to wear, a symbol of a new beginning. A little retail therapy goes a long way in my world!

Last night I cleaned out my coat closet, which is really the equivalent of a small room. Then I cleaned out my bedroom closet. I sorted through clothing to take to goodwill and re-organized all the shelves. I also cleaned out my sock, underwear and bra dresser. I found that I really don't need new socks, bras or underwear, as I previously thought. I just need to stop wearing the same worn and ragged three pairs all the time. So, in an effort to cleanse my head, I tossed anything with holes and rotated all of the other undergarments so that I now have numerous "new" items to wear.

I like to throw things away, but I also like to keep certain things too. The old, worn and weathered garments bring both disdain and comfort, depending on my mood. I treat my emotions the same way as I treat my clothing. I can get rid of the ones I am not all that attached to, but others I will carry with me forever. Sometimes they will be hidden in the back of my closet, all but forgotten. Sometimes I will wear them until they are threadbare, and others are simply run-of-the-mill, every day items that are neither here nor there. Every once in a while, I gather a new one, one that brings new life to my wardrobe. Maybe it's a completely new outfit, but often it is one simple piece which enhances the other old familiar items. Something like that comment of Carmen's. You see, after much contemplation, I have decided to view this statement not as a yet another tragic testimony of the cancer that took my grandmother so young, but rather as a testament to her love for us. Carmen's words confirmed what I have always thought about my grandmother, that her grandchildren were her true pride and joy, and I am included in that grouping. Now, thanks to Carmen, I have been given a new perspective on a very old emotion. Now I can pull that love from my mind and wrap it tightly around me, bringing new life to an old emotion, like that comfy old sweater in my closet that I have always known was there.

Kid-Speak

After such a depressing post, it's time to lighten up a little. There's nothing better to lift your spirits, especially around the holidays, than children. I don't know about your kids, but mine always say the darnedest things! Check it out:

Andrew:
"Dad, does a horse have boobs?"
"Scoob ober," as in, "scoob ober, please, so I can sit next to you."
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When we ride in the car, Greg sometimes beeps the horn and we all wave and yell out the window, "Hi, Jimmy!" We have done this since Jake was little, and Jake would always wave at "Jimmy," who actually doesn't exist. Well, Andrew, being the smart alec that he is, has never believed in Jimmy. When we beep and yell, he always says, "No! That's not Jimmy!" Nonetheless, we keep trying.

One day, a man pulled out in front of me and nearly caused an accident. I laid on my horn to let him know that I wasn't please with his driving skills, and from the back seat I heard an enthusiastic, "Hi Jimmy!" coming from Andrew! Of course, when I'm not joking around, he decides to play along!
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Jacob had a small part in a Thanksgiving skit his class did at a local old age home. The night before the play, I asked him if he knew his lines. He said, "Mom, I'm a turkey. I only say one word, three times. Gobble. Gobble. Gobble. I think I got it."
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One night, after Andrew had smacked Jacob about 10 times with his toy firetruck, Jacob very calmly said to me, "Mom, I think Andrew caught my violence."
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Last night, Jake said, "Mom, If I get a lump of coal for Christmas, I'll just give it to Greg to burn at the power plant." That's my boy! Always looking at the practical side of things!

Woe Is Me

What is it about this year that is keeping me from feeling festive? It could be a lot of things. I'm not certain which has more influence. Last Friday we decorated our tree, and I felt that old familiar melancholy deep down through my bones. As I looked through the old ornaments, I feigned interest for the sake of the kids and Greg, but the excitement of the season was missing for me. I felt empty. Then on Saturday we decorated gingerbread houses. The kids had a lot of fun, and I enjoyed watching them. My grandfather and his wife came out for dinner. It's always nice to see Pap, but with his wife present, the absence of my grandmother is even more apparent. Jean is a nice woman. She has always been kind to us, always tried to fit in. Unfortunately, the odds have been stacked against her. She married into a position that was impossible to fill. There has always been and always will be an underlying discomfort with each strained conversation between Jean and one of us. I find myself watching her, analyzing her speech and movements, observing her interactions with my grandfather or with my children, wondering what my grandmother would be like at that age. It's not fair to Jean. I try not to make it obvious, but I also know that I am not the only family member who does these things. I find it hard to believe that Jean herself doesn't sense the tension.

My grandfather and Jean attended the children's mass with us on Saturday evening. Sitting in the church next to her at first, and then next to him following communion, brought back memories of my own childhood masses. I recalled sitting in the Altoona Cathedral, with it's daunting ceilings and massive altar, cold marble pillars and floors, feeling quite overtaken by the enormity of the church. I remembered how my grandfather used to pinch the sides of our knees if we weren't paying attention. I remembered my Aunt Betsy’s wedding to her first husband with military flare, done during the last month of my grandmother's life. Gram was so thin and frail. We buried her in the dress she wore to Betsy's wedding. Thinking of the dress made me think of her burial, and how beautiful it was that August day. I remembered the dress that I wore too. It was the same dress I wore in my parent's wedding the summer prior. The whole weekend felt like an overflow of sad recollections and their corresponding emotions.

Then there are the headaches. Oh my, headaches, headaches, headaches. I began having headaches again in July, the week we went to the beach, to be precise. They have been slowly escalating since then and are now at a point much worse than they were when I initially began treatment almost 3 years ago. At first they were easily corrected by a trip to the chiropractor. I also reinstituted healthier eating habits, which seemed to help a little. But still, they continued. Then, about 3 weeks ago, I was struck with a nasty cold. My head began to pound. My whole face hurt, even my teeth. I attributed that round of headaches to a sinus infection, for which I eventually got antibiotics. After 5 days on the antibiotics, all cold symptoms were mostly gone. The headaches, however, were no better.

I called the chiropractor and visited him yesterday. My jaw was extremely out of alignment, which could cause facial headaches. He adjusted it, but unfortunately it did not correct the pain. I have been awakened most nights by throbbing head pain, and I carry it with me through the day. I try very hard not to complain too much about it. I also try very hard not to be grumpy or irritable, but it is difficult with such discomfort. I almost feel like people should be able to see the pain, it’s that bad. I can’t sleep through it. It’s killing me during the day, and my thoughts now are “how on earth am I going to host a New Year’s Eve party, which will inevitably go until all hours of the night, with a head that feels this bad?”

Needless to say, the fact that my head is so bad is more than discouraging. It’s downright depressing. I wonder why after several months of success I have regressed so much, and I am fearful that I will never get it under control. I know people who have gone decades, their entire lives, with uncontrolled migraines. That is a club I do not want to join.

I plan to go through the purification program again in January and hopefully the doctor will be able to reassess my needs and get me back on track. I have also upped the number of chiropractic visits again, in hopes of correcting muscular-skeletal misalignments. I don’t want to take a daily medication again. It never helped all that much in the first place. But I would like to find something that could erase the pain on an as-needed level. Right now, even after umpteen prescriptions and OTC attempts, I have yet to find a single medication that alleviates the pain even slightly. That unresponsiveness makes me wonder too. Why? Why does my body not respond to medication therapy? It’s not normal. In fact, it’s very odd.

I am looking forward to doing the purification program again. I’m hopeful that it will help my head, but I am also hopeful that it will help with this unspecified sadness that seems to plague me. Of all the improvements I noticed from the purification last year, the improvement in my mood was the most remarkable. Honestly, I stayed relatively happy until just recently. For now, it is just a matter of trudging through the next few weeks and getting myself back on track. Until then, I will simply take life minute by minute and get by the best I can, because even in the midst of sadness and discomfort, I am surrounded by loved ones and a multitude of opportunities to celebrate my blessings and the joy they bring. Life doesn’t stop for headaches or whining, so why should I?

Gingerbread Houses

On Saturday my aunt and her children, as well as my sister and her little girl, my mom, my two nieces on Greg's side, Jacob and I all decorated gingerbread houses at my mom's house. The kids had a lot of fun, although they ate about half of the decorations!

Mmm...icicng!
Getting a little direction from Mimi

Brooke and Kiersten in deep concentration.

Jacob's finished product

Brooke's masterpiece

Kiersten's completion

"Mine is number 1!"

Of course, all gingerbread competitions end in goofy-face poses!

Sometimes, due to unfortunate accidents, it is necessary to perform brain surgery on snowman peeps. Resulting disfiguration can't always be prevented.

This, That & The Other

This is going to be one mumbled, jumbled mess of a blog entry, because well, that's how our life has been lately! It feels like we no sooner finish one activity before we are on to the next. When we aren't going somewhere or having people over, we are cleaning, baking, wrapping or somehow preparing for the next event. Busy, busy, busy!

Yesterday, Greg and I each ran errands in the morning and afternoon. I did a lot of cleaning and finished wrapping all of our gifts, except for a handful that I have yet to buy. We decorated our tree last night. Today, my sister, aunt and their kids are coming to decorate gingerbread houses. After that, we are going to a special mass for the kids who will be making their first communion, which Jacob will do in April. Then band practice for Lugene's annual Christmas party, which is next Saturday! Tomorrow is a Steeler party!

In the midst of all of that I have been baking...yes, you read that correctly, I have been baking! I've come a long way from the days of making pumpkin pie with no additional spices, other than the canned pumpkin! :) My cookies certainly aren't the best on the block, but I'm sure they are more than edible!

Here are just a few photos of my work and our tree. More pictures of the gingerbread houses will be posted soon.

Mounds of peanut butter blossoms...mmm...

The finished tree. The photos loaded backwards. I swear there is no rhyme or reason to the order in which they upload. Today, I'm not fixing them. Picture yourselves in reverse...

Andrew helping Dad with the star. That's one big tree!

Searching through our ornaments.

Helping his little brother find the best spot for his ornament.

And that, my friends, is all I have time to write right now. A certain someone is shouting "Little Bunny FuFu" from his crib. I think that means he's ready to get up!

What Do You See?

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.

I recently told someone that I try to finish all of my holiday shopping before Thanksgiving so that I don't have to listen to the Christmas music piping through the store speakers. I know that Christmas is a celebration. Next to Easter, it is the most glorious celebration we as Christians can part take in. But still, for me, the carols cause my heart to mourn - just a little at times, immensely at other points. Who among us has lost a loved one and fully felt right again during special occasions? Since my grandmothers died (they passed away within a week of each other), I have never felt quite the same. Each joyous event is tinged with just a hint of sadness, the unspoken acknowledgement of their absence.

It's impossible to celebrate the holidays without thinking of Christmas past. I have so many reminders constantly around me. Take my tree ornaments, for example. I have many that were either given to me by my grandmother, or used to belong to her, each one conjuring its own memory. I recall reading "The Little Match Girl" by Hans Christian Andersen every year on Christmas eve. My grandmother would cry every time she read the book. Then there is the large extended family Christmas party that we host every year. It originated in my grandmother's home, and has now become, in my opinion, not just a gathering of friends and family, but also a tribute of sorts to her legacy.

I remember many parties at my grandmother's house growing up. One year, when I was maybe 4, my mother was working third shift at the hospital and my grandmother put me to bed while the party was still going on. It was a very high bed that I shared with my mom, and after my grandmother returned to the party, I fell out of the bed and cut open my chin. I recall walking, bleary eyed, to the game room. I stepped up onto the hearth and grabbed a plastic cup that had been sitting on the mantle. I placed it under my chin to catch the blood, and staggered over to my grandmother. Recollections of rest of the evening come in snapshots. I remember a hospital room, my mom in her uniform holding my hand, and not much else. I ended up with several stitches on my chin. I still bare the scar! How's that for a Merry Christmas?!

Another year, I remember having a pinata at the party. I also remember opening one of the ornaments she gave me. It was a cat inside a mailbox, with candy cane stripes. I can picture the crowd of family members squished together on that ugly 1970's black and tan plaid couch that so many families had! Of course, Santa always made an appearance, as he still does (probably in the same costume!). Many of the memories are simply ones of general happiness and comfort, kind words being spoken, laughter, merriment, family as whole. Although, as I think back now, I realize that for the adults then, this same feeling of bittersweet nostalgia probably crept up, as they remembered the deceased loved ones who I never knew. I suppose it is simply the circle of life.

Christmas used to make me terribly depressed. I can remember times in early adulthood when I simply went through the motions, empty hearted. Since my children were born, the holidays have taken a much different turn. I can relive the childhood excitement through my boys. Also over the last 5 or 6 years, I have better grasped the enormity of the blessing of simply being a part of a family. I see many people who have little or no celebrations, and I realize then that my grandmother did a fantastic job of sewing her brood tightly together, a quilt of family that even death could not unravel. Nonetheless, I can't help but wonder how things would be different if my grandmother were still here. What would she think about Jacob and Andrew and my niece Ella, all gathered together? I imagine our holidays would be very different if she were still living, and even in the joy of the season, the grief of her loss can't help but be noticed.

This is where my opening quote comes into play. "It isn't what you look at that matters, it's what you see." I found this quote in my company newsletter. It was given by one of the parents that we serve, and it struck a chord. The holidays will never be the same. My grandmother will always be missing. I could choose to see an empty seat, an absence, darkness. Or I could look at the same room full of people, the same celebration and see her living legacy, as I stated above - a tribute to her love and dedication. I can see her likeness in my own mother, hear her laughter in my Aunt Carmen, remember the holidays past when I listen to my cousin Lucie's voice. Instead of being overcome by depression, I can view each moment as an opportunity to instill similar great memories in my own children's minds, so that when they are adults, whether my parents and I are alive or dead, they will be able to look out into their own family and see the love that transcends human limitations, the love that is truly God's gift of the season.

The Weekend

This weekend was the second jam-packed weekend in a line of many more busy weekends to follow. On Friday, Greg and I finished wrapping the majority of our Christmas gifts, while Andrew played the drums and sang, "I am rock-n-roll!"

On Saturday we went to Old Bedford Village, a small village that is set up in traditional colonial style. They were decorated for Christmas and each building of the town had colonial impersonators talking about the decorations, types of work, types of medicines, goods, etc of several different eras from the 1700-late 1800's. The kids had fun learning and seeing first-hand how things were done way back when. They even came home with hand made horse shoes!

On Sunday we made our annual trek to J&B Tree farm for our Christmas tree. Both Greg and I have gone to J&B every year since childhood to hand pick and cut our Christmas trees. We ride a horse drawn carriage (although this year, we jumped on the tractor pulled one, because we were too cold to wait for the horses!). We trudge into the woods, ponder over the trees and then saw down the one of choice. We drag it to the road and wait to be picked up by a carriage heading back. After we get the tree, we go inside to warm ourselves with hot chocolate, before visiting Santa's reindeer. This year, only Donder and Blitzen were available! This year we had an amazingly easy time finding and cutting our tree and even setting it up when we got home. The whole ordeal was over and done with in 2 hours!

Sunday evening, we celebrated my niece Katelyn's 17th birthday. She's such a lovely young lady, and we were honored to be celebrating with her. Happy Birthday, Katelyn!

Now, I would like to say that I will have time to regroup from all these activities during the week, but that's just not true! I have to work late two days, and Jacob has cub scouts another day. Then we are having company - my sister, aunt and their children this weekend, as well as band practice for Lugene's annual Christmas party, and more company to stay from Sunday through the middle of the week.

Whew!

Well, hectic as it may be, at least I have plenty of opportunities to do one of my favorite things - take pictures!

Here are just a few from this weekend! Enjoy!

There were three in the bed, and the little one said...

"Hey Brooke, are you paying attention?"

Stopping at the tavern to warm ourselves with some hot drinks.

Monique: "Now, Dale Ann, eat that cookie, damnit!"

Jacob (silently thinking): "Gram, just eat the cookie and no one will get hurt."

Brooke: "Hmm...Gram got a cookie. I'd like a cookie."

Kiersten: "What cookie? We have cookies?"

"Look honey, I got you a cookie!"

Andrew found time to relax, and snuggle up to stay warm on a cold winter Sunday.

"Jake, I see it! Over there! It's our Christmas tree!"

Loaded up and ready to roll!

The world's largest Charlie Brown Tree

Whoa! What the heck was in that hot chocolate?

Donder and Blitzen get a treat

"Uh, Dad? I think I hear our tree coming loose from the roof."

The birthday girl with Aunt Monique and Grammy

17 years young

What teenager doesn't want a rifle for Christmas?

Mmmm...Aunt Nancy's fudge is GOOD!

"Ew! Karissa, that's 'sgusting!"

Gearing Up

We are starting the busy holiday season. We already have something booked every weekend in December, as well as several week nights as well. We have a birthday party for my niece, Jacob's school Christmas pageant, several Christmas parties, a big New Year's Eve bash here at our house, friends of Greg's coming from out of town to visit and hunt for 3 days, and many other smaller gatherings planned too. It can get hectic, but having friends and family is a blessing. So I will take the chaos, try to find joy in the small things, and somehow try to relax during and in-between all of the upcoming activities. (Can you say "wine"?) The new year will be here soon, and we will have a lull in socializations during the end of January and through February, with the exception of the Super Bowl. Then it will be right back into birthdays, Jake's first communion and the summer rush. Whew! We are a moving kind of family!

In the meantime, here are a few recent photos of us just hanging out. Many more pictures of fun-filled activities coming up in the near future!

"Now, Andrew. Hold on tight. This ride can get a little wild!"

"Whoa. That's a big tree!"

Helping me decorate outside

"Yo, Homeboy! S'up? Just hangin' wit my mom & my teetle."

A Royal Flush

We seem to have a little problem. Mysterious objects keep appearing in our toilets. First there was this long necked dinosaur:

Maybe he just wanted to help me clean...or maybe the lure of a freshly scrubbed commode was just too appealing to resist. The scent of Clorox implored him to take a dip. Who knows?

Then I found out that two days ago, one of my niece's barbie dolls took a swim in the toilet at my in-law's house, complete with complimentary swirly. Her funeral was today. The obituary read: "In lieu of flowers, please send Lysol disinfecting wipes."

Then today, I walked into the bathroom to find this poor, innocent gingerbread man drowning in the toilet.

Don't fret, I was able to save him. After a nice bath and some counseling, he was OK.

I fear it will take more than a bath and some counseling to clear up the problem of the mysterious floating toys. Yes, we've tried toilet locks. Yes, we even lock the outside of the bathroom doors. The toilet fairy is crafty, though, and outsmarts us every time. I guess we may as well just buy some stock in Roto Rooter, because I have a feeling that this one isn't going to end well.

Some New Videos

This weekend has been jam-packed with family activities. Thanksgiving on Thursday, Light Up Night on Friday, a band practice party on Saturday at our house, a Steeler party today at my in-law's and then hunting on Monday! I guess it's true - the family that plays together, stays together!

I added some videos from band practice last night to the side bar. I figured my video repertoire could use some updating. The videos aren't the best we can offer - they were in my game room, with less than perfect lighting and lots of people talking in the background, and two of them start in the middle of Freddie's songs, instead of the beginning, but all in all, they are a pretty good representation of what goes on during band nights.

How nice it is to have all of us together, not just for the holidays, but for almost every occasion you can imagine. We are truly blessed!

Thanksgiving And The Aftermath

Some photos from Thanksgiving day and our town's annual Tree Lighting ceremony on Friday. We spent Thanksgiving with Greg's family this year, and everything was delicious, of course! After our stomachs settled from all the gluttony, we played a fun filled game of charades.

Friday, we went to Light Up Night downtown. Andrew checked out the petting zoo, and we listened to music by local musicians while awaiting the climactic lighting of our tree. Oh, and we huddled together for warmth!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that your holiday season is off to a good start. I know mine is!

Yes, folks, this is how it should be on Thanksgiving. The men should bust their butts making dinner while the women stand around and watch, drinking heavily.
The happy hostess

"Back when I was a boy, I had a hat as big as a deer rack to keep me warm in the winter!"

Wringing Sponge Bob's neck, yes literally.

Guess the next Star Wars movie!

"Every. body. do the loco. motion!" Unfortunately, Greg's attempts at assembling a line dance were in vain.

Andrew thought it was a good idea to repeatedly lick his entire chin during the light up ceremonies. Amazingly, he was not chafed beyond recognition. Lucky kid!

Huddled together for warmth!

Taking a moment away from thumb wrestling to smile for the camera.

The best view in town!

Andrew was actually goosed by a goose. He liked it!

The tree in all its grandeur!