If the topic came up, at this point in my life, I would tell you that I had recovered from an eating disorder. While that is not a lie, it also isn't the whole truth. To me, the word "recovered" implies that the problem has been resolved. There are no more disturbed thoughts or actions, and the person has a completely healthy outlook on food. The fact of the matter is that I don't think anyone ever fully recovers from an eating disorder. For most people, it is a life long battle. Recovering is probably a better word, but unfortunately, that implies that the person is still in the throes of mental health treatment, which at this point, I am not.
I think about my past quite a bit. I think about it because I never want to revisit the darkness that consumed me in high school and nearly killed me in college. While I pray that I never relapse, I also know how easy it is to slip backwards. I often liken my anorexia and bulimia to a drug addiction. I needed it. It consumed me. Eventually I no longer controlled my behavior, but rather the disorder controlled me. It sought me out, followed me like a black shadow, if not in the foreground, then never far from my mind.
I may not currently engage in many of the risky behaviors that I once did, but I think about them frequently. Truth be told, some of the behaviors have not fully left me. While I have managed to keep the more dangerous ones under wraps, I still have times when I make wayward choices. I may never take another diet pill (God, I pray that I do not), but I consider it often. Just like I think about smoking cigarettes several times a week, I also contemplate employing ridiculous weight loss tactics. If I ate nothing but cucumbers for two weeks, could I lose ten pounds? Probably. Would that be wise? No. Better not. I think about my disorder because I do not want to repeat it, but I also think about it because it stalks me. No matter how old I get, no matter how "healthy" I feel, I fear that I will never fully change my mindset. I will be forever haunted, if ever so slightly, by my tainted past.
When I was in college, I saw a counselor who specialized in eating disorders. She told me to replace the thoughts which compelled me to binge and purge with something constructive. It was good advice, but I was never able to really implement it. I overcame the eating disorder not by regrouping and refocusing, but rather by using the same control tactics that allowed me to develop the sickness in the first place. I just decided that I wasn’t going to do it any more and I broke the habit. I may have stopped the actions, but that is all I did. I treated the symptoms, not the cause. I never truly eradicated the distorted thoughts that were fueling the ailment in the first place.
With that knowledge, I have to ask myself, is the obsession with healthy eating that I have developed over the last 2 years simply an extension of my old demons? Maybe. Probably. But perhaps this is the way to finally focus those unhealthy obsessions into something beneficial. If I cannot eliminate my fixation with food, then perhaps I can at least change the direction my focus from a detrimental obsession to a constructive zeal for health. It’s that little matter of checks and balances, maintaining a healthful ardor, rather than allowing it to become a damaging fervor, that is the crux. It always boils down to the age-old quest for balance, doesn’t it?
This battle with food and with body image is pervasive in our society. If you have not battled with food yourself, I’m sure you know someone who has or is currently struggling to some degree. There are the people who are constantly battling weight, unhappy with the way they look, constantly dieting, making yo-yo progress, or no progress at all, sometimes trying gimmicks, but never really doing anything extreme. It affects most of us on some level, and unlike a drug addiction, cannot be treated through exclusion tactics, but must rather be treated with some semblance of balance. You don’t give a recovering drug addict his drug of choice and say, “only use a little of this.” It doesn’t work that way. But food is a different story. While heroin can kill us, we must eat to live.
Humans are by nature not creatures of equilibrium. We crave excess. We’re greedy, we’re hoarders, we’re self-righteous and power-seeking. We desire to fit in, to dominate, to be respected, and to have control. These innate desires, if left unchecked, can spiral out of our control and become counter-productive, the direct opposite of our true intentions.
I don’t know the secret to balance. Balance has evaded me for years. Perhaps it is something that comes with age and wisdom. Perhaps it comes with exhaustion and exasperation. What I do know is that in balance lies contentment and happiness. I suppose that alone makes the pursuit worthwhile, and I will continue seeking it throughout my life.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Church Etiquette
Lateness has been one of my long standing pet peeves. It drives me nuts when people are late. If you think you are pushing it for time, then scheduled things later. If you are perpetually late, then start getting yourself ready to go earlier. Being late, to me, is just a very simple form of selfish disregard for other people. It's disrespectful whether we are talking about meeting a friend for lunch, going to a doctor's appointment, going to work, etc. It doesn't matter what the occasion is. What matters is that you care enough to get there on time. I am rarely late for anything. In fact, I am usually early. If I am running late for some reason, I let the person who is waiting on me know as soon as possible that I will be late. If we have planned to meet, and I am late and didn't call you, then you should probably call the police, because something bad happened to me. When someone is late, the message it sends to me is, "I just really don't care about your time. My life runs on my time only."
That message may not be true a true reflection of the person. I have several good friends who are perpetually late. My dear friend Danielle used to be HOURS late for gatherings. It drove me nuts. It still does. But I have to give her credit, because she is at least trying to make some changes. And she was the first person to arrive at my house for our annual Allegheny College get-together last year. I know for a fact that the friends I have do not intentionally make me wait for them as some kind of spite. Nor are they inherently selfish people. If they were, we wouldn't be friends. Still, lateness grates on my nerves.
That said, people who come to mass late have irritated me for years. It's bad enough when people walk in during the opening hymn and frantically try to squish into the pews, the same pew that I sat down in 10 minutes before mass began, to ensure that we were not only comfortably spaced, but also not distracting fellow church members by arriving mid-service. Those people are just a little irritating. What really gets me are the people, and there are at least a handful every single service, who come in 10 or 15 minutes into the mass. They try to sneak in the back, in the middle of a reading, and then the ushers have to get up, interrupting their own absorption of the service, to find a seat, sometime 5 or 6 seats, if it's a whole family, then disrupt the whole pew of people who were peacefully seated and attending just a second prior. Ew. If you arrive at church 15 minutes late, go down to the basement and help yourself to a cup of coffee and a donut. You are now an hour early for the next service. You'll get great seat, and be very relaxed and prepared for mass!
As if being late isn't bad enough, though, in the last month I have witnessed two different women on two different Sundays showing outright blatant disrespect. The first happened during a mass in January. This woman was a middle aged woman, not some be-bopping teenager, who waltzed into mass in the middle of the gospel. I moved over and she sat next to us. When Father started the homily, she balanced her checkbook! I looked over at her in complete disbelief! Really? You are balancing your checkbook at church? And during the homily no less! Not that it would be appropriate at any point during the service, but the homily is the most personalized piece of the mass. In all my life I have never had a priest as well connected as the priest we have now. His homilies are great. He always has some humor, stories of real life, things which tie our every day lives so perfectly into the gospel without being "preachy" or overbearing. I truly cherish hearing his homilies. I couldn't believe this woman! Then, to make matters worse, she went to the bathroom during communion! Why even bother coming to mass?
As if that wasn't bad enough, I saw another act of blatant disregard again today. It was another woman, young, maybe mid-twenties. She also came in the middle of the gospel. She sat down, and during the homily, she wrote checks for bills. Did I miss the memo about bringing your checkbook to church? Do they think that praying will prevent them from bouncing a check? After she was done writing her checks, she whipped out some little note cards. She sat in front of me, and to my left, so I had plain view of what she was writing. We can argue that I was being nosey, but, hey, why argue? I was being nosey! I read what she was writing. They were thank-you cards from her wedding! Come on, really? You don't have any other time free to write the thank-you cards?
I'm going out on a limb here. I imagine that God would welcome all who enter his church, period, regardless of whether or not they were late. But I also think that God would frown upon people who pay no attention. What is the purpose of going to church, if your mind is so preoccupied with other things that you cannot hear a word that is being said? I would think these two women would gain just about as much of Christ's wisdom watching a televised mass on channel 7 at home, doing their bills and writing their cards. And they would be a heck of a lot less distracting to others if they stayed home too!
OK, it's not my place to judge. That job belongs to God, and He knows that I certainly commit enough offenses against Him every day, that I myself have no room to talk. I'm going to vent my frustrations anyway. From my perspective, if you plan to go to church, be on time. Leave your checkbook, your cell phone, your thank-you cards and whatever other distractions you have at home. Sit down for one hour, without technology, without distraction and focus yourself on Jesus. Look up at that cross above the altar and think about how He died for you, suffering terribly on that cross, so that your sins would be forgiven. Then tell me that you feel OK about writing notes.
That message may not be true a true reflection of the person. I have several good friends who are perpetually late. My dear friend Danielle used to be HOURS late for gatherings. It drove me nuts. It still does. But I have to give her credit, because she is at least trying to make some changes. And she was the first person to arrive at my house for our annual Allegheny College get-together last year. I know for a fact that the friends I have do not intentionally make me wait for them as some kind of spite. Nor are they inherently selfish people. If they were, we wouldn't be friends. Still, lateness grates on my nerves.
That said, people who come to mass late have irritated me for years. It's bad enough when people walk in during the opening hymn and frantically try to squish into the pews, the same pew that I sat down in 10 minutes before mass began, to ensure that we were not only comfortably spaced, but also not distracting fellow church members by arriving mid-service. Those people are just a little irritating. What really gets me are the people, and there are at least a handful every single service, who come in 10 or 15 minutes into the mass. They try to sneak in the back, in the middle of a reading, and then the ushers have to get up, interrupting their own absorption of the service, to find a seat, sometime 5 or 6 seats, if it's a whole family, then disrupt the whole pew of people who were peacefully seated and attending just a second prior. Ew. If you arrive at church 15 minutes late, go down to the basement and help yourself to a cup of coffee and a donut. You are now an hour early for the next service. You'll get great seat, and be very relaxed and prepared for mass!
As if being late isn't bad enough, though, in the last month I have witnessed two different women on two different Sundays showing outright blatant disrespect. The first happened during a mass in January. This woman was a middle aged woman, not some be-bopping teenager, who waltzed into mass in the middle of the gospel. I moved over and she sat next to us. When Father started the homily, she balanced her checkbook! I looked over at her in complete disbelief! Really? You are balancing your checkbook at church? And during the homily no less! Not that it would be appropriate at any point during the service, but the homily is the most personalized piece of the mass. In all my life I have never had a priest as well connected as the priest we have now. His homilies are great. He always has some humor, stories of real life, things which tie our every day lives so perfectly into the gospel without being "preachy" or overbearing. I truly cherish hearing his homilies. I couldn't believe this woman! Then, to make matters worse, she went to the bathroom during communion! Why even bother coming to mass?
As if that wasn't bad enough, I saw another act of blatant disregard again today. It was another woman, young, maybe mid-twenties. She also came in the middle of the gospel. She sat down, and during the homily, she wrote checks for bills. Did I miss the memo about bringing your checkbook to church? Do they think that praying will prevent them from bouncing a check? After she was done writing her checks, she whipped out some little note cards. She sat in front of me, and to my left, so I had plain view of what she was writing. We can argue that I was being nosey, but, hey, why argue? I was being nosey! I read what she was writing. They were thank-you cards from her wedding! Come on, really? You don't have any other time free to write the thank-you cards?
I'm going out on a limb here. I imagine that God would welcome all who enter his church, period, regardless of whether or not they were late. But I also think that God would frown upon people who pay no attention. What is the purpose of going to church, if your mind is so preoccupied with other things that you cannot hear a word that is being said? I would think these two women would gain just about as much of Christ's wisdom watching a televised mass on channel 7 at home, doing their bills and writing their cards. And they would be a heck of a lot less distracting to others if they stayed home too!
OK, it's not my place to judge. That job belongs to God, and He knows that I certainly commit enough offenses against Him every day, that I myself have no room to talk. I'm going to vent my frustrations anyway. From my perspective, if you plan to go to church, be on time. Leave your checkbook, your cell phone, your thank-you cards and whatever other distractions you have at home. Sit down for one hour, without technology, without distraction and focus yourself on Jesus. Look up at that cross above the altar and think about how He died for you, suffering terribly on that cross, so that your sins would be forgiven. Then tell me that you feel OK about writing notes.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
"May God's Blessing Keep You..."
My grandmother's cousin died early this week from complications from a heart attack she had a few weeks ago. She would have been 79 today. After her heart attack, she was sedated and never really regained consciousness. She died peacefully in her sleep, alone.
It's sad that she has passed on, but in many ways, I am glad for her. She had been struggling with her health for some time now. She had expressed that she no longer wanted to fight life's fights, and with her passing, her suffering has ended. What's truly sad, in my opinion, is that she died alone. In a family as big and close as mine, how could we possibly have had someone pass away by herself?
Well, Corky was an only child. She was divorced decades ago, and never had any children of her own. Still, she was born into a family full of cousins, people who were much more than family, people who were friends. But Corky lead a very unbalanced life. I will not go into the details. It does no good to speak ill of the dead. Let's just say that she took much more than she gave to her relationships. After a while, people got tired of feeling used, and slowly, one by one, she ostracized herself from all but a few resilient family members.
Corky never wronged me. I could not speak of personal bad experience, but I can certainly understand why my family members felt frustrated with her. Some of the things she did were so utterly selfish, that she truly did deserve to be excluded. I personally have never been someone to hold a grudge. In a very few instances I have carried a chip on my shoulder for a few years, but eventually, it passes. I may not forget, but I am able to forgive. Others do not find forgiveness as easy, especially when it is personal.
I have to wonder, though, what her motivations were. Was she truly aware of the depth of her actions or was she simply selfishly oblivious? I believe there is a difference between calculated dishonor and ignorant missteps. Which was she guilty of? I don't know. I do know that she was terribly depressed in the latter part of her life, which could certainly account for something. Maybe that needs to be taken into account.
We have all been in relationships that are unbalanced. There are those that are toxic and simply need to be ended. There are those in which one of us gives much more than the other. And there are some in which none of our efforts are reciprocated. To me, one of the most important things we can do as humans, is not just to value one another, but also to express that gratitude. I try very hard to keep up relationships with those I hold dear, regardless of the miles between us, or how busy our schedules get, there is always time to let someone you love know that you love them. You can send a quick text or an email. You can fit in a coffee date once or twice a year, even if (in my case) you have to schedule it months in advance to make sure it happens. If you value a relationship with someone, you will make time for them.
Joan Baez begins "Forever Young" with these words: "May God's blessing keep you always. May your wishes all come true. May you always do for others, and let others do for you." We can complicate our relationships with all kinds of clutter, but when it all boils down, the crux of life is balance, the simplest form of give and take. I try very hard to make sure that I am giving back in my relationships, that they are not one sided. The degree and the type of reciprocation varies from one relationship to another. What I give to my parents is vastly different from what I give to my children. Friendships that span miles are different from local friends. Even my interactions with my two sisters are greatly different. There are some relationships where I give more, and some where I take more, but the key, in my opinion, is to not always be the taker, period. We always have something to give, and I am not talking about material items - a listening ear, a hug, a laugh, encouragement - these are often more imporant than any thing we could produce.
I feel sad for Corky. I feel sad not because I am mourning the loss of her, but rather because I am not mourning her passing. I feel sad that she was not able to find that balance of give and take, and that she died unnecessarily alone.
In her honor, I choose not to think back on the times when she acted less than generously. Every person has redeeming qualities, and Corky was no exception. She had a wonderful sense of humor, a contagious laugh, and a love of children. I pray that she has found happiness, reunited with her mother, with my grandmother, and those who have gone before her. Most of all, I pray that she has found peace in her heart. God rest your soul, Joanne McClellan, may God's blessing keep you.
Feb 4, 1932 - Jan 31, 2011
It's sad that she has passed on, but in many ways, I am glad for her. She had been struggling with her health for some time now. She had expressed that she no longer wanted to fight life's fights, and with her passing, her suffering has ended. What's truly sad, in my opinion, is that she died alone. In a family as big and close as mine, how could we possibly have had someone pass away by herself?
Well, Corky was an only child. She was divorced decades ago, and never had any children of her own. Still, she was born into a family full of cousins, people who were much more than family, people who were friends. But Corky lead a very unbalanced life. I will not go into the details. It does no good to speak ill of the dead. Let's just say that she took much more than she gave to her relationships. After a while, people got tired of feeling used, and slowly, one by one, she ostracized herself from all but a few resilient family members.
Corky never wronged me. I could not speak of personal bad experience, but I can certainly understand why my family members felt frustrated with her. Some of the things she did were so utterly selfish, that she truly did deserve to be excluded. I personally have never been someone to hold a grudge. In a very few instances I have carried a chip on my shoulder for a few years, but eventually, it passes. I may not forget, but I am able to forgive. Others do not find forgiveness as easy, especially when it is personal.
I have to wonder, though, what her motivations were. Was she truly aware of the depth of her actions or was she simply selfishly oblivious? I believe there is a difference between calculated dishonor and ignorant missteps. Which was she guilty of? I don't know. I do know that she was terribly depressed in the latter part of her life, which could certainly account for something. Maybe that needs to be taken into account.
We have all been in relationships that are unbalanced. There are those that are toxic and simply need to be ended. There are those in which one of us gives much more than the other. And there are some in which none of our efforts are reciprocated. To me, one of the most important things we can do as humans, is not just to value one another, but also to express that gratitude. I try very hard to keep up relationships with those I hold dear, regardless of the miles between us, or how busy our schedules get, there is always time to let someone you love know that you love them. You can send a quick text or an email. You can fit in a coffee date once or twice a year, even if (in my case) you have to schedule it months in advance to make sure it happens. If you value a relationship with someone, you will make time for them.
Joan Baez begins "Forever Young" with these words: "May God's blessing keep you always. May your wishes all come true. May you always do for others, and let others do for you." We can complicate our relationships with all kinds of clutter, but when it all boils down, the crux of life is balance, the simplest form of give and take. I try very hard to make sure that I am giving back in my relationships, that they are not one sided. The degree and the type of reciprocation varies from one relationship to another. What I give to my parents is vastly different from what I give to my children. Friendships that span miles are different from local friends. Even my interactions with my two sisters are greatly different. There are some relationships where I give more, and some where I take more, but the key, in my opinion, is to not always be the taker, period. We always have something to give, and I am not talking about material items - a listening ear, a hug, a laugh, encouragement - these are often more imporant than any thing we could produce.
I feel sad for Corky. I feel sad not because I am mourning the loss of her, but rather because I am not mourning her passing. I feel sad that she was not able to find that balance of give and take, and that she died unnecessarily alone.
In her honor, I choose not to think back on the times when she acted less than generously. Every person has redeeming qualities, and Corky was no exception. She had a wonderful sense of humor, a contagious laugh, and a love of children. I pray that she has found happiness, reunited with her mother, with my grandmother, and those who have gone before her. Most of all, I pray that she has found peace in her heart. God rest your soul, Joanne McClellan, may God's blessing keep you.
Feb 4, 1932 - Jan 31, 2011Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Eat Well, Be Happy!
Having had yet another day home due to weather, I resisted the urge to eat junk, and instead used my extra time to make some yummy recipes - one old favorite, and two new and exciting ones! I had garlic soup for lunch. It sounds a little scary, but it's really based with sweet potatoes and carrots. It's so simple to make and it is absolutely delicious. It's one of my all time favorite winter soups.
After lunch, I made my dessert for this evening, naturally sweetened raspberry pudding. I have never made pudding from scratch before. I stumbled upon this recipe in a free magazine at a local super market. It looked so easy and healthy, I just had to give it a shot. I'm so glad I did! It's delicious! I didn't add the whipped cream and chocolate shavings, but I'm sure they would make it all the better!
And then for dinner, I made a vegan friendly cashew chili. It's a recipe I found online a long time ago. I tweaked it a little to suit my own taste. It was good! Here are the recipes - I hope you have a chance to try them out!
Cashew Chili:
2-3 cups cooked kidney beans (I used one large can, rinsed)
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 medium onions, chopped
2 green peppers, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
3 or more cloves of garlic, crushed
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 quart tomatoes (I used canned with juice)
1 or 2 grated carrots
freshly ground pepper
1 bay leaf
1/2 to 1 cup cashews
1 handful raisins
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
In a large pot (and I mean large - this recipe makes a huge batch), stir fry onions, green peppers, celery and garlic.
Add spices and stir fry them as well.
Add tomatoes, carrots, ground pepper, bay leaf, nuts, raisins, sugar and salt.
Add beans
Simmer until heated through.
Add vinegar a little at a time, tasting between additions. Can also add beer to thin the chili, if preferred.
I did not add beer. I ate mine over brown rice. I suppose you could also add cheddar cheese and sour cream, if you were so inclined, but that would take away from the healthfulness of the dish. It was delicious!
Raspberry Pudding:
1 cup frozen raspberries
2 cups cran-raspberry 100 % juice (I used raspberry-pomegranate) (get real juice, not something that is flavored like juice!!)
1 strip lemon peel (1/2 x 3 inches)
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup cold water
Whipped cream (optional - I did not use it)
Chocolate shavings (also optional, I did not use)
Cook berries in a small saucepan over med-high heat just until the juices are extracted, about 3-5 minutes. Strain berries through a sieve to remove seeds. Combine strained berry pulp, juice and lemon peel in saucepan. Bring to a boil then reduce heat. Mix cornstarch with water and add to juice mixture. Cook over medium heat until mixture thickens and is dark in color, rather than pink. Cool slightly, remove lemon peel. Chill until set. Top with whipped cream and chocolate.
120 cal, 0 fat, 31 g carb, 1 g fiber per 4 ounce serving.
Garlic Soup:
3-4 chopped sweet potatoes
3-4 carrots, peeled and chopped
3 cups chicken broth
5 cloves of garlic (or more if desired) crushed
2 tablespoons butter
Cook potatoes and carrots in broth until soft. Using an immersion blender, blend until smooth. (You can also use a regular blender, if you don't have an immersion blender. Just puree the soup in small batches. Be careful when pureeing hot liquids, because if you put too much in the blender, the top will pop off!)
Add the garlic and butter. Simmer for about 5 minutes, while stirring, to allow flavors to blend. YUMMY!!!
After lunch, I made my dessert for this evening, naturally sweetened raspberry pudding. I have never made pudding from scratch before. I stumbled upon this recipe in a free magazine at a local super market. It looked so easy and healthy, I just had to give it a shot. I'm so glad I did! It's delicious! I didn't add the whipped cream and chocolate shavings, but I'm sure they would make it all the better!
And then for dinner, I made a vegan friendly cashew chili. It's a recipe I found online a long time ago. I tweaked it a little to suit my own taste. It was good! Here are the recipes - I hope you have a chance to try them out!
Cashew Chili:2-3 cups cooked kidney beans (I used one large can, rinsed)
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 medium onions, chopped
2 green peppers, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
3 or more cloves of garlic, crushed
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 quart tomatoes (I used canned with juice)
1 or 2 grated carrots
freshly ground pepper
1 bay leaf
1/2 to 1 cup cashews
1 handful raisins
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
In a large pot (and I mean large - this recipe makes a huge batch), stir fry onions, green peppers, celery and garlic.
Add spices and stir fry them as well.
Add tomatoes, carrots, ground pepper, bay leaf, nuts, raisins, sugar and salt.
Add beans
Simmer until heated through.
Add vinegar a little at a time, tasting between additions. Can also add beer to thin the chili, if preferred.
I did not add beer. I ate mine over brown rice. I suppose you could also add cheddar cheese and sour cream, if you were so inclined, but that would take away from the healthfulness of the dish. It was delicious!
Raspberry Pudding:
1 cup frozen raspberries
2 cups cran-raspberry 100 % juice (I used raspberry-pomegranate) (get real juice, not something that is flavored like juice!!)
1 strip lemon peel (1/2 x 3 inches)
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup cold water
Whipped cream (optional - I did not use it)
Chocolate shavings (also optional, I did not use)
Cook berries in a small saucepan over med-high heat just until the juices are extracted, about 3-5 minutes. Strain berries through a sieve to remove seeds. Combine strained berry pulp, juice and lemon peel in saucepan. Bring to a boil then reduce heat. Mix cornstarch with water and add to juice mixture. Cook over medium heat until mixture thickens and is dark in color, rather than pink. Cool slightly, remove lemon peel. Chill until set. Top with whipped cream and chocolate.
120 cal, 0 fat, 31 g carb, 1 g fiber per 4 ounce serving.
Garlic Soup:
3-4 chopped sweet potatoes
3-4 carrots, peeled and chopped
3 cups chicken broth
5 cloves of garlic (or more if desired) crushed
2 tablespoons butter
Cook potatoes and carrots in broth until soft. Using an immersion blender, blend until smooth. (You can also use a regular blender, if you don't have an immersion blender. Just puree the soup in small batches. Be careful when pureeing hot liquids, because if you put too much in the blender, the top will pop off!)
Add the garlic and butter. Simmer for about 5 minutes, while stirring, to allow flavors to blend. YUMMY!!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Snow Day
I have never been an advocate of over scheduling children. Jacob participates in one extra curricular activity at a time, and the rest of his time is his. I always felt that we have enough family and friend gatherings that he didn't need any more obligations tuggin on him. I also feel the same way about my own time. We have enough going on to keep us plenty busy, I don't really want to make it any crazier by signing up for anything extra!
That said, I also believe that "idle hands are the devil's workshop." So, while many people may have been jumping for joy over today's cancellations, I found myself cringing just a bit. What can I do by myself with two kids, five years apart, who fight constantly, to keep them occupied ALL DAY??? Well, not much. We made it through most of the morning without too much quarreling, but by 10 a.m, we were all going a little stir crazy. So I decided to salt the sidewalk, warm up the car, buckle the boys in their seats, and brave the roads to Slinky Action Zone (like Chuck E Cheese only bigger, for those of you who are not local).
Once we got rolling, I was surprised to see that the roads were really very clear. A 2 hour delay would probably have sufficed, since the freezing rain is not to arrive until later tonight. We were the first people to arrive at Slinky and they had a "buy one get one free" entrance deal, which was another bonus! So far, so good!
I was shocked that Andrew, my little dare devil, was afraid in the active play area, or "giant play pen," as Jacob calls it. He didn't like crawling through the tubes or over the ropes at all. He liked the ball pit for about 2 minutes, until he realized it was difficult to maneuver in, and then freaked out about the balls too. He just couldn't get comfortable with the play area, even with me crawling around inside with him. Eventually, we gave up on the free play, and headed to the arcade side of the center. Since Andrew doesn't really realize whether or not he is actually playing any of the games, I gave 3/4 of the tokens to Jake. They had a great time running from machine to machine. We stayed for about an hour and a half and then headed home. It was good to get out of the house.
When we came home, I gave the boys lunch and then put Andrew down for a nap. Jacob and I did a couple of science experiments, and now we are just biding our time until Andrew awakens. At least we were able to divert our attention for part of the day. Now, I'm just praying that we don't end up at home all day tomorrow too!
Jake loved the ball pit, even if Andrew didn't!
What is the first thing Andrew goes for in the arcade? Guitar Hero, of course!
Getting a good start on some tickets!
"Just think, Mom. Only 14 more years until I'm driving a real car!"
Ticket and candy overload!
Jacob is the ticket super hero!
Master anthropologist, Jacob, ready to work!
"Let's crack this thing open!"
Easy does it!
The prize, a nicely preserved REAL bee inside a cube of resin. Gross!
That said, I also believe that "idle hands are the devil's workshop." So, while many people may have been jumping for joy over today's cancellations, I found myself cringing just a bit. What can I do by myself with two kids, five years apart, who fight constantly, to keep them occupied ALL DAY??? Well, not much. We made it through most of the morning without too much quarreling, but by 10 a.m, we were all going a little stir crazy. So I decided to salt the sidewalk, warm up the car, buckle the boys in their seats, and brave the roads to Slinky Action Zone (like Chuck E Cheese only bigger, for those of you who are not local).
Once we got rolling, I was surprised to see that the roads were really very clear. A 2 hour delay would probably have sufficed, since the freezing rain is not to arrive until later tonight. We were the first people to arrive at Slinky and they had a "buy one get one free" entrance deal, which was another bonus! So far, so good!
I was shocked that Andrew, my little dare devil, was afraid in the active play area, or "giant play pen," as Jacob calls it. He didn't like crawling through the tubes or over the ropes at all. He liked the ball pit for about 2 minutes, until he realized it was difficult to maneuver in, and then freaked out about the balls too. He just couldn't get comfortable with the play area, even with me crawling around inside with him. Eventually, we gave up on the free play, and headed to the arcade side of the center. Since Andrew doesn't really realize whether or not he is actually playing any of the games, I gave 3/4 of the tokens to Jake. They had a great time running from machine to machine. We stayed for about an hour and a half and then headed home. It was good to get out of the house.
When we came home, I gave the boys lunch and then put Andrew down for a nap. Jacob and I did a couple of science experiments, and now we are just biding our time until Andrew awakens. At least we were able to divert our attention for part of the day. Now, I'm just praying that we don't end up at home all day tomorrow too!
Jake loved the ball pit, even if Andrew didn't! 
What is the first thing Andrew goes for in the arcade? Guitar Hero, of course!
Getting a good start on some tickets!
"Just think, Mom. Only 14 more years until I'm driving a real car!"
Ticket and candy overload!
Jacob is the ticket super hero!
Master anthropologist, Jacob, ready to work!
"Let's crack this thing open!"
Easy does it!
The prize, a nicely preserved REAL bee inside a cube of resin. Gross!Laugh A Little
It feels like it's been a while since I've written about things my boys have said. With the chaos of the season, I apparently haven't been very good at keeping track of their thoughts. Usually I have a ton of sayings stored away in my phone, just waiting to be posted, but right now I only have a few. I know that the limited number is not due to lack of humor, because honestly, they say something every day that makes me laugh. I just haven't written them all down.
The daily laughter reminds me of my old job at Allegheny East in Monroeville. That job had times when it was so very stressful, but I can say with full sincerity, that I loved it. I loved it because of the wonderful women I worked with, but also because of the beautiful people I served. They were very much like my children - pure in heart and mind, and always able to bring a smile to my face. No matter how bad my day was, regardless of what kind of stress the position entailed, I was guaranteed to laugh at least once, usually much more, each and every day.
Those were the moments I remember most about the job, too. Sure I can think of a few big problems that I encountered that were less than ideal, but when I reminisce about my times at Allegheny East (now Milestone), I think most often on the good times - good friends, lots of laughs and lots of love.
I need to remind myself of that principal when it comes to my children. There is a quote that I love. "The days are long, but the years are short." How true that statement is! The years seem to fly by, and when I look back, I remember the good things, the times that made me laugh, the joy I have taken in raising my boys. When they are fighting, or throwing tantrums or destroying yet another item in our home, I need to think about the good, the blessings, and the joy that lies in having children. We cannot control what happens to us, after all, but we are always in control of our attitude towards life's events.
So, with that in mind, let me cut to the chase, and give you some examples of times I have smiled over the last month or so!
Today school was canceled because of a two part winter storm in our area. We got a few inches of snow last night, which is mostly cleared, but we are going to be hit later this afternoon into tomorrow with freezing rain. Naturally, Jacob is thrilled about his time off of school. As I stumbled around, making my coffee and getting my bearings this morning, he rattled off all kinds of thoughts about winter, school, storms, you name it. It was all I could do to nod along with him, because I wasn't even partially awake while he was talking a mile a minute. Finally, he asked about going outside. I told him that if he was going to play outside, he should do it in the morning, before the ice comes. He agreed, and then spouted off some theories about sleet and the pain factor if it were to hit his face, and if the Weichel boys would know to go inside when it started sleeting. Again, I was just kind of nodding along. Then he said, "Mom, doesn't hail get to be the size of mini vans?" Uh huh, uh, huh, nod, nod...
Wait? Did he just say "mini van?"
"Um, no. I don't think that usually happens, Jake. That's awfully large. Maybe golf ball sized, or if it's bad, baseball sized. I think it would be very rare for hail to be as large as a vehicle."
"Well, I mean, small mini vans, of course."
"Yes, of course. Small mini vans."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later this morning (well, not much later. He hadn't even eaten breakfast yet, but I could swear he drank a whole pot of coffee himself!) he said, "you know, I watched a thing on TV where they showed how to make cartoons. It takes like 8 pieces of paper just to make a character move it's foot a little bit."
"Yeah," I said, "because they have to draw each tiny bit of movement to make it look real."
"You know, Mom. I think that cartoons are bad for the environment. They waste a lot of paper."
"I think they used to use a lot of paper, but now they do it all on the computer, so it's not as bad."
"Um, Mom. Where do you think all that computer paper comes from? Duh, trees!"
I took a breath to say something else, but I decided against it. It was just too early, and he wanted to talk just for the sake of talking. "Yeah. You're right. Paper is paper."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there is our dear Andrew. Andrew is obsessed with music, specifically rock-n-roll. I recently made him a CD of songs that Fred sings with the band. He likes the songs, but he is stuck on a few in particular. He especially loves "Sweet Home Alabama." He calls it "Turn It Up," because that's what they say at the very beginning of the song. Andrew can't say "Alabama," so at the end, when the chorus is singing "ahh, ahh, Alabama, ahh, ahh, Alabama," Andrew says, "Ahhh, ahh...gobble gobble!" He's so soulful when he's singing. It's truly hysterical!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg took Andrew to Home Depot the other day. Andrew looked around and said, "Dad, I wub (love) Hone Deto!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been talking to Jacob about the importance of a good night's sleep, because he keeps getting up earlier and earlier (like today, he was up at 4 a.m.). One day, he said to me, "Mom, it doesn't matter how early I go to bed, or how much sleep I get. I still have those hoops under my eyes all the time."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the last funny thing actually isn't from my kids. It isn't even from a child! It's was something my Aunt Carmen said.
My cousin had a heart attack recently and has been in the hospital. Carmen was telling me the details of Corky's condition and she said, "they seduced her and intubated her...oh wait, not seduced, um..."
"Sedated?"
"Yes! Sedated!"
"What hospital do you go to, to be seduced? I think I'm having chest pain!"
The daily laughter reminds me of my old job at Allegheny East in Monroeville. That job had times when it was so very stressful, but I can say with full sincerity, that I loved it. I loved it because of the wonderful women I worked with, but also because of the beautiful people I served. They were very much like my children - pure in heart and mind, and always able to bring a smile to my face. No matter how bad my day was, regardless of what kind of stress the position entailed, I was guaranteed to laugh at least once, usually much more, each and every day.
Those were the moments I remember most about the job, too. Sure I can think of a few big problems that I encountered that were less than ideal, but when I reminisce about my times at Allegheny East (now Milestone), I think most often on the good times - good friends, lots of laughs and lots of love.
I need to remind myself of that principal when it comes to my children. There is a quote that I love. "The days are long, but the years are short." How true that statement is! The years seem to fly by, and when I look back, I remember the good things, the times that made me laugh, the joy I have taken in raising my boys. When they are fighting, or throwing tantrums or destroying yet another item in our home, I need to think about the good, the blessings, and the joy that lies in having children. We cannot control what happens to us, after all, but we are always in control of our attitude towards life's events.
So, with that in mind, let me cut to the chase, and give you some examples of times I have smiled over the last month or so!
Today school was canceled because of a two part winter storm in our area. We got a few inches of snow last night, which is mostly cleared, but we are going to be hit later this afternoon into tomorrow with freezing rain. Naturally, Jacob is thrilled about his time off of school. As I stumbled around, making my coffee and getting my bearings this morning, he rattled off all kinds of thoughts about winter, school, storms, you name it. It was all I could do to nod along with him, because I wasn't even partially awake while he was talking a mile a minute. Finally, he asked about going outside. I told him that if he was going to play outside, he should do it in the morning, before the ice comes. He agreed, and then spouted off some theories about sleet and the pain factor if it were to hit his face, and if the Weichel boys would know to go inside when it started sleeting. Again, I was just kind of nodding along. Then he said, "Mom, doesn't hail get to be the size of mini vans?" Uh huh, uh, huh, nod, nod...
Wait? Did he just say "mini van?"
"Um, no. I don't think that usually happens, Jake. That's awfully large. Maybe golf ball sized, or if it's bad, baseball sized. I think it would be very rare for hail to be as large as a vehicle."
"Well, I mean, small mini vans, of course."
"Yes, of course. Small mini vans."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later this morning (well, not much later. He hadn't even eaten breakfast yet, but I could swear he drank a whole pot of coffee himself!) he said, "you know, I watched a thing on TV where they showed how to make cartoons. It takes like 8 pieces of paper just to make a character move it's foot a little bit."
"Yeah," I said, "because they have to draw each tiny bit of movement to make it look real."
"You know, Mom. I think that cartoons are bad for the environment. They waste a lot of paper."
"I think they used to use a lot of paper, but now they do it all on the computer, so it's not as bad."
"Um, Mom. Where do you think all that computer paper comes from? Duh, trees!"
I took a breath to say something else, but I decided against it. It was just too early, and he wanted to talk just for the sake of talking. "Yeah. You're right. Paper is paper."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there is our dear Andrew. Andrew is obsessed with music, specifically rock-n-roll. I recently made him a CD of songs that Fred sings with the band. He likes the songs, but he is stuck on a few in particular. He especially loves "Sweet Home Alabama." He calls it "Turn It Up," because that's what they say at the very beginning of the song. Andrew can't say "Alabama," so at the end, when the chorus is singing "ahh, ahh, Alabama, ahh, ahh, Alabama," Andrew says, "Ahhh, ahh...gobble gobble!" He's so soulful when he's singing. It's truly hysterical!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg took Andrew to Home Depot the other day. Andrew looked around and said, "Dad, I wub (love) Hone Deto!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been talking to Jacob about the importance of a good night's sleep, because he keeps getting up earlier and earlier (like today, he was up at 4 a.m.). One day, he said to me, "Mom, it doesn't matter how early I go to bed, or how much sleep I get. I still have those hoops under my eyes all the time."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the last funny thing actually isn't from my kids. It isn't even from a child! It's was something my Aunt Carmen said.
My cousin had a heart attack recently and has been in the hospital. Carmen was telling me the details of Corky's condition and she said, "they seduced her and intubated her...oh wait, not seduced, um..."
"Sedated?"
"Yes! Sedated!"
"What hospital do you go to, to be seduced? I think I'm having chest pain!"
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Ahhh....
How does one celebrate completing 21 days of purification?
With one steaming hot cup of fully caffeinated, dark roast, that's how!But, only one, of course!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Whatchya Been Up To?
Aside from my running and doing our purification, there really has been little going on here lately. Of course we had a gathering for last weekend's football championship game, as well as the pinewood derby. Tonight we are going to my brother and sister-in-laws for dinner after a special mass for Catholic schools, and I am taking the early part of the day tomorrow to travel close to Pittsburgh to meet some dear friends for brunch. I guess I can't say that we have had nothing to do, but it has felt more laid back, since the holidays are over. Spring is creeping up, and thus will begin the birthday celebrations, Easter, Jacob's first communion, Concerts and school fundraisers, Memorial Day, Mother's and Father's Day, 4th of July and vacation, and then before you know it, the holidays are back upon us again! This little lull in our schedules doesn't last long, and I am trying to enjoy every moment of down time. What are you doing during this quiet time of the year?
Naturally, we have had some shoveling to do recently too. Andrew has been a big help!
"Mom, I love the way the snow sparkles on my shovel in the sunlight!"
Getting ready for the big game last weekend. "Here we go, Steelers!"
"Hi Mom! Wonder where I got these boots?"
"I cleaned out your coat closet for you! That's where! Shoes all over! Na na na na na na!"
"You're a poopy butt!"
Naturally, we have had some shoveling to do recently too. Andrew has been a big help!
"Mom, I love the way the snow sparkles on my shovel in the sunlight!"
Getting ready for the big game last weekend. "Here we go, Steelers!" "Hi Mom! Wonder where I got these boots?"
"I cleaned out your coat closet for you! That's where! Shoes all over! Na na na na na na!"
"You're a poopy butt!"Friday, January 28, 2011
An Uphill Battle
There are a lot of different options for running in this area. There's a nice cushy track at the local high school (well, actually the track is beside the junior high, but let's not split hairs.) If I want to run through the woods, we've got trails for that. If I want to run on the street there are plenty of back roads with traffic ranging from low to moderate, and inclines ranging from nil to steep. The track is probably the best option for joint health, but it's boring. Unless it's just a victory lap, I tend to avoid the track. We all know my feelings on dirt, so trail running is out for me. I don't want to muck up my nice white kicks! That pretty much leaves road running for me. Meep! Meep! (Sorry, I had to do it!)
I have always chosen routes which had a variety of inclines, just to test myself, but I was never too extreme. Recently, I was talking to a fellow runner who said, "people who don't run hills are doing themselves a great disservice." "You know," I thought, "She's right." And with that thought, I began pushing myself up the steeper inclines. I've run up the "Double Dips," Lindsey Street, Newry Lane, and half way up Sylvan Heights drive (to the sharp curve, for you locals), among other hills of varying degree and lenth. At the top of each hill I always feel like I just might collapse. I might. But I haven't yet. In fact, when I get to the top, in pure exhaustion, I push forward, and with a few yards of level ground (or in some cases, decline), I feel great! I have accomplished something! I have conquered a hill, and more often than not, I'm ready for more!
Today I started my run with the intent of running a 4.05 mile loop, beginning with the half climb up Sylvan Heights Drive. When I reached the half way mark, however, I didn't stop and turn off on one of the side streets. Instead, I kept going. I don't know why, really. I just did it. Soon I was 3/4 of the way up the hill, and by then I had challenged myself to run the entire hill.
Sylvan Heights Drive is about 2.25 miles long from where I start it (which actually is a road with another name, but they are all connected) to where it ends at the crest of Frankstown Road. The first half of it is fairly steep. The second half, though not as steep, is still a consistent incline. 2.25 miles up hill is a tough way to start out a run, but I did it. Not only did I do it, I ran the entire way to the top without walking once, and with keeping a respectable pace, close to a 10 minute mile! When I reached the top I was absolutely thrilled with myself. Utterly exhausted, but absolutely thrilled.
As I started back down the road, 3/4 of the way, I decided that I was not going to take the easy way out and run downhill the whole way home. I veered off onto a side street, and careened myself through Elmwood, one of the ritzier housing developments in the area. I found myself eventually on Lower Brush Mountain Road, and followed that back to a more familiar route home. When it was all said and done, I had run 5.25 miles, with more than half of it being up hill. Talk about a confidence boosting run!
I can't say enough how much I love running. With each run, I feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and invigorated. I'm so grateful to breathe in the fresh air, cast my gaze over God's beautiful earth, and reflect on life's blessings. Likewise, when I'm in the process of a run, I get excited thinking about my next conquest, the next hills I will take on, the length of my next run, how far I can keep pushing. I never pushed myself beyond my limits before, and this new found ability is simply enchanting! Perhaps running a half marathon is not such a ridiculous notion after all....I'll just have to see how the next few months go.
I have always chosen routes which had a variety of inclines, just to test myself, but I was never too extreme. Recently, I was talking to a fellow runner who said, "people who don't run hills are doing themselves a great disservice." "You know," I thought, "She's right." And with that thought, I began pushing myself up the steeper inclines. I've run up the "Double Dips," Lindsey Street, Newry Lane, and half way up Sylvan Heights drive (to the sharp curve, for you locals), among other hills of varying degree and lenth. At the top of each hill I always feel like I just might collapse. I might. But I haven't yet. In fact, when I get to the top, in pure exhaustion, I push forward, and with a few yards of level ground (or in some cases, decline), I feel great! I have accomplished something! I have conquered a hill, and more often than not, I'm ready for more!
Today I started my run with the intent of running a 4.05 mile loop, beginning with the half climb up Sylvan Heights Drive. When I reached the half way mark, however, I didn't stop and turn off on one of the side streets. Instead, I kept going. I don't know why, really. I just did it. Soon I was 3/4 of the way up the hill, and by then I had challenged myself to run the entire hill.
Sylvan Heights Drive is about 2.25 miles long from where I start it (which actually is a road with another name, but they are all connected) to where it ends at the crest of Frankstown Road. The first half of it is fairly steep. The second half, though not as steep, is still a consistent incline. 2.25 miles up hill is a tough way to start out a run, but I did it. Not only did I do it, I ran the entire way to the top without walking once, and with keeping a respectable pace, close to a 10 minute mile! When I reached the top I was absolutely thrilled with myself. Utterly exhausted, but absolutely thrilled.
As I started back down the road, 3/4 of the way, I decided that I was not going to take the easy way out and run downhill the whole way home. I veered off onto a side street, and careened myself through Elmwood, one of the ritzier housing developments in the area. I found myself eventually on Lower Brush Mountain Road, and followed that back to a more familiar route home. When it was all said and done, I had run 5.25 miles, with more than half of it being up hill. Talk about a confidence boosting run!
I can't say enough how much I love running. With each run, I feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and invigorated. I'm so grateful to breathe in the fresh air, cast my gaze over God's beautiful earth, and reflect on life's blessings. Likewise, when I'm in the process of a run, I get excited thinking about my next conquest, the next hills I will take on, the length of my next run, how far I can keep pushing. I never pushed myself beyond my limits before, and this new found ability is simply enchanting! Perhaps running a half marathon is not such a ridiculous notion after all....I'll just have to see how the next few months go.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Can We Call A Truce?
For those of you with multiple children, what is your daily life honestly like? I am genuinely curious to see if the amount of fighting my kids do is normal or above the baseline for sibling rivalry. When I say that my kids fight ALL THE TIME, I am not exaggerating. Literally, within 2 minutes of being together, conflict begins. More often than not, it is Andrew wanting something of Jacob’s or simply pestering Jacob that begins the altercations. Jacob then responds with an over-the-top reaction, which sends both of them into a spitting, hitting and screaming frenzy.
I have talked to Jacob about how to temper his reactions too many times to count. He can’t do it. He can’t ignore Andrew’s taunting, “Jacob wears diapers” or “I throw your Legos in the torlet.” Instead of sitting down, looking forward and asking for my assistance when Andrew starts walking towards him with a toy held high above his head in combat mode, Jacob darts wildly around the room, which sends a message of “game-on” to Andrew. Melee ensues. If Andrew is simply playing with a truck, pushing it around on the floor, Jacob immediately enters panic mode, and starts wildly prancing, practically hyperventilating, and insisting that I stop him before he nears Jacob’s toes. This one is particularly disturbing for me, because we have a huge living room. It’s 18x35. If they are on opposite ends of the room, there is no way on God’s green earth that Andrew would accidentally run over Jake’s feet. It’s a complete over-reaction. This over-reaction sparks an idea in Andrew’s previously (albeit temporarily) docile brain that maybe a little battle would indeed be a good idea. He then goes into attack mode, and Jacob responds once again with hyperbole. Fight. Fight. Fight. I’m not kidding, it’s constant. CONSTANT.
This morning, they were both up by 530, which meant 2 whole hours of arguing before we even left the house. They both like to sit and watch TV when they first get up, which is fine, except that even though we have two large couches and a roomy chase lounge, they both want to sit on the chase lounge. Again, this would be fine, if they could sit there in harmony, but they can’t. It’s truly not Jacob’s fault in this instance. This is another one of Andrew’s favorite games. Andrew sits nicely beside Jake for 2 minutes, and then he starts pestering. He’ll push on Jake or try to take Jacob’s lovey blankie. Jake will try to ignore him, but Andrew perseveres. He will then rub his butt against Jacob, lick him, and if those actions don’t get under Jake’s skin, he finds toys to hit Jacob with. If I move Andrew off of the chair, explaining that if he wants to sit with Jake, he needs to sit nicely, Andrew just climbs right back up beside Jacob, and resumes the harassment as soon as I walk away. If Jacob moves to another seat, Andrew follows. It’s a lose: lose situation.
At dinner, Andrew will try to climb onto Jake’s seat with him. If Jacob gets up to get something from the kitchen, Andrew jumps into Jake’s seat. When we leave for school in the mornings, if Jacob turns the TV off before Andrew, Andrew has a tantrum. If Jacob is watching a TV show that Andrew doesn’t like, Andrew turns the TV off. If I turn the TV back on and say, “Don’t touch the TV. Jake is watching it. That’s not nice,” Andrew turns it back off as soon as I walk away. If Jacob’s backpack is left anywhere within Andrew’s reach (which is pretty much anywhere at this point, because he will get chairs to make his own little ladders), Andrew takes Jacob’s stuff out of it, and Jacob pitches a fit. Andrew has flushed a number of Jacob’s action figures and Legos down the toilet, as well as one of Jacob’s school ties. I could continue, but you get the point. It’s making me crazy, and I don’t know what to do.
I asked my mom last night if my sister and I were this bad. I remember arguing with her, but I don’t remember having this continual upset in our home. Mom said no, we were not as bad as my two children. Great. That’s a comfort. We’re freaks, and my kids hate each other, or that’s how I feel most days. I feel terrible most days, in fact.
I feel bad for a ton of reasons. First of all, I want my boys to love each other. I completely understand that sibling rivalry is normal. I know that no siblings have a love-love relationship all the time, but I can’t believe that most siblings fight as continually as mine do. It’s so disheartening. I pray that they will grow to love each other as adults, if not right now. At this rate, I hate to think of what the future holds.
I also feel bad because (I hate to even say it) I rarely enjoy being with both of the kids at the same time. That’s a drastic understatement. It’s beyond not enjoying it. I nearly hate it. I feel so incredibly frustrated and irritated with them. I’m drained, exhausted with being the mediator, the constant enforcer of rules that are utterly disregarded. My voice is no longer heard. I’m no longer setting a good example of conflict resolution for the two of them, because frankly, I have become a screaming meanie a majority of the time.
Which leads me to another regret that I have – not spending enough quality time with Jacob. My parents take Jake all the time. They pick him up randomly at school and have him over for dinner. My mom takes Jacob with her to visit relatives in Pittsburgh even when I do not go with Andrew. Jacob spends every Friday night with my mom, and usually most of the day on Saturday. They go shopping, to the movies, out to eat, you name it. Now, I am eternally grateful for the help. It’s wonderful that they have fostered such a great bond with Jake. No matter what happens, Jacob always knows that he has his own little refuge at my parent’s house, full of unconditional love and peace when he needs a break from a rowdy little brother. By separating the two boys, it makes it much easier on me. Andrew still has tantrums (he is two, after all), but he is much more open to redirection when it’s just the two of us. And it’s great for me to be able to spend quality time alone with Andrew, giving him the same kind of one-on-one attention that Jacob got as a toddler. Most younger siblings do not get that same attention, and I am grateful for the opportunity to provide it to both of my boys. BUT…
…I have this intense and nagging guilt about giving tons of my attention to Andrew and having hardly any time to spend with Jacob. This came up in my conversation with my mother as well. When I complained about the boys fighting and how nuts I feel, she offered for Jacob to come live with her! I would like to say that she was joking, but I believe it was only a half jest. She would gladly raise Jacob. While it’s great that he is getting all kinds of quality time with her, I feel left out of his childhood. The only real time I get with Jacob is the 15 minutes I spend reading to him each night before bed. It makes me very sad. I don’t want him thinking of me as a woman who does nothing but yell all the time and never listens to him. I get so frustrated with the boys when they are together, and more often than not, I yell at Jacob because I expect more of him, being the older brother. I expect him to set a good example, and moreover, I expect him to absorb and apply the advice I have given him. I understand that repetition is what reinforces learning, but honestly, I have repeated, repeated, repeated so many times I feel like a broken record. Just when is he going to get it?
So the guilt of not spending enough time with him, coupled with knowing that the time we do spend together is often tainted with some kind of conflict is weighing heavily on my mind. What is the solution? I need some “out of the box” suggestions, because I have tried practically every traditional way of handling this intense sibling rivalry in our home. I have done time-outs for both of them, removed toys, and obliterated privileges. I have offered rewards for good behaviors, talked nicely about how to treat others, tried to lead by example, and given Jacob responsibilities to “help and teach his little brother” to make him feel useful. I have stood up for Jacob against Andrew, in an attempt to keep things fair, but honestly, fair flew out the door a long time ago. It feels like there is little justice in my home these days, just upset.
The boys are upset with each other and with us for not handling the situations properly. Greg and I feel fried and frazzled dealing with constant loud and chaotic discord. And I am racked with guilt for feeling like I don’t even want to spend time with my kids, a notion that is shameful indeed. Being blessed with two vibrant and healthy children, I need to find a way to channel God’s love and appreciate my blessings. Instead, I find myself pining for bedtime every single day, thinking, this isn’t what I signed up for…
Or is it? Is this normal? How long will it last? I’m going a little crazy right now! Please send me some encouragement!
I have talked to Jacob about how to temper his reactions too many times to count. He can’t do it. He can’t ignore Andrew’s taunting, “Jacob wears diapers” or “I throw your Legos in the torlet.” Instead of sitting down, looking forward and asking for my assistance when Andrew starts walking towards him with a toy held high above his head in combat mode, Jacob darts wildly around the room, which sends a message of “game-on” to Andrew. Melee ensues. If Andrew is simply playing with a truck, pushing it around on the floor, Jacob immediately enters panic mode, and starts wildly prancing, practically hyperventilating, and insisting that I stop him before he nears Jacob’s toes. This one is particularly disturbing for me, because we have a huge living room. It’s 18x35. If they are on opposite ends of the room, there is no way on God’s green earth that Andrew would accidentally run over Jake’s feet. It’s a complete over-reaction. This over-reaction sparks an idea in Andrew’s previously (albeit temporarily) docile brain that maybe a little battle would indeed be a good idea. He then goes into attack mode, and Jacob responds once again with hyperbole. Fight. Fight. Fight. I’m not kidding, it’s constant. CONSTANT.
This morning, they were both up by 530, which meant 2 whole hours of arguing before we even left the house. They both like to sit and watch TV when they first get up, which is fine, except that even though we have two large couches and a roomy chase lounge, they both want to sit on the chase lounge. Again, this would be fine, if they could sit there in harmony, but they can’t. It’s truly not Jacob’s fault in this instance. This is another one of Andrew’s favorite games. Andrew sits nicely beside Jake for 2 minutes, and then he starts pestering. He’ll push on Jake or try to take Jacob’s lovey blankie. Jake will try to ignore him, but Andrew perseveres. He will then rub his butt against Jacob, lick him, and if those actions don’t get under Jake’s skin, he finds toys to hit Jacob with. If I move Andrew off of the chair, explaining that if he wants to sit with Jake, he needs to sit nicely, Andrew just climbs right back up beside Jacob, and resumes the harassment as soon as I walk away. If Jacob moves to another seat, Andrew follows. It’s a lose: lose situation.
At dinner, Andrew will try to climb onto Jake’s seat with him. If Jacob gets up to get something from the kitchen, Andrew jumps into Jake’s seat. When we leave for school in the mornings, if Jacob turns the TV off before Andrew, Andrew has a tantrum. If Jacob is watching a TV show that Andrew doesn’t like, Andrew turns the TV off. If I turn the TV back on and say, “Don’t touch the TV. Jake is watching it. That’s not nice,” Andrew turns it back off as soon as I walk away. If Jacob’s backpack is left anywhere within Andrew’s reach (which is pretty much anywhere at this point, because he will get chairs to make his own little ladders), Andrew takes Jacob’s stuff out of it, and Jacob pitches a fit. Andrew has flushed a number of Jacob’s action figures and Legos down the toilet, as well as one of Jacob’s school ties. I could continue, but you get the point. It’s making me crazy, and I don’t know what to do.
I asked my mom last night if my sister and I were this bad. I remember arguing with her, but I don’t remember having this continual upset in our home. Mom said no, we were not as bad as my two children. Great. That’s a comfort. We’re freaks, and my kids hate each other, or that’s how I feel most days. I feel terrible most days, in fact.
I feel bad for a ton of reasons. First of all, I want my boys to love each other. I completely understand that sibling rivalry is normal. I know that no siblings have a love-love relationship all the time, but I can’t believe that most siblings fight as continually as mine do. It’s so disheartening. I pray that they will grow to love each other as adults, if not right now. At this rate, I hate to think of what the future holds.
I also feel bad because (I hate to even say it) I rarely enjoy being with both of the kids at the same time. That’s a drastic understatement. It’s beyond not enjoying it. I nearly hate it. I feel so incredibly frustrated and irritated with them. I’m drained, exhausted with being the mediator, the constant enforcer of rules that are utterly disregarded. My voice is no longer heard. I’m no longer setting a good example of conflict resolution for the two of them, because frankly, I have become a screaming meanie a majority of the time.
Which leads me to another regret that I have – not spending enough quality time with Jacob. My parents take Jake all the time. They pick him up randomly at school and have him over for dinner. My mom takes Jacob with her to visit relatives in Pittsburgh even when I do not go with Andrew. Jacob spends every Friday night with my mom, and usually most of the day on Saturday. They go shopping, to the movies, out to eat, you name it. Now, I am eternally grateful for the help. It’s wonderful that they have fostered such a great bond with Jake. No matter what happens, Jacob always knows that he has his own little refuge at my parent’s house, full of unconditional love and peace when he needs a break from a rowdy little brother. By separating the two boys, it makes it much easier on me. Andrew still has tantrums (he is two, after all), but he is much more open to redirection when it’s just the two of us. And it’s great for me to be able to spend quality time alone with Andrew, giving him the same kind of one-on-one attention that Jacob got as a toddler. Most younger siblings do not get that same attention, and I am grateful for the opportunity to provide it to both of my boys. BUT…
…I have this intense and nagging guilt about giving tons of my attention to Andrew and having hardly any time to spend with Jacob. This came up in my conversation with my mother as well. When I complained about the boys fighting and how nuts I feel, she offered for Jacob to come live with her! I would like to say that she was joking, but I believe it was only a half jest. She would gladly raise Jacob. While it’s great that he is getting all kinds of quality time with her, I feel left out of his childhood. The only real time I get with Jacob is the 15 minutes I spend reading to him each night before bed. It makes me very sad. I don’t want him thinking of me as a woman who does nothing but yell all the time and never listens to him. I get so frustrated with the boys when they are together, and more often than not, I yell at Jacob because I expect more of him, being the older brother. I expect him to set a good example, and moreover, I expect him to absorb and apply the advice I have given him. I understand that repetition is what reinforces learning, but honestly, I have repeated, repeated, repeated so many times I feel like a broken record. Just when is he going to get it?
So the guilt of not spending enough time with him, coupled with knowing that the time we do spend together is often tainted with some kind of conflict is weighing heavily on my mind. What is the solution? I need some “out of the box” suggestions, because I have tried practically every traditional way of handling this intense sibling rivalry in our home. I have done time-outs for both of them, removed toys, and obliterated privileges. I have offered rewards for good behaviors, talked nicely about how to treat others, tried to lead by example, and given Jacob responsibilities to “help and teach his little brother” to make him feel useful. I have stood up for Jacob against Andrew, in an attempt to keep things fair, but honestly, fair flew out the door a long time ago. It feels like there is little justice in my home these days, just upset.
The boys are upset with each other and with us for not handling the situations properly. Greg and I feel fried and frazzled dealing with constant loud and chaotic discord. And I am racked with guilt for feeling like I don’t even want to spend time with my kids, a notion that is shameful indeed. Being blessed with two vibrant and healthy children, I need to find a way to channel God’s love and appreciate my blessings. Instead, I find myself pining for bedtime every single day, thinking, this isn’t what I signed up for…
Or is it? Is this normal? How long will it last? I’m going a little crazy right now! Please send me some encouragement!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Pinewood Derby Take One
This afternoon, Jacob took part in his first ever Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. He and Greg had been working on his car for several weeks. Jacob carefully drew his design and Greg assisted with sawing and assembly. Jacob finished the painting all on his own. It was a shame that Greg had to work today, and missed the actual derby, since of the two of us, he had the most vested in the event, but I'll admit that I was glad to spend the day with Jacob. We don't often get much time together, and I'm glad I was able to be there, just the two of us, for today.
This was my first derby too. I had no idea what to do or what to expect. When we arrived, we weighed the car, and it was under weight. They advised us to put quarters on it, to weigh it down. We used duct tape to secure some quarters to the bottom of the car, because Jacob didn't want to effect the aesthetics. Well, when we took it back for it's second weight check, we were told that they had to be taped to the top of the car. Uh...OK. So we went back to the "editing" table where we duct taped the quarters to the top as beautifully as we could. At least the duct tape was the same color as the car! When we took it back for the third time, they sent us once again to the editing table, because we had "forgotten" to put graphite on the wheels. We didn't forget. We didn't know we had to graphite the wheels. I didn't even know what that meant. Scribble on it? I must have looked perplexed, because the man who weighed us in was nice enough to give me a tube of graphite and show me how to apply it. Then another man must have seen me and thought, "what the heck is this woman doing?" because he stopped and asked if I needed help. I graciously accepted and allowed him to finish graphiting our car.
We took the car back for a 4th weigh in and it was just a little too heavy, because of the damn graphite! OMG!!! The officials could see the frustration in my face, (and also hear the gigantic sigh I let out) and took it upon themselves to cut a small piece of the duct tape off to get the car into the right weight range. With that taken care of, we were free to wait for the show to begin.
And wait is exactly what we did. It was a full hour and a half later until they even started the races! Jacob had cotton candy, popcorn, a hot dog and a can of soda, and was running around like a nut ball with some of the other kids in the pack for what seemed like an eternity before it started. Thinking that it wasn't going to be all that long, I only brought myself water. They had apples, so in the 4 hours that we were there, I was able to eat an apple and drink water. By the time we got home, I was famished!
I'll be honest, I was hoping that he disqualified in the first heat, so that we could go home quickly. I thought for sure he would, since it was our first derby, and the poor kid had me as his guide. You can't get much less experience than that. But then the races began. He won the first race. He won the second. He won the third. With each win, he got more and more excited (and I'll admit, I was excited for him). Out of six races run in the first heat, he won five. Good grief, we were going on to the semi-finals.
So we waited around for the second heat. He won the first race in the second heat, but he came in a close second on each subsequent race. He didn't qualify to go on to the finals, but he gave it an honest, cub scout try, and he came awfully close. He was proud of how far he made it, and I was proud of him. He was gracious when his run in the race was over, and moreover, he worked on that car, with some help from Greg, all by himself.
I can't tell you how many cars I saw there that I know were either done completely by the parents, or as another parent pointed out, possibly purchased just for this event. It was sickening. Jacob didn't notice, and I am glad. I thought that a cub scout derby was to teach the boys about healthy and HONEST competition. While many of the boys did compete honestly, there were a few who did not, and that is no fault of their own, but rather lies solely on the shoulders of their parents. Shame on them.
To those who gave it their all, and tried their hardest, good job, kiddos. What a long day!
Trying to smile through the nerves on game day!
A little cotton candy takes the edge off of just about anything!
Kaleb and Jacob, Hickory Street was well represented in the semi-finals!
Saying a little derby prayer.
Setting his car on the track.
That's his in lane one, winning by a nose!
Set up for another race.
"I think it's in the lead again!"
"Mom, could I please just have a few Swedish fish? Please? I'm pretty certain I am starving."
"What? It's just a little popcorn!"
This was my first derby too. I had no idea what to do or what to expect. When we arrived, we weighed the car, and it was under weight. They advised us to put quarters on it, to weigh it down. We used duct tape to secure some quarters to the bottom of the car, because Jacob didn't want to effect the aesthetics. Well, when we took it back for it's second weight check, we were told that they had to be taped to the top of the car. Uh...OK. So we went back to the "editing" table where we duct taped the quarters to the top as beautifully as we could. At least the duct tape was the same color as the car! When we took it back for the third time, they sent us once again to the editing table, because we had "forgotten" to put graphite on the wheels. We didn't forget. We didn't know we had to graphite the wheels. I didn't even know what that meant. Scribble on it? I must have looked perplexed, because the man who weighed us in was nice enough to give me a tube of graphite and show me how to apply it. Then another man must have seen me and thought, "what the heck is this woman doing?" because he stopped and asked if I needed help. I graciously accepted and allowed him to finish graphiting our car.
We took the car back for a 4th weigh in and it was just a little too heavy, because of the damn graphite! OMG!!! The officials could see the frustration in my face, (and also hear the gigantic sigh I let out) and took it upon themselves to cut a small piece of the duct tape off to get the car into the right weight range. With that taken care of, we were free to wait for the show to begin.
And wait is exactly what we did. It was a full hour and a half later until they even started the races! Jacob had cotton candy, popcorn, a hot dog and a can of soda, and was running around like a nut ball with some of the other kids in the pack for what seemed like an eternity before it started. Thinking that it wasn't going to be all that long, I only brought myself water. They had apples, so in the 4 hours that we were there, I was able to eat an apple and drink water. By the time we got home, I was famished!
I'll be honest, I was hoping that he disqualified in the first heat, so that we could go home quickly. I thought for sure he would, since it was our first derby, and the poor kid had me as his guide. You can't get much less experience than that. But then the races began. He won the first race. He won the second. He won the third. With each win, he got more and more excited (and I'll admit, I was excited for him). Out of six races run in the first heat, he won five. Good grief, we were going on to the semi-finals.
So we waited around for the second heat. He won the first race in the second heat, but he came in a close second on each subsequent race. He didn't qualify to go on to the finals, but he gave it an honest, cub scout try, and he came awfully close. He was proud of how far he made it, and I was proud of him. He was gracious when his run in the race was over, and moreover, he worked on that car, with some help from Greg, all by himself.
I can't tell you how many cars I saw there that I know were either done completely by the parents, or as another parent pointed out, possibly purchased just for this event. It was sickening. Jacob didn't notice, and I am glad. I thought that a cub scout derby was to teach the boys about healthy and HONEST competition. While many of the boys did compete honestly, there were a few who did not, and that is no fault of their own, but rather lies solely on the shoulders of their parents. Shame on them.
To those who gave it their all, and tried their hardest, good job, kiddos. What a long day!
Trying to smile through the nerves on game day!
A little cotton candy takes the edge off of just about anything!
Kaleb and Jacob, Hickory Street was well represented in the semi-finals!
Saying a little derby prayer.
Setting his car on the track.
That's his in lane one, winning by a nose!
Set up for another race.
"I think it's in the lead again!"Of course, to while away the time between heats, Jacob took full advantage of the snack bar...
"Mom, could I please just have a few Swedish fish? Please? I'm pretty certain I am starving."
"What? It's just a little popcorn!"Getting Out
What do you do on winter evenings when cabin fever strikes? Well, around here, there's not a whole heck of a lot we can do, especially with a 2 1/2 year old. Last night Andrew and I decided to hit up Toys R Us and had a rockin' good time!
We participated in a few sing-a-long rounds of "Twinkle Twinkle" at the CD preview machine...
Stopped for a chat with an overstuffed penguin....
Spent some time chillin' in a mini cooper...
Strummed a few verses of our favorite TV theme songs...
Dreamed of warmer days ahead, with the sun on our faces and the wind in our hair...
And ended the evening playing a Handy Manny ukulele while taking a ride on J.J. The Jet Plane.
We participated in a few sing-a-long rounds of "Twinkle Twinkle" at the CD preview machine...
Stopped for a chat with an overstuffed penguin....
Spent some time chillin' in a mini cooper...
Strummed a few verses of our favorite TV theme songs...
Dreamed of warmer days ahead, with the sun on our faces and the wind in our hair...
And ended the evening playing a Handy Manny ukulele while taking a ride on J.J. The Jet Plane.Who knew Toys R Us could hold so much adventure!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
How Deep Is Your Love?
I have been a runner for what seems like forever. I remember running the track with my friend Jackie as early as 7th grade. I never competed on any teams, because, well, I'm just not competitive. The thought of racing someone, being judged for my performance, and possibly letting down a team was always just a little too much pressure for me. It still is. I have thought about signing up for races, but I can never quite bring myself to do it. Performance anxiety just hits hard when it comes to running. I have always just done it for myself. I compete with but myself, and I am my own biggest rival.
I ran for a little while in college until one evening, about a mile from campus, I tripped on a fallen tree branch and tore the ligaments in my right ankle. I shouldn't have been out at night. I can't see at all in darkness now, but I felt the beginning onset of night blindness even then. It's pretty stupid to run in the dark, when you can't see where you are going. I hobbled home, propped my foot up for the night and when I awoke, it was the size of a bowling ball! I then hobbled to the school health center, which sent me directly to the local ER for x-rays. Nothing was broken, but I'll tell you, it took longer and was more painful for that ligament tear to heal than when I completely broke several bones in my foot years prior.
I gave up running all together for a while, out of necessity. I just couldn't do it. I swam instead, and really, at one point I was a very strong swimmer, doing freestyle laps straight for about 45 minutes. I have no idea what my distances were, because I never counted, but that was a heck of a workout. I actually really enjoyed swimming. I had a lot of time to think and the water drown out all outside distractions. I have often wished I could return to it, if not full time, then at least some of the time. Right now, with Greg's crazy schedule, and the kids being young, it just doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean that a YMCA membership isn't in my future a few more years down the road!
When I could weight bear again, I didn't run, but rather used the elliptical, or "funny runny," as my college pals and I called it. The funny runny became my go-to machine for many years. It wasn't until after I had Jacob that I began actually running again. Greg had gotten me a gym membership, and I started there, on the treadmills, to rekindle my love for running. Running on the treadmill, however, is not as hard as running outside. It offers no resistance. No wind resistance, and even the belt itself, with it's movement, propels you forward. And you can get off of it when you are sick of the jog. There's no option to just quit when you are out on the road, 3 miles from home! The treadmill is better than nothing, but it's certainly not my first choice.
I gave up running again towards the end of my pregnancy with Andrew and during the subsequent 24 month struggle with horrendous headaches and awful medications. Once I finally got that under control, I was resolved to start again. Since spring, with just a minor knee injury, which was caught early and treated quickly, I have been mostly outside on the go 3-5 days every week. I was thrilled with my Garmin Forerunner runner's watch that Greg got me for Christmas! I no longer have to drive routes before I run them to know how far I have gone. It makes it even more enjoyable to know that I can run all over, and still feed my OCD's need to know every single detail of the run. I'm more relaxed and more focused, because the details are taken care of for me. It's great!
Running has always been a way for me to clear my mind. If I am angry or upset or have a problem to solve, I run better. I don't know if it's that the mental distractions detract from any physical pain I may feel or if it's just a constructive release of frustrations. It really doesn't matter. I know for sure that the solitude and the increased respiration and blood circulation help me to think more clearly. When I'm not upset, I love to run just to run. It feels good. I feel strong, capable, empowered. I suppose those emotions of well-being are what they mean when they refer to a "runner's high."
Today I worked until noon. I rushed through the grocery store, amidst the typical (and unwarranted) panicked pre-storm shoppers, just so I could get home and get out for a two mile run before getting the kids (and before snow hit the ground, making it impassable for however long). If I have to stay long at work, I take my clothes with me and I run on my lunch break. Sometimes I run after I am done working, but still in Altoona, just because I know I will not have time for it otherwise. I make the time for it as much as I can. Running is not just something that is good for my health, not something that I do just so I don't get fat, but rather something that I truly love. I don't need to do it. I want to.
There's a similar motivation with the purification program. Yes, it's expensive. Yes, it's a lot of work. I budget the money before hand to afford it, and I take the effort because I am passionate about it. It's not just about weight loss, it's about whole body health. The foods we eat and the synthetic substances we ingest effect our whole person, mind and body. Will I stick strictly to the purification culinary guidelines all year long? No, I won't. I'll eat a chocolate bar. Let's face it, I love desserts. I will also drink coffee again, and eat bread and cheese and all kinds of other foods that are less than ideal from time to time. Eating isn't always about nourishment. Sometimes it's about socialization. Sometimes it's about comfort. Sometimes it's just about a decadent and selfish splurge! The trick, as with all aspect of life, is in balance, finding that balance between splurging and responsibility.
Or maybe it isn't a matter of bad vs good at all. Maybe I should approach eating more like I approach running. Finding joy in eating healthy, feeling the benefits of a balanced diet, the increased energy, decreased irritability, stabilized mood, healthy body are becoming something more that I want to do, rather than something I feel obligated to do. I think I have been on the road to the enjoyment of thoughtful eating for a while now. I get "hungry" for knowledge about food's effects on not only our bodies, but also the environment and the economy. I am motivated to make good choices, and I want to share that knowledge with the people I love. Will it be a straight love affair, like running? No, it won't. Because the past is hard to change. You see, just as I have always loved running, I have had an even longer standing, very distorted relationship with food. Those habits die hard, and the thoughts that feed such habits die ever harder. But I'm working on it, and I can honestly say that now, more than any other time in my life, I feel more capable to fight the demons. Bring on the big hills and the big guns, because I am armed with knowledge, motivation, an awesome pair of Asics and my Garmin Forerunner!
I ran for a little while in college until one evening, about a mile from campus, I tripped on a fallen tree branch and tore the ligaments in my right ankle. I shouldn't have been out at night. I can't see at all in darkness now, but I felt the beginning onset of night blindness even then. It's pretty stupid to run in the dark, when you can't see where you are going. I hobbled home, propped my foot up for the night and when I awoke, it was the size of a bowling ball! I then hobbled to the school health center, which sent me directly to the local ER for x-rays. Nothing was broken, but I'll tell you, it took longer and was more painful for that ligament tear to heal than when I completely broke several bones in my foot years prior.
I gave up running all together for a while, out of necessity. I just couldn't do it. I swam instead, and really, at one point I was a very strong swimmer, doing freestyle laps straight for about 45 minutes. I have no idea what my distances were, because I never counted, but that was a heck of a workout. I actually really enjoyed swimming. I had a lot of time to think and the water drown out all outside distractions. I have often wished I could return to it, if not full time, then at least some of the time. Right now, with Greg's crazy schedule, and the kids being young, it just doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean that a YMCA membership isn't in my future a few more years down the road!
When I could weight bear again, I didn't run, but rather used the elliptical, or "funny runny," as my college pals and I called it. The funny runny became my go-to machine for many years. It wasn't until after I had Jacob that I began actually running again. Greg had gotten me a gym membership, and I started there, on the treadmills, to rekindle my love for running. Running on the treadmill, however, is not as hard as running outside. It offers no resistance. No wind resistance, and even the belt itself, with it's movement, propels you forward. And you can get off of it when you are sick of the jog. There's no option to just quit when you are out on the road, 3 miles from home! The treadmill is better than nothing, but it's certainly not my first choice.
I gave up running again towards the end of my pregnancy with Andrew and during the subsequent 24 month struggle with horrendous headaches and awful medications. Once I finally got that under control, I was resolved to start again. Since spring, with just a minor knee injury, which was caught early and treated quickly, I have been mostly outside on the go 3-5 days every week. I was thrilled with my Garmin Forerunner runner's watch that Greg got me for Christmas! I no longer have to drive routes before I run them to know how far I have gone. It makes it even more enjoyable to know that I can run all over, and still feed my OCD's need to know every single detail of the run. I'm more relaxed and more focused, because the details are taken care of for me. It's great!
Running has always been a way for me to clear my mind. If I am angry or upset or have a problem to solve, I run better. I don't know if it's that the mental distractions detract from any physical pain I may feel or if it's just a constructive release of frustrations. It really doesn't matter. I know for sure that the solitude and the increased respiration and blood circulation help me to think more clearly. When I'm not upset, I love to run just to run. It feels good. I feel strong, capable, empowered. I suppose those emotions of well-being are what they mean when they refer to a "runner's high."
Today I worked until noon. I rushed through the grocery store, amidst the typical (and unwarranted) panicked pre-storm shoppers, just so I could get home and get out for a two mile run before getting the kids (and before snow hit the ground, making it impassable for however long). If I have to stay long at work, I take my clothes with me and I run on my lunch break. Sometimes I run after I am done working, but still in Altoona, just because I know I will not have time for it otherwise. I make the time for it as much as I can. Running is not just something that is good for my health, not something that I do just so I don't get fat, but rather something that I truly love. I don't need to do it. I want to.
There's a similar motivation with the purification program. Yes, it's expensive. Yes, it's a lot of work. I budget the money before hand to afford it, and I take the effort because I am passionate about it. It's not just about weight loss, it's about whole body health. The foods we eat and the synthetic substances we ingest effect our whole person, mind and body. Will I stick strictly to the purification culinary guidelines all year long? No, I won't. I'll eat a chocolate bar. Let's face it, I love desserts. I will also drink coffee again, and eat bread and cheese and all kinds of other foods that are less than ideal from time to time. Eating isn't always about nourishment. Sometimes it's about socialization. Sometimes it's about comfort. Sometimes it's just about a decadent and selfish splurge! The trick, as with all aspect of life, is in balance, finding that balance between splurging and responsibility.
Or maybe it isn't a matter of bad vs good at all. Maybe I should approach eating more like I approach running. Finding joy in eating healthy, feeling the benefits of a balanced diet, the increased energy, decreased irritability, stabilized mood, healthy body are becoming something more that I want to do, rather than something I feel obligated to do. I think I have been on the road to the enjoyment of thoughtful eating for a while now. I get "hungry" for knowledge about food's effects on not only our bodies, but also the environment and the economy. I am motivated to make good choices, and I want to share that knowledge with the people I love. Will it be a straight love affair, like running? No, it won't. Because the past is hard to change. You see, just as I have always loved running, I have had an even longer standing, very distorted relationship with food. Those habits die hard, and the thoughts that feed such habits die ever harder. But I'm working on it, and I can honestly say that now, more than any other time in my life, I feel more capable to fight the demons. Bring on the big hills and the big guns, because I am armed with knowledge, motivation, an awesome pair of Asics and my Garmin Forerunner!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Recipes
Today Greg and I are ten days into the purification program, half way there! We both have been feeling great and eating well. I thought I would share some of our recipes with you. A few of them I have posted before, but there are some new ones too. I hope that you all can enjoy some low-carb, healthy eating too!
(Just a little side note - these recipes were given to me either by the chiropractor or by friends. I'm not exactly a "good" cook, so know that anything I put on here, unless I specifically say so, isn't an original by me! Nonetheless, they are worth sharing!)
Sweet Potato Custard
2 sweet potatoes, peeled, cubed and cooked
¼ cup water
4 eggs
¼ cup apple juice concentrate
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
½ tsp cinnamon (optional)
¼ tsp salt (optional)
Mix all ingredients in a blender until very smooth. Pour into a greased baking dish. Bake at 350 F in a water bath 1 hour until set.
Green Smoothie
1 ½ cups water
1 head Romaine lettuce, chopped
3-4 stalks of celery
1 apple, cored and chopped
1 pear, cored and chopped
1 banana
Juice of ½ lemon
Mix water and greens in a blender. Add fruit and blend until smooth. Makes a large blender full, enough for 3-4 servings.
Hamburger Casserole
2 lbs hamburger
2 large onions, chopped
2 large tomatoes, diced
2 green or red peppers, diced
1 cup cooked brown rice
1 T chili powder (or more, to taste)
1 ½ tsp sea salt
¼ tsp white pepper
Sauté onions and green peppers. Brown and drain hamburger. Combine all ingredients in a baking dish and bake at 375 for 45 minutes.
Brined and Roasted Chicken/Turkey (Compliments of my brother-in-law, Rob)
Brine for 6-24 hours.
In a pot big enough for the bird, mix 1 cup of apple juice concentrate and 1 cup of sea salt per gallon of water (enough to cover the bird). Add 1-2 T rosemary, 1-2 T thyme and 1 T of lemon juice to the water. It seems like a lot of spice, but you throw the water away before cooking. Dunk bird in water and refrigerate (may have to put a heavy plate on top to keep it submerged).
Take bird out and do not rinse. Rub the bird with a mixture of melted butter & vegetable oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place on rack in roasting pan. Add carrots, onion, celery to the cavity of the bird and bottom of the pan, if desired. Tie legs together with butcher’s twine. Bake at 350 covered for the first hour, then uncover. Use a meat thermometer to determine when done (170F in fat part of thigh) 6 lb bird took about 2.5 hours. Let rest 15 minutes before carving.
Do not use the drippings for gravy. They will be to salty, since the brine was not rinsed.
Chicken Chili
2 pounds boneless chicken breast or thigh, cut into bite size pieces
1 ¾ cup chicken broth
1 small bunch of scallions, chopped
4 ribs of celery, finely diced
1 bell pepper, diced
1 clove of garlic, crushed
Salt and pepper to taste
Butter (for sautéing)
1 tsp cumin
1 T chili powder
3 diced tomatoes
Diced chilies to taste (I used one jalapeno)
1 cup water, if needed
Turn slow cooker on and let it warm up while preparing veggies. Sauté scallions, celery and pepper in butter. Add chicken and cook just until the color turns. Combine the chicken stock, tomatoes and spices in the slow cooker. Add chicken and vegetables. Cook on high for 1 hour, then turn heat to low for 4-5 hours. Serve over brown rice.
Cucumber Avocado Salad
2 cucumbers, peeled and sliced
2 avocados, peeled and cubed
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped
Juice from ½ lime
Salt and pepper to taste
Combine all ingredients. Stir gently to coat. Serve chilled. Eat within 2 days.
Spinach Wraps
2-3 bunches fresh spinach leaves washed and drained
1 lb ground turkey
1 cup cooked brown rice
2 cups chicken stock
1 large onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 egg
Pinch of salt
In a large bowl, combine ground turkey, onion, garlic, egg, rice and salt. Use a spoon to dip out and place inside a spinach leaf. Wrap spinach around turkey mixture (you can leave the stems on the spinach, but it works best, if you take them off). Place in a deep baking dish. Keep rolling the spinach leave and turkey mixture and layer them in the pan. Pour 1 cup of the broth over the rolls. Bake covered at 350 for about 45 minutes. Check the juices periodically, and add the rest of the broth if needed. Uncover for the last 15 minutes of baking.
Quinoa Pudding
1 cup quinoa
2 cups water
2 cups apple juice
1 cup raisins (I like dried cranberries better)
2 T lemon juice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
Dash of salt
2 tsp vanilla
Bring quinoa and water to a boil. Cover and simmer for about 15 minutes, until all the water is absorbed. Mix in remainder of ingredients. Cover and simmer an additional 15 minutes, until liquid is absorbed. Serve warm or cold.
Lentil and Cauliflower Curry
1/2 cup lentils
3/4 small onion, chopped
2 teaspoons curry powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups water
3 plum tomatoes, chopped and leave out the “innards”
4 cups cauliflower florets
1 jalapeno pepper, halved, seeded and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon EVOO
2 teaspoons cumin
3 cloves garlic, minced (approx. 3 tsp minced garlic)
2 teaspoons ginger
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro, chopped
1 teaspoon sugar
Combine lentils, onion, curry powder, salt and water in a large pot and cook on low for about 40ish minutes. Stir occasionally. Add cauliflower, tomatoes, and jalapenos and simmer for another 10 minutes.
Heat cumin, garlic, and ginger in the EVOO until the garlic browns. Add the cayenne pepper. Throw all of that in with the lentil/cauliflower mixture. Stir in lime juice, cilantro, and sugar.
Serve over jasmine rice.
(compliments of my friend, and fellow health food fanatic, Abby http://www.abbynormally.com/)
(Just a little side note - these recipes were given to me either by the chiropractor or by friends. I'm not exactly a "good" cook, so know that anything I put on here, unless I specifically say so, isn't an original by me! Nonetheless, they are worth sharing!)
Sweet Potato Custard
2 sweet potatoes, peeled, cubed and cooked
¼ cup water
4 eggs
¼ cup apple juice concentrate
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
½ tsp cinnamon (optional)
¼ tsp salt (optional)
Mix all ingredients in a blender until very smooth. Pour into a greased baking dish. Bake at 350 F in a water bath 1 hour until set.
Green Smoothie
1 ½ cups water
1 head Romaine lettuce, chopped
3-4 stalks of celery
1 apple, cored and chopped
1 pear, cored and chopped
1 banana
Juice of ½ lemon
Mix water and greens in a blender. Add fruit and blend until smooth. Makes a large blender full, enough for 3-4 servings.
Hamburger Casserole
2 lbs hamburger
2 large onions, chopped
2 large tomatoes, diced
2 green or red peppers, diced
1 cup cooked brown rice
1 T chili powder (or more, to taste)
1 ½ tsp sea salt
¼ tsp white pepper
Sauté onions and green peppers. Brown and drain hamburger. Combine all ingredients in a baking dish and bake at 375 for 45 minutes.
Brined and Roasted Chicken/Turkey (Compliments of my brother-in-law, Rob)
Brine for 6-24 hours.
In a pot big enough for the bird, mix 1 cup of apple juice concentrate and 1 cup of sea salt per gallon of water (enough to cover the bird). Add 1-2 T rosemary, 1-2 T thyme and 1 T of lemon juice to the water. It seems like a lot of spice, but you throw the water away before cooking. Dunk bird in water and refrigerate (may have to put a heavy plate on top to keep it submerged).
Take bird out and do not rinse. Rub the bird with a mixture of melted butter & vegetable oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place on rack in roasting pan. Add carrots, onion, celery to the cavity of the bird and bottom of the pan, if desired. Tie legs together with butcher’s twine. Bake at 350 covered for the first hour, then uncover. Use a meat thermometer to determine when done (170F in fat part of thigh) 6 lb bird took about 2.5 hours. Let rest 15 minutes before carving.
Do not use the drippings for gravy. They will be to salty, since the brine was not rinsed.
Chicken Chili
2 pounds boneless chicken breast or thigh, cut into bite size pieces
1 ¾ cup chicken broth
1 small bunch of scallions, chopped
4 ribs of celery, finely diced
1 bell pepper, diced
1 clove of garlic, crushed
Salt and pepper to taste
Butter (for sautéing)
1 tsp cumin
1 T chili powder
3 diced tomatoes
Diced chilies to taste (I used one jalapeno)
1 cup water, if needed
Turn slow cooker on and let it warm up while preparing veggies. Sauté scallions, celery and pepper in butter. Add chicken and cook just until the color turns. Combine the chicken stock, tomatoes and spices in the slow cooker. Add chicken and vegetables. Cook on high for 1 hour, then turn heat to low for 4-5 hours. Serve over brown rice.
Cucumber Avocado Salad
2 cucumbers, peeled and sliced
2 avocados, peeled and cubed
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped
Juice from ½ lime
Salt and pepper to taste
Combine all ingredients. Stir gently to coat. Serve chilled. Eat within 2 days.
Spinach Wraps
2-3 bunches fresh spinach leaves washed and drained
1 lb ground turkey
1 cup cooked brown rice
2 cups chicken stock
1 large onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 egg
Pinch of salt
In a large bowl, combine ground turkey, onion, garlic, egg, rice and salt. Use a spoon to dip out and place inside a spinach leaf. Wrap spinach around turkey mixture (you can leave the stems on the spinach, but it works best, if you take them off). Place in a deep baking dish. Keep rolling the spinach leave and turkey mixture and layer them in the pan. Pour 1 cup of the broth over the rolls. Bake covered at 350 for about 45 minutes. Check the juices periodically, and add the rest of the broth if needed. Uncover for the last 15 minutes of baking.
Quinoa Pudding
1 cup quinoa
2 cups water
2 cups apple juice
1 cup raisins (I like dried cranberries better)
2 T lemon juice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
Dash of salt
2 tsp vanilla
Bring quinoa and water to a boil. Cover and simmer for about 15 minutes, until all the water is absorbed. Mix in remainder of ingredients. Cover and simmer an additional 15 minutes, until liquid is absorbed. Serve warm or cold.
Lentil and Cauliflower Curry
1/2 cup lentils
3/4 small onion, chopped
2 teaspoons curry powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups water
3 plum tomatoes, chopped and leave out the “innards”
4 cups cauliflower florets
1 jalapeno pepper, halved, seeded and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon EVOO
2 teaspoons cumin
3 cloves garlic, minced (approx. 3 tsp minced garlic)
2 teaspoons ginger
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro, chopped
1 teaspoon sugar
Combine lentils, onion, curry powder, salt and water in a large pot and cook on low for about 40ish minutes. Stir occasionally. Add cauliflower, tomatoes, and jalapenos and simmer for another 10 minutes.
Heat cumin, garlic, and ginger in the EVOO until the garlic browns. Add the cayenne pepper. Throw all of that in with the lentil/cauliflower mixture. Stir in lime juice, cilantro, and sugar.
Serve over jasmine rice.
(compliments of my friend, and fellow health food fanatic, Abby http://www.abbynormally.com/)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Hooray For Purification!
Today marks the official end of the first week of purification. We are 1/3 of the way through. It is goin quickly, in my opinion. After such a positive experience last year, I looked forward to doing it again this year. It feels a lot easier for me this time too. I think knowing what to expect, knowing all the benefits I am going to reap, and having less going wrong physically this year has made me even more receptive to the program and it's advantages.
Last year, I found it incredibly difficult to give up both coffee and sweets. I remember practically salivating over the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I would make their lunches. Last year, I ate rice with agave nectar (which is no longer permissible, for reasons I can get into later), just to cure my need for dessert. This year, I honestly did not have a single craving until Thursday, 5 days into the program! Better yet is that the cravings I am having are easily subdued with a piece of gum! (OK, technically gum is not allowed on the program either. The artificial sweeteners are really, really bad for your digestion. I have been cheating by chewing 2-3 pieces of gum a day. I plan to ask the doctor exactly how bad that is at my next appointment. If it's terrible, I'll have to give that up too.) I have not felt hungry at any point during the last week, and when I look back on my day's log of eating, I have been thinking that I should probably eat a little more! No, my sleep has not improved. For many reasons, I believe that I will always struggle with sleep, but despite sleeping poorly, I already notice that I have tons more energy. I just love this program. I noticed the increase in energy right away, as I did last year. I didn't have this much energy in high school! It's an amazing thing!
I joked that I could be the company's spokesperson, I love it that much! I'm constantly trying to recruit people to join me, not because I want to burden them with my way of thinking, but because I truly believe that everyone, even those who are not experiencing poor health, can benefit from purification. The cleansing enables your body to heal itself, and the three week long strict eating regimen initiates a change in lifestyle that many people seriously need. I'm not just referring to weight either. Yes, many Americans are overweight, but this program is a focus on whole body health. It offers lessons on eating organic, eating meat that is not given hormones or antibiotics, and eating outside of our normal parameters. What I love about those lessons is that they automatically expand into ethics. For me, this is a program on "thoughtful eating." Thinking about what we are putting into our bodies, how it is effecting us, how it is effecting the environment, the economy, and the treatment of the animals who have been sacrificed for our nourishment. There's a lot of disrespect in the food industry - towards the animals, the farmers and all of the other "peons" who make it possible for us to purchase and eat the things we do. I feel strongly about changing that cavalier disregard of life and integrity.
Unlike me, however, Greg did not have a wonderful experience during his first week of purification. He couldn't sleep at all, had terrible headaches, was extremely irritable and felt run down all week. I felt very dismayed at his experience. First of all, it was me who recommended it to him, which carried a bit of guilt for his poor health. I was also hard to spend 10 days (his mood changes started when he gave up coffee 5 days prior to starting the program) with someone who was not my husband. He was so grumpy, I swear he was picking fights with me. Towards the end of the week, I simply stopped talking to him unless he asked me something specifically. Anyone who knows Greg, knows that the words grumpy and irritable are not typical descriptions of him. He felt bad, and I felt sad. On Friday, I was driving to a home visit at work, and I heard a song on the radio. I don't even remember what song it was, but I actually felt like I missed my husband, even though he had the entire week off and spent it with us! I missed joking with him. I missed cuddling with him. I missed just being able to talk to him. As much as I love the purification program, I wanted him to quit so I could have him back. He called the doctor, who told him that people who have the most toxins to shed, feel the worst for the longest period of time during the beginning of the program. It's your body's reaction to the cleanse. Greg didn't want to throw in the towel. Quitting has never been in his blood, so he toughed it out.
Last night, Greg worked night shift. When he got up from his afternoon nap, I could already see a change in him. He was more talkative and joking around like the Greg I know and love. Even so, I was seriously worried about how he would make it through the night feeling the way he had been. When he came home this morning, he greeted me with a smile. I asked how the night was and he said that even during a crazy busy night at the plant, he couldn't remember ever feeling better on night shift! VICTORY! I'm praying that this is the turn-around for him, that his body has released it's toxins and can start repairing now. This morning when he was getting ready for bed, he all but sang the praises of purification and eating right! So, now I'm thinking that I have a cohort for my campaign! It feels good to set things right!
Last year, I found it incredibly difficult to give up both coffee and sweets. I remember practically salivating over the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I would make their lunches. Last year, I ate rice with agave nectar (which is no longer permissible, for reasons I can get into later), just to cure my need for dessert. This year, I honestly did not have a single craving until Thursday, 5 days into the program! Better yet is that the cravings I am having are easily subdued with a piece of gum! (OK, technically gum is not allowed on the program either. The artificial sweeteners are really, really bad for your digestion. I have been cheating by chewing 2-3 pieces of gum a day. I plan to ask the doctor exactly how bad that is at my next appointment. If it's terrible, I'll have to give that up too.) I have not felt hungry at any point during the last week, and when I look back on my day's log of eating, I have been thinking that I should probably eat a little more! No, my sleep has not improved. For many reasons, I believe that I will always struggle with sleep, but despite sleeping poorly, I already notice that I have tons more energy. I just love this program. I noticed the increase in energy right away, as I did last year. I didn't have this much energy in high school! It's an amazing thing!
I joked that I could be the company's spokesperson, I love it that much! I'm constantly trying to recruit people to join me, not because I want to burden them with my way of thinking, but because I truly believe that everyone, even those who are not experiencing poor health, can benefit from purification. The cleansing enables your body to heal itself, and the three week long strict eating regimen initiates a change in lifestyle that many people seriously need. I'm not just referring to weight either. Yes, many Americans are overweight, but this program is a focus on whole body health. It offers lessons on eating organic, eating meat that is not given hormones or antibiotics, and eating outside of our normal parameters. What I love about those lessons is that they automatically expand into ethics. For me, this is a program on "thoughtful eating." Thinking about what we are putting into our bodies, how it is effecting us, how it is effecting the environment, the economy, and the treatment of the animals who have been sacrificed for our nourishment. There's a lot of disrespect in the food industry - towards the animals, the farmers and all of the other "peons" who make it possible for us to purchase and eat the things we do. I feel strongly about changing that cavalier disregard of life and integrity.
Unlike me, however, Greg did not have a wonderful experience during his first week of purification. He couldn't sleep at all, had terrible headaches, was extremely irritable and felt run down all week. I felt very dismayed at his experience. First of all, it was me who recommended it to him, which carried a bit of guilt for his poor health. I was also hard to spend 10 days (his mood changes started when he gave up coffee 5 days prior to starting the program) with someone who was not my husband. He was so grumpy, I swear he was picking fights with me. Towards the end of the week, I simply stopped talking to him unless he asked me something specifically. Anyone who knows Greg, knows that the words grumpy and irritable are not typical descriptions of him. He felt bad, and I felt sad. On Friday, I was driving to a home visit at work, and I heard a song on the radio. I don't even remember what song it was, but I actually felt like I missed my husband, even though he had the entire week off and spent it with us! I missed joking with him. I missed cuddling with him. I missed just being able to talk to him. As much as I love the purification program, I wanted him to quit so I could have him back. He called the doctor, who told him that people who have the most toxins to shed, feel the worst for the longest period of time during the beginning of the program. It's your body's reaction to the cleanse. Greg didn't want to throw in the towel. Quitting has never been in his blood, so he toughed it out.
Last night, Greg worked night shift. When he got up from his afternoon nap, I could already see a change in him. He was more talkative and joking around like the Greg I know and love. Even so, I was seriously worried about how he would make it through the night feeling the way he had been. When he came home this morning, he greeted me with a smile. I asked how the night was and he said that even during a crazy busy night at the plant, he couldn't remember ever feeling better on night shift! VICTORY! I'm praying that this is the turn-around for him, that his body has released it's toxins and can start repairing now. This morning when he was getting ready for bed, he all but sang the praises of purification and eating right! So, now I'm thinking that I have a cohort for my campaign! It feels good to set things right!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Purify Me (And Greg!)
Well, today is the end of the third day of our 2011 quest for purification. I feel pretty good. A few headaches are to be expected, and I have had off and on head pain for the last few days. Other than that, though, I am doing very well. I personally feel like this year has been much easier than last year. I haven't had any intense cravings for sweets, like I thought I would, and I haven't been hungry at all either. I've even been running (although it is a skimmed down version of my usual workout). Perhaps the ease is due to the fact that I've done it before, and I know what to expect. Maybe it's because I know how much there is to gain from going through the program. Maybe it's just dumb luck and next week I'll be overcome with mad desire for chocolate cake! I don't know, and honestly, I'm not questioning. I'm just happy to be having a good experience and to be getting back into a healthy eating pattern after all of that gluttony over the holidays.
Greg, on the other hand, has found it a little bit harder than me. He's still searching for the right balance of protein, veggies and fruit to keep him feeling full and his blood sugar stable. He's looking to me for advice, which I try to give, but I feel terribly under qualified to help him when it comes to the big things. I have told him to eat what he wants from the allotted food groups. I've suggested spacing for the shakes and vitamins. It's very difficult for me to gauge his needs, though. First of all, I am not sensitive to low blood sugar like he is. Even when I am not going through a purification program, I can go almost all day without eating a bite before I start to feel ill. I've always been that way, for better or worse. Also, I'm half his weight. So what it takes to sustain me isn't going to cut it for him, no matter which way you look at it. He really can't eat the same portions at meals as I do and expect to feel good, not when what we are eating has very few carbs.
I think the biggest hurdle for Greg is mental. The only times he has been on a regimented eating plan, he has done so to bulk up, eating more than normal. That's quite different from now. Greg is not trying to lose weight, but the goal is not to gain either. It's to cleanse his palate, steady his blood sugar and set him on a path of healthful eating. As any of us who has been on a diet knows, just the thought that any one food is forbidden makes you crave it. I have been on many diets and thought the entire time, "I'm starving!" I wasn't starving. It was all in my head. Greg needs to relax about his eating and his mind will follow suit. I'm cautiously optimistic.
That said, I have felt (many times over) like handing him a huge cup of coffee and a donut and saying, "Please, please just drop out." No, I would not do that to him. I really don't want him to fail. I'm rooting for him to succeed, big time. I want him to feel as great as I do! But he has been an absolute grump for over a week now. It started before we began the program, when he gave up coffee, and has just continued since. It's a bit hypocritical of me to say I'm sick of his bad mood, because if anyone is ever guilty of unjustified complaining, it's me. I suppose it's because it's such a switch in roles for him to be the grump and me to be the one saying, "It's ok. Just relax." I am not exactly qualified to tell anyone to relax!
Like I said, I'm remaining optimistic about the outcome. I know that it's the best thing in the world for me. And I believe that if Greg can hang on despite the struggle, he will begin to see the light too. I know he will feel great when it's all said and done. Sometimes a harder journey reaps a sweeter the reward.
Greg, on the other hand, has found it a little bit harder than me. He's still searching for the right balance of protein, veggies and fruit to keep him feeling full and his blood sugar stable. He's looking to me for advice, which I try to give, but I feel terribly under qualified to help him when it comes to the big things. I have told him to eat what he wants from the allotted food groups. I've suggested spacing for the shakes and vitamins. It's very difficult for me to gauge his needs, though. First of all, I am not sensitive to low blood sugar like he is. Even when I am not going through a purification program, I can go almost all day without eating a bite before I start to feel ill. I've always been that way, for better or worse. Also, I'm half his weight. So what it takes to sustain me isn't going to cut it for him, no matter which way you look at it. He really can't eat the same portions at meals as I do and expect to feel good, not when what we are eating has very few carbs.
I think the biggest hurdle for Greg is mental. The only times he has been on a regimented eating plan, he has done so to bulk up, eating more than normal. That's quite different from now. Greg is not trying to lose weight, but the goal is not to gain either. It's to cleanse his palate, steady his blood sugar and set him on a path of healthful eating. As any of us who has been on a diet knows, just the thought that any one food is forbidden makes you crave it. I have been on many diets and thought the entire time, "I'm starving!" I wasn't starving. It was all in my head. Greg needs to relax about his eating and his mind will follow suit. I'm cautiously optimistic.
That said, I have felt (many times over) like handing him a huge cup of coffee and a donut and saying, "Please, please just drop out." No, I would not do that to him. I really don't want him to fail. I'm rooting for him to succeed, big time. I want him to feel as great as I do! But he has been an absolute grump for over a week now. It started before we began the program, when he gave up coffee, and has just continued since. It's a bit hypocritical of me to say I'm sick of his bad mood, because if anyone is ever guilty of unjustified complaining, it's me. I suppose it's because it's such a switch in roles for him to be the grump and me to be the one saying, "It's ok. Just relax." I am not exactly qualified to tell anyone to relax!
Like I said, I'm remaining optimistic about the outcome. I know that it's the best thing in the world for me. And I believe that if Greg can hang on despite the struggle, he will begin to see the light too. I know he will feel great when it's all said and done. Sometimes a harder journey reaps a sweeter the reward.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Just Hanging Out
It feels very good to be in a slower version of our normal routine. Over the last week, we saw family and had some of the usual obligations, but it was much, much more relaxed than the previous two months. The only bad part is that time is still flying by way too quickly. I can't believe that we are already done with the first full week of January and heading in to the second!
Greg and I both start our purification program today. I'm really excited that he is doing it with me. I think it's a lot of fun to do things like this together, and I am also hoping that he feels the benefits from it like I do. He has been a little nervous about it, and I'm hoping that once we get started his nerves will calm and he will start to simply enjoy resetting his body, getting back to a healthy lifestyle, and retraining our taste buds to love food in its simplest, most natural state. I know in my heart that he will be glad he chose to do the program with me. It's just a matter of time before he realizes it!
Other than than, things here have been very low-key, not much to report. Here are a few photos from the last week. I hope everyone else is off to as good of a start in 2011 as we are!
If given the right model, he can be nice!
Dogging around!
"Sophie, look cute and maybe we'll get a treat!"
"Oh my! What a long tongue you have!"
It's going to be a while before he can fill his father's shoes!
The new Hanes Seamless Feeding bag. It's the latest rage in hobby horse accessories!
Doesn't everyone wear socks around their head when eating apples?
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Jake takes time out of his special day to bond with the dogs.
Sharing the burden of blowing out the candles.
Jake and Pap
Jelly Bellies and Tequila...the ultimate birthday gift for Pap!
Legos Mars Mission - the ultimate birthday gift!
Mimi's homemade birthday cake is very kind to Pap.