'Tis Better To Give Than To Receive

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.-- Author Unknown

Every Christmas Eve, when I was small, my grandmother would read me The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen. It’s a terrible story, really. It’s about a small homeless girl who is freezing. She wanders around the frigid streets, watching families feasting through their windows. Finally, she finds a pack of matches, crouches in an alley and as she lights each match, she hallucinates about her own little glorious banquet and celebration. In the end, she freezes to death. My grandmother always cried. Goodness, I cry now, too, just thinking about it! Back then, I didn’t fully understand it. I’m not sure that I even understood that the little girl died. I believe that I thought she simply fell asleep, but I understand it fully now.

After reading the book, we set out our note and cookies and were sent to bed. Santa would come and we would awaken to a tree surrounded by presents in the morning. One year I woke up before everyone else. I must have been 7 or 8. I remember thinking that I would open only one or two presents and then get everyone up. I must not have had as much self restraint as I thought, because the look on my mother’s face when I woke her was not excitement, but complete dismay. I recall her saying something like, “you opened all the gifts without me!” I got a Wrinkle Dog that year. I loved it! I simply wanted to show that love to her. I didn’t understand that she had purchased those gifts for me, and wanted to watch me open them. From my perspective, Santa had given them to me. A child’s mind is simple. I understand her disappointment now.

The other day, Jacob said, “I like three things about Christmas. I like that its Jesus’ birthday. I like that family gets together and I like that we get lots of presents.”

“Well,” I said, “I like those things too. I like that it’s Jesus’ birthday and we get to celebrate. I really like that family gets together, but you know what I like better than getting presents?”

“What?”

“I like giving presents better than getting presents. I really enjoy watching someone open a present that I am giving to them, especially if it is a present that I have thought a lot about and worked a long time on. I get really excited about giving that person a gift. It makes me feel good to give it. Don’t you like giving presents to people?”

“Ummm…yeah, but I like getting lots of presents too.”

I think that fully understanding the “season of giving” concept will come with time and with example for both of my children. Honestly, I believe that Jacob does enjoy giving presents, because I see it in him. I see him giving, not just at Christmas, or on birthdays, but throughout the year. He wants to please others, he wants to give. The roots have already been established. They just need to be nurtured.

This is a season which can breed a lot of greed, especially in children. It is something that both Greg and I struggle with. We are privileged in many ways, and we do not want our children to take for granted the financial blessings that they have been lucky enough to be born into. That fortune could all change in a moment. I want them to appreciate the deeper blessings, the family ties, the love that surrounds them, the joys that transcend material wealth. These are lessons much harder to teach than math and science.

Every year during the holidays, we do simple things to illustrate the importance of giving for the boys, specifically Jacob, since Andrew is still so small. Instead of gifts, we give donations to different organizations for people. In giving donations, we think specifically about the person for whom we are donating and chose an organization that will be meaningful to that person. Jacob and I have also taken food and cat litter to the Humane Society. We take a camel from the tree at church and he helps me pick out a gift for a less fortunate child in our area. We donate food to the local food bank, and if we remember, toys for Toys for Tots and outer wear for some of the various winter warmth programs for kids.

These are all great things to do. I intend to continue these traditions and hopefully add some more - perhaps ringing the Salvation Army bell or even volunteering at the Soup Kitchen as the boys gets a little older. The problem with all of these particular examples is that they are season specific. They do not span a time period long enough to make a lasting impression, in my opinion. True lessons in charity come from year round generosity. The seasons of giving span from winter through spring, summer and fall. Looking back on my own childhood, I can recall examples too plentiful to recount when my mom and dad, grandmother, grandfather, aunts and uncles gave selflessly of themselves for others. It was by simply witnessing those examples, that I was able to absorb the true meaning of generosity. I didn’t understand it then. I didn’t even know what I lessons I was being taught. Perhaps they didn’t even necessarily know they were teaching me lessons. One thing is certain, I understand now, and I am not only grateful for my upbringing, but also grateful for the opportunity I have to pay it forward.

I hope that Greg and I are also “leading by example,” so to speak. We hope that the boys see our actions towards others and absorb them as they grow. Sometimes I wonder just how much they are actually taking in. Sometimes I am encouraged. I see glimpses of generosity in Jacob, but then there are times when I see a very spoiled child as well. I suppose all of that is very normal. He is, after all, only 6, and children are by nature self-centered. At that age, wasn’t my favorite part of Christmas getting lots of gifts too? It’s an on-going process, a work in progress and a learning experience for all four of us here in the Williams household; one that we are happy to do together, one that we are grateful to share.