Listen

I like to talk. A lot. Sometimes I can be quiet, but more often than not, I can be quite loud. I try to be nice to everyone, but I am not afraid to speak my mind. I have a very dry and sarcastic sense of humor, which I suppose can be misunderstood by those who don't know me well. I would like to think that my good friends and relatives know that if need be, I would give the shirt off of my back, even if it meant exposing my pathetic, teeny tiny, sagging bumps some people may call breasts. Oh, there's that sarcasm again...or wait, is it OK when it's self directed?

It's funny how things have a way of unraveling sometimes. This morning when I woke up, I was thinking about the above paragraph, give or take a few sentences. I was thinking about how I could stand to improve my listening skills, or how, for several years in a row, my New Years resolution to "speak more judiciously" always seemed to escape me. These are skills that I think many of us could stand to improve: listening more, speaking less. But then, I thought, you know, I'm really OK. It's not that I don't want to work on watching my mouth, per se, but more that in analyzing myself and those around me, I decided that I was comfortable with who I am...at least as far as talking goes. I am secure in my relationships. The people I love know that I love them, sarcasm and all. Honestly, if I started keeping quiet and being nice all the time, they would probably wonder what was wrong with me!

Well, you know the saying, "never get too comfortable?" Maybe that's not a saying, but you know what I mean. Just when you feel like things are going along smoothly, you are bound to hit that proverbial bump in the road. I hit that bump today. Someone misunderstood me. Or something like that. I'm deliberately leaving the details out in an attempt to exercise my ability to judiciously disclose information! See, I can be discreet!

Actually, that's what gets me. Prepare yourselves for my little rant!

I can be discreet. I do maintain confidentiality. I do uphold confidences. And most of all I am always well intended and never intentionally undermining to anyone. I suppose to the "untrained" ear, my sarcasm could be seen as criticizing or judging. It's really not. It's usually intended as comic relief in tense situations. Maybe I'm not funny. I'll give you that. But I will not give that I am ever intentionally a jerk, because I'm not. If I was a jerk, it was purely accidental, and you can rest assured that you will receive a heartfelt apology. There's a good chance that if I upset you and you didn't tell me, I don't know that you are upset. It is your responsibility to let me know what I have done. Even if I disagree, I promise that I will at least hear you out. Likewise, if I have a concern with you, I will go directly to you to address it. In my experience, I have found that by in large, most people would rather be addressed directly than find out that you have been talking about them behind their back. Please extend that same respect to me. If you have the intention of starting an argument between me and someone else just for fun, then please be forewarned, you have picked the wrong person to screw with. I don't work that way. You will not have fun. I will call you out on what you are doing, and I will not feed into word-twisting. As I have stated before, I twist enough around on my own without any help from the outside, thank you!

Whew....OK....now that I have that off of my chest...

I really think that many of us, myself included (obviously), do way too much talking and not enough listening. I woke up this morning thinking about how I could listen better. God was whispering to me, but I wasn't really listening. I ran over my own personal little road block. God spoke a little louder, but I still didn't listen. Then I came across this link on a friend's web page http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dan-gottlieb-phd/listening-as-an-act-of-lo_b_756388.html?ref=fb&src=sp God didn't have to yell. I heard his message without a sound.

There is a James Taylor song with the lyrics "If I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes...If I had cooled my head and warmed my heart..." I know it won't last long (it's just not my personality), but maybe just for tonight, I'll close my mouth for a spell.