Give It Up

I have been thinking about giving up refined carbohydrates for Lent. Is that crazy? Lent is twice as long as the purification program, and I wouldn't have Greg doing it along with me for support. Plus, I cheated during the purification program this year. I didn't even make it the full 21 days without a bite of chocolate! (I didn't cheat the year prior, though, for what it's worth!) It would be incredibly difficult to give up refined carbs for 40 days, but then again, isn't that the point of Lent? My friend Janet recently said to me (in reference to smoking),"the craving will pass whether you do it or not, so don't do it." That is true for any craving. It will pass, and in surviving a craving without giving in, we gain strength - strength from believing in ourselves, in our will power, and in our ability to channel God to help us through our darker hours.

When I was younger, I chose my Lenten sacrifice according to what I thought would impact me the least. What could I "give up" and not miss. I even attempted to relinquish my chores in the name of Lent several times to no avail. Isn't it very human to take the path of least resistance? But now, as an adult who is fully capable of contemplating the sacrifices of Christ, would it be conscionable for me to chose the easy road?

In our church bulletin this Sunday, there was an excerpt written by Paul Turner. It read: "A good Lent can really make you miserable. You give up things you enjoy. You do without excesses. You practice charity to people you'd rather ignore...You break your routine...But a good Lent can really make you happy. You find out what your cravings are. You strongly put them aside because your craving for God is deeper. God responds to your search and rewards you with a closer union. You end the season more comfortable at prayer, move giving to others, less attached to material things. It's a great season, but it's not for wimps."

Likewise, Father Gardener writes: "Do you sense that a good spring cleaning is in order?...Lent helps us to clean out the clutter. It gets us to put our life in order so that we can see what is truly important. Lent has us turn away from the disorder, the confusion, the broken relationships and the failure to love which is sin. It's calls us to hear anew and commit ourself again to the freeing "Good News" of the Gospel. We look at life, we turn around and we think anew about what is good, true and beautiful."

I have thought about those two statements quite a bit over the last two days, as well as what this year's Lenten season means to me. I have been struck with the gift of contemplation lately, and I believe that need for reflection is God calling me, whispering a lesson for me to learn. I have thought about Tom, about Corky, about what their lives and deaths mean to me. I can't say that I am suffering in the traditional sense of the word, but I am aware of their deaths and likewise equally as aware of my own life and how I am living it. It is easy to say that God is good during times of well-being, but I believe that it is during times of discontent when we are truly able to feel his presence. If we turn to God for strength and guidance instead of blaming, questioning or wallowing, we can transform periods of famine into spiritual abundance.

OK, it is a stretch to liken abstaining from carbohydrates for a little over a month to intense suffering and sacrifice. But for most of us, Lent is much more symbolic than literal. We could never duplicate the sacrifice that Jesus made for us when he died at Calvary, but nonetheless, I believe we can take the lessons learned from these exercises in faith and apply them to our lives exponentially. If it feels so difficult to exercise the will power and self control necessary to turn down a cookie, then how can I deny the enormity of Jesus laying down His life for the world? When we are truly cognizant of the sacrifices that God and Jesus made for us, we are better people.

Like I said, my thoughts are revolving a lot around the awareness of God's presence in my daily life. While I try to be considerate of others, I know that sometimes I am not as attentive as I should be. I do not always exercise self control, I often lose my temper (especially with my children), and I can become absorbed in my own perceived internal discord. I don't always treat others with charity, especially those people who I do not like or who I feel have wronged me. I do not always try to put myself in other's shoes before judging them. My awareness of God's blessings could use some refining.

The saying "knowledge is half the battle" comes to mind now. In being aware of my short comings, I have the opportunity to strengthen myself and my relationship with God. The priest at Tom's funeral said that a man can say that every day is a good day to live or a good day to die, if he has lived a life which was mindful in the eyes of the Lord. How true this statement is! If we live in God's image, and act as he wants us to act, instead of how we selfishly see fit, then when we come upon our day of reckoning, we have no regrets. I already feel this way on a much smaller level, day to day. On the days when I am short tempered, selfish and impulsive, I often feel pangs of regret when I reflect on my day. I don't sleep. I feel guilty. Likewise, when I spend the day being aware of my blessings, and acting with patience and kindness, I go to bed with peace of mind. I may not sleep well (because I never sleep well), but at least I lay awake with a clean conscience!

Now, I don't think it's possible for a person to make it the entire way through life with no regrets. Nor do I think it's possible for any of us to always act as Jesus would. We all have our short comings, but God's love transcends our sins. He loves even those of us who we might deem unlovable. My friend Marsha shared some of a sermon from her church a few weeks ago: "Most of you think you are probably pretty good and kind and doing God's will...and you probably are...but God does not love you any more than the most awful person...he loves us all the same...and he called us to love the hard to love, because it is easy to love the lovable..." Just as he sacrificed all, he forgives all. What an enormous thought to ponder - to love the unlovable, to forgive all. Lent is the season in which we reflect whole-heartedly on that love, clear our consciences, and refresh ourselves spiritually. In choosing to abstain from something we dear to us, we bring the knowledge of God's love for us to the foreground of our thoughts. Each time I think about eating chocolate, and choose not to act on that desire, I am reminded of God, His love and His sacrifice, and I reinforce my relationship with Him.

It wouldn't be entirely honest to say that my sole motivation for giving up refined carbohydrates is to get closer to God. Limiting carbs, as you all know, is a huge part of my healthy eating soap box. Again, as you all know, sweets are particularly hard for me to resist. I believe that taking care of our bodies is an obligation as a Christian. This is the biggest earthly gift God has given us, and to treat it any way other than with the utmost care is to show a blatant lack of respect and appreciation to God. In order to be the best person possible, to give as much as we can, we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Without our health, much of our good intentions go unfulfilled. As Father Gardener said, this is a time to learn what is truly important. What is more important than our health, both physically and spiritually?

The purification program was my jumping board to get back on track and eating right. Lent will stand as a reinforcer, giving me additional motivation beyond bodily health, to keep me on track, to help me show appreciation for my blessings as well as to help me to gain at least a smidgen of understanding of the true meaning of sacrifice.

So, I suppose my mind is made up. Tomorrow will be my last day to gobble down that chocolate cake with chocolate icing that Jacob and Mom made for my birthday. After that, I will do my best to eliminate any carbohydrate that is not naturally derived. No processed foods. No bread or pasta. No sweets. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, here I go!