Or maybe I should say that the sole item I had on my bucket list has kicked it. The only thing I have truly wanted to do for the last few years was to run a marathon. I talked about it a lot, but I never actually raced until I ran the half marathon in Pittsburgh last May. It only took one race to get me hooked. I ran a few more local races and then, despite some hip pain, I signed up for Pittsburgh's full marathon in May. I was sure I could work through the injury. I was wrong. I didn't work through the injury. Four months later, it's no better. In fact, it's worse. I'm not running at all. I haven't run since before Christmas, and my last run was a meager 3 miles which caused excruciating pain afterwards. No, I will certainly not be able to run the marathon in May. I don't think I could even run around the block right now.
It's troubling for a lot or reasons, many of which I have already shared with you over and over and over. I love to run. It's my time alone, my time in the sun (even when the sun isn't out!), my time to work through my stresses or just focus on my blessings. Without it, I feel stressed and depressed. Couple that with the fact that I hate what is happening to my aging body and spreading ass, and I have become somewhat of a grump lately. I had been debating over and over whether or not I should sell my bib or try to make a go for the race. I have finally come to the conclusion that I need to throw in the towel and sell the bib. I'm not running. Damn it.
The question now is what do I do with myself? I'm not ready to toss my love of running completely, but I realize that it has to be replaced at least temporarily. As much as I scoffed at walking, I have been walking during my lunch hour at work recently. It's not the same as running, but it is helpful. I find myself often suppressing the urge to break into a run, which then kind of puts salt in the "I'm not running" wound, but at least I am moving. I am getting time outside in fresh air, and I'm giving myself time to think. It's hardly a workout. It's not trimming my ass, but it's clearing my mind a little. That's good enough for now.
I don't know what my running replacement will be. Maybe something will come to me on a walk. In the meantime, while thinking about my shit canned bucket list, I realized that I really don't have a true bucket list. Is that normal? I mean, if someone asked you what you really wanted to do before you die, would you have a list of pressing items? I don't. There are things I would like to do, but if I kicked my own bucket tomorrow, I don't know that I'd feel unfulfilled or be unhappy. I think I'm pretty content over all. I mean, I guess if I were dead, I wouldn't have much choice about being happy or not...oh wait, I think we already discussed this on my last blog post! Anyway, I'm thinking about having a bucket list and what I should put on it, not for any official reason, just to see what my desires are. What I've realized is not at all surprising - I'm not a very exciting person. I don't want to skydive or bungee jump. I don't want to scuba dive in open water. I'm looking for items with a little safer flare. Who cares if I'm boring. It's my life, and my bucket list. I like boring anyway! Here's what I've come up with so far:
- Travel more - to places I haven't been. I've been all over Europe and it's beautiful. I've been all over the eastern U.S and it's beautiful too. I want to go somewhere exotic and visit continents I've never seen - maybe the Australian Outback, Africa, or Brazil. I'd like to see spectacular waterfalls and landscapes and be awed by nature, but not alone. I want to take Greg with me, and maybe some friends, and maybe (just maybe) the boys too.
- I would love to see more of my own country - check out Alaska's glaciers and Northern Lights, go to the Grand Canyon, see Old Faithful, maybe eat some authentic Cajun food in New Orleans while listening to jazz. OK, actually, I don't really care that much for jazz. Maybe New Orleans isn't where I should go. Perhaps San Francisco is a better bet, or Denver or Nashville.
- Swim with dolphins - but in a controlled environment. I think I would freak out and be afraid of Flipper taking a chomp out of my arm if I did it in the wild.
- Learn to dance - not goofy line dances or ballroom dancing. Dances that I can do to any music, any time and not look like an idiot be-bopping mindlessly on the dance floor. I'd like to learn to dance so that I don't have to be drunk to feel cavalier enough about my appearance to actually get up and move.
And that's all I can come up with. Sad isn't it?
What about you? Do you have a bucket list? What's on it? I need some ideas and inspiration!
3 comments:
Australia is on my bucket list. I love to travel, but that is my main hoped for destination. There are many smaller trips in the USA as well. Have you considered swimming as a sub for running? It wouldnt be rough on your body, you would...hopefully, be able to think. Just a thought.
I have often thought about swimming. I swam in college when I was recovering from an ankle injury and I really enjoyed it. It's a tough workout and it's not hard on your body at all. There are two problems at this point in my life with swimming - 1. cost 2. time. 1. We have so much equipment in our house I just can't justify spending any money on a YMCA membership. I feel like i need to use what I have here or can do for free 2. If I swim, I have to leave the house. While I prefer to run outside, I don't always because of the kids and Greg's crazy work schedule. We have a treadmill so just because I'm here alone with two little ones doesn't necessarily mean I can't exercise. And also, I often exercise in the middle of the day. I can't always exercise in the mornings, especially if I have to leave the house, because of Greg's work schedule. If I swim, I will have to get an entire shower or else smell like chlorine all day long. (I do shower after runs in the summer if I'm really sweaty, but a lot of times I just keep my hair up and wipe myself off. Makeup stays on while I run - I don't wear that much makeup that it is ruined by sweat, just mascara) That then means drying my hair and reapply makeup, all of which tacks on a additional 20-30 minutes to the amount of time I need...and that's not including driving to the pool and back. And actually, the Y is a 20 minute drive from work, so there would definitely never be a lunch hour workout. A lot of my problem is that Greg's work schedule is such that the bulk of the childcare falls on me. (well, and the fact that I'm stubborn - that's probably the biggest problem)
I don't know. I do love the water. It's very easy to get into a meditative state when you are swimming because the rest of the world is literally drowned out, and I've always found peace in water. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Jake has a membership at the Y that he doesn't really use any more (he had to have it to join the swim team). I wonder if they would let me transfer it to myself and just see if I could fit it into my schedule, without putting myself in a $500 contract. Maybe I'll call. If it's easy, I might give it a go. Thanks Dorie
Hey, time and money, believe me, I get it.
No matter what, I hope you find something, whether it's swimming or something else, that you can use as your escape and will help you feel healthier!
I tossed around the idea of a pool membership last year (out at Mburg) but then never got around to it. I'm thinking about it again (especially since I saw a sign today saying they were discounted til the end of Feb.). It's such wonderful exercise and I LOVE the water. Plus, I'm also hoping A will love the water....cause right now...he's a bit of a chicken! We shall see. If I had a pool, I think I'd be in it every day---weather permitting, obviously. Chlorine and all!
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