Have We Met Before?

I recently finished a book about reincarnation. It was supposedly a true story of a psychiatrist who regressed one of his patients into countless past lives, and who also spoke to "Master Spirits" through the woman during her hypnosis. I'm not sure that I can take all of it at face value. In part because it conflicts with my own beliefs, but more because I found it to be just a little too neatly packaged. I believe it is the author's true interpretation of what happened to him, but that his interpretation is highly subjective, nonetheless.

This book poses that our souls are indestructible, and that we have been repeatedly reincarnated from the dawn of creation and will continue to be reborn until the end of time, living out thousands and thousands of lifetimes each. He believes that if we make mistakes or have significant vices in one lifetime, we must make amends for them in our subsequent life. Each new life is the opportunity to learn, grow and progress to a higher plane of spirituality. He poss that those of us who are extremely intelligent, highly artistic, extremely serene, or well loved, etc are souls of people who have maximized their learning in previous lives. Likewise, he says that if we do not learn to change our negative attributes, then we carry them with us to the next lifetime and add additional vices as penance, to make the task of progression that much more meaningful. It's a karma kind of thing.

The author felt that our souls are able to choose which lives we are born into. He stated that he was told by the Master Spirits that we have the ability to look at a lifetime, see it's glory and its strife and decide whether or not it is the right fit for us to fix our faulty karma. He says that once we are born into human form, we lose all recollection of such purposefulness and need to find it again throughout the course of our lives. This is how he explains people who seem mean, angry, evil, or who struggle with major mental illness. They are the souls who have not learned. Once we have finally learned all that we can, eons down the road, we come to a place where we are equal with the Spirit Masters, a place which I imagine is something like the Christian Heaven. Interesting thought, but from a mental health standpoint, I think it's off-base. In my opinion, this is like saying people with mental illnesses deserve them, or that they are able to fix themselves without medication. Some people have brought on their own mental anguish, but I don't believe that is true for the majority of mental health patients. While hypnosis may be helpful for someone with mild depression brought on by a sudden tragic event, a schizophrenic has no control over his symptoms, and could certainly not be cured by past life regression therapy, for example.

Again, it's just a little too neat for me. It leaves a lot of questions unanswered, and answers many way too easily. Still, it made me think about my own life. When I was pregnant with Jacob, I was going through a divorce, moving, etc. You already know the story. It was a time of great emotional upheaval for me. I ended up delivering Jacob via cesarean section, because he was breech. There is a Native American belief that a baby is breech because it feels the need to keep its head close to the mother's heart, to protect and comfort her. Native Americans would coax breech babies into turning by comforting the mother. I thought about that a lot when I was pregnant with Jacob. From a scientific standpoint, I don’t believe my distress was the cause of Jacob's position, but who is to say really? The doctors had no other reason to give me, just that it happens sometimes. Was there a connection between my unborn baby’s emotions and mine? After reading this book, I find myself thinking about it again.  Did Jacob choose to come to me? Did he know that I needed him to turn my life around, because it truly was with his birth that my life began to change? Did he know that being breech, having a scheduled c-section was what I needed at the time, and that going into an unpredicted labor, alone and with all of the other unknowns in my life at that point would have been too much for me to handle? It is kind of eerie the way things work out, when you look at them in retrospect. 

Then I think about my own life - did I chose to be born to a teen mother, knowing the heartache we would all endure for the first 20+ years of my life? Maybe…

I believe that God provides us with opportunities in our life which are tailor made specifically for us. I think that my mom needed to have me at 18 and go through what she went through to be who she is today. Likewise, I believe that I needed to go through my rocky childhood, to enter some very dark times in adolescence and early adulthood, to lose a baby, and then have a healthy baby during some turbulent times in order to see the light as brightly as I see it now. I know that without those experiences, I would be a very different person.

Greg went through some equally dark times during his divorce. Was it coincidence that we bumped into each other when we did? I believe Greg was brought into my life to teach and give to me what no other person since my grandmother had been able to give me: genuine hope. And he didn't do it on purpose. It oozed from his being into mine. Was that just luck?

Is it coincidental that my aunt Carmen and I have strengthened our bond so much over the last 5 or 6 years? I have learned so much from her quiet strength (OK, well, she's not exactly quiet, but she doesn't boast!) and I just adore her.  I am so grateful for her presence in my life.  I don't think any of that is accidental. I think we all have gifts to give each other, and that when our hearts are open, we are able to receive monumental gifts from one another, just simply by being present and aware. I believe that God brings us together, to be with each other, to give and take with intention. What we learn from each experience, the perspective by which we view life, the minute details are up to us to gleam from these tailor made experiences we all have.

Since reading that book. I have definitely been pondering my own beliefs and my own actions,but that is not something new for me. As you all know, I think often about my moral standing. I pray on decisions I need to make. I make a sincere effort to live my life with integrity, although there are admittedly times when I fall short. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and I think that being aware of and making allowances for our strengths and weaknesses is a big part of experiencing life to the fullest.

I try to put thought into my lifestyle. It is important for me to be honest, kind, generous, and grateful. I am rarely jealous or vengeful. I try to be forgiving and to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think I do pretty well on these subjects, most of the time. I also understand the destructive nature of gossip, and complaining. I'm working on only opening my mouth when it is for the good. That's a work in process. I tend to blurt out what I am thinking before I have time to process it, which can get me into trouble. But hey, we all have areas that need improvement, right?

Life’s most important attributes can really be summed up in one word: integrity. The Wikpedia definition of integrity is as follows: "Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions." Yes, this is how I want to live. I have surrounded myself with friends and family who adhere to these same values, and I think we do a good job at keeing each other in check.

Jacob recently made his First Reconciliation (confession). A few weeks before the service, Father Gardener met with the parents to discuss the importance of this sacrament. He talked about the true meaning of sin not as the typical things we think of such as swearing or lying, but rather as being a conscious "failure to love." He explained sin as deliberately hurting someone else without regard for their emotions or remorse for our own actions. Sin is disregarding someone's wishes to suit your own needs. It's ruthlessness, undermining, egotism, failure to forgive. The act of Reconciliation allows us to keep ourselves in check, to question our own actions, to repent for our sins and make amends while we are here on earth. It gives us the opportunity to reflect on our mistakes and weaknesses and learn from them. It sets the tone for a life lived with integrity. It is the perfect model of God as or father, our parent, one who teaches us foresight to make the right decisions, and above all, forgiveness when we have strayed

In reflecting on Jake’s confession, I realized that in many ways, I agree with the author of that book after all. His primary premise, that we are here to learn and grow and to treat each other with respect and gratitude are in direct alignment with my own beliefs. God asks nothing more of us than to show gratitude for our blessings, to appreciate Him and one another, to live our lives with pure intentions and love in our hearts, and to open our hearts and minds to His teachings. If we can do these things, that's more than just good enough, it's superb. How we are rewarded  for making good choices remains a question in my mind. If I do well during this lifetime, will I come back as an enlightened college professor, or leader in world peace? Will I live out eternity in the comfort of the Lord and with the spirits of my loved ones? Honestly, it doesn't matter what happens to me after I die.  The bonds that I have while living, my children, my family, my friendships are my true motivations.  I don't try to live with integrity so that I will go to Heaven.  I do it simply because that is what I feel it is the right thing to do.  I will know the answers about the after life some day soon enough. In the meantime, I plan to take full advantage of the wonderful life I have in front of me right now.