Koelle's Blog: My Old Friend

Thursday, November 17, 2011

My Old Friend

It isn't what you have in your pocket that makes you thankful, but what you have in your heart. -- Author Unknown

Jackie and I met in 5th grade, but we weren't immediate friends. In fact, for the first few years we were more like slight rivals, vying for the attention of a mutual friend, Kristin. As time went on, somewhere along the way, we both realized that we actually had a lot in common, and that Kristin could indeed be friends with both of us. Kudos to Kristin for never choosing one over the other, and instead acting as a catalyst to what would become my longest standing friendship to one of the most remarkable women I know.

In junior high and high school, Jackie was the mother to our entire group of friends. She was the one who told us when our cockamamie ideas were not so smart. She's the one who kept us out of trouble, or tried to anyway, and along the way she took a lot of good natured abuse from all of us. In 8th or 9th grade, they misspelled her name in the school newsletter, and we all called her "Jakey" for a long time. We even made up a poem about her, and wrote it out in calligraphy for her! We were in the band together, took honors and AP classes together, shared all of our hopes and dreams and insecurities. I spent just as much time at Jackie's house as I did at my own. I loved (and still do) her entire family much as I love my own blood.

A few years ago, after a trying for a good long while, Jackie and her husband found out they were expecting their first child. I can still remember her phone call to me telling me she was pregnant. She was so excited she was breathless at times. How wonderful to be bringing a child into such an open heart! But her pregnancy was less than ideal. She suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum, which is extreme vomiting, throughout the pregnancy. She was unable to work and eventually had to have a semi-permanent port put in, just so she could receive medication and nutrition for herself and the growing baby.

As if that weren't enough, during a somewhat routine sonogram, she was told that the baby had extreme hydrocephalus. During the initial discovery, she was also told that the baby may not have a cerebellum. The first doctor she saw recommended terminating the pregnancy. Jackie got a second opinion, which confirmed the hydrocephalus and also gave their baby a diagnosis of Dandy Walker Syndrome. Dandy Walker can range in severity from mild to severe, causing a number of motor delays as well as cognitive delays. There was absolutely no way of telling whether or not her baby would even survive after birth, let alone if he would stand a chance at living a normal life. Jackie, very strong in her faith, decided to continue with the baby and pray for the best. I am sure that it was the longest 9 months of her life, filled not only with severe physical discomfort but also with unspeakable worry and anxiety.

After baby Sean was born, he spent a long time in the nicu at Johns Hopkins. He had his first brain surgery, placing a shunt for drainage, at only a few months of age. At 2 1/2 years old now, he is a remarkable little man who inherited his mother's undying determination. He has undergone several additional surgeries and has some physical limitations, but he's the happiest toddler I have ever seen. He's talking and even walking with assistance. I wish the first doctor who recommended termination could see him now!

Sean could not have been born to a better set of parents. He needs lots of extra help and her schedule for specialist appointments, speech and physical therapy would exhaust and frustrate anyone. And her mind is never still. She must be constantly in tune with Sean. What many of us would simply attribute to a common cold or a tired kid may me that Sean's shunt isn't draining properly (which has happened), or something else much more significant than a nuisance virus. I know Jackie is tired, but her love and patience for that little boy is so intense that she wouldn't let a thing stand in the way of getting him all the help he needs, and his success is a true testimony to her dedication. Jackie is such an inspiration to me. I don't know that I would have faced such a challenge with the faith and perseverance that she did and continues to do.

Life is busy. We don't talk nearly as much as we should, but she is always on my mind and forever in my heart. I love Jackie like I love my sisters, and I am blessed to call her my friend. I am blessed because of the love and support that she has given me throughout the years, and I am also blessed just to be witness to such devotion and resolve. Thank you, Jackie, for always putting life into perspective for me. And thank you, Kristin, for bringing us together! It's been a great (almost) 25 years!

Me, Kristin and Jackie in Jackie's driveway, summer of 1993. This was my first car, which was a total junker. I had all kinds of issues with it. Eventually, it blew up (sort of) at the drive through at McDonald's (Yes, I actually ate there at one point in my life. Gasp!). My mom was working, and Jackie's mom is a teacher so she was off. I had to call Jackie's mom to come get me and take me home. We ditched the car shortly thereafter.

High school graduation

At a friend's wedding, 2001. This is an awful picture of me (can we say, quarter life crisis?) but it's a nice shot of Jackie, and it was a good time together.